May 4, 2004 by s.z.

Old Friends Yes, in honor of the last episode of "Friends" (which ends, like "Seinfeld," with all the characters going to jail for being such annoying twits), let's check in with some old friends of WO'C. First, I was minding my business, reading WorldNetDaily (it was one of those articles about how Islam is infiltrating the public schools in order to make kids think it's a major world religion), and who should pop up but Jennifer Schroeder/Jen Shroder (AKA "Pinky").  Now she's apparently known as Jen Schroeder: One local parent, Jen Schroeder, told WND she worries California may be unwittingly producing more John Walker Lindhs. Lindh, who joined the Taliban, was a product of San Francisco public schools. "John Walker Lindh is the fruit of California's efforts. He was a young impressionable child, just as my son is," she said. "How many more John Walkers before we stop promoting Islam in public schools?" Um, two?  Twelve? 666?  And yes, is was Walker's 7th grade social studies book that caused him to join the Taliban -- and when Jen's son leaves home, changes his name, and tells everyone he's an orphan, it will be because the schools made the impressionable child read Oliver Twist in English class. Now, here's old friend Paula Devlin, with the best piece I've read this week on how John Kerry and Nancy Pelosi are going to burn in hell for taking communion while being pro-choice: Those who are in positions of power and authority are held to higher standards because their behavior and decisions will influence the behavior and decisions of the lesser endowed. Harming even one hair on the head of an innocent was declared by Christ to warrant Gehenna. How can any rational adult think abortion does not harm an innocent? To deprive that child of baptism and the Beatific Vision is an unspeakable crime. To puree its remains for use in cosmetics or fetal research or recycle its organs for transplants is satanic barbarity. Presuming oneself worthy of the sacraments while holding such activity is a “right” is outrageous and insulting to all people of conscience, to say nothing of the affront to God. Because everyone knows that Oil of Olay is really made from pureed babies.  But then Paula proclaims that the whole "Novus Ordo Church" (which seems to be the post-Vatican II Catholic Church), is invalid, so you'd think it wouldn't really matter if Kerry and Pelosi take this fake church's "idolatrous" communion.  But apparently it does, and it's all part of a Catholic version of Left Behind: The behavior of the Hierarchy in reaction to public figures who defy Church law is just part of the game of erasing faith in Christ and his teachings from the face of the earth. These bogus arguments are meant to diminish the faithful. After forty years, their work is about done and Jerusalem is ready to become the throne of the Antichrist. So, it's all part of God's plan, and therefore the NRO Corner people should just give the whole Kerry/communion thing a rest. Now, here's Ryan Thompson, Editor in Chief of the Young Conservatives site (which, as you will recall, is "the domain of future conservative voters"), with a review of Sean Hannity's latest book: Sean Hannity’s Deliver Us From Evil: Defeating Terrorism, Despotism, and Liberalism, has caused some controversy because of its title. Liberals, who are always concerned about their image, fear that it associates them with terrorism and despotism, two of the most evil philosophies in the world, but if they would read the book they would realize that the book does not compare them to terrorists.  [...] Chapter two describes the Holocaust and shows the patterns between evil today and the evil that existed in Nazi Germany. Hannity explains the parallels between the statism of the Nazis, which lacked a moral compass, and the modern day liberals that preach tolerance and secularism, which diminishes their sense of right and wrong. So, see, silly liberals -- Sean isn't comparing you to terrorists, he's comparing you to the Nazis, so you have nothing to complain about! And let's wrap things up with a quick visit with old friend Doug Giles, today railing on "secular barbarians" who abort babies so they can get that degree, or get back to "partying and sleeping with everything that moves." I confess that sometimes I think it would be better for some kids to have been aborted, if living with uncaring parents in this cruddy culture is their only option.  While mom ignores them because she’s working on her tan and dad’s playing tennis with his mistress;   · they wouldn’t have to be raised by shoddy government day care; · they would never have to be baby sat by The Jerry Springer Show; · they wouldn’t have to view Britney trying to dance, sing and chew gum all at once; · they wouldn’t have to watch John Flipper Kerry trip over his prevaricating tongue. As you can see, Doug is very committed to the sanctity of life, but only if that life doesn't involve television or the two-party system.  But Doug does say that instead of inflicting these horrors on your child or aborting it, you should let some nice conservative couple adopt it.  I suppose that goes for all children up to the age of 18 -- so if your children attend day care, watch daytime TV, or have seen John Kerry on TV, you are ordered to turn them over to Doug. Oh, and the secular barbarians also want to euthanize Grandpa.  But the old guy gets the last laugh, because he's only faking the agony of incurable cancer in order to get back at you for being such a rotten kid. And think about this: your old man whom you want to take to Dr. Kevorkian because he has Alzheimer’s, well … maybe he likes not being able to understand you any more.  How about that?  Maybe that’s a perk for him.  Or maybe he’s pretending to be out of it just so he can mess with your head and pay you back for all the loans you reneged on, for endlessly playing those Barbara Streisand CD’s and for constantly quoting Katie Couric. Well, if he's messing with my head, then he deserves to die for being such a bastard. Anyway, that's Old Friends Day for this week.  I see Jen as Phoebe, Paula as Monica, Ryan as Joey, and Doug as that crazy roomate that Chandler had a few years ago.  I plan to pitch them to NBC as soon as I can get an appointment. 4:41:26 AM

Sick, Sick, Sick Here's Rush, discounting those photos from Abu Ghraib prison -- his site has entitled the transcript of this segment "Babes Doing the Torture in Iraq": Folks, these torture pictures with the women torturers, I mean Marv Albert looking at those pictures would say, "Hey, that doesn't look so bad." Well, Marv isn't here, Rush, but we do have you saying, "Oooh, dirty pictures!"  Maybe it's just that I'm naive, but I can't imagine any mentally healthy person thinking those images were even slightly arousing.  In fact, to my mind, anyone who found those photos titillating is a sexual sadist, and should be monitored by the authorities. You know, if you really look at these pictures, I mean I don't know if it's just me but it looks like anything you'd see Madonna or Britney Spears do on stage. Maybe you can get an NEA grant for something like this. I mean this is something you can see at Lincoln Center from an NEA grant, maybe on Sex in the City: the Movie. I mean, it's just me. I dearly hope and pray that it's just Rush.  Because otherwise I'm going to have to retreat to a cave on a mountain and become a hermit. Later in the program, Rush got back onto the subject of these sexy photos with Tiffany, a young woman who claimed she was an independent, but whom Rush could tell had been brain-washed by the Democrats because she objected to the invasion of Iraq: RUSH: Really an independent here. All right, so you got these women, and they're torturing -- those pictures showed up 60 Minutes and the best we can determine these pictures were taken by the soldiers that were there. That's what we found out. Now, I'll bet you, there's a possibility, I don't know, but there's a possibility that what's happening here that this is not torture; this is part of interrogation that is to come later. This is humiliation. This is the kind of humiliation and embarrassment that is taken place to soften people up for the interrogation which happens next. This is a war, Tiffany. And all's fair in war.  No, wait -- there's that pesky Geneva Convention. CALLER: Oh, my gosh -- RUSH: One of the biggest impediments to winning a war is television and pictures. We should probably shut down the television stations and the newspapers until this war is over and we have brought freedom to Iraq. CALLER: What if they did that on our soil to our citizens, would it still be considered -- RUSH: Have you heard of 9/11 and the three airplanes that flew into the World Trade Center, the Pentagon, and that landed in the field in Pittsburgh? CALLER: Why do we always have to go back to 9/11? RUSH: Because that's what this is all about. What do you think this is about? Yeah.  It's all about 9/11.  I think I do have to become a hermit now. Now, for Rush's big finale: RUSH: Now, as to my original point that these torture photos, that you can see this on stage at a Britney Spears or Madonna concert any day of the week, I stand by it.   Time for an MST moment: Tom Servo: "I weep for the death of the spirit and the soul." Joel: "Hey, who doesn't?"  4:19:12 AM