Stop right there, Pilgrim, because Doug Giles has an important question for you:
(Personally, I never think about the Sears’ bra and panty department OR kicking demonic butts when I’m attending church, but maybe that’s just because I’m not up at the pulpit, like Pastor Doug is.)
Anyway, I think we’ve read this piece before – it’s about how real men don’t attend church these days because all the ministers (except Pastor Doug, of course) are sissies, the chapels are infested with those dreaded Precious Moments Figurines of Doom that scare men silly, and Jesus Christ is a wimp.
So, let’s cut to the conclusion:
Anyway, since we finished up with Doug’s column so quickly, let’s take a moment to read some of the comments on it from Town Hall readers.
Now, here’s Bob! (Once again, this is not Bob the Bob-Tailed Kitten, but a completely different Bob.)
And hey, here’s the first convert to the group!
Joe T seems to agree:
Okay, Joe actually thinks that REAL men worship a Calvinist God who saves you or sends you to burn in Hell as He damn well pleases — and nothing you do will affect your ultimate fate because He is such a manly God that He couldn’t be bothered to keep track of whether you’re good or bad. Yes, a religion where God is the ultimate uncaring father is one that is sure to attract today’s macho men.
Now, here’s Joeofthemountain (what is if with Bobs and Joes these days?), responding to a poster named Pamela, and pointing out that women ARE inferior to men, so of course we need a religion that respects that fact.
I now trust that Mountain Joe will pay my bills for me, so I don’t have to worry my pretty little head about such things.
Anyway, I think that’s enough of the Town Hall comments for today.
Well, maybe one more with which to conclude:
Have you ever asked yourself, “Self, why do churches today look more like the bra and panty department at Sears than a battalion of men poised to kick demonic butt?”Well, HAVE you?
(Personally, I never think about the Sears’ bra and panty department OR kicking demonic butts when I’m attending church, but maybe that’s just because I’m not up at the pulpit, like Pastor Doug is.)
Anyway, I think we’ve read this piece before – it’s about how real men don’t attend church these days because all the ministers (except Pastor Doug, of course) are sissies, the chapels are infested with those dreaded Precious Moments Figurines of Doom that scare men silly, and Jesus Christ is a wimp.
So, let’s cut to the conclusion:
Get to a place, young warrior, where pain is not a big deal, and where you embrace resistance.Yes, worship at the S&M dungeon or anti-Borg group of your choice.
Anyway, since we finished up with Doug’s column so quickly, let’s take a moment to read some of the comments on it from Town Hall readers.
readmilljoe writes:Anybody want to answer Mill Joe? And anybody want to teach him what the “Shift” key is for?
WHATE EVER HAPPENED TO WHITE MEN?
I USED TO KNOW SOME WHITE MEN AND I’M SURE THERE ARE SOME AROUND HERE AND THERE. BUT FOR THE MOST PART WHAT I SEE NOW ARE POLITICALLY CORRECT LEMMINGS. WHERE ARE THE CAUCASIAN MALES THAT BELIEVE IN WESTERN CIVILIZATION, AND WHO ARE WILLING TO FIGHT FOR WHAT THEY BELIEVE IN?
Now, here’s Bob! (Once again, this is not Bob the Bob-Tailed Kitten, but a completely different Bob.)
Bob writes:Maybe it is indeed time for a religion based on wife beating. I’ll leave it to you to think up some Gods and Heroes for this sect.
Nothing new
Women have dominated the pews in Christinan congregations since St. Peter preached in private homes, probably since Jesus preached on a hillside. The difference today is Nancy at the pulpit. Men have left Christian churches in droves.
Maybe its time to ask the other question: Is Christianity relevant for men today. Maybe men need a religion of Gods and Heros who weren’t afraid to kick some female butt.
And hey, here’s the first convert to the group!
lokietek writes:I sure do! Jesus was the founder (and also a member) of the He-Man Woman Hater’s Club of Judea, and we should get back to His doctrine of misogyny if we want men to regain an interest in religion. And none of that “feed the hungry, care for the widows and orphans, the meek shall inherit the earth” crap – real men want a religion based on vengeance and violence, with an action hero as its central figure. Maybe something like the First United Church of Die Hard.
Maybe if the churches followed the biblical doctrine real men would join. How many women did Jesus choose as His disciples? You see my point.
Joe T seems to agree:
I mostly agree with Giles on this one except that he needs to go at least one more step back in his reasoning. The reason we have wimpy preachers is that they are worshipping a wimpy god.Yeah, the main thing wrong with Christianity is that Jesus guy. We need a god who orders men to destroy his enemies, punish evil-doers, and kill infidels. But where can we find a sect like that???
Okay, Joe actually thinks that REAL men worship a Calvinist God who saves you or sends you to burn in Hell as He damn well pleases — and nothing you do will affect your ultimate fate because He is such a manly God that He couldn’t be bothered to keep track of whether you’re good or bad. Yes, a religion where God is the ultimate uncaring father is one that is sure to attract today’s macho men.
Now, here’s Joeofthemountain (what is if with Bobs and Joes these days?), responding to a poster named Pamela, and pointing out that women ARE inferior to men, so of course we need a religion that respects that fact.
Joeofthemountain writes
Pamela writes:
“If women only talk while men take action, I’m hard-pressed NOT to think women must be inferior to men. I cannot accept that; I hold to the idea that “different” does not mean “inferior.”I’m just a woman, and so have no business correcting a man, so I’ll just post this link: CNN – Heart attack more likely to kill women than men, study says …
Pamela, Pamela…
Don’t you get it? You are worshipping the Golden Calf of “Equality”. Only women try to be the “equals” of men. What is that? An equal chance to die of a heart attack? An equal chance to worry about paying the bills?
Feminism has the effect of defeminizing the females who fall prey to it. And then men don’t respect them and perhaps even grow to hate them.
Wanna be treated the way you think you ought? Start treating men like men instead of a little boy in the playground who can be bullied into giving you something.
I now trust that Mountain Joe will pay my bills for me, so I don’t have to worry my pretty little head about such things.
Anyway, I think that’s enough of the Town Hall comments for today.
Well, maybe one more with which to conclude:
dyerje writes:Hey, with thoughts like that, you won’t be kicking any demonic butt (if you’re a man), or you will find that men grow to hate you, Ms. feminazi (if you’re a woman). So, no more thinking, if you know what’s good for you!
Well I’m always interested to hear how something needs to change so that masculinity will feel comfortable with it again. It’s fascinating that all that strength, power, force, and manliness can be defeated and driven out by dainty Nancy-ism. Just a thought.
34 Responses to “Some More Questions For You”
That makes me want to run far, far away. Not even respond to the guy, just take off runnin’. That sort of stupid might bring about the armageddon.
‘Maybe men need a religion of Gods and Heros who weren’t afraid to kick some female butt.’
get those damn chicks! the women as well! stupid bitches who fuck up everything they touch, damn them all.
i was already laughing until i read down to your comment (‘Maybe it is indeed time for a religion based on wife beating…’), then i spit coffee all over. thank you.
get those damn chicks! the women as well! stupid bitches who fuck up everything they touch, damn them all.
i was already laughing until i read down to your comment (‘Maybe it is indeed time for a religion based on wife beating…’), then i spit coffee all over. thank you.
“a battalion of men poised to kick demonic butt”
I do get the impression that Pastor Doug spent way too much time playing Doom II, back in the days before he was pastorised.
I do get the impression that Pastor Doug spent way too much time playing Doom II, back in the days before he was pastorised.
“WHERE ARE THE CAUCASIAN MALES THAT BELIEVE IN WESTERN CIVILIZATION, AND WHO ARE WILLING TO FIGHT FOR WHAT THEY BELIEVE IN?”
I think most of them were killed in the battle of Passchendaele. And those that survived got jobs as extras in Lord of the Rings: Return of the King – you know, the scene where Aragorn gives that loony “men of the west” speech. Oh, and if they get through levels One and Two of Quest for Oswald Spengler, they get to join some white-supremacist group. So that’s where they are.
Oh, or worshipping at the First Church of Don Sherwood (R-PA) , presided over by Pastor John Sweeney ( R-NY) where they are celebrating the Feast of Saint OJ.
I think most of them were killed in the battle of Passchendaele. And those that survived got jobs as extras in Lord of the Rings: Return of the King – you know, the scene where Aragorn gives that loony “men of the west” speech. Oh, and if they get through levels One and Two of Quest for Oswald Spengler, they get to join some white-supremacist group. So that’s where they are.
Oh, or worshipping at the First Church of Don Sherwood (R-PA) , presided over by Pastor John Sweeney ( R-NY) where they are celebrating the Feast of Saint OJ.
where’s Xena now that we need her?
Damn that wimpy Jesus anyway! Why couldn’t he be a man’s man?
Yeah, forget church. Guys should be doing more MANLY! things, like…I dunno…
Soccer Practice, maybe?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BmRTWJFm9Gk
Soccer Practice, maybe?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BmRTWJFm9Gk
“Only women try to be the “equals” of men.”
Yeah! You don’t see any of the other genders trying to be like men.
So, and I ask seriously here, if Doug doesn’t think that “turn the other cheek” is meant literally, what the hell does he think it DOES mean?
Also, what about Matthew 26:52, where he says those who live by the sword shall die by the sword? Or Luke 22:51?
How the hell do guys like Giles explain away Christ’s constant exhortations for men to be meek and peaceful?
Yeah! You don’t see any of the other genders trying to be like men.
So, and I ask seriously here, if Doug doesn’t think that “turn the other cheek” is meant literally, what the hell does he think it DOES mean?
Also, what about Matthew 26:52, where he says those who live by the sword shall die by the sword? Or Luke 22:51?
How the hell do guys like Giles explain away Christ’s constant exhortations for men to be meek and peaceful?
Well, A. Whitney Brown once said, “The meek shall inherit the earth. But that’s okay-we can take it right back. What are they gone do, they’re a bunch of meeks!”
On the other hand, Frank Zappa said, “The meek shall inherit nothing.”
On the other hand, Frank Zappa said, “The meek shall inherit nothing.”
Maybe they should stop bothering with Christianty. Maybe they should be like their pagan ancestors. You known, go into the forest and worship Zeus or Thor or something, slap each other around and drink lots of manly beer and accidently have sex with each other and drive home the next morning in uncomfortable silence.
Well, I went over there and told them what’s on my mind.
Here it is, for what it’s worth:You people need to take stock of yoursel
Seriously, did you never hear of the Sermon on the Mount? The Beatitudes, anyone? Turn the other cheek?
The truth is, most of you people have a little child’s understanding of what it means to be a “man”. It doesn’t involve beating up bad guys or slaying dragons or taking on terrorists like on some television show or hand to hand combat with the devil himself.
It involves trying to be better today than you were yesterday, and being better tomorrow than you were today. You do that by learning empathy for others, and trying to help those who are least among us. You do it by doing the often thankless and overlooked work of helping to feed the hungry, clothe the naked, house the homeless, and a lot of other, also unglamorous and unexciting things to help our brothers and sisters. It involves giving a damn about social justice. It involves caring about the people in our own country and around the world who struggle every day, in ways that most of us lucky Americans have a hard time understanding, to take care of themselves and their children.
It involves trying to care more about others than about yourselves.
That’s what bothers me about these comments. So many of them seem to be saying, “Why doesn’t church care about he-men like me?” But if that’s what you’re asking yourself, you’re missing the point of church. You don’t go to church (or at least you shouldn’t) so you can feel smug about how you’re going to heaven and other folks aren’t, or so you can find a way to justify being selfish or being a bully and still be able to feel righteous.
You go to church to ask God to help you–YOU, not the other guy–to be a better person. You go to ask God for help in doing your bit to help the least among us.
It isn’t something anybody will ever make into an action movie, but it IS what God asks of us.
Here it is, for what it’s worth:You people need to take stock of yoursel
Seriously, did you never hear of the Sermon on the Mount? The Beatitudes, anyone? Turn the other cheek?
The truth is, most of you people have a little child’s understanding of what it means to be a “man”. It doesn’t involve beating up bad guys or slaying dragons or taking on terrorists like on some television show or hand to hand combat with the devil himself.
It involves trying to be better today than you were yesterday, and being better tomorrow than you were today. You do that by learning empathy for others, and trying to help those who are least among us. You do it by doing the often thankless and overlooked work of helping to feed the hungry, clothe the naked, house the homeless, and a lot of other, also unglamorous and unexciting things to help our brothers and sisters. It involves giving a damn about social justice. It involves caring about the people in our own country and around the world who struggle every day, in ways that most of us lucky Americans have a hard time understanding, to take care of themselves and their children.
It involves trying to care more about others than about yourselves.
That’s what bothers me about these comments. So many of them seem to be saying, “Why doesn’t church care about he-men like me?” But if that’s what you’re asking yourself, you’re missing the point of church. You don’t go to church (or at least you shouldn’t) so you can feel smug about how you’re going to heaven and other folks aren’t, or so you can find a way to justify being selfish or being a bully and still be able to feel righteous.
You go to church to ask God to help you–YOU, not the other guy–to be a better person. You go to ask God for help in doing your bit to help the least among us.
It isn’t something anybody will ever make into an action movie, but it IS what God asks of us.
Once again, I fail to be inspired toward greater manliness when confronted by some male pinhead so seriously devoted to hair gel.
Y’know, I could write something really snarky and sarcastic about closeted homosexuality and such, but sometimes snark just writes itself.
Maybe men need a religion of Gods and Heros who weren’t afraid to kick some female butt.
I think men also need spellcheck so they can actually spell “Heroes” correctly.
I think we are at a fascinating time in the evolution of religion! The GOP Christian men who love war are tired of being confronted with the biblical facts of their lord and savior (The big JC himself) would be for peace and against slapping people with their cocks.
And here we have a quote which could be a sign that men will literally be turning away from the idea that “Jesus” is god. I predict that there will be a movement in which manly men will simply reject the New Testament as being “made up” and they will embrace the Old Testament as being the one and only true word of “God”.
Heck, they may even “discover” a whole NEW new testament which is completely different than the one we have now! This will the known as the “New ACTION Testament”! In this one, Jesus is molded after some generic action hero(I think it’s gonna be Reb Brown from Space Mutiny. And Jesus will forever be pictured that way, space uniform and all), and he’s not here to save us from our sins! He’s here to kick evil doer ass and break bread, and he’s alllll outta bread to break.
I think men also need spellcheck so they can actually spell “Heroes” correctly.
I think we are at a fascinating time in the evolution of religion! The GOP Christian men who love war are tired of being confronted with the biblical facts of their lord and savior (The big JC himself) would be for peace and against slapping people with their cocks.
And here we have a quote which could be a sign that men will literally be turning away from the idea that “Jesus” is god. I predict that there will be a movement in which manly men will simply reject the New Testament as being “made up” and they will embrace the Old Testament as being the one and only true word of “God”.
Heck, they may even “discover” a whole NEW new testament which is completely different than the one we have now! This will the known as the “New ACTION Testament”! In this one, Jesus is molded after some generic action hero(I think it’s gonna be Reb Brown from Space Mutiny. And Jesus will forever be pictured that way, space uniform and all), and he’s not here to save us from our sins! He’s here to kick evil doer ass and break bread, and he’s alllll outta bread to break.
“Self, why do churches today look more like the bra and panty department at Sears
you’d think by now he’d be past the “think of the audience in their underwear” stage of public speaking
you’d think by now he’d be past the “think of the audience in their underwear” stage of public speaking
I’m beginning to realize why you stopped covering Doug. He’s been writing the same column over and over again for two years now, and while it’s still funny, it’s also predictable. What’s not as predictable is the caliber of men that ol’ Douggie attracts. I figured they’d be real nuts, but some of these guys sound like future candidates for a GPS ankle bracelet.
I’d also like to know what churches Doug is attending where there aren’t any men. In my family church, married couples tend to go together, so (Shock! Awe!) there are just as many men as women. Of course, they also just confirmed a female pastor, so I imagine Doug would be repulsed by the congregation like a vampire at a Holy Rollers Garlic BBQ, to use his own patois.
I’d also like to know what churches Doug is attending where there aren’t any men. In my family church, married couples tend to go together, so (Shock! Awe!) there are just as many men as women. Of course, they also just confirmed a female pastor, so I imagine Doug would be repulsed by the congregation like a vampire at a Holy Rollers Garlic BBQ, to use his own patois.
a battalion of men poised to kick demonic butt
You can kick demonic butt with a single battalion? Man, can we get that battalion deployed to Baghdad? ‘Cause we ain’t getting anywhere with a couple of Divisions, and that’s just against some guys with RPGs and shit. Maybe Dougie can tell us where to find this kick-ass battalion…
mikey
You can kick demonic butt with a single battalion? Man, can we get that battalion deployed to Baghdad? ‘Cause we ain’t getting anywhere with a couple of Divisions, and that’s just against some guys with RPGs and shit. Maybe Dougie can tell us where to find this kick-ass battalion…
mikey
Bibblesnæð: The was honestly one of the best lines I’ve heard about real manhood. While macho can be amusing, Dougie just recks of having the mentality of an angry child who thinks girls are “yucky.”
“Feeling lost? Have you tried Hare Krishna?”
–Sign at a Presbyterian church in The Muppet Movie
–Sign at a Presbyterian church in The Muppet Movie
Right. Forward into battle, men! Just remember, 11-1 is lunch, don’t disturb the Pastor when he’s workin’ out, and no phone calls after 8:30. Plus it’s five weeks’ vacation, minimum.
It’s instructive to recall that just three years ago Dougie was the hip-talkin’, streetwise former drug dealer who was gonna jerk the slack out of slacking teens, or something, and that between that and the Macho Mousse pose he briefly used the church webpage to hawk his paintings of horseys and doggies and Messiah penises. And that despite discovering the terrible testosterone shortage in modern Christianity, he’s still shepherding the First Church of Do Not Park Blocking Dumpster while Ted Haggard, the big sissy, built the biggest church east of the Pecos.
It’s instructive to recall that just three years ago Dougie was the hip-talkin’, streetwise former drug dealer who was gonna jerk the slack out of slacking teens, or something, and that between that and the Macho Mousse pose he briefly used the church webpage to hawk his paintings of horseys and doggies and Messiah penises. And that despite discovering the terrible testosterone shortage in modern Christianity, he’s still shepherding the First Church of Do Not Park Blocking Dumpster while Ted Haggard, the big sissy, built the biggest church east of the Pecos.
“Self, why do churches today look more like the bra and panty department at Sears
I sometimes experience the same confusion myself.
And now, congregation, I want to look into your hearts — and if you look carefully, mixed up with the streaks of plaque and all the other icky stuff, you’ll find the little voice of Jesus, reminding you…
…Sir, I’m going to have to ask you to leave the store. Some of the other shoppers are beginning to complain.
I sometimes experience the same confusion myself.
And now, congregation, I want to look into your hearts — and if you look carefully, mixed up with the streaks of plaque and all the other icky stuff, you’ll find the little voice of Jesus, reminding you…
…Sir, I’m going to have to ask you to leave the store. Some of the other shoppers are beginning to complain.
Wait a minute…
Self, why do churches today look more like the bra and panty department at Sears than a battalion of men poised to kick demonic butt?”
plus
Maybe men need a religion of Gods and Heros who weren’t afraid to kick some female butt.
…equals female butts are demonic? I can see that, because female butts are sooooo threatening and soooo scary, especially when wearing panties from Sears.
What is this, the First Church of My Mommy Yelled at Me and Traumatized Me for Liiiiiiiiiiife?
Self, why do churches today look more like the bra and panty department at Sears than a battalion of men poised to kick demonic butt?”
plus
Maybe men need a religion of Gods and Heros who weren’t afraid to kick some female butt.
…equals female butts are demonic? I can see that, because female butts are sooooo threatening and soooo scary, especially when wearing panties from Sears.
What is this, the First Church of My Mommy Yelled at Me and Traumatized Me for Liiiiiiiiiiife?
And if you enjoyed DDoug Giles, you might enjoy this from Selwyn Duke at GOPUSA:
“Extolling The Female Tongue”
I can’t tell you how much I wanted trhis to be about what it sounds like it’s about — from a Biblical perspective. It isn’t.
“Extolling The Female Tongue”
I can’t tell you how much I wanted trhis to be about what it sounds like it’s about — from a Biblical perspective. It isn’t.
The He-Man Woman Hater’s Club of Judea? A bunch of wussies!
The Judean Woman Hater’s He-Man Club, now there’s a sect with some real kick to it!
The Judean Woman Hater’s He-Man Club, now there’s a sect with some real kick to it!
Bibblesnæð, that is quite possibly one of the most eloquently written responses to fanatic drivel. Unfortunately, it’ll go right over their heads.
Logic alert! While the CNN article may be correct in that women who have heart attacks are more likely to die than men who have heart attacks, men are way more likely to actually HAVE a heart attack. So if you’re everyman, you’re still more likely to die of a heart attack than everywoman is.
But don’t let that quibble get in the way of highly enjoyable (and well-deserved!) he-man bashing. As someone pointed out, sometimes the snark just writes itself.
Sean
But don’t let that quibble get in the way of highly enjoyable (and well-deserved!) he-man bashing. As someone pointed out, sometimes the snark just writes itself.
Sean
Hasn’t it been shown that heart attack symptoms in women are often dismissed as “gas” or “indigestion” while men’s chest pain tends to be taken much more seriously in the ER? It’s been my understanding that this is why women are more likely to die when they have a heart attack. This basically happened to my mother.
These guys are such incredible jerks. It’s amazing to me that someone who has actually learned enough to form words by typing on a keyboard can be stupid to a degree one would think would render them drooling and playing with themselves in the corner… Of course, I guess that’s not incompatable with the drivel they write. Drool for a while, write drivel for a while, drool, drivel, ad nauseum.
These guys are such incredible jerks. It’s amazing to me that someone who has actually learned enough to form words by typing on a keyboard can be stupid to a degree one would think would render them drooling and playing with themselves in the corner… Of course, I guess that’s not incompatable with the drivel they write. Drool for a while, write drivel for a while, drool, drivel, ad nauseum.
I approve of this move towards more manliness in church. I suggest that henceforth, all hymns shall be re-written as power metal songs about barbarians slaying dragons and sung by burly, long-haired men with screeching electric guitars.
I would totally go to church then.
I would totally go to church then.
this would be very funny if these people weren’t serious…
So Doug’s congregation is a bunch of headless lingerie mannequins? This explains so much…
And Bill S, I love you. I would totally marry you if… you know. And also if… well. Yeah.
And Bill S, I love you. I would totally marry you if… you know. And also if… well. Yeah.
Obviously, Christianity itself is all wrong for these folks. They should consider Odin-worship. They’ll probably enjoy the company of the current followers of that faith.
I suspect ‘JoeoftheMountain’ ripped off his handle from a George Carlin routine (from the ‘Occupation: Foole’ album, I think) where he’s impressed with the manly sound of the word ‘fuck’. It sounds tough, as in, “I am Fuck! Fuck of the Mountain!”
Get to a place, young warrior, where pain is not a big deal, and where you embrace resistance.I know a few bars like that, but that’s likely not what he’s getting at. Unless he’s suffering from the “it” disorder of rightwing pastors everywhere these days, and is a huge closet-case. Had any “massages” recently, Doug? Inquiring minds and all, darlin’. Mebbe Dr. Professor Mike Adams can teach Doug how to “shoot”
And, Jeebus, but his commenters are even stupider than he is–how is that possible‽ My mind *boggles*! Giles is a dumfuk of dumfuks, but these commenters… yikes! Someone had their umbilical wrapped tightly around their neck on the way out and had their air supply cut off for fifteen minutes or so! Jeeyayzuz!
And, yeah, “readmilljoe” gets a special callout for the “I’ve fallen on my Caps Lock key, and I can’t GET UP” routine. Why do people do this? Plain stupidity? Genital warts? Why, why? IT IS A MYSTERY!!1!
And, before I forget, kudos to Bibblesnæð for at least espousing the values that your basic Christian should hold dear and at least try to live up to, but in many cases doesn’t seem to have a working familiarity with. Very good! Carry on.
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