The World O' Crap Archive

Welcome to the Collected World O' Crap, a comprehensive library of posts from the original Salon Blog, and our successor site, world-o-crap.com (2006 to 2010).

Current posts can be found here.

Friday, May 20, 2011

When Is A Crappy Comic Strip Not A Crappy Comic Strip?

When it’s a cry for help:

 Today’s Bruce Tinsley news

Today’s Mallard Fillmore:


26 Responses to “When Is A Crappy Comic Strip Not A Crappy Comic Strip?”

[...] Original post by scott [...]
Of course the creator will blame it on the big, bad liberal media like he does with everything else.
How can anyone hate eggnog? What sort of spiked eggnog would this creep give to the kids, since only boozed-up eggnog is “real”?
Obviously, the Christmas Guys are going to be all over this, right? A conservative hating on a Christmas tradition? It’s a new front in the war!!!11!!
(I have no idea what are eggnog’s roots as a holiday tradition, and I wouldn’t be at all surprised if its just as pagan or secular as everything else about Chistmas but the name. I’m pretty sure that eggnog is not kosher.)
At last, an explanation for why his comic sucks moldy teabags. Don’t most of his strips look like they were written by someone completely wasted or suffering a bad hangover?
“Mallard Fillmore, about a conservative duck,”
that’s fantastic. they really captured the paucity of ideas behind the comic and the complete lack of anything resembling plot or characters in one tiny sentence. I’m guessing that’s how tinsley pitched it back in the day.
“So what’s this comic strip about Mr Tinsley?”
“It’s about a conservative duck”
“That’s it?”
“Yeah”
Umm, I hate eggnog.
Amazingly, despite an apparent bender of at least 4 months duration, the quality of his output has not declined. Does that mean he’s always been drinking this much or that his comic strip sucks so bad that even endless gallons of hard alcohol has no effect on it?
This could get uglier . . . prepare for an avalanche of self-pitying strips of Mallard either getting Gawd (like the Angry White Male provocateur-in-chief) or more sullen and self-pitying strips of the other national lame duck muttering in the rear of court mandated AA meetings – let me say a preemptive, OH THOSE JUDICIAL ACTIVISTS!
Guy blows a .14 on a second arrest in four months and he’s free on $750 bail, plus it somehow takes a week for the news to get out. He’s got an angel somewhere. And he could now be looking at a Class D felony, and definitely some jail time. Should be interesting to watch. Plus the opportunity to say, “Mallard Fillmore, by convicted felon Bruce Tinsley” would almost make reading the thing worth it.
Honestly, what the hell is it with conservatives? They drive drunk, they hunt drunk, they text message capitol pages drunk, for all I know they govern and legislate drunk. (It’d explain a lot.)
The GOP is apparently an institutionally sociopathic organization. They not only don’t care that what they do endangers and kills people, they don’t even know it. You want to know why I support impeachment? Because someone has to put a stake through these fuckers, if the re-emergence of Henry Kissenger as elder statesman proves anything it’s that. Thirty years if we’re all still alive, we’ll be watching Dubya riding back in to offer advice to a party that will have sunk low enough that even he looks intelligent.
I don’t understand this article. It says the Mallard Filmore creator was jailed but then the photograph looks nothing like the creator. The creator has long flowing white hair and a beard and wears white robes. You need to tell the IndyStar to print a retraction.
Duck a la orange… schnapps, that is! Bwah-hah-ha-ha! Man, I’ve done a shitload of things while drunk. I just haven’t sucked at it so royally as to be caught twice in four months. Man, this is easily eight times as funny as anything that’s ever appeared in that wretched strip of his! Hee hee!
You sure that’s not a picture of Michael Richards?
Well, from now on I won’t be able to look at a Mallard Fillmore strip without giggling. That will be a new experience.
Poor Ed Bruce sounds like he’s in trouble all right. Next thing you know, he’ll be wearing short skirts (kilts?) with no underwear and displaying his private parts for the paparazzi, a la Britney and Lindsay.
There is justice in this world – produce an unfunny, politically unfactual comic strip that runs the same crappy non-factual crappety-crap-crap, and you get your just desserts.
Not that I don’t know the pain of addiction; I do. But this guy needed a come-uppance in the worst way. Glad to see God, Cthulu or Vishnu were available.
Okay, sorry this took so long, but I’ve been busy, dammit. Here’s my entry.
Not to be blowing my own horn, but I’m particularly proud of the way I managed to retain Tinsley’s characteristic “not funny” feel.
Scott, have I told you lately how much I love you?
Well, okay, I haven’t actually met you in person, per se, and since Ted got sent up the river after that Stamos incident on the set of E.R., I generally try to restrain from stalking, but I do adore you for posting this.
Like your occasional gory train/car wreck, sometimes I just can’t help but look at the clusterduck that Tinsley calls a comic strip, and I gotta tellya, he’s about as funny as a wet fart in leather pants.
So yes, I’m revelling in the schadenfreude.
“Thirty years if we’re all still alive, we’ll be watching Dubya riding back in to offer advice to a party that will have sunk low enough that even he looks intelligent.” — D.Sidhe
Um.
Uh.
GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!
GET MY VAT O’CLOROX!!!!!! AND DON’T FORGET THE FUCKIN’ BRILL-O PADS!!!!!!
GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!
And y’know, generally, I’m pretty pro-critters (aside from my carnivorous tendencies), but when it comes to the fucktarded Mallard (such a French name, n’est-ce pas?), I’d much prefer to see him fried-up crunchy Mandarin style.
And Realist, darlin’ heart, you are too fuckin’ gifted. …Though the cartoons that yours provoked in my head are going to require far more clorox…
Realist: I just plain love you for that great parody strip.
Oh, that was PERFECT! Thank you, Realist, Doghouse, D. Sidhe, y’all…
A new pleasure! A new pleasure! A strip with Mallard Fillmore in it that makes me make the “ha ha” sound.
Thank you, Realist, for proving that this world still has the capacity to surprise.
“Maharushie” … hee hee …
Are you sure eggnog isn’t kosher? It seems to reappear in the stores around Passover when the kosher foods hit the more prominently displayed shelves (although I suppose it could be related to Easter, but who drinks eggnog for Easter?)
Y’know, in his mugshot, Brucie looks like that homeless dude who threatens you with a switchblade, makes you go down that dark alley. You think he’s gonna rob you for boozin’ money–no, you hope he’s gonna rob you, Instead, though he smells like the porta-potty near the beer stand at Chicagofest on a sweltering July day at 3:45pm, he tells you to turn around and drop trou. You hesitate for a moment, so he pushes the knife a little way in, puncturing the skin; blood begins to soak your tee shirt. He screams, not an inch from your face, “I FUCKING MEAN IT!!!!1!” You turn around, dropping your pants as you go. You close your eyes as you feel the knifeblade come to rest across your throat and Brucie’s the homeless dude’s left hand slide between the frail defense of your underwear and your skin. You only hope it won’t take long…
Uh…
Well, that’s what that pic makes me think of.
Sorry, everyone.
At first, I thought he looked like Dan Akroyd in “Sneakers” or “Grosse Pointe Blank.” Then, I thought the mugshot looked a lot like the equally-unfunny comedian Robert Klein.
But your description is so much more… dramatic. Ew.
I have no idea about the kosherificness of eggnog, really. I just thought the blending of eggs and dairy was a no-no. Or is that just meat and dairy? I dunno.
Don’t like eggnog? This is War! On Christmas! Die, Heretic! Or is that Hysteric? Again, I dunno.
MARQ.
If you EVER, and I do mean *EVER*!!!* put an image like that into my head, I swear, you will be BEGGING FOR *just* THE MORMONS!!!!!!!!!!!!
With no booze in the house and nothing else short of a 50-gallon vat of clorox to get that horror out of my head — you owe me big this time, bucky.
I’ll have my electro-convulsive-therapy tech send you the fucking bills.
And then I’m going to dispatch the ninja Mormons, followed by every nagging yenta mother on the PLANET, to come in and critique EVERYTHING about you, your abode, everything that you own/wear/use, etc. It’ll be a gay man’s worst nightmare: YENTAVISION, IN THREE-D!!!!!!!
This is an interesting news item about a comic-strip-creator who should, in my opinion, name his strip “Things That Really Really Annoy Me”. As that seems to be all it’s really about.
He’s clearly annoyed by liberals, by teachers, by college professors, by postal workers, by co-workers who ask him to donate money to anything, by people who aren’t self-professed Christians, by people who don’t like to wear their patriotism on their sleeve, and definitely, definitely by anybody in the underclass who agitates for anything. You know, like civil rights and stuff.
Man, it must be tough going through life so bitter about everything. Kind of like being Ann Coulterm but without the book revenues. That kind of bitterness would drive me to drinking, too, I suppose.
Sorry about the 2008 election, thing, Bruce. Things must really be bad for you these days.

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