As evidence of my bold prediction, I thought that today we could meet a real up-and-comer, Town Hall columnist Mary Grabar. Mary has a Ph.D. in English from the University of Georgia, is a temporary Assistant Professor at Clayton State University, and is an unpublished novelist and poet. She’s also interested in contra dancing, swing, and, of course, writing ”cultural commentary” for such fine third-tier online venues as “FrontPage News” and “Intellectual Conservative.”
Her moment in the wingnut sun came la couple of weeks ago when her Townhall column “The girls on The View“ was widely mocked by the SP blogosphere. So, of course this week she followed up by quoting extensively from an email she purportedly received from a liberal meanie who criticized said column. Mary also uses her piece to bash feminists, her academic colleagues, and Rosie O’Donnell, and to throw in a few gratuitous racist and homophobic comments. So you can see why we think that she’s the woman that Dr. Mike has always wanted to be. Here’s Mary!
READER ADVISORY: this column quotes from a disturbed reader and contains some of the language typically employed by leftist intellectuals to express disagreement.Yes, one of the biggest dangers we women face is potential presidential candidates who suggest more dialogue and international cooperation to deal with the problem of terrorism. And because this kind of thing might even sound appealing to us, Mary has certainly proven her previous thesis that we shouldn’t be allowed to vote, and that Rosie O’Donnell is a lesbian.
In my last column I suggested that one of the dangers of giving women the vote was that women would rely on themselves to make decisions. Among the dangers facing women are presidential candidates who suggest having “conversations” in response to the call for worldwide jihad. This woman, husband of former President Bill Clinton, went on a program geared towards progressive women, called “The View,” and hosted by what progressive women view as a male authority figure: Rosie O’Donnell.
Anyway, we’ll skip the part where Mary subjects her alleged correspondent to a Mike Adams-esque third degree, and rejoin her where she plans for her new, glittering wingnut future.
But I had many nice comments and suggestions, too. Several commentators suggested a talk show called the “Right View,” with panelists like Michelle Malkin, Laura Ingraham, and yours truly. That’s quite an idea. I don’t believe that this country has had a Slovenian-born American talk show host.I have no idea. But with a panel like that, who needs guests!
Which set me to thinking: who would I invite?
I would have some strong principled men on the program, like Congressmen Tom Tancredo, who has firmly stood against illegal immigration, and Virgil Goode, who has called for ending diversity visas that give preference to Muslim immigrants (a Clinton legacy). These two are the men who care about women enough that they don’t want to see us raped by Mexican gangs or forced to wear the hijab.I don’t know how to respond to that except to say that I’m glad that Tom and Virgil are apparently the only two men who want to protect us women in this fashion.
I think I would also follow the format of women’s talk shows (like Oprah) and invite some victims.On one segment I would have women harmed by feminist men. I would have women like myself who have been shouted down by long-haired hippies who claim they bravely marched and “changed the world” and ended the Vietnam War, and tell me and President Bush’s daughters to go fight in Iraq.Yeah, when will daytime TV start showing us the REAL victims: women who have been shouted at by hippies!
I would have college teachers like myself who have been victimized by female department heads who mandate that we place on our syllabi the objectives of “gaining a better understanding of race, class, and gender.” And for a public flogging I would put on the stage the male intellectual castrati who follow orders of such female bosses.This would be must-see TV! Imagine the drama when we meet an English instructor who was brutally victimized by her boss’s syllabi! (If only they could also bring in Marie Jon’s’ tentacles, it would be the most intense talk show EVER!) But I would suggest saving the flogging of the college castrati for a late-night special (or for sweeps week), because otherwise they might incur the wrath of Brent Bozell and his minions.
Men in days of old could smell the danger of a female take-over, whether at the pulpit, at the lectern, or the battlefield. I would have men who will knock away the cookies that are brought by the department head to meetings—the woman who uses an e-mail signature line from bell hooks, lives in a multi-million dollar high rise condo, and will not let you mention anything positive about Western civilization in the classroom. I will have men who will put those little pimp-tweeb rappers in their places and not let them talk about women the way they do. These men will take over English departments and fire any mush-brained Ph.D. who puts the lyrics of Tupac Shakur on her syllabus as a selection of “poetry” or asks for travel funds to present a paper on “fat studies.”Right on! And with the cry of ”NO MORE COOKIES, EVER!”, Mary’s no-women-or-rappers-in-English-departments revolution commences. And it will be televised, if only in Mary’s erotic daydreams.
37 Responses to “Meet the New Dr. Mike”
so does she refer to herself as “Assistant Professor Dr Mary Grabar, PhD?”
The standards at the University of Georgia’s English Department must have really deteriorated if this nut could get a Ph.D. there. I notice, though, that she’s only a “temporary” assistant professor at Clayton State (where? Oh, a “senior” division of the University of Georgia at Atlanta — sounds like she couldn’t get a job outside the system that gave her the Ph.D.) which must mean that she hasn’t received tenure yet — and judging by the sort of friends on the faculty she obviously doesn’t have, I doubt she ever will.
Dr. Mike’s gonna have to come out for the next round SMOKIN’ if he hopes to contend with Dr. Mary. Of course, he could just tell her to STFU ’cause she’s a woman.
Hey, Tom, Virgil. Do you guys smell what I’m smelling? Damned if it isn’t one of them phat studies professors come to take over the department.
You said “New Mike Adams”. I note that doesn’t mean “improved”.
I will say, though, that while Mike Adams always leaves me wanting to kick him in the balls, Mary is incapable of producing such a reaction. But that’s about the biggest difference.
Should it be considered progress when a woman proves she can be as big an asshole as a man?
I will say, though, that while Mike Adams always leaves me wanting to kick him in the balls, Mary is incapable of producing such a reaction. But that’s about the biggest difference.
Should it be considered progress when a woman proves she can be as big an asshole as a man?
It continues to amaze me that hippie English professors are apparently the most powerful people on Earth, judging from the way these conservative folks go on about them.
I’ll bet the bit about the department head’s cookies is the key to unraveling this woman’s psyche. Did her boss invariably bring chocolate chip cookies WITH nuts when Mary G. repeatedly and specifically told her that she only likes them WITHOUT nuts? What oppression! And now poor Mary is forced to spend her days fantasizing about a group of manly white men who will throw the cookies on the ground because they will not accept free food from such brutal tyrants! And the cookies probably weren’t even any good anyway, so there!
I’ll bet the bit about the department head’s cookies is the key to unraveling this woman’s psyche. Did her boss invariably bring chocolate chip cookies WITH nuts when Mary G. repeatedly and specifically told her that she only likes them WITHOUT nuts? What oppression! And now poor Mary is forced to spend her days fantasizing about a group of manly white men who will throw the cookies on the ground because they will not accept free food from such brutal tyrants! And the cookies probably weren’t even any good anyway, so there!
I would have college teachers like myself who have been victimized by female department heads who mandate that we place on our syllabi the objectives of “gaining a better understanding of race, class, and gender.” And for a public flogging I would put on the stage the male intellectual castrati who follow orders of such female bosses.
Wow, a blanket claim of victimization (and by a woman who appears to hate seeing *other* women attain power) for being told to do something that seems like quite a good idea, and she also slurs her male colleagues by calling them castrati just because they do what the boss wants? She manages to be victim and abuser in one paragraph. And she got a PhD at a reputable university? Shows what passes for intelligence in this country.
Wow, a blanket claim of victimization (and by a woman who appears to hate seeing *other* women attain power) for being told to do something that seems like quite a good idea, and she also slurs her male colleagues by calling them castrati just because they do what the boss wants? She manages to be victim and abuser in one paragraph. And she got a PhD at a reputable university? Shows what passes for intelligence in this country.
Goddamn quote brackets don’t work here. I quoted her paragraph above. Sorry, but they do work most places I go.
the REAL victims: women who have been shouted at by hippies!
Hey, my kid shouted at me (“You’re not the boss of me!”, followed by a slammed door), but he’s too young to have been a hippie. Does that mean I don’t get to be a real victim? Oh, the humanity!
Hey, my kid shouted at me (“You’re not the boss of me!”, followed by a slammed door), but he’s too young to have been a hippie. Does that mean I don’t get to be a real victim? Oh, the humanity!
The hippies were probably shouting “Mary, stop knocking the cookies on the floor you asshole!”
I would love to see the Malkin, Ingrham and Mary version of the View but I am pretty sure it’d be cancelled during the first airing for lack of interest and would never clock in at a full hour.
Plus, the right already has the Chatty Cathys of Fox & Friends. Lordy, those hens like to squawk with white Christian glee.
I would love to see the Malkin, Ingrham and Mary version of the View but I am pretty sure it’d be cancelled during the first airing for lack of interest and would never clock in at a full hour.
Plus, the right already has the Chatty Cathys of Fox & Friends. Lordy, those hens like to squawk with white Christian glee.
hi, this woman is weird-silly. i’ve read milton, st. paul and aristotle as well. except for st. paul, cannot recall any of the blatant misogyny she attributes to the others; perhaps other commenters can point in that direction … i would be curious.
mary really, really wants to preserve the identity of the father, and in a sad and desparate way … i think she’s a golddigger. but that’s just me.
happy new year,
cc
mary really, really wants to preserve the identity of the father, and in a sad and desparate way … i think she’s a golddigger. but that’s just me.
happy new year,
cc
I would have men who will knock away the cookies that are brought by the department head to meetings….I will have men who will put those little pimp-tweeb rappers in their places and not let them talk about women the way they do. These men will take over English departments
Hm….sounds like Dr. Mary is having an affair – or just an unrequited crush – with a visiting lecturer from Liberty University.
This sounds like the best satirical academic fiction since Richard Russo or James Hynes!
And what’s pimptweeb, anyway?
Hm….sounds like Dr. Mary is having an affair – or just an unrequited crush – with a visiting lecturer from Liberty University.
This sounds like the best satirical academic fiction since Richard Russo or James Hynes!
And what’s pimptweeb, anyway?
Dang. Forgot to close the tag
As always, it’s the conservative English PhD’s who suffer most. Poor things.
It’s been said before, but it’s worth repeating, “Shut up bitch and go bake a pie or something.”
I normally avoid such displays of misogyny, but honestly I couldn’t in my wildest dreams match this.
It’s been said before, but it’s worth repeating, “Shut up bitch and go bake a pie or something.”
I normally avoid such displays of misogyny, but honestly I couldn’t in my wildest dreams match this.
“If you’re a feminist, that’s great. If you’re not a feminist, you should kill yourself.”
–Margaret Cho
I will never understand women who ASPIRE to reach the status of victimized, secondary human. I was raised by a liberal mother, a woman who gladly associated with hippies in Vietnam protests, who had a Ms. Magazine subscription throughout the 80s, and taught her children that the only limits to our hopes and dreams was ourselves. Not gender, not sexuality, not anything. The concept of a woman wishing herself into a submissive status simply because she is a woman — and then expecting every single other woman to do the same — is so entirely alien a concept to me that to even contemplate makes me insane. Just like Cthulhu.
That being said, it would be a hoot to see all these “right” women on a talk show together. Although they better have a man directing and producing it, for as we all know, women are incapable of doing anything themselves outside of the kitchen and the bedroom. Are you sure Mary’s not writing from Stepford?
–Margaret Cho
I will never understand women who ASPIRE to reach the status of victimized, secondary human. I was raised by a liberal mother, a woman who gladly associated with hippies in Vietnam protests, who had a Ms. Magazine subscription throughout the 80s, and taught her children that the only limits to our hopes and dreams was ourselves. Not gender, not sexuality, not anything. The concept of a woman wishing herself into a submissive status simply because she is a woman — and then expecting every single other woman to do the same — is so entirely alien a concept to me that to even contemplate makes me insane. Just like Cthulhu.
That being said, it would be a hoot to see all these “right” women on a talk show together. Although they better have a man directing and producing it, for as we all know, women are incapable of doing anything themselves outside of the kitchen and the bedroom. Are you sure Mary’s not writing from Stepford?
I will have men who will put those little pimp-tweeb rappers in their places and not let them talk about women the way they do.
I mean, really. How dare they speak disparagingly of women!
In my last column I suggested that one of the dangers of giving women the vote was that women would rely on themselves to make decisions
Pimp-tweeb, heal thyself.
I mean, really. How dare they speak disparagingly of women!
In my last column I suggested that one of the dangers of giving women the vote was that women would rely on themselves to make decisions
Pimp-tweeb, heal thyself.
Johnny M: With female anti-feminists, there’s generally two different kinds: upper class and lower class. The upper class ones like Ann Coulter, Wendy Shalit, and Phillys Schefley (sp) don’t have to worry about earning a living because they got money to keep them in comfort and could probably snag some rich husband who will eventually wise-up to her sexual manipulations (that Shalit and Schifley like to advice using) and start fucking the maid who won’t demand expensive presents in exchange for physical love. Feminism enpowers the lower-class woman (as well as the upper) and that’s what scares the pampered anti-feminists because it might mean the men in their lives will start demanding that their women do more than act like pampered little shrews. Not to mention that elitits hate the idea of the little man having any kind of happiness\power and same goes for the female elitists.
Now lower-class anti-feminists are a different story. These women actually have to work for a living and are stuck being the beasts of burden that feminism helps prevent them from being. Most of these women are so beaten down and dillusional that they don’t know any better than the misery their lives are. And some of those that realize it, believe that their suffering makes them better women than those sinful liberated ones or that they actually have power which they truely never had.
Now lower-class anti-feminists are a different story. These women actually have to work for a living and are stuck being the beasts of burden that feminism helps prevent them from being. Most of these women are so beaten down and dillusional that they don’t know any better than the misery their lives are. And some of those that realize it, believe that their suffering makes them better women than those sinful liberated ones or that they actually have power which they truely never had.
I would have men who will knock away the cookies
That would be an interesting program, though more of an anti-cooking show than a talk show.
One week — knocking away the cookies.
Next week — throwing the pavlova to the floor.
Third week — flinging the canapes into the audience, with an expression of disgust.
You don’t see that on Oprah!
That would be an interesting program, though more of an anti-cooking show than a talk show.
One week — knocking away the cookies.
Next week — throwing the pavlova to the floor.
Third week — flinging the canapes into the audience, with an expression of disgust.
You don’t see that on Oprah!
Mary Grabar on RateMyProfessors.com.
Left by FlipYrWhig on January 2nd, 2007
The fact that she seems to have put her OWN picture on that site (click thru some other profiles, notice a derth of something?) suggests she’s on a mission to break into the right wing’s Harpy Corps, along with Coulter, Malkin, Schafley, KatO’Beirne, etc. – afterall, no pub is bad pub! However, she might find hitting the bigs quite the task, since the minors are already crowded with the likes of lil’ Debbie snackcakes Schlussel, Marie Jonapostrophe, that “Those Arab looking musicians carried a McDonalds bag into the airplane bathroom” lady, etc.
See? We needed a Battle of the Wingnuts last year to thin the herd a little, so little saplings like Mary Grabnar could grow up to be as batshit insane as she could be, free from too crowded a media habitat. I look for great things (well, I guess opposite of great… maybe, “teh suck”?) from Grabnar’s hammer in the future!
Left by FlipYrWhig on January 2nd, 2007
The fact that she seems to have put her OWN picture on that site (click thru some other profiles, notice a derth of something?) suggests she’s on a mission to break into the right wing’s Harpy Corps, along with Coulter, Malkin, Schafley, KatO’Beirne, etc. – afterall, no pub is bad pub! However, she might find hitting the bigs quite the task, since the minors are already crowded with the likes of lil’ Debbie snackcakes Schlussel, Marie Jonapostrophe, that “Those Arab looking musicians carried a McDonalds bag into the airplane bathroom” lady, etc.
See? We needed a Battle of the Wingnuts last year to thin the herd a little, so little saplings like Mary Grabnar could grow up to be as batshit insane as she could be, free from too crowded a media habitat. I look for great things (well, I guess opposite of great… maybe, “teh suck”?) from Grabnar’s hammer in the future!
On one segment I would have women harmed by feminist men.
I would love to hear some examples of the specific harm that “feminist” men do that “non-feminist” men do not.
I would have college teachers like myself who have been victimized by female department heads who mandate that we place on our syllabi the objectives of “gaining a better understanding of race, class, and gender.”
So is it OK for male department heads to issue that mandate? And what if that mandate came from higher up than the department head? Like the academic dean or university president? Or even (gasp!) the state board of education or the regional accreditation body?
And for a public flogging I would put on the stage the male intellectual castrati who follow orders of such female bosses.
Don’t be sexist, Mary! Female teachers who follow that order should be flogged, too! (See, the females were “victimized” by the order, but the males were Vichy surrender-monkey collaborators, apparently.)
I would love to hear some examples of the specific harm that “feminist” men do that “non-feminist” men do not.
I would have college teachers like myself who have been victimized by female department heads who mandate that we place on our syllabi the objectives of “gaining a better understanding of race, class, and gender.”
So is it OK for male department heads to issue that mandate? And what if that mandate came from higher up than the department head? Like the academic dean or university president? Or even (gasp!) the state board of education or the regional accreditation body?
And for a public flogging I would put on the stage the male intellectual castrati who follow orders of such female bosses.
Don’t be sexist, Mary! Female teachers who follow that order should be flogged, too! (See, the females were “victimized” by the order, but the males were Vichy surrender-monkey collaborators, apparently.)
Ugluks, to be fair, I don’t think she had to be the one doing the uploading. Since the pages on RMP are monitored by students at the colleges, one of them could have found a headshot for her and plugged it in. But your thought did occur to me too.
On behalf of the University System of Georgia, I’d like to apologize most profoundly. Sometimes, folks slip through the cracks. Hey, even George W. Bush got a college degree.
Men in days of old could smell the danger of a female
Was that the original title to the Cramps album and they trimmed it down?
As a UGA alumni, I weep.
Was that the original title to the Cramps album and they trimmed it down?
As a UGA alumni, I weep.
the woman who uses an e-mail signature line from bell hooks, lives in a multi-million dollar high rise condo,
Yep, if there’s one thing that’s a huge problem in academia, it’s all those English professors who live in multi-million dollar condos!
Yep, if there’s one thing that’s a huge problem in academia, it’s all those English professors who live in multi-million dollar condos!
From ratemyprofessor:
“This is the worst class I have ever taken at CSU. This teacher is both boring and confusing and for a student, that’s a deadly combo. The material is pretty interesting but somehow she makes it boring.”
I guess I’d rather study pimp-tweebs
“This is the worst class I have ever taken at CSU. This teacher is both boring and confusing and for a student, that’s a deadly combo. The material is pretty interesting but somehow she makes it boring.”
I guess I’d rather study pimp-tweebs
Ugluks: How about we go the Battle Royale route? Give them all metal collars, put them on an island with a random weapon (from a fork to an uzi), and have them fight to the death. Now throw random danger zones which cause the collar to explode if you stand on them and three days to be the last one standing. All kidding aside, I’d never wish this on anyone in the real world, even wingnuts.
I don’t believe that this country has had a Slovenian-born American talk show host.
If her first language is Slovenian, we should cut the lady some slack. Judging from the declamatory style, she seems to have learned English by reading Walt Whitman, but she’s still doing better than certain other apostrophe-abusers whose first language is simple gibberish.
male intellectual castrati
Despite that, I still want to hear more about the female castrati.
If her first language is Slovenian, we should cut the lady some slack. Judging from the declamatory style, she seems to have learned English by reading Walt Whitman, but she’s still doing better than certain other apostrophe-abusers whose first language is simple gibberish.
male intellectual castrati
Despite that, I still want to hear more about the female castrati.
male intellectual castrati
Despite that, I still want to hear more about the female castrati.
Left by Herr Doktor Bimler on January 3rd, 2007
—–
Herr Doktor: ich liebe dich!
Despite that, I still want to hear more about the female castrati.
Left by Herr Doktor Bimler on January 3rd, 2007
—–
Herr Doktor: ich liebe dich!
Ugluks: How about we go the Battle Royale route?
(video presenter pulls out axe)
Oooh…this one is SUPER LUCKY!
(video presenter pulls out axe)
Oooh…this one is SUPER LUCKY!
Herr Doktor Bimler: Wait, Walt Whitman was gay, she couldn’t have learnt from him.
By grabars hammer.
aimai
aimai
[...]and is an unpublished novelist and poet.Ruh roh!
So, if her little make-believe talk show came to be (somehow!), am I correct in sussing out that she, herself, would be the only guest… ever!?! Huh. Of course, the University would have no choice but to fire her ass. Why?
‘Cause she’s a woman.
And, after a period of plummeting ratings,MSNBC some TV channel would have to fire her ass off “The Wingnut PU” (or, whatever she called it). Why? Well, not because of the stinky ratings–no, because they’ll figure out that she’s a woman. They’ll fire Malkin and Ingrahm, too, but Ann Coulter can stay, if they hire “her.” Ann’s probably a little too “high rent,” if you know what I mean, and I’ll bet you do! In fact, no place will hire her.
Why?
Because she’s a freaking woman, that’s why!!
So, once she’s stuck at home, being a baby factory, I’m sure she’ll finally be happy.
P.S.–Mary, babe? Nobody’s twisting your arm to vote. So, don’t. You’ll be happier, and more importantly, I’ll be happier. Thanx!
.
.
P.P.S.–Oh, Mary? Please make sure to never wear a hijab. ‘Cause, if, by some awful turn of events, you were gang-raped by a group of swarthy Mexican men, it would only truly become a tragedy if you were wearing a hijab at the time.
‘Cause she’s a woman.
And, after a period of plummeting ratings,
Why?
Because she’s a freaking woman, that’s why!!
So, once she’s stuck at home, being a baby factory, I’m sure she’ll finally be happy.
P.S.–Mary, babe? Nobody’s twisting your arm to vote. So, don’t. You’ll be happier, and more importantly, I’ll be happier. Thanx!
.
.
P.P.S.–Oh, Mary? Please make sure to never wear a hijab. ‘Cause, if, by some awful turn of events, you were gang-raped by a group of swarthy Mexican men, it would only truly become a tragedy if you were wearing a hijab at the time.
I would love to see the Malkin, Ingrham and Mary version of the View but I am pretty sure it’d be cancelled during the first airing for lack of interest and would never clock in at a full hour.Yeah, but just think–the “Complete Series” DVD would probably come in at under five bucks!
The danger to conservatives (and the survival of this country) is the voting bloc of single women, i.e., those who lack the guidance of a man in the form of a husband or intellectual mentor.
People like Condoleeza Rice?
People like Condoleeza Rice?
And what male gave this lump permission to leave the haus?
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