Item #1: K.Lo derides the war on Christmas as a waste of time, and then immediately buys stock in it.
Step 1: Write a book in which I accuse liberals of hateful acts of anti-Christmas terrorism based on what the kooks and/or charlatans at various right-wing legal institutes claim, but make no effort at doing any investigation myself, to include even reading a newspaper.
Step 2: Get naive columnists with poor self-esteem to promote said book.
Step 3: Profit!
But back to Kathryn Jean:
However, Gibson may not be lying when he says that many parents contacted him and claimed that similar things happened to them – after all, paranoiacs seeking validation of their delusions probably make up the core of John’s viewership.
Anyway, kids, here’s your class project for this WOC campaign: everybody write a letter to John Gibson in which you make a claim about some horrendous act of green-and-red persecution that occurred to you (or somebody you know, or someone you heard mention of, in some other place).
Here’s an example:
Anyway, I don’t know whether Kathryn is to be more pitied or condemned for using the drivel from Gibson’s book (while plugging the paperback edition of said book, no less) to make the point that there is a real War on Christmas, but one which is too petty for her to bother herself with, except for writing columns about it. So, I leave it to YOU to make that call.
Our second item proves that this War has reached the point of parody, crossed over, been reincarnated as really lame satire, and ultimately ended up as really stupid tragedy. For, it has become the subject of one of those execrable “Help, Mom!” books.
‘Nuff said — but here’s part of the publisher’s copy about the tome, just the same.
Thanksgiving passes and it’s “War on Christmas” time – what an awful concept and a waste of time. But I can’t blame the Fox News Channel’s John Gibson for titling his book (2005, Sentinel) that.No, when John smiles that smug smile and looks into Kathryn’s eyes, she can’t blame him for anything.
In it, he’s not randomly accusing liberals of hateful bahumbuggery.No, he has a system. I think it goes something like this:
Step 1: Write a book in which I accuse liberals of hateful acts of anti-Christmas terrorism based on what the kooks and/or charlatans at various right-wing legal institutes claim, but make no effort at doing any investigation myself, to include even reading a newspaper.
Step 2: Get naive columnists with poor self-esteem to promote said book.
Step 3: Profit!
But back to Kathryn Jean:
He chronicles, as he puts it in the forward of his new paperback edition, “a school board member, a city manager, a university dean, and a school superintendent, who found themselves in circumstances that led them to ban or remove from public view otherwise perfectly legal secular symbols of Christmas — Christmas trees, the word ‘Christmas,’ and even the colors red and green.”
Yes, seriously, red and green — great threats to the Establishment Clause if caught anywhere near a public school, right? Gibson writes of his experience over the last year: “Many parents contacted me and said the story of Plano, Texas, where the school board wouldn’t allow the colors red and green for the plates and cups and napkins at the kids ‘winter’ party, was actually quite common.”As we all know, what actually happened in Plano was that the school district sent out a memo asking for various donated supplies, to include white napkins, for class parties. That’s it. There was no banning of red and green, no lynching of Santa Claus, no forced conversions to druidism. Just a memo asking for white napkins. Oh, the humanity!
However, Gibson may not be lying when he says that many parents contacted him and claimed that similar things happened to them – after all, paranoiacs seeking validation of their delusions probably make up the core of John’s viewership.
“I heard about one school where the principal went to each schoolroom before Thanksgiving and put all red and green construction paper under lock and key until after New Years. It is silly and paranoid actions like that which make people certain the war is real and not a figment of their imagination.”Yes, it is indeed claims like that which prove that the war is REAL, and not just figments and stuff!
Anyway, kids, here’s your class project for this WOC campaign: everybody write a letter to John Gibson in which you make a claim about some horrendous act of green-and-red persecution that occurred to you (or somebody you know, or someone you heard mention of, in some other place).
Here’s an example:
Dear John,Now it’s your turn to write to Mr. Gibson — just be sure to make it as convincing as the story of the principal who locked up the green and red construction paper!
I am a mailman in a small midwestern town that is under the control of politically correct atheistic liberal Satanists.
Recently my supervisor (I’d tell you his name, but you wouldn’t know him) forbade us mailmen (despite all the other madness, we have at been able to keep our profession free of feminists at least) from delivering any mail that comes in red or green envelopes. Really! This is not just a figment! He ordered us to just bail up all the red and green letters, take them to the field out back, and burn them along with the porn we seize.
He also has us destroy any letters that use one of those Madonna stamps that they haven’t issued ever since the post office became part of the New World Order. We also burn anything that looks like it might be a non-secular Christmas card, all Sears catalogs, and all the Nobel Prize nominations going out to Fox News personalities.
And today, if you can believe it, he fired a guy with the given name of Christian, a man with the family name of Christiansen, and a customer named Mary, just for being too non-inclusive!
As proof of my claims, enclosed please find a dead rat.
Your fan,
Some guy
Anyway, I don’t know whether Kathryn is to be more pitied or condemned for using the drivel from Gibson’s book (while plugging the paperback edition of said book, no less) to make the point that there is a real War on Christmas, but one which is too petty for her to bother herself with, except for writing columns about it. So, I leave it to YOU to make that call.
Our second item proves that this War has reached the point of parody, crossed over, been reincarnated as really lame satire, and ultimately ended up as really stupid tragedy. For, it has become the subject of one of those execrable “Help, Mom!” books.
‘Nuff said — but here’s part of the publisher’s copy about the tome, just the same.
Help! Mom! The Ninth Circuit Nabbed the Nativity
Christmas is coming, and in today’s America, one of the signs of the season is that liberal busybodies like the ACLU and activist judges go into action against harmless Christmas displays, songs, and pageants. To satirize these modern-day Scrooges in a way that both kids and grownups can appreciate, Katharine DeBrecht and Jim Hummel – creators of the bestselling HELP! MOM! There are Liberals Under My Bed! and HELP! MOM! Hollywood’s in My Hamper! – bring you their funniest adventure yet, HELP! MOM! The 9th Circuit Nabbed the Nativity!
With their Christmas pageant in jeopardy, can Miss Bardin’s third-grade class save the holidays?
Johnny and Luke loved being in Miss Bardin’s third-grade class—especially at Christmas time, when the class put on its annual pageant, complete with a nativity scene and even an obliging donkey! But when Senator Weary, Al Snore, Congresswoman Clunkton and the whole 9th Circuit court show up demanding an end to the fun and festivities in the name of diversity, global warming and stinky French cheese, all is almost lost until Johnny, Luke and an unexpected hero armed with a mysterious piece of paper unite to save Christmas. [...]
Join gifted storyteller Katharine DeBrecht and award-winning illustrator Jim Hummel as they share another small lesson in conservatism.
31 Responses to “Latest War On Christmas News: War Jumps Shark”
“Gifted author”?
By “gifted”, do they mean “special”?
K-Lo-IQ thought this subject was a waste of time, but wrote about it anyway? To plug a book that’s now in paperback? (Which book is going to sit on the bargain rack collecting dust the longest-”The War on Christmas”, or “Help Mom!Blah Blah Blah Blah LiberalsBad Blah Blah”?)
And wasn’t the request for plain white napkins and paper plates simply a practical matter of being able to use the leftovers for any post holiday event?
By “gifted”, do they mean “special”?
K-Lo-IQ thought this subject was a waste of time, but wrote about it anyway? To plug a book that’s now in paperback? (Which book is going to sit on the bargain rack collecting dust the longest-”The War on Christmas”, or “Help Mom!Blah Blah Blah Blah LiberalsBad Blah Blah”?)
And wasn’t the request for plain white napkins and paper plates simply a practical matter of being able to use the leftovers for any post holiday event?
As proof of my claims, enclosed please find a dead rat.
That’s where my laughter woke up my partner. I made a feeble effort at the caption contests, but I can’t *begin* to do justice to that.
And why is Phyllis Schlafly pulling a donkey with Newt Gingrich on the cover of that book?
That’s where my laughter woke up my partner. I made a feeble effort at the caption contests, but I can’t *begin* to do justice to that.
And why is Phyllis Schlafly pulling a donkey with Newt Gingrich on the cover of that book?
This has gone meta, right? Like Andy Kaufmann or Borat.
No?
Christ on a cracker I hate people.
First coffee will change that, maybe.
No?
Christ on a cracker I hate people.
First coffee will change that, maybe.
“Why is Phyllis Schlafley pulling a donkey with Newt Gingrich on the cover of that book?”
They needs it for a live act they’re planning. (shudder, I just grossed myself out.)
They needs it for a live act they’re planning. (shudder, I just grossed myself out.)
I admit grossing people out was the point. Hey, I had the image in my head, it’s only fair to spread it around. (I suspect it’s actually supposed to be Al Gore and Hillary Clinton, but holy shit, republicans can’t draw. The secret to good propaganda is art first, children. *Then* message. One’s clever satire rather withers when no one can tell at whom it is aimed.)
\”Al Snore\”? \”Congresswoman Clunkton\”? Hahahahaha! It\’s true, conservatives are funnier. I certainly couldn\’t come up with something half as witty as that
Then there\’s cartoonist Sean Delonis, who\’s not only a crappy artist and a poor satirist, but is also just plain offensive. What the fuck is the point of THIS cartoon?
http://www.goodasyou.org/good_as_you/
2006/12/in_which_sean_d.html
http://www.goodasyou.org/good_as_you/
2006/12/in_which_sean_d.html
Bill S.,
I read your comment as “why is Phyllis Schlafly pulling a donkey out of Newt Gingrich on the cover of that book.” A thought which scarred me, and with which I now hope to scar all of you.
Also, since Lebrecht has written again (how long do you think it takes her to squat one of these out?) maybe it’s time to bring back my old favorite forthcoming book in her series, Help Mom, There Are Fundies in My Undies!
I read your comment as “why is Phyllis Schlafly pulling a donkey out of Newt Gingrich on the cover of that book.” A thought which scarred me, and with which I now hope to scar all of you.
Also, since Lebrecht has written again (how long do you think it takes her to squat one of these out?) maybe it’s time to bring back my old favorite forthcoming book in her series, Help Mom, There Are Fundies in My Undies!
We also burn anything that looks like it might be a non-secular Christmas card, all Sears catalogs, and all the Nobel Prize nominations going out to Fox News personalities.
please forward us a gross of your latest tome to make up for the paper shortage in our facilities
please forward us a gross of your latest tome to make up for the paper shortage in our facilities
My link got goofed up a bit. I don’t feel like copying it again, so if you click on it, you’ll have to scroll down a bit. In any case, Sean’s cartoon is about Danny DeVito’s recent drunken appearance on “The View”. For no reason than I can think of, (other than “Delonis is a total dick”), it has a grotesquely gianormous Rosie O’Donnell asking, “Are you drunk?” and DeVito imagining her as a waifish babe. I honestly don’t know what’s supposed to be funny about this.
If there’s a “Political Cartoonist” category in the WE STILL HAVEN’T FORGOTTEN ABOUT IT! “Ultimate Wingnut” contest, I think this guy is a strong canidate. He’s truly an asshole.
If there’s a “Political Cartoonist” category in the WE STILL HAVEN’T FORGOTTEN ABOUT IT! “Ultimate Wingnut” contest, I think this guy is a strong canidate. He’s truly an asshole.
That cartoon is really just sad. Are they implying that diversity and global warming aren’t a problem? And what the hell is stinky French cheese supposed to symbolize, anyway? Right, because when I think of liberals, I think of cheese and global warming. Warming and global cheesing? Warm, diverse cheese? Get us a basin, we’re going to be sick!
Napkins, white and otherwise… That reminds me of 1984, when I was still living in Quebec City. Sue, the woman who’d later become my wife, flew in to spend Xmas with me, and we had a traditional meal with my family. At some point, Sue leaned over and asked where the napkins were and I said that we didn’t use those. Napkins are the Devil’s Instrument and encourage people not to be careful with spilling crumbs all over the table. Let’s ban all napkins.
Bill, the point of that cartoon is obviously that Rosie is fat and people she likes are lushes. If you were a conservative, that’d be *hi-larious*.
Sorry, I can’t read any further than that act of ‘hateful bahumbuggery’, of which liberals are notbeing randomly accused. Lurid possibilities. A sick mind.
I can’t wait for the follow-up:
“Help, There Are Wingnuts In My Christmas!”
Can Jesus save his holiday, intended to be a celebration of love and peace, from the ideological clutches of a pack of hypocritical, self-important demagogues intent on steamrolling over everyone in his name? Will his famous Divine Loaves-And-Fishes Fist be enough to defend himself from the likes of Bill O’Whiny, John Getsbent, and the infamous Bob “Not The Famous One” Marley? Will he save pwecious widdle children from the evil clutches of the non-existent secular threat? Only these pages — which rival Jack Chick for their sheer ugliness and pure, unadulterated level of hack — and a cool $49.95 will ever let you know! Buy now or you’re a heathen commie liberal scumbag!
Coming soon to the “Humor” section of your local Borders Store.
“Help, There Are Wingnuts In My Christmas!”
Can Jesus save his holiday, intended to be a celebration of love and peace, from the ideological clutches of a pack of hypocritical, self-important demagogues intent on steamrolling over everyone in his name? Will his famous Divine Loaves-And-Fishes Fist be enough to defend himself from the likes of Bill O’Whiny, John Getsbent, and the infamous Bob “Not The Famous One” Marley? Will he save pwecious widdle children from the evil clutches of the non-existent secular threat? Only these pages — which rival Jack Chick for their sheer ugliness and pure, unadulterated level of hack — and a cool $49.95 will ever let you know! Buy now or you’re a heathen commie liberal scumbag!
Coming soon to the “Humor” section of your local Borders Store.
Sorry, “some guy,” but you mailmen are now called “letter carriers.”
Saving Xmas from the fruitcakes…
Dear John,
I am a mailman in a small midwestern town …
When did John Gibson become the editor of the Penthouse Forum?
(Not that I’d know anything about that.)
I am a mailman in a small midwestern town …
When did John Gibson become the editor of the Penthouse Forum?
(Not that I’d know anything about that.)
Dear John,
I have iron-fisted proof of the war on CHRISTmas. I, along with some other Christian parents planned to decorate this large pine tree outside our children’s school. The pine had been planted a few years back as an “environmental” project of one science class led by a long-haired hippie type who bought into all that leftist science nonsense. God I hate him. But I digress…
Anyway, we true Christians had decided to use this monument of unGodliness as a Christmas tree this year. But one of the other parents brat kids must have ratted us out to the principal. Because a couple of days before we were going to sneak in at night and string up the required red and green lights and large ornaments shaped like the godly Santa Claus, that secularist principal (whose name sound a little French to me) cut down the tree. This happened over the Thanksgiving holiday. I guess that atheist/french principal was giving thanks to Satan.
He told us all that the reason he cut it down was because it had become infested with some kind of nasty beetle which killed the tree. He called it a “Southern Pine Beetle” I know that has to be a lie because we of the South are all genteel, except when it comes to Northern Aggression. He then said he didn’t want the infestation to spread to other pine trees on the school grounds. He used as “proof” the blessed pine tree had died was that all the needles had turned brown and began to fall off. But I know the truth, he snuck out and painted the entire tree brown. (The same color as those terrorists who hate us and our God!)
I know that what he said was a lie to prevent us from carrying out our plan to bring Christmas and pretty red and green lights to our school and hopefully convert some of those heathen teachers over to the love and peace of Jesus. We will not go quietly though! THIS IS WAR!!! A WAR ON CHRISTMAS!!!!!1! And we will not be like those hippie peaceniks who lost us our war in Iraq against all those heathen brown muslims. We will not rest until either they all come to the peace and love of Christ, or die at the end of our swords!
Thanks John for making this incident known to the world.
(signed)
Betty Sue Briggs-Stratton
I have iron-fisted proof of the war on CHRISTmas. I, along with some other Christian parents planned to decorate this large pine tree outside our children’s school. The pine had been planted a few years back as an “environmental” project of one science class led by a long-haired hippie type who bought into all that leftist science nonsense. God I hate him. But I digress…
Anyway, we true Christians had decided to use this monument of unGodliness as a Christmas tree this year. But one of the other parents brat kids must have ratted us out to the principal. Because a couple of days before we were going to sneak in at night and string up the required red and green lights and large ornaments shaped like the godly Santa Claus, that secularist principal (whose name sound a little French to me) cut down the tree. This happened over the Thanksgiving holiday. I guess that atheist/french principal was giving thanks to Satan.
He told us all that the reason he cut it down was because it had become infested with some kind of nasty beetle which killed the tree. He called it a “Southern Pine Beetle” I know that has to be a lie because we of the South are all genteel, except when it comes to Northern Aggression. He then said he didn’t want the infestation to spread to other pine trees on the school grounds. He used as “proof” the blessed pine tree had died was that all the needles had turned brown and began to fall off. But I know the truth, he snuck out and painted the entire tree brown. (The same color as those terrorists who hate us and our God!)
I know that what he said was a lie to prevent us from carrying out our plan to bring Christmas and pretty red and green lights to our school and hopefully convert some of those heathen teachers over to the love and peace of Jesus. We will not go quietly though! THIS IS WAR!!! A WAR ON CHRISTMAS!!!!!1! And we will not be like those hippie peaceniks who lost us our war in Iraq against all those heathen brown muslims. We will not rest until either they all come to the peace and love of Christ, or die at the end of our swords!
Thanks John for making this incident known to the world.
(signed)
Betty Sue Briggs-Stratton
I thought the point of the cartoon was that Devito has “beer googles” and imagines Rosie as attractive.
You and your readers may well enjoy our clearinghouse of war on Christmas controversy, an equal opportunity lampoon of the hoopla from all quarters…
War on the War on Christmas at http://waroc.wordpress.com
You are all welcome to leave links to Christmas related posts over there… I’ll put a link to this!
Merry Whatever!
War on the War on Christmas at http://waroc.wordpress.com
You are all welcome to leave links to Christmas related posts over there… I’ll put a link to this!
Merry Whatever!
Hysterical Woman, that’s not particularly clever or funny (I don’t think you were suggesting it was.) But I find the outstanding irony of that cartoon is that Delonis is saying you’d have to be incredibly plastered to find Rosie O’Donnell a “babe”, yet he depicts the “real” Rosie as so grotesquely overweight she doesn’t even look human. In other words, HIS image of her is far more distorted than the image “drunk Danny” has of her. That’s what makes the cartoon offensive, and what make Sean Delonis an asshole on a par with Mike S. Adams.
As my firstborn is returning home for the [Christmas] holidays after his first semester at college, I am sadly afflicted with uncharacteristic Christmas spirit.
Let me make something very clear — as a former worker in the theatrical entertainment field and for a municipal event venue, I have spent over twenty years decorating lamp-posts and food courts with lights and wreaths for two weeks beginning on Veterans Day, changing scenery for endless productions of “The Nutcracker”, stage managing hundreds of Christmas Holiday concerts by high school students, and forklifting exhibit cases for endless years of Winter Wonderland Gift Shows. Christmas spells W-O-R-K in my world. By December 23rd, I have had it with snowmen, pine boughs, rum-pa-pum-pums, growing Christmas trees, Sugar Plum fairies, and herald angels.
Yet this year, with Firstborn coming home, I am actually contemplating with pleasure the idea of having that Christmas tree set up in the living room, the cookies all freshly baked and decorated; the lights strung on the entrance gate to our house……
Sob!
Let me make something very clear — as a former worker in the theatrical entertainment field and for a municipal event venue, I have spent over twenty years decorating lamp-posts and food courts with lights and wreaths for two weeks beginning on Veterans Day, changing scenery for endless productions of “The Nutcracker”, stage managing hundreds of Christmas Holiday concerts by high school students, and forklifting exhibit cases for endless years of Winter Wonderland Gift Shows. Christmas spells W-O-R-K in my world. By December 23rd, I have had it with snowmen, pine boughs, rum-pa-pum-pums, growing Christmas trees, Sugar Plum fairies, and herald angels.
Yet this year, with Firstborn coming home, I am actually contemplating with pleasure the idea of having that Christmas tree set up in the living room, the cookies all freshly baked and decorated; the lights strung on the entrance gate to our house……
Sob!
Oh, Bill. Be fair. It’s almost a given that’s not the *only* thing that makes Delonis an asshole.
But it is a pretty good insight, both of you. I just took from the cartoon a “Haw haw, liberals can’t even manage a teevee show, and they think they can run Congress!” punchline. Either I’m giving them too little credit, or you’re giving them too much credit.
But it is a pretty good insight, both of you. I just took from the cartoon a “Haw haw, liberals can’t even manage a teevee show, and they think they can run Congress!” punchline. Either I’m giving them too little credit, or you’re giving them too much credit.
Dear John:
The town of Pahrump, Nevada has passed an ordinance forbidding any public employee from wishing anyone Feliz Navidad!
(This is technically true- Pahrump passed an English-only law last month. Wouldn’t it be great to see a Fox-jihad against that?)
The town of Pahrump, Nevada has passed an ordinance forbidding any public employee from wishing anyone Feliz Navidad!
(This is technically true- Pahrump passed an English-only law last month. Wouldn’t it be great to see a Fox-jihad against that?)
Well, D. Sidhe, that raises a “chicken or egg?” question: Is the guy an asshole because he sees overweight women as inhumanly grotesque, or does he see women as inhumanly grotesque because he’s an asshole?
that should have read: “or does he see overweight women as inhumanly grotesque because he’s an asshole?”
I really have got to thoroughly re-read stuff before submitting it.
I really have got to thoroughly re-read stuff before submitting it.
Dear John,
My PBS station is so anti-Christmas, they dropped “The Red Green Show.”
My PBS station is so anti-Christmas, they dropped “The Red Green Show.”
You know, maybe I am as evil a Liberal as they say because I couldn’t help but chuckle that Miss Bardin’s pageant includes an ‘obliging Donkey’.
Oh I’ve seen those kind of pageants before.
Oh I’ve seen those kind of pageants before.
Comment on the “locking up red and green construction paper until January” story:
Does it not occur to that woman that they locked up the paper so parents or other volunteers wouldn’t steal it? Cause, you know, teachers usually have the key to the supply closet…
Does it not occur to that woman that they locked up the paper so parents or other volunteers wouldn’t steal it? Cause, you know, teachers usually have the key to the supply closet…
Oh, the points you get for that, Dr BDH…
No comments:
Post a Comment