As evidence of my bold prediction, I thought that today we could meet a real up-and-comer, Town Hall columnist Mary Grabar. Mary has a Ph.D. in English from the University of Georgia, is a temporary Assistant Professor at Clayton State University, and is an unpublished novelist and poet. She’s also interested in contra dancing, swing, and, of course, writing ”cultural commentary” for such fine third-tier online venues as “FrontPage News” and “Intellectual Conservative.”
Her moment in the wingnut sun came la couple of weeks ago when her Townhall column “The girls on The View“ was widely mocked by the SP blogosphere. So, of course this week she followed up by quoting extensively from an email she purportedly received from a liberal meanie who criticized said column. Mary also uses her piece to bash feminists, her academic colleagues, and Rosie O’Donnell, and to throw in a few gratuitous racist and homophobic comments. So you can see why we think that she’s the woman that Dr. Mike has always wanted to be. Here’s Mary!
READER ADVISORY: this column quotes from a disturbed reader and contains some of the language typically employed by leftist intellectuals to express disagreement.Yes, one of the biggest dangers we women face is potential presidential candidates who suggest more dialogue and international cooperation to deal with the problem of terrorism. And because this kind of thing might even sound appealing to us, Mary has certainly proven her previous thesis that we shouldn’t be allowed to vote, and that Rosie O’Donnell is a lesbian.
In my last column I suggested that one of the dangers of giving women the vote was that women would rely on themselves to make decisions. Among the dangers facing women are presidential candidates who suggest having “conversations” in response to the call for worldwide jihad. This woman, husband of former President Bill Clinton, went on a program geared towards progressive women, called “The View,” and hosted by what progressive women view as a male authority figure: Rosie O’Donnell.
Anyway, we’ll skip the part where Mary subjects her alleged correspondent to a Mike Adams-esque third degree, and rejoin her where she plans for her new, glittering wingnut future.
But I had many nice comments and suggestions, too. Several commentators suggested a talk show called the “Right View,” with panelists like Michelle Malkin, Laura Ingraham, and yours truly. That’s quite an idea. I don’t believe that this country has had a Slovenian-born American talk show host.I have no idea. But with a panel like that, who needs guests!
Which set me to thinking: who would I invite?
I would have some strong principled men on the program, like Congressmen Tom Tancredo, who has firmly stood against illegal immigration, and Virgil Goode, who has called for ending diversity visas that give preference to Muslim immigrants (a Clinton legacy). These two are the men who care about women enough that they don’t want to see us raped by Mexican gangs or forced to wear the hijab.I don’t know how to respond to that except to say that I’m glad that Tom and Virgil are apparently the only two men who want to protect us women in this fashion.
I think I would also follow the format of women’s talk shows (like Oprah) and invite some victims.On one segment I would have women harmed by feminist men. I would have women like myself who have been shouted down by long-haired hippies who claim they bravely marched and “changed the world” and ended the Vietnam War, and tell me and President Bush’s daughters to go fight in Iraq.Yeah, when will daytime TV start showing us the REAL victims: women who have been shouted at by hippies!
I would have college teachers like myself who have been victimized by female department heads who mandate that we place on our syllabi the objectives of “gaining a better understanding of race, class, and gender.” And for a public flogging I would put on the stage the male intellectual castrati who follow orders of such female bosses.This would be must-see TV! Imagine the drama when we meet an English instructor who was brutally victimized by her boss’s syllabi! (If only they could also bring in Marie Jon’s’ tentacles, it would be the most intense talk show EVER!) But I would suggest saving the flogging of the college castrati for a late-night special (or for sweeps week), because otherwise they might incur the wrath of Brent Bozell and his minions.
Men in days of old could smell the danger of a female take-over, whether at the pulpit, at the lectern, or the battlefield. I would have men who will knock away the cookies that are brought by the department head to meetings—the woman who uses an e-mail signature line from bell hooks, lives in a multi-million dollar high rise condo, and will not let you mention anything positive about Western civilization in the classroom. I will have men who will put those little pimp-tweeb rappers in their places and not let them talk about women the way they do. These men will take over English departments and fire any mush-brained Ph.D. who puts the lyrics of Tupac Shakur on her syllabus as a selection of “poetry” or asks for travel funds to present a paper on “fat studies.”Right on! And with the cry of ”NO MORE COOKIES, EVER!”, Mary’s no-women-or-rappers-in-English-departments revolution commences. And it will be televised, if only in Mary’s erotic daydreams.
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