The World O' Crap Archive

Welcome to the Collected World O' Crap, a comprehensive library of posts from the original Salon Blog, and our successor site, (2006 to 2010).

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Saturday, May 21, 2011

The Apostrophe Strikes Back!

Marq is THE MAN! Not only did everyone here love his instant holiday classic, A Marie Jon’ Christmas, but even Marie Jon’ showed up to honor it.

At least, I think that’s what she meant to do when she left the following comments:
SP’s so trip.
“tripe ”
SP’s are tripe.
something poor, worthless, or offensive
Okay, although this seems meaningless at first glance, I think we can translate it if we all work together.  First, by reading the linked commentary (Marie’s latest), we are able to deduce that SPs are “Bill O’Reilly patented, Marie approved Secular Progressives.” And apparently we are to replace “trip” with “tripe” in the first koan.  But since “tripe” is a noun, and “secular progressives” are plural, the phrase “SP’s so tripe” still makes no sense!  And this is how we know that the real Marie left these comments.

Anyway, since she wanted us all to read her latest piece (a guest column at the ironically-titled “The Reality Check”), we probably should. It’s about how society is going to hell in a hand-basket thanks to us anti-culture warriors.  But in case you are pressed for time, here’s a comprehensive summary of Marie’s fine work.


Intro:  If you don’t pay attention to me (and to Bill O’Reilly), you’ll be sorry when it’s too late, and the progressives have molested your grandchildren!  Beware this mindset’s insidious tentacles!
The progressive movement touches every part of this country values and mores. It’s a mind set that has it’s insidious tentacles constantly reaching out to all venues of Americana.  Our culture, our beliefs systems, and our patriotic pride is being assaulted on every level.
Take a minute to contemplate the injustice of a world where Bill only wishes he could write like that, and yet he has the best-selling books, while Marie opines for free.

But let’s move on, for it seems that ”Social Progressives” (Marie apparently forgot what the code stands for) are “drastically hurting” our children, in that liberal judges let child rapists get off scot-free all the time. (Marie presumably learned that from Bill.) Also, per WorldNetDaily, the ACLU defended NAMBLA in a wrongful death case where two men read NAMBLA materials and then molested and killed a boy. And this an outrage, for not only is NABLA guilty of murder and rape due to the fact that criminals possessed their material, but the ACLU is complicit in the murder, because they defended NAMBLA’s right to free speech.  Oh, and all liberals are also guilty of aiding and abetting the perverts who killed the boy, just because!
The fact that liberals in our country help these criminals escape just punishment is disgusting. All parents need to be aware of that fact.
So, we must wake up and do stuff! Light will be shone! Names will be taken! Values will be valued!
The ACLU is an organization that undermines our country’s values. Social progressive in the media have empathy for every radical far leftists. Why?
Please, take a look at MTV or Girls Gone Wild. They, of all people, have the nerve to say that President Bush has sullied our image around the globe.
I hate to interrupt Marie when she’s on a tear, but I don’t think that “Girls Gone Wild” have said anything about President Bush and his sullying – could Marie actually be referring to Jenna and NotJenna here?

And I have to admit that I am kind of surprised that Marie would beg us to take a look at tapes of drunk, gullible, coeds flashing their breasts at the camera — but then, she did invite us to read her column, so maybe if we watch said tapes, we’ll find out that Marie contributed to then too.
But back to Marie:
Our public schools are bastions of liberalism. These institutions willfully rewrite our country’s history to their liking. They surely are not contributing to turning out good citizens. Can your child recite the Pledge of Allegiance?
However, they teach Heather has Two Mommies… and three daddies.
While my imaginary child may or may not be able to recite the Pledge, I do have to point out that since the Heather thing is actually an “Enter Stage Right” column, I don’t believe that the liberal public schools are teaching it — but if they did, then you could ask, as Marie does, “Where is the quality education promised to each child?”

And now, for the stirring Reality-Checked conclusion, which finally mentions Mr. O’Reilly (but says nothing about tripe):
To be a successful warrior you must act now or America will, one day, wake up to find itself awash in Islamic jihadists, while suffering from the Sodom and Gomorrah syndrome foist upon us by what Fox News’ Bill O’Reilly calls “the SPs” (Secular Progressives).
Yes, if America one day wakes up to find itself awash in jihadists, while at the same time also being destroyed by SP-foisted fire and brimstone (or turned into a big pillar of salt or something), then it will be because we didn’t read Bill’s book.

However, unpleasant as it might be to be bathing in jihadists and sulfur, it just might be better than suffering through 200-odd pages of Bill’s bluster and whining.  So, sorry Marie, but I’m going to have to take what’s behind the box.

36 Responses to “The Apostrophe Strikes Back!”

and I was so looking forward to being called a cow’s stomach
wonder if she really meant “trite?”
Marq is THE MAN!
You wouldn’t say it if it weren’t true.
Can your child recite the Pledge of Allegiance?
I… have a CHILD‽‽
[breathes into brown paper bag to subdue panic]
Why don’t people tell me these things‽
Bargin’ in off-topic agin’: remember when we were lectured by The Christmas Arses about the War On Christmas?
I wonder if they’re half as upset about this:
(edited quote from
Park Service Can’t Say How Old Grand Canyon Is To Not Offend Creationists
Grand Canyon National Park is not permitted to give an official estimate of the geologic age of its principal feature, due to pressure from Bush administration appointees. “In order to avoid offending religious fundamentalists, our National Park Service is under orders to suspend its belief in geology,” stated PEER Executive Director Jeff Ruch.
(end quote)
…Whooooooooo-eeeeeee. Where the hell’s my passport?
[...] UPDATE THE THIRD: Roy Edroso is in Rob Dreher’s base killing his d00dz. Plus, S.Z. is Marie Jon’’s new BFF. Lucky. Her. [...]
“To be a successful warrior you must act now or America will, one day, wake up to find itself awash in Islamic jihadists, while suffering from the Sodom and Gomorrah syndrome foist upon us by what Fox News’ Bill O’Reilly calls “the SPs.”
With just a little bit of editing, that sounds like a really weird infommercial:
“To be a successful warrior you must act now or you will, one day, wake up to find itself awash in Islamic jihadists, while suffering from the Sodom and Gomorrah syndrome foist upon us by what Fox News’ Bill O’Reilly calls “the SPs”. So call now and order Jihadist Begone with it’s double-action foaming cleanser for getting rid of those really hard to reach Secular Progressives that can lead to unsightly Sodom and Gomorrah syndrome.
I can just see Ron Popeil, Bill O’Reilly and Marie Jon’
OK, my crush on Marie is officially over.
WTF? “Awash in Islamic Jihadists?”
Why do they piss their pants so damn often? Can anyone close their eyes and envision us awash in Islamic Jihadists?
Bob from Nebraska, Vinnie from Manhattan and Sherri from LA would kick some serious ass before the “Jihadists” got off the plane.
When will we fight smart, not hard? When will this country remember we have stone cojones and diplomacy (with a gun drawn but not shooting) has worked more times than not? Can I ask any more hypotheticals?
“Jihadist Begone”. Does it come with an “O’Reilly Eraser” attachment?
This is my favorite bit from Måřįē Ĵǿń:
Jesus stated in John 15:19 that the world loves its own. “If ye were of the world, the world would love his own.” Who would of [sic] thought that an obnoxious hate filled Howard Dean would wind up heading the Democrat Party?
Who would have thought that Jesus had anything to say about Howard Dean?
“Jihadist Begone”. Does it come with an “O’Reilly Eraser” attachment?
Absolutely, but only if you call in the next 10 minutes.
Gary Ruppert said the jihadists are going to invade Massachusetts and Rhode Island by way of Mexico.
You gotta admit, it’s a fool-proof plan! There’s no way to defend against THAT!
Yup, we’re doomed, just like Renew America and WND say. If several thousand poorly organized, shoddily equipped rabble with nebulous ties to terror organizations show up on one of our borders, there will be no choice but to surrender America.
Tripe isn’t cow’s stomach. It’s brain.
Yup, Marie Jon Apostrophe just tried to insult us by calling us brains.
The ACLU defends everyone’s free speech, even the free speech of people who hate them. They defended Rush, for goodness sake, and they’ll defend your poorly written stuff if someone sues you for making them poke out their eyeballs after reading it!
Actually, tripe *is* cow stomach.
“It’s a mind set that has it’s insidious tentacles constantly reaching out to all venues of Americana.”
Damn, that’s writin’. This woman’s brain is like one of those Visible Man acrylic models you can SEE INTO. You can watch the gears turn and see the words pop out and everything:
“…mind set,” that’s intelligent, it means more than just “ideas”…. (Does “it’s” have an apostrophe? Of course it does. Doesn’t everything?) “insidious” YES! great word! “tentacles” PERFECT, because tentacles ARE insidious– especially if they come from a mind set… “venues”– SOLID GOLD. Because “places” is so ho-hum, but EVERYBODY RESPECTS THE USE OF THE WORD “VENUES”…
But hm. “America”? No, something a bit more classier, with more importantness to it. “AmeriCANA”!! Got it!
(Reads over draft.) “PERFECT.”
Take THAT, Gore Vidal!
Does “it’s” have an apostrophe? Of course it does. Doesn’t everything?)
I have to admit that the its/it’s thing is a pet peeve of mine. But knowing how fond Mar’ie is of ‘apostrophe’s’ I figured she just needed to get one in there somewhere.
And I had no idea the islamic jihadists were fans of promoting “Sodom and Gomorrah syndrome.” Go figure.
It’s a mind set that has it’s insidious tentacles constantly reaching out to all venues of Americana.
I never thought of Marie Jon’ as a fan of hentai tentacle porn, but it’s all clear now. She has evidently acquainted with every film in the Overfiend series.
The apostrophes come before the catastrophe. That’s the one thing I learned from Sophoclean drama.
OK, I’m off now to look up “Sodom and Gomorrah Syndrome” in my medical textbooks.
Would it be wrong to imagine Marie Jon’ss” tentacles reaching out to my most secular of venues, touching every bit of my americana, reaching and touching and….
Hokay, I’m good for a couple hours here. What was the question?
Of course, it all makes sense now. We all know what fans of teh buttseks and the ghodlessness the islamic jihadists are, that we would be awash in the one while syndroming in the other is obvious. I assume the jihadists will also be offering their famous pork chop reciepes as well. It’s just not a good islamic jihadist ACLU ghey dolphin wedding without apple brandy glazed stuffed pork chops.
Did Marie misspell “testicles” again?
Those tentacles are a recurring theme in her political milieu. Stretching, touching every bit, stroking, hmmmmm. It’s just like the Trail of Cthulhu!
Thanks to TBogg, here’s Judge Robert H. Dierker Jr, dismissing a sexual-harassment case and taking the opportunity to subtract from the sum of human knowledge:
“Spawned in the protean atmosphere of federal employment discrimination litigation … the theories of the ‘sexual harassment’ police have stretched their tentacles from college facilities to Supreme Court confirmation hearings to legal and judicial ethics … and now seek to ensnare the common law of torts.”
I can’t be bothered searching Google to see where else the tentacle trope has stretched its tentacles.
1) Tripe is the first stomach of ruminants or the intestines of certain non-ruminants (pigs, sheep).
2) “Something poor, worthless, or offensive”. No. “Worthless, rubbish, nonsense” sayeth the OED, which adds that the use is colloquial and dates it to the late 17th century.
2a) Personally we advise the use of colloquialisms in print only by those with a rough grasp of proper English.
3) How tripe came to acquire this (limited) negative connotation is a mystery to me, as I imagine it is to anyone who’s ever been served even a passable tripes à la mode de Caen, and should be to anyone who’s ever had a decent sausage.
4) Ms Jøn¥’s'es inclusion of “poor” and “offensive” (I am assuming, charitably, that she does not own a dictionary) does suggest a sort of backwoods snootyness of the early North American (non-French) colonial era, since offal, aka freshlets, spoil in short order and must be consumed shortly after butchering, and so possibly might have been seen as ballast for rustics by some Ur-pretentious and semi-literate shopkeeper who midwifed Ms Jöñ#’es unfortunate lexicon.
Doghouse, darling, I generally defer to your wide and impressive bank of knowledge on many issues, but when it comes to STOMACH, son, you are just grosser than wrong. I’ve smelled CHITLINS that weren’t that disgusting. I’ve lived with Chinese friends who served tripe stir-fried with tomatoes.
And yes, I have had the scent of menudo-ish concoctions waft across my face in certain neighborhoods in the 8th Ward down by the old Solano Botanica.
There’s reasons why “black boudin” is ILLEGAL nowadays, y’know. Aside, of course, from the obvious trichinosis et al…
And yes, I’ve seen how sausage is made, and no, nobody that I’ve ever seen make sausage used the GUTS. Andouille, boudin, salt pork, tasso — pick a “venue” of bizarre meat products and/or by-products. And no, I don’t eat potted meat. Soon as I learned how to read the ingredients label, that was OVER.
Now, as to the anorexic twinkie, finger-down-the-throat-queen of abysmal abortions of all things linguistic… Reading her… OFFAL… makes blood/black boudin (and the processes involved) look APPETIZING.
Why can’t we make people pass a minimal literacy test before they’re granted jobs as (cough!-GAG!-cough!) “writers”?!??!?!
You’d think that the kneepad-happy “publishers” of said intestinal parasitic remains would’ve at least THOUGHT of that as Marie headed down to viagra town…
Is it just me or does Marie look like an arrogant, bitchy cunt-wipe?
It’s weird when so many things come together…
We’ve been watching Bruce Tinsley’s stupidity bloom forth like drunk’s vomit this week: in the past few strips–sent in to editors AFTER his drinky-drivey arrest was made so very public–he has made constant references to the Joy Of Boozing.
Meanwhile, up near the top of this thread, I mention that Grand Canyon Park Service can’t tell people how old the canyon is, because it will offend Creationists. Naturally, while people were whining about being denied their Constitutionally-guaranteed right to force every public and private venue to announce a shared bigoted exclusion of “others” from their staked-out celebration, the truth is the reverse; reightwinger kulturtroopers are burying scientific fact under a truckload of horses#!& big enough to fill the Grand Canyon.
Brucey drops his own truckload in Sunday’s strip–TWICE. His 2007 Predictions include a War On New Year’s Day Greetings (oh my), and the transformation of St. Patrick’s Day into…
“Day Of Intoxicated Tolerance.”
(Sorry to go off-topic again, but this pathetic cry for help was too funny to ignore.)
Tripe. Eerk. With white sauce, double eerk. I have had to eat it, but that was before anorexia was invented as an excuse for throwing up inedible garbage disguised as food. Some may claim that tripe is a traditional component of English cuisine — I call it a form of child abuse.
In many ways I am probably a worse person than my parents were, but I can console myself with the thought that at least I’m not forcing the Doctorling Sonja to eat tripe.
I’ve had a few battles with the bottle (bottom line: depression undiagnosed) but Tinsley is the worst kind of saucer.
The hypocrite who excoriates Ted Kennedy whilst pouring himself another.
I get the disease, I sure as hell don’t get a hypocrite who’s NEVER been teh funny.
Someone mentioned English cooking. I grew up with it and there’s only two things worth eating, kidney pie and pasties.
If there’s more please inform me, as my palate has taken years to recover.
“Social progressive in the media have empathy for every radical far leftists.”
I know it’s churlish to criticise MJ’s grammar, but, wow. You do know the difference between “one” and “more than one”, don’t you, MJ?
Oh, Annti, love, it ain’t in the sausage; it’s around the sausage (or usta be).
Ginger, grammar is so far down the line of Marie Jon apostrophe’s problems that I can’t fathom her addressing it for years to come.
And yes, that was an excuse to incude the words “Marie Jon apostrophe” and “come” in the same sentence, which demonstrates how pathetic I have be”come”.
She ought to think about flashing her boobs. That’s about the only way she’s going to get any serious attention from anyone. It worked for Pam Atlas.
Well…that and all the blow jobs…
By the way, maybe she meant a shorthand for “trippin’ ” thus showing off her ghetto cred.
My Latino partner and his father regularly go to Mexican places serving genuine comida and get a big old vat of menudo (tripe) to go. His entire family loves it and says it’s delicious. I’ll have to take their word for it; although I’ve eaten insects and all sorts of shellfish, i just can’t bring myself to try menudo. But poor people don’t waste any part of an animal that is butchered. My partner’s dad, who grew up on an Apache reservation, eats tongue and pigs feet and ears are an especial treat.
I think I’m going to become a vegetarian again. I can’t eat meat anyway unless it’s disguised in some way. If it looks like it came off an animal it’s just nasty.
But as food analogies go, Marie’s writing (I use that term loosely) reminds me more of weevil infested flour. Or a cheese that’s had the edges nibbled away by mice.
I don’t know what I mean, it just feels right. I’ve started my celebrating a little early. We’re going to my partner’s sister’s for new years – hot wings, beer brats, pickle rollups, delicious fresh tortillas,enchiladas, lots of beer, and no menudo.
Happy New Year to all, may your 2007s be full of Happy Crappy!
Doghouse, darling, not in the MODERN sausage, thank heavens/FDA/whatever.
“Happy Crappy” — Candy, dear heart, I mean this in the most affectionate way possible, but that phrase automatically made me think of PURGATIVE DAY AT THE NURSING HOME.
We already know that the batshit-crazies and the illiterate bimbos and himbos of the reich-wing will continue, unabated, to provide us all with the idiocy, illiteracy, and pure-dee EEEEVILLL needed to provide us with mucho, mucho crappola fodder, chirrens, so fear not.
Such is the way of our through-the-Brazil-on-crack-looking-glass world, m’loves.
lemonheads, what about trifle? Pavlovas? shortbread and cherry pie, at least in Northumberland and points north?
other than those, of course, you’re only right…
2 words, lemonheads. Shepherds Pie!
(I like Pie!)
Two words with the opposite effect… Designed to send shivers down the spine…
P.S. Pavlovas are stolen from New Zealand cuisine, you culture-appropriating imperialists!
Marie Jon”s grammar and spelling were a lot better back when she was stealing her posts from other people.

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