Things I Learned This Week

1. If you’re a Bush Administration appointee charged with promoting abstinence and suppressing Third World prostitution, you can spend $300 an hour to have “university professors, legal secretaries, scientists, military officers” to come to your condo and massage you, although it may later turn out, to your horror, that they were whores.  The solution?  Switch to “Central American gals.”  That way you can still get your rubdown, without the danger that you’ll be accused of unsavory congress wih the slutty John Phillips Newman Chair in Psychoneuroimmunology.
   
2. W. Mitt Romney’s favorite novel is “Battlefield Earth,” while his favorite book is the Bible.  He doesn’t seem that crazy about the Book of Mormon, although it did barely crack his personal Top Ten, coming in just behind The NRA Guide to Varmint Management.

Posted by scott on Wednesday, May 2nd, 2007 at 1:01 pm.

6 Responses to “Things I Learned This Week”

This week I learned that Our Forces killed the one hundred thousandth Main Al Qaida Guy in Iraq but then it turned out they didn’t. Never mind.

Left by BeginningToWonder on May 2nd, 2007

Hey now! I’ve charged many a “business conference” in Guatemala to the….um, nevermind…

Left by actor212 on May 2nd, 2007

So, you’re telling me that Mitt Romney can READ?!??!?!?
(BTW, you & Jesus’ General need to start cross-referencing one another — he did your point 1 a couple days ago, and now he’s doing your role-playing gubmint-bimbo suxxxors {thought without your brilliant illustrations, obviously} bit today.)

Left by Anntichrist S. Coulter on May 2nd, 2007

Hey love the site! Congrats on your own domain! You are well on your way to world domination!

Left by Stacy on May 2nd, 2007

Cripes, scott–postarrhea! Not that I’m complaining, mind you. It’s just… startling after that long quiettime.

Left by Marq on May 3rd, 2007

The sooner their sepulchres are whitened, the better.

Left by Herr Doktor Bimler on May 3rd, 2007