I love the taste of wingnut in the morning. It tastes like crazy!
Let’s start out our puupuu platter with a taste of “Extolling the female tongue.” Caveat: as Steve M. warned us, it isn’t as good as it sounds. However, we believe that roving tennis bum/super spy Selwyn Duke could someday be the new Carey “Pop” Roberts, so we are going to give him a couple of minutes to make his point.
Next up is Marie JonApostrophe with her take on the War on Christmas.Trees, “Losing Christ to Christmas.”
Now the RenewAmerica Forum wishes to pose a series of leading hypothetical questions. But before you answer, I do have to advise you that anything you might say could be used against you in a court of law, so I’d recomend you have an attorney present during questioning.
In any case, I wish Renew America all the best with their plan to restrict the posts which they find disruptive or troublesome (but remember, kids, when liberals do this to conservatives, it’s called “violating their first amendment rights.”) I hope it helps them to get back to their core mission of educating and strengthening America’swingnuts grassroots.
For a change of pace, here’s Kevin Fobbs with “New Congress should guarantee faith leaders freedom of speech.”
Nobody does it better.
Lastly, here’s Fee Benamon with a little number called “Compromising our Christian faith.”
And that concludes our little appetizer platter. I hope you have enjoyed reading it as much as I did reading page after page of badly-written drivel over at the Renew America site.
Let’s start out our puupuu platter with a taste of “Extolling the female tongue.” Caveat: as Steve M. warned us, it isn’t as good as it sounds. However, we believe that roving tennis bum/super spy Selwyn Duke could someday be the new Carey “Pop” Roberts, so we are going to give him a couple of minutes to make his point.
Man has long known that women were the more loquacious sex, and you’ve probably heard of studies to this effect. A recent book states women have about 20,000 “communication events” (I love these terms the psycho-babblers conjure up) a day, versus about 7,000 for men. But this is nothing new; who didn’t know a bevy of garrulous girls in school?Yeah, who needs studies when we can all rely on our elementary school experiences with girl cooties?
What is new is the assumption that this imputes superiority to women. […]
What seems to escape most is that this modern exaltation of the lip lies in stark contrast to what wisdom has taught since time immemorial. And the truth she imparts is obvious, which is why sayings encapsulating it abound: “Still waters run deep,” “Empty kettles make the most noise,” “Shallow brooks are noisy” and “There are two kinds of people who don’t say much, those who are quiet and those who talk a lot.”
[…]
To be quite blunt myself, yes, I subscribe to the traditional idea that women are chatterboxes and it’s not their best trait. […]
My mother used to teach us that “Speech is silver, silence is golden.”What is with Selwyn and the many wise old sayings all about shutting the hell up? Quite a chatterbox, isn’t he?
Next up is Marie JonApostrophe with her take on the War on Christmas.Trees, “Losing Christ to Christmas.”
In this vein, Santa Claus and Frosty the Snowman — beloved and excepted as they are by almost all — are not the reason for the season. December 25 is probably not even the actual birth date of Jesus. But that is what the Federal Government had mandated in 1870 when making Christmas a federally recognized holiday, thereby making any other date officially mote, as it is “the” date.Hey, I make no exceptions for Santa and Frosty! But I do cede Marie’s point about how Jesus probably wasn’t actually born on the same day as the pagan holiday that the early Christian missionaries wanted to co-opt. But that point is now officially a mote (and not a beam) since a declaration of the Federal Government supersedes the truth, so I guess Jesus actually WAS born on the 25th of December
To this writer, Rabbi Bogomilsky, who is undoubtedly wed to his faith as I am to mine, looked to be offended, and so he was. The mere existence of Christmas tress in the lobby of a Seattle airport is threatening to no one, and exalts no religion over another.I think that everyone, even a Rabbi, should be able to appreciate the existence of Christmas tress, especially tresses that are bouncin’ and behavin’.
So, now there is nothing. Is everybody happy now? Well, no, but maybe in this latest act of “the world revolves around my sensibilities, Christmas be damned,” maybe we can all start to see past the ribbons, stores, lights, and yes, Christmas trees.Yeah! What is it with these troublemakers, always looking to be offended because THEIR sensibilities aren’t being catered to? But let’s get beyond the way they selfishly tried to honor THEIR religion, Christmas be damned, and go back to boycotting Best Buy because they offended us by failing to honor our most cherished seasonal greeting.
Now the RenewAmerica Forum wishes to pose a series of leading hypothetical questions. But before you answer, I do have to advise you that anything you might say could be used against you in a court of law, so I’d recomend you have an attorney present during questioning.
Suppose there was a website that featured a wide-open discussion page. Suppose this “forum” allowed all takers to enter and post anything they wanted, until they became so obnoxious and inconsiderate that they forced the administrator to ban them out of respect for others at the forum.Hypothetically, I’d call this ”just another day on the internet,” and wonder why anybody found it interesting enough to write about. But do go on.
Suppose it became obvious long ago that many posters at the forum were disrupters whose sole purpose was to destroy the forum and the ideals upon which it was based, by continually challenging the very premises of our nation’s founding, especially those which center in the reality of God and the importance of His Word.Well, in that case I would say that Renew America should alert the FBI, since anybody who would challenge the premise that our nation was founded as a Christian republic governed by biblical laws is probably a commie.
Suppose, as a result, the forum often functioned at “cross purposes” with the national leader whose website sponsored the forum in a genuine effort to educate and strengthen America’s grassroots–and thus the forum often defeated its very reason for being.Wait a minute – the Renew America forum is functioning at “cross purposes” with Alan Keyes? I guess you CAN make a silk purse out of a sow’s ear!
In any case, I wish Renew America all the best with their plan to restrict the posts which they find disruptive or troublesome (but remember, kids, when liberals do this to conservatives, it’s called “violating their first amendment rights.”) I hope it helps them to get back to their core mission of educating and strengthening America’s
For a change of pace, here’s Kevin Fobbs with “New Congress should guarantee faith leaders freedom of speech.”
Nobody does it better.
It’s a little known fact that the U.S. Constitution promises you the right to tax-exempt status.In 2007 a new Congress has an opportunity to erase a law that has paralyzed faith leaders for over 50 years. In 1954 while the U.S. Supreme Court was using the historic “Brown v Board of Education” guaranteeing Blacks their basic U.S. Constitutional rights, then-Congressman Lyndon Baines Johnson, the future President of the United States, was initiating a law that would strip hundreds of thousands of religious leaders and their brothers and sisters in faith of the U.S. Constitutional Right to Freedom of Speech and thereby sentence them to self-imposed silence on political and moral issues of the day.
This one act of well-targeted political hubris literally paralyzed ministers under threat of possibly losing their churches if they spoke out from their pulpit about touchy political issues, hot social issues, or volatile moral issues of the day.Yes, these ministers are literally paralyzed by the possibility that they might have to pay taxes (apparently the phenomena works a little something like curare.) And anyway, why shouldn’t they use religion to endorse a particular political candidate or party? After all, didn’t Jesus use his Sermon on the Mount to tell his followers, “Render unto Caesar the things that are Caesar’s, and to God the things that are God’s, and then vote for Bob Davis, the guy who will revamp the tax code to ensure that none of your stuff is Caesar’s”?
It did not matter that this was a right ministers had enjoyed since before the formation of our nation.They enjoyed a U.S. Constitutional Right before the formation of our nation? I never knew that.
Now a new Congress has the opportunity to put an end to this tragic legacy of Lyndon Baines Johnson that has frozen free speech from the pulpit. The nation needs a “House of Worship Free Speech Restoration Act” bill as a Constitutional protected right for ministers of faith. My minister or your minister, rabbi, priest or religious leader should have their First Amendment rights restored. That should be a no-brainer.Because everyone with no brain agrees that churches SHOULD be used as subsidiaries of the Republican Party.
You’ve sat in your pew and watched your minister having to carefully craft the sermon so as to not step over the line that restricted him from saying what the spirit of God was telling him. For over 50 years a minister who wanted to speak out on Sunday morning against the issues of the day be it to hold a wayward political figure responsible for his or her stands on moral issues or an elected official who had abandoned the faith in pursuit of temporary political gain.Um, I think Kevin lost the end of his sentence. But instead of completing it for him (fun as it might be), I’ll just give him a link to the tax code, so he can read it before he embarrasses himself any further: Exemption Requirements.
Lastly, here’s Fee Benamon with a little number called “Compromising our Christian faith.”
I wanted to mention the conference and the above related articles because this is a trying time for Christians.Christmas time is always the hardest for the Christians.
Christians are being told they can’t openly express their faith for fear of offending someone. But last I checked, we still live in a free society (supposedly). People are scared a Christian will give them some good news. Nobody is going to fall over and die because Christians are sharing their faith.Yeah! And if it doesn’t kill you when your boss makes you face towards Meca and pray with him every morning, then there’s nothing wrong with it! And if it doesn’t kill kids to practice some pagan rituals during their public school’s Winter Soltice celebration, then everybody should shut the hell up about it, and just go with the flow! Quit being such babies, everybody!
And that concludes our little appetizer platter. I hope you have enjoyed reading it as much as I did reading page after page of badly-written drivel over at the Renew America site.
30 Responses to “A Taste of ‘Renew America’”
Christians can certainly openly celebrate their faith. I’m a pagan agnostic, and I don’t get offended by someone wishing me a “merry Christmas.” But the most “open celebrations” of Christianity are usually filled with hatred, homophobia, racism, and gynophobia. That, I take offense at.
You know what else offends me? Wing-nut bloggers who can’t be bothered to use a spell check program. “Tress” for “trees”? “Mote” for “moot”? Did this person even graduate high school?
You know what else offends me? Wing-nut bloggers who can’t be bothered to use a spell check program. “Tress” for “trees”? “Mote” for “moot”? Did this person even graduate high school?
Johnny M., the question I have is, did this “writer” have a competent copy editor?
Oh [smacks forehead with heel of hand], I forget of whom I’m speaking!!
And I’d like to share some quality time with Fee Benamon, who asserts, “No one is going to fall down and die because Christians are sharing their faith.” Well, perhaps not “die,” but it’s all some of us non-Xtians can do not to start screaming when some Xtian tells us that they have “good news.” And I’ll pass over the time I had to share a night in a hospital room with a deaf old lady who insisted on listening to the “700 Club” non-stop, full-blast…
Last time I heard that, I asked its bearer, “You mean the Redskins are going to the playoffs after all?” After a stunned silence, said Xtian scowled at me and then said that there wouldn’t be any football in the Fiery Pit.
“Oh good,” I replied, and strolled on.
Oh [smacks forehead with heel of hand], I forget of whom I’m speaking!!
And I’d like to share some quality time with Fee Benamon, who asserts, “No one is going to fall down and die because Christians are sharing their faith.” Well, perhaps not “die,” but it’s all some of us non-Xtians can do not to start screaming when some Xtian tells us that they have “good news.” And I’ll pass over the time I had to share a night in a hospital room with a deaf old lady who insisted on listening to the “700 Club” non-stop, full-blast…
Last time I heard that, I asked its bearer, “You mean the Redskins are going to the playoffs after all?” After a stunned silence, said Xtian scowled at me and then said that there wouldn’t be any football in the Fiery Pit.
“Oh good,” I replied, and strolled on.
Let’s learn Marie Jon some reading comprehension.
Rabbi Bogomilsky in Seattle wasn’t offended by the Christmas display. He asked the Seattle port authorities to add a menorah to the display. The port made a weird and stupid decision and removed the entire display, on the grounds that couldn’t be inclusive of “all religions.”
Of course, there’s only the two that have traditionally celebrated holidays at this time of year.
The rabbi didn’t demand the removal of the trees.
Rabbi Bogomilsky in Seattle wasn’t offended by the Christmas display. He asked the Seattle port authorities to add a menorah to the display. The port made a weird and stupid decision and removed the entire display, on the grounds that couldn’t be inclusive of “all religions.”
Of course, there’s only the two that have traditionally celebrated holidays at this time of year.
The rabbi didn’t demand the removal of the trees.
You know I love all you kids, I’ve just been so busy of late that I don’t have all the time I’d like to play with you…
But thanks so much for that heapin’ helpin’ of wingnut. Now I can face the rest of my silly day fearlessly!
But thanks so much for that heapin’ helpin’ of wingnut. Now I can face the rest of my silly day fearlessly!
a bevy of garrulous girls
Somebody please take that dictionary away from that person.
Somebody please take that dictionary away from that person.
Personally, as a Christian, I’m glad to see the War On Christmas!
Eventually, we’ll all get tired of the fucker, and stop competing to see who can out-Christmas the heathens down the block, store all those stupid lights that waste electricity and ruin the environment, stop cutting down trees (or tress…which reminds me, I need a haircut…) and sweeping needles two or three weeks later, and start having quiet family get togethers with an awful lot of the pressure off!
So, to Bill O’Reilly and John Gibson and the Christmas Goys, I say, “Bring It On!”
Eventually, we’ll all get tired of the fucker, and stop competing to see who can out-Christmas the heathens down the block, store all those stupid lights that waste electricity and ruin the environment, stop cutting down trees (or tress…which reminds me, I need a haircut…) and sweeping needles two or three weeks later, and start having quiet family get togethers with an awful lot of the pressure off!
So, to Bill O’Reilly and John Gibson and the Christmas Goys, I say, “Bring It On!”
Kevin Fobbs
Renew America
December 19, 2006
Dear Mr. Fobbs:
Your side lost. It was in all the papers.
Regards,
D. Riley
Renew America
December 19, 2006
Dear Mr. Fobbs:
Your side lost. It was in all the papers.
Regards,
D. Riley
Serge, we ought to refer to a “bevy of boys” and see how they take it.
Of course, if I were still a copy editor, I’d put “redundant” in the margin and insist that either “bevy” or “garrulous” had to go…
Of course, if I were still a copy editor, I’d put “redundant” in the margin and insist that either “bevy” or “garrulous” had to go…
“Bevy of garrulous girls” seriously sounds like something that was taken from ad copy for a Roger Corman film.
I’m an atheist, and I LOVE christmas! Easter, now there’s a dumb one, but christmas? Good food, giving gifts and talking/thinking about “Peace on Earth, Good Will Toward Men”, laughter and joy, fireplaces and decorations, and a week off leading up to NYE, the party o’ the year. I don’t get offended when someone whishes me Merry Christmas. I don’t get offended when my Brother in Law includes me in the Menora lighting ceremony and gives me Hebrew to butcher – er, read. I don’t pray or worship, but theres a great deal of secular pleasure to be found within “their” holy days, y’know?
mikey
mikey
Between the loquacious and garrulous, Selwyn seems to have stumbled onto a word-of-the-day calendar. Stay tuned for his next column where he ululates about the parvenues in next year’s Congress.
Marie Jon is priceless. With all the criticism of her writing skills over the years, you’d think she would take some of it seriously and make an effort to write better or at least have a competent editor review her “essays” prior to publication. But I’ve seen no improvement whatsoever in her writing skills over time. Is that even possible? Maybe she is a made-up character whose gig is to put out badly written conservative essays for their comedic value. They sure make me laugh. P.S. I love World ‘O Crap!
Actually, “garrulous girls” sounds like a Russ Meyer movie than it does a Corman opus.
As for “bevy of boys”… No, I won’t stoop to making Brokeback-Mountain jokes.
As for “bevy of boys”… No, I won’t stoop to making Brokeback-Mountain jokes.
A recent book states women have about 20,000 “communication events” (I love these terms the psycho-babblers conjure up) a day, versus about 7,000 for men. But this is nothing new; who didn’t know a bevy of garrulous girls in school?
Unfortunately, crap books that recycle popular stereotypes and bolster them with numbers pulled out of thin air are nothing new either.
The good linguists at LanguageLog have been trashing Louann Brizendine\’s book (The Female Brain) for a while.
http://itre.cis.upenn.edu/~myl/languagelog/
archives/003894.html#more
\”What are the facts about sex and talkativeness? There\’s an enormous amount of individual variation, and each individual talks more or less depending on mood and context. Against this background of variation, many studies have measured how much women talk, on average, compared to how much men talk, on average. The differences that they find between men and women as groups have always been small compared to the differences among men as individuals or among women as individuals. And more often than not, these small group differences actually show men talking a bit more than women do.\”
So Duke is passing on as truth the made-up numbers he read in a newspaper summary of a bullshit book; sneering at the author for telling him what he wants to hear, because he knows it already; and grabbing the chance to sneer at women in general for this habit they have in his preconceived world, of talking too much and not listening enough to him. Perhaps he deserves some sort of recognition for performing the hat-trick.
Unfortunately, crap books that recycle popular stereotypes and bolster them with numbers pulled out of thin air are nothing new either.
The good linguists at LanguageLog have been trashing Louann Brizendine\’s book (The Female Brain) for a while.
http://itre.cis.upenn.edu/~myl/languagelog/
archives/003894.html#more
\”What are the facts about sex and talkativeness? There\’s an enormous amount of individual variation, and each individual talks more or less depending on mood and context. Against this background of variation, many studies have measured how much women talk, on average, compared to how much men talk, on average. The differences that they find between men and women as groups have always been small compared to the differences among men as individuals or among women as individuals. And more often than not, these small group differences actually show men talking a bit more than women do.\”
So Duke is passing on as truth the made-up numbers he read in a newspaper summary of a bullshit book; sneering at the author for telling him what he wants to hear, because he knows it already; and grabbing the chance to sneer at women in general for this habit they have in his preconceived world, of talking too much and not listening enough to him. Perhaps he deserves some sort of recognition for performing the hat-trick.
So far the LanguageLog people have not bothered themselves with Marie Jon”s eccentric use of apostrophes. A pity.
Anyone – ANYONE – who gets their picture taken in that “Look at me, I’m in deep thought” pose that Duke goober’s rockin’ and does it seriously needs to be drug out in the street and slapped repeatedly. I’ve had newspaper columns before – it’s obviously not that damn hard – and I know how hard it is to get a headshot that doesn’t make you look like a total goober. And, since any dork pretentious enough to write a regular column requiring a headshot is generally a pretty big goober in the first place, it’s compounding at least a misdemeanor, to mangle a quote to hell and gone.
But that guy? That guy needs slapped. I betcha he’s written at least one column on how, when out dining or drinking, he tips ONLY if he gets EXCEPTIONAL service. I just betcha.
But that guy? That guy needs slapped. I betcha he’s written at least one column on how, when out dining or drinking, he tips ONLY if he gets EXCEPTIONAL service. I just betcha.
“this modern exaltation of the lip”
In a way, this could be a line from a Donne poem, but we know it’s not.
Good Lord. These people are really stupid. It just staggers the imagination.
And of course, the best thing about many of them, as has been noted before, is how their repression leaks out in their wonderfully creatodestructive use of English.
In a way, this could be a line from a Donne poem, but we know it’s not.
Good Lord. These people are really stupid. It just staggers the imagination.
And of course, the best thing about many of them, as has been noted before, is how their repression leaks out in their wonderfully creatodestructive use of English.
Newsflash for Marie Jon’: Many, many Christmas trees all over Washington State–including ones on private property, and in private, Christian, family homes–have been cast into darkness for days now! Along with Nativity scenes! Baby Jesus! In the dark! Also, many citizens have been deprived for days of the gift of Christmas television specials and Christian programming! And not even able to read Renew America and other Godly internet sites! And the heathen government bastards blame it on God*! I demand a number of semi-hysterical War On Christmas! columns. Otherwise, Baby Jesus will cry. In the dark. With no one watching.
(* I swear. The power company guy said “act of God”.)
(* I swear. The power company guy said “act of God”.)
D. Sidhe,
I’m a raving moonbat atheist living right across the sound from Seattle and god didn’t take my power. We had a fully lit xmass tree throughout. It couldn’t have been an act of god – If it was he’d have deprived me of heat and power. The dude from the power company lied to you. It was islamomexinaziliberalhomosexathiestfascist weather control aimed at destroying xmass.
I’m a raving moonbat atheist living right across the sound from Seattle and god didn’t take my power. We had a fully lit xmass tree throughout. It couldn’t have been an act of god – If it was he’d have deprived me of heat and power. The dude from the power company lied to you. It was islamomexinaziliberalhomosexathiestfascist weather control aimed at destroying xmass.
Wow! This 1954 law that stripped preachers of their First Amendment Rights is really scary. That is why there was no Montgomery bus boycott in 1955 that thrust the REVEREND Martin Luther King, Jr. into the leadership of the national Civil Rights Movement. And it must also be why one of the main bodies that organized that movement wasn’t an organization of preachers, the Southern Christian Leadership Conference (SCLC), and why churches weren’t at the center of pretty much every locality involved in the movement.
Huh. None of that happened because preachers can’t be politically active.
Huh. None of that happened because preachers can’t be politically active.
It did not matter that this was a right ministers had enjoyed since before the formation of our nation.
This is true. Before this country was founded ministers were killed, beaten, driven from their homes and much more for saying the wrong thing but they never had their tax exempt status eliminated (because they generally didn’t have tax exempt status).
This is true. Before this country was founded ministers were killed, beaten, driven from their homes and much more for saying the wrong thing but they never had their tax exempt status eliminated (because they generally didn’t have tax exempt status).
All the news coverage I’ve seen has indicated that Rabbi Bogomilsky was actually rather suprised at the airport’s bafflingly idiotic decision.
I didn’t think about this story being mangled by the lower rungs of the right-wing propaganda machine, but I should have.
I didn’t think about this story being mangled by the lower rungs of the right-wing propaganda machine, but I should have.
In 2007 a new Congress has an opportunity to erase a law that has paralyzed faith leaders for over 50 years.
psst, dude, didn’t you hear? you’ve had the repuglicans in total control for the last ~6 years and in control of Congress for the last 12. shouldn’t you have thought of that before now? or did you have to wait until it’s been over 50 years to really get a total snit worked up?
psst, dude, didn’t you hear? you’ve had the repuglicans in total control for the last ~6 years and in control of Congress for the last 12. shouldn’t you have thought of that before now? or did you have to wait until it’s been over 50 years to really get a total snit worked up?
Um.
Uh.
I didn’t even finish Marie’s entire misspelled/misused/clusterfucked excuse for “writing” before I was stricken blind.
Hopefully, my sight will return before I forget my finger placement on the keyboard…
There’s no point in asking HOW IN THE *FUCK* DID THIS FLAMING BLEEDING FUCKIN’ MORON GET A **JOB** AS A WRITER?!???!?!?!?!, anymore, is it. That’s their target hiring demographic, apparently — makes their “readership” not seem quite so INBRED/MOUTH-BREATHING/KNUCKLE-DRAGGING STUPID AND/OR ILLITERATE!!!!!!!!
My eyesight had better come back soon, S.Z. — elsewise, how will I ever defend myself from an entire TOWN FULL of THOSE SAME EXACT IDJITS?!?!?!!
Uh.
I didn’t even finish Marie’s entire misspelled/misused/clusterfucked excuse for “writing” before I was stricken blind.
Hopefully, my sight will return before I forget my finger placement on the keyboard…
There’s no point in asking HOW IN THE *FUCK* DID THIS FLAMING BLEEDING FUCKIN’ MORON GET A **JOB** AS A WRITER?!???!?!?!?!, anymore, is it. That’s their target hiring demographic, apparently — makes their “readership” not seem quite so INBRED/MOUTH-BREATHING/KNUCKLE-DRAGGING STUPID AND/OR ILLITERATE!!!!!!!!
My eyesight had better come back soon, S.Z. — elsewise, how will I ever defend myself from an entire TOWN FULL of THOSE SAME EXACT IDJITS?!?!?!!
In a way, this could be a line from a Donne poem, but we know it’s not.
More like Blake, I think…
What is it men in women do require
This modern exaltation of the lip
What is it women do in men require
Something something Freudian slip
And now I have compared Duke to Blake, so I must perform penances according to the customs of my people. There will be hair shirts, and flagellation, and excessive amounts of akvavit.
More like Blake, I think…
What is it men in women do require
This modern exaltation of the lip
What is it women do in men require
Something something Freudian slip
And now I have compared Duke to Blake, so I must perform penances according to the customs of my people. There will be hair shirts, and flagellation, and excessive amounts of akvavit.
that point is now officially a mote (and not a beam) since a declaration of the Federal Government supercedes the truth
If you’re going to ridicule MarieJon for confusing “moot” and “mote” (as you should), it’s best to spell “supersede” correctly.
If you’re going to ridicule MarieJon for confusing “moot” and “mote” (as you should), it’s best to spell “supersede” correctly.
Marie Jon’ found, on Christmas morn,
A different gift than the expected porn,
A gift certificate for a copy-editor, and quite a sight to see,
Hers to use, and likely abuse, for one month (or three!),
“I’ll treasure this always-it’ll make me a better writer!”
So she set to work on a column, and made it a one-nighter,
“Here it is, Mr. Editor, it’s about Jesus and Mary, womb-babies and God,
“And how those who don’t like them are really just clods,”
“Alright, Ms. Jon’, I’ll check for mistakes,”
“Mistakes?” she cried, she was clearly appalled,
“I was misinformed about what a editor does,” she bawled,
“Don’t fret, love, if it’s your first time, I’ll be gentle,”
She just stared at him as if he were completely mental,
“Hm, ‘beloved and excepted,’ ‘oficially mote,’
“Try and make sense,” with a blue pencil he wrote,
Marie’s lids fluttered from the sight of all the blue,
Said she, “What are you, Mister, some kind of Jew?”
“I’m a Unitarian, Miss, if that’s any of your biz,”
Marie whipped out her badge from the O.F.A.L.* and assured him, “It IS!!1!”
So, off thugs dragged him, tied up in knots,
Soon to face the administration’s new torture’bots,
“Treat him right, boys, we don’t want him in pain,
“I think he’s a sissy,” so they jerked on his chains,
Years later, he was still missing, though rumor had it,
He was turning tricks to support his Sadly, No! habit,
In reality, he’d been ground up and made into cat food,
And, as fates go, that’s pretty darned harsh, dude,
Marie smiled to herself, pondering his fate,
It was Christmastide once more, and everything was great!
.
.
*Office of Females Against Larnin’.
A different gift than the expected porn,
A gift certificate for a copy-editor, and quite a sight to see,
Hers to use, and likely abuse, for one month (or three!),
“I’ll treasure this always-it’ll make me a better writer!”
So she set to work on a column, and made it a one-nighter,
“Here it is, Mr. Editor, it’s about Jesus and Mary, womb-babies and God,
“And how those who don’t like them are really just clods,”
“Alright, Ms. Jon’, I’ll check for mistakes,”
“Mistakes?” she cried, she was clearly appalled,
“I was misinformed about what a editor does,” she bawled,
“Don’t fret, love, if it’s your first time, I’ll be gentle,”
She just stared at him as if he were completely mental,
“Hm, ‘beloved and excepted,’ ‘oficially mote,’
“Try and make sense,” with a blue pencil he wrote,
Marie’s lids fluttered from the sight of all the blue,
Said she, “What are you, Mister, some kind of Jew?”
“I’m a Unitarian, Miss, if that’s any of your biz,”
Marie whipped out her badge from the O.F.A.L.* and assured him, “It IS!!1!”
So, off thugs dragged him, tied up in knots,
Soon to face the administration’s new torture’bots,
“Treat him right, boys, we don’t want him in pain,
“I think he’s a sissy,” so they jerked on his chains,
Years later, he was still missing, though rumor had it,
He was turning tricks to support his Sadly, No! habit,
In reality, he’d been ground up and made into cat food,
And, as fates go, that’s pretty darned harsh, dude,
Marie smiled to herself, pondering his fate,
It was Christmastide once more, and everything was great!
.
.
*Office of Females Against Larnin’.
Oops. After…
“Alright, Ms. Jon’, I’ll check for mistakes,”There should be a line like…
“Is this piece genuine, or is it a fake?”So, there!
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