Townhall Friends Series Finale
Maggie Gallagher and Doug Giles kidnap twin babies to save them from being raised by their white trash slut of a mother who would have let them watch Katie Couric and learn about evolution. Jonah Goldberg cuts open his beloved foozball table to save the life of Gary Aldrich, who had climbed inside and couldn't get out; later, Jonah realizes that a pet Gary Aldrich is too much work, and he dumps him at the pound. Ditzy Rebecca Hagelin is mean and hateful to everybody -- and since the writers hate her, she doesn't get her own storyline. And Ben Shapiro races to the airport to tell Ann Coulter that he loves her; Ann realizes that she loves him too and gets off the plane at the last minute. Of course, it's a violation of FCC regulations to disembark from a boarded plane without your luggage, and so the sky marshalls shoot Ann -- which pisses her off no end, because she's a rich, blonde, conservative, and isn't supposed to be inconvenienced by post 9/11 security procedures.
At least, that's how I would have written it.
Ben claims that since Kerry wants to involve the UN in the rebuilding of Iraq, then it follows that he should want to bring in the UN to combat inner-city crime. You know, because, um ... both Iraq and our urban areas are made up of brown-skinned barbarians.
Of course, the major bone of contention here is our support for an educated populace in crime-ridden areas. It's imperialistic and fails to acknowledge the legitimate rights of criminals to self-determination and inhabitance of their home areas. Pushing the criminal element to achieve and holding them accountable for their own problems reveals a simplistic mind-set. Successful people in criminal areas are foreigners, intruders. We must definitely be more even-handed in our treatment of criminals and successful interlopers.
We shouldn't have been surprised about the abuse, rape, torture, and murder of prisoners in Iraq and Afghanistan, because the culprits come from a culture which allows people to look at Internet porn, watch PG-rated TV and movies, and learn about homosexuality in schools.
But should we be shocked that some Americans are capable of such barbaric behavior as depicted in the infamous photos? Consider:Pornography is the No. 1 Internet industry – No. 1. There are well over 300,000 Internet porn sites.American consumers spent an estimated $220 million at such fee-based "adult" sites in 2001, according to Jupiter Media Metrix, a New York Internet research firm. That was up from $148 million in 1999. Jupiter is projecting $320 million by 2005.[...]According to a 2001 report by the American Academy of Pediatrics Committee on Public Education, "By the time adolescents graduate from high school, they will have spent 15,000 hours watching television, compared with 12,000 hours spent in the classroom ... American media are thought to be the most sexually suggestive in the Western hemisphere. The average American adolescent will view nearly 14,000 sexual references per year, yet only 165 of these references deal with birth-control, self-control, abstinence or the risk of pregnancy or STDs."
Hey, it's all cause and effect, people: Internet porn and sit-com sexual innuendos lead to the torture and abuse of prisoners. As a preventive measure, Ashcroft should start locking up all those people who've looked at porn.
Maggie holds that by starting to allow same-sex marriages in MA on May 17th (which will be the 50th anniversary of Brown v. Board of Education), this shows that activists are trying to make gay marriage look like "moral progress" -- but it isn't, because marriage is what "makes the next generation happen," and without future generations, we'll become extinct, like the Shakers and the Europeans.
The tragedy of the civil rights movement is that just as it achieved the beginning of the end of racial segregation, white educated elites became swept up in the glamour of the sexual revolution. The sexual and family disorganization that followed hit black children particularly hard. The Massachusetts court would have us believe that SSM is the culmination of our American ideals of tolerance, equality and justice. Another way of reading the last 40 years is that once again, white, educated elites are using their power to enforce the moral norms and sexual tastes of affluent white people with graduate degrees.
Yes, back in the '60s, white elites talked poor black people into the joining the sexual revolution, convincing them that it was "cool" and "glamorous" -- and now black children are born out of wedlock, which causes all the problems which African-Americans experience in our society. And now the white elites are trying to get them to become gay -- heaven only knows where this will lead.
The media keeps displaying the photos from Abu Ghraib, but they refuse to show us the footage of those contractors being mutilated and burned. And thus, "lost is the reality of far graver and more frequent atrocities committed against Americans," and so we are never allowed to realize that Arab terrorists are doing bad stuff to our people. And therefore, we never get really mad at them. Or else we get really mad, but since we haven't seen the explicit photos of their atrocities, the terrorists don't have to apologize to us. Or something -- Brent really hasn't thought this one through.
Our networks are good at broadcasting how we have stoked the outrage of the Arab world. But those same networks never used the butchering of our contractors in Fallujah to discuss how the Arab world has stoked our outrage.
The responsibility for the abuses committed on Iraqi prisoners doesn't go all the way up the chain of command to Rumsfeld or Bush. No, the whole mess can be blamed on some midlevel officer who allowed women in the military.
While someone up the chain made a grave mistake, few believe it goes all the way to the top. What happened in Iraq is an example of bureaucratic incompetence in its purest, simplest form.
It’s political correctness run amok. Find the man or woman who assigned female American soldiers to guard naked Iraqi prisoners of war, and ask them what they were thinking. Ask them if they were thinking. Ask them if the situation was reversed, and the prison was full of young women, would they have sent young, sexually active male soldiers there with cameras to order the women to disrobe, masturbate, and walk on all fours at the end of a leash?
So, apparently Aldrich is claiming that somebody (not Rumsfeld, though) sent female soldiers with cameras to order male prisoners to disrobe, masturbate, and walk on all fours at the end of a leash. And that same somebody also sent male soldiers to do the same thing -- which was okay, since it wouldn't involve women. Because the worst thing that happened in Abu Ghraib was women ordering men to do nasty stuff. That male/female sexual stuff really disgusts Gary.
Oh, and if we find that "somebody" who gave the orders to those female soldiers, we're supposed to ask him or her if he/she would have allowed young, sexually active male soldiers to rape female prisoners and film the results. You say that somebody did? Well, then never mind.
And, per Gary, Janet Reno got to give the direct order to "storm the Waco compound – really a prison at that point – with her military tanks and poisonous gas," and SHE didn't get fired, and she's even a woman. Therefore, there's no way Rumsfeld should have to resign.
In this case, nobody suggests Don Rumsfeld directly or indirectly ordered young, twisted women under his command to guard Iraqi prisoners and photograph their abuses.
Yeah, and if Don didn't order "young, twisted women" to do bad stuff, then he's totally in the clear here, and all you meanies should leave him alone -- because Gary loves him. And so do his troops (but not like Gary does).
Jonah blames Nick Berg's execution on CBS, because they aired those photos from Abu Ghraib (even though said images were already on the internet).
Well, now we have the horrible news that Nick Berg, an American contractor, was beheaded by an al-Qaida affiliated group explicitly in response to the release of the Abu Ghraib photos.I say in response to the release of the photos - and not the abuse - because that's exactly what I mean.
And that's why 9/11 happened too -- al Qaeda was upset at those photos.
But, as I said, it's time to put up or shut up. If the media wants to advance the Abu Ghraib story rather than wallow in it, its course is clear. It can help Americans "appreciate" the Nick Berg beheading by showing it over and over. I don't know if that would be a good idea, but at least the press would be consistent.
Because America needs to make sure that the atrocity is thoroughly investigated, those responsible are punished in accordance with military law, and any organizational problems within al Qaeda that could have lead to this horrific abuse of a prisoner are corrected -- because the al Qaeda members are our representatives, and we are responsible for their conduct.
Doug Giles
Doug Giles
Doug is happy that 9/11 happened, because it helped bring back good, old-fashioned Judeo-Christian virtues, and uplifting TV shows. And besides, the 90's freaked him out, so he was glad that the attack caused the decade to come to an end.
The wise, religious, strong, moral and selfless in every generation are the ones who have moved this country from glory to glory and from strength to strength.That’s why your and my country, the U.S.A., freaked me out, pre-9/11.
Um, okay.
The ‘90s especially were a decade of decadence, headed up by the crude King of nihilism himself, Billy Bob Clinton, a guy who resembled our forefathers’ illustrious character and accomplishments about as much as a Celine Dion CBS Special resembles a Godsmack concert.
So, is the Celine Dion CBS Special our forefathers' illustrious character, or does it represent Bill Clinton? You know, sometimes Doug loses me with his farfetched pop culture metaphors.
The “brave” and “courageous” of the pre-9/11 days were:
- The homosexuals who finally came out of the closet. George Michael and Ellen Degeneres: hooray for you. You’re right up there with Patrick Henry and Tom Paine. Go, you girls!
- Madonna for her Sex book. Gag. Can you say, “Pass the penicillin please?”
- The “heroic” who fought so bravely to save the Southern Louisiana swamp rat, the Oregon slug and the translucent eight-legged California head lice, and fought even harder to allow pregnant women to kill the babies growing in their wombs.
- The “sacrificial” screen writers who put their reputations on the secular altar by daring to put to celluloid their anti-God, anti-American, anti-Constitution and anti-heterosexual sentiments. Bravo! Bravo! You brave ones, you. Vladimir Lenin, John Lennon and the inevitable Yoko Ono would be proud of you.
- The “stalwart,” effeminate haute couture designers who valiantly paraded their unisexual wares in predominantly heterosexual stores.
These were postmodern, paltry American heroes ... until 9/11 collided with this anti-sanity, anti-decency, pusillanimous party like Pat Tillman would crash a pro-Al Qaeda rally.
Um, Doug, Pat Tillman was killed in Afghanistan. You might want to rethink this metaphor.
September 11, 2001 changed things … big, BIG time.
Yup, no more homosexuals, fashion designers, environmentalists, screenwriters, or sexy pop stars around NOW!
Think about it. In the last three years, our country has exhibited:
- A deep surge in unabashed patriotic Americanism;
- Our flag flying high and proud:
- Leaders who actually lead instead of being pulled by the polls;
- A clear distinction between good and evil;
- Political correctness (finally) beginning to go down the crapper;
- 18-20 year olds joyfully joining, by the hundreds of thousands to defend America’s and every nation’s right to freedom ... Ooo-Rah!
And dying. Ooh rah!
- Good music, uplifting TV and movies, decent men and women and worthy vocations receiving the honor that’s due them;
- A solid return to traditional faith and its influence in the public square;
The theocracy our forefathers envisioned is on its way back.
- The Second Amendment, the right (necessity?) to bear arms, lauded and protected;
Yeah, there's this new group called the NRA that's right on top of that.
- Less face time for Cher, Sean Penn, Susan Sarandon, Janeane Garafalo, the Dixie Chicks and Hans Blix!
Yes, 9/11 brought up many blessings, like less Cher and Susan Sarandon. Thank a terrorist today.
On Thursday, be sure to watch the "Frasier Townhall Series Finale," in which William F. Buckley marries his young, sexy fiancee, George Will; Kathleen Parker and Rich Lowry have their baby, a little boy they name Damien; and Ben Shapiro decides to leave his family and job and follow his heart -- and so he joins the Army and starts a new life in Iraq.
4:15:40 AM
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