The World O' Crap Archive

Welcome to the Collected World O' Crap, a comprehensive library of posts from the original Salon Blog, and our successor site, world-o-crap.com (2006 to 2010).

Current posts can be found here.

Saturday, May 21, 2011

Merry Christmas!

I truly mean the greeting as a wish that today will be a happy day for all of you, and that at least a little of the peace, joy, and good will that the day is supposed to engender in humanity will come your way.  (And I hate it that I now have to explain this, thanks to the efforts of the Chistmas Warrior Weenies.)  I truly love you guys and gals, and you are a very important part of my life, so I do wish you all the best.  I’d invite you over for homemade gingerbread and to play with the pets, but I don’t think you’d want to make the trip.  But take care, and try not to kill anyone unless you take the proper precautions against blood stains.  (And here’s a hint: the same enzyme-based products that remove pet urine from carpets will also get rid of other biological stains, such as blood — however, you should probably use bleach on hard surfaces, since it destroys DNA.)And now, to deliver our special Christmas thought for this year, is Kaye Grogan, with True meaning of Christmas under fire.”
We are being told it is offensive to people of other cultures to display Nativity Scenes in public or say Merry Christmas instead of Happy Holidays.Is this the price we are paying for giving foreigners the opportunity to come to America for a better life?
Yeah, damn it, they come to OUR country and complain about how our religious beliefs are being promoted in the public square, and their’s aren’t.  It’s like they want to be treated like equals or something!  In America!
If the “politically correct” crowd had their druthers — Christmas would be abolished period. But thank goodness Christians are beginning to awaken from their stupor and are gearing up to battle with the anti-Christmas groups — who are headstrong and have a salacious appetite to defeat Christianity.
Okay, now Kaye is starting to sound a little nutty, so let’s skip right to her special Christmas poem.
Baby JesusInstead of a beautiful palace Baby Jesus was born in a stable and laid in a lowly manger.
As the Christ child laid sleeping…Mary and Joseph felt impending danger.
In the heavens above everyone was rejoicing and elated.
But they knew as soon as the news broke…the baby would be reviled and hated.
Mary stared in awe at her child and felt love beyond compare.
She knew they must go into hiding, so another journey they must prepare.
Soon news of the Newborn King’s birth traveled throughout all the lands.
But instead of widespread joyfulness…many pagan rulers were making assassination plans.
In the distance wise men were preparing for their long journey…to bring Baby Jesus gifts.
They knew it would be challenging to get there through the wilderness and snowdrifts.
As the baby awoke from its long nap Mary fed him and held him tightly in her loving arms.
She knew it was time to take her child and flee…for many wished him great harm.
They followed the guiding star to where they would be safe and secure.
They knew that God would look after them and give them strength to endure.
Now over two thousand years later there are those who still despise to hear of Jesus’ birth.
But no matter how they try to attack the true meaning of Christmas…
Once again… the great tidings bring forth great joy and mirth.
Kaye is truly a poet beyond compare!  My favorite part is where the wise men travel through the snowdrifts of Iran, Israel, Egypt, etc. to get to their presents to baby Jesus.  But I also like the way the line about the assassination plans scans.  I don’t know how anyone could despise to hear of Kaye’s poetry.
Anyway, from all of us at Wo’C (and from Kaye) have …yourself a merry … little Christmas now.
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23 Responses to “Merry Christmas!”



We’re having a nice quiet day–no mail, no phone calls–in our usual way here at Casa Biscuitbarrel. I make Belgian waffles for a very late breakfast, and we’re looking forward to a trip to Chinatown at dinnertime.
A happy day to you all!
But thank goodness Christians are beginning to awaken from their stupor[...]
I wouldn’t bet on that, Kaye, sweetie. In that respect, I’ll bet Christmas remains like all the 364 other days–stuporiffic! Still…
To all our most batshit insane beloved wingnuts out there, a sincere Merry Christmas. And that goes as well for all the World O’ Crap reguals and irregulars! I hope ’06 was good for you and yours, and that ’07 will bring even better!
To anyone not included in those previous categories, Fairy Sex Mess! And, ya hafta wait a week for the second half of that!
I had Reese’s peanut butter cups, cheese and crackers, and cinnamon hazlenut coffee for breakfast. The cat is curled up asleep in a sunbeam, and we are watching “Oh Brother Where Art Thou”, in which George Clooney delivers one of the best lines in film history when he says, “Consider the lillies of the goddamn field.” Ah, the season of joy!
happy happy merry merry to all.
regulars–damnit, can’t I even do an x-mas greeting without typos‽‽
I think “Brain OS” was written by the sane idiots responsible for Windows ME.
wilderness and snowdrifts?
As an atheist, this poem doesn’t offend me. As a writer, it offends me.
“But take care, and try not to kill anyone unless you take the proper precautions against blood stains. (And here’s a hint: the same enzyme-based products that remove pet urine from carpets will also get rid of other biological stains, such as blood — however, you should probably use bleach on hard surfaces, since it destroys DNA.)”
SEE???!?!?
THAT is why I love this place!!!
“a salacious appetite to defeat Christianity.”
Gawddammit, Kaye, ya nailed me! And her I thunk, all of this time, that I was being SUBTLE about it!
And y’know, I’ve never particularly taken to poetry as a genre, except when I’m hacking out my meagre attempts, but I gotta tellya, if there’s anybody else out there “writing” (cough!-HACK!-cough!) like little Kaysie-Poo here, then poetry is bound for a long and painful death.
Would that the same fate befall Kaye — and SOON.
Snowdrifts.
Jeebus fucking christ on a cracker with a side of fucking horseradish.
I guess that Kaye went to public school in Texas, eh? No, wait, she’s too old for “No Child’s Behind Left” — mebbe she was homeschooled… By people who think that Nawth ‘Murka is the only continent that matters…
HERE I thunk.
Dammit.
Oh, and yeah, back at y’all on all of the nice, sappy sentiments.
Really.
And especial thanks to S.Z. for those hints about removing bloodstains… A woman after my own charred, scarred, gnarled chunk of coal that I call my heart.
How disappointed do you suppose the Christmas Warriors will be if no one wishes them “Happy Holidays” and they have to find something else to be annoyed about? Happy Holidays, then, K…a{y}e! Because you know you love it.
And to the rest of you, as well. We’re off to see something my partner has picked out, and then there will be potstickers and almond chicken. After that, we’ll probably come home and watch another movie. I have kind of a yen to see “Alien” again.
Peace on earth and war in space and homemade gingerbread to all.
A holiday couplet in the manner and meter of Que? Grogan:
I wish Kaye and all a Merry Christmas,
While also wishing I was standing on a bit of land sufficiently narrow that geologically speaking it ought to be called a peninsula, no wait, I mean an isthmus.
You got heart, kid. Bringing laughter to my bleak house is no small feat, but you deliver the goods on a daily basis. Blessings to all and god damn us, every one.
hey s.-
I think the pro-xmas warriors have gone on the (even more) offensive and attacked with italic rays on almost the entire blog. I blame Marie Jon’ (apostrophe italicised on
Is Kaye Grogan perhaps part Vogon?
It would really make a lot of sense.
Anyway, Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to everyone here!
D. Sidhe asked: \”How disappointed do you suppose the Christmas Warriors will be if no one wishes them \’Happy Holidays\’ and they have to find something else to be annoyed about?\”
BRACE THYSELF.
http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/
html/politics/2003491751_wars23.html
(quote)
Fundraising (selling \”War On Christmas\” kits) went so well that the religious right plans to branch out. Next up: the war on Easter.
Scouts for the American Family Association, based in Tupelo, Miss., have an eye out for stores that promote \”spring baskets\” or \”spring bonnets\” instead of celebrating Christ\’s resurrection. The group has a stash of Easter buttons, featuring three gold crosses and the words \”He Lives.\”
They\’ll go on sale just after New Year\’s.
(quote)
…You can throw up if you want to. You\’ll feel better.
Thank you, Happenstance, I shall. Any other stolen holidays they’d like to demand exclusive rights to?
I wish Kaye and all a Merry Christmas,
While also wishing I was standing on a bit of land sufficiently narrow that geologically speaking it ought to be called a peninsula, no wait, I mean an isthmus.

Whig, that may be the best poem I’ve ever read. If you don’t get a Nobel for that one, there is no justice in the world.
well, he’s not the first to rhyme them, but good to see the great tradition carried on
From Cape Canaveral clear to the Isthmus
The monsters spelled out “Merry Christmas”

s.z., I think you edited Mary Kaye Grogan and took out all those punctuation bits that I like so much. That’s like taking the Chris right out of Christmas, yaknow.
Oh, and I don’t think I realized till now how appropriate it is that grogan is slang for a turd.
Merry Pawprints and Happy Furries!
Thx, D. Hope everyone’s enjoying the second day of IsaacNewtonMas!
“same,” damnit, not “sane!!” The folks behind Windows ME were most definitely not “sane!” Hmph!
It’s like a never-ending cascade of typos!
It’s got… what I look for… in bad poetry… lots of… ellipses…
Merry Christmas, everyone–rejoice!
December 21, 2008
Marie Jon, RA analyst
The Christmas season is like no other time of the year. In spite of the freezing weather people have to contend with, most folks reveal a certain happy sparkle in their eyes. Maybe it’s because the season brings with it optimism about the future. For those within the Christian faith, there is an understanding that there is more to come. We hold fast and trust in God’s faithful promise of the “blessed assurance” (John 10:28).
Yes, it’s true that Christians especially have reason to feel merrier. This is the season that points to the First Advent of the Savior’s entrance into the universe that He created. And with confidence and anticipation, we await the Savior’s Second Advent, known to many as the Second Coming of Christ.
The message of Christ has had a positive impact on the entire world. Christ willingly became like us so that we may one day experience the glories of heaven with Him.
One of the many things my family enjoys at Christmastime is to take turns reading out loud the story of Christ’s birth. It brings us together. As we read line upon line from the Word of God, we reflect upon its magnificent beauty.
Because we are in the midst of the holiday season, I believe the Christmas story should be shared. It begins with a special announcement that went forth from Caesar Augustus. The decree proclaimed that the entire kingdom would have to be registered. The very first census took place while Cyrenius was governing Syria. Everyone had to return to their home city and register their names.
Joseph, a carpenter by trade, went up from Galilee and out of the city of Nazareth into Judea to the city of David, which is called Bethlehem. Joseph was of the house and lineage of David. He took with him his wife Mary, who was with child. They were a blessed couple whose marriage would be remembered throughout the ages.
While in Bethlehem, Mary gave birth to her first-born son. She lovingly wrapped the baby in swaddling clothes and bedded Him in a manger because there was no room at the inn.
At that time, shepherds were living in the open fields, keeping watch over their flocks at night. Suddenly, an angel of the Lord stood before them. The shepherds became frightened. The glory of the Lord shone all about them. They had no idea of what was to take place within a matter of hours, and its great importance.
The angel said to them, “Do not be afraid, for behold I bring you good tidings of great joy which will be to all people. For there is born to you this day, in the city of David, a Savior which is Christ the Lord. And this will be the sign to you. You will find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger” (Luke 2:10-12).
“And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host, praising God and saying, Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men” (Luke 2:13-14).
In the book of Luke, Chapter Two, we read that all the world was being taxed at the time that Christ was born. If we had been living back then, we might have seen it on the front page of the Jerusalem Times. However, the biggest story then (and now) had nothing to do with government or Caesar and his big tax-and-spend programs. It was about a little baby boy who was both God and man.
The Christmas story reminds unbelieving skeptics that there is a God to whom the whole world eventually will have to account. The Almighty has already fulfilled His part to save all humankind by the way of the Cross. All that we need do is respond to God’s love and live our lives as Christians. Others will follow and believe in Emanuel — God with us.
It’s amazing and incomprehensibly awesome that God actually came to this world in human flesh and dwelt amongst us. Yet, in today’s society we pick up the newspapers to find articles about some poor lost souls who can’t stand the idea of a Nativity scene being displayed in the public arena, while the ACLU steps in with a lawsuit to curtail the free expression of religion.
President Ulysses S. Grant set aside Dec 25th as a federal holiday during a time when our nation had been severely divided by a civil war. He believed that a Christmas holiday would help unite the country. Unfortunately, there is an extremely vocal, small-minded minority who are against any religious aspects to this celebration. With the help of the liberal media, they are bound and determined to change things. They continually try to subvert America’s Judeo-Christian beliefs. Every Christian needs to become seriously pro-active against those who try to undermine and attack the faith of America’s founding fathers.
The Good News is “For this is how God loved the world: He gave his unique Son so that everyone who believes in Him might not be lost, but have eternal life” (John 3:16). The angels in heaven rejoice over the miraculous love of God.
History was made on that night in the town of Bethlehem, while most of the people were sleeping. They were not aware that God Himself had just stepped into their midst, and that thousands of years of prophetic promises had just come to fruition.
The arrival of Jesus Christ would surprise the Hebrew theologians of that time. They would find themselves confused concerning the prophecies of their Messiah’s first and Second Coming. For, you see, the citizenry and their religious leaders were expecting a great political leader who was capable of and willing to remove the heavy yoke of the Roman Empire, and set the nation of Israel free. They were looking for a man with a higher education and one who could easily take his place in society with the great Sanhedrin. However, that was not who God sent us, because that is not what we needed.
Years ago, an unknown author wrote some amazing words: “If our greatest need had been information, God would have sent us an educator. If our greatest need had been technology, God would have sent us a scientist. If our greatest need had been money, God would have sent us an economist. If our greatest need had been pleasure, God would have sent us an entertainer. But our greatest need was forgiveness, so God sent us a Savior.”
If there were such a thing as a time machine, we could step back in time and space where we could behold Jesus, lying asleep in a manger as helpless as any other child. What a wondrous and glorious sight that would be!
We would find Wise Men who came from afar to bring their gifts to a baby child. This Christmas season, give a gift to the one who loves you so much that He died just for you. Give your heart to Jesus without hesitation.
The Word of God says that the whole reason God came was to “seek and to save that which was lost.” He humbled Himself especially for you.
While many will enjoy the Christmas tree and the sumptuous holiday dinner, how many will take a moment to ask: Why was Jesus born? When people envision Christ in a manger, the truth will become as clear as the driven snow. The Lord was thinking about them while in the courts of heaven.
Is there a single good reason to say “No” to an everlasting kind of love? Christ knows you better than anyone else. “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8).
This Christmas season is when families gather together all across this great and beautiful country of ours. Take time to remember our heavenly Father’s love.
Merry Christmas, everyone. Rejoice!
Song: Star Of Wonder
© Marie Jon

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