The World O' Crap Archive

Welcome to the Collected World O' Crap, a comprehensive library of posts from the original Salon Blog, and our successor site, (2006 to 2010).

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Monday, September 12, 2011

Fudgie Is Packin’

Normally I fling aside the Sunday coupon inserts like so much chaff as I dig for the comics, but Mary just had to bring this one to my attention:

And I was reminded of the two things that most freaked me out when I first moved to New York: Crazy Eddie commercials, and those near-constant spots in which a gruff-voiced and very drunk old man would harangue me about gettin’ me some of that sweet, sweet Cookiepuss. I mean, at least the girls on Seventh Avenue were fairly subtle about it; they’d just murmur, “Like a date, sir?” as they walked past at a measured pace. But Tom Carvel would croak on and on about Cookiepuss like he was her coked-up pimp and I was some hayseed just stepped off the Trailways at the Port Authority and he was shaking me down to pop for a nooner at the Piccadilly Hotel (money I had been saving especially to buy a brand new pair of Sergio Valente jeans at Alexander’s).
And as you can see, nothing much has changed:

Either Mr. Hankey, the Christmas Poo from South Park is working a second job as the Easter Turd, or else this is John Gibson’s worst nightmare: A giant black dildo that has achieved consciousness.

25 Responses to “Fudgie Is Packin’"

I moved away from NY in 1990 or so, but I grew up seeing those commercials every five minutes or so. This little tidbit I saw last week caught me by surprise. The article’s from 2000, but check out the sidebar midway through the page.
Turn’s out (surprise, surprise) that Crazy Eddie was committing every single type of financial fraud possible in the retail world.
Oh, and I forgot. How’s s.z.? We miss her…
Yeah, where is da woman and how is she doing?
And I was only briefly exposed to Carvelle’s in Miami Beach, and once on Lawn Guyland, and I gotta tellya, I wasn’t that impressed. I was quite content to go back to the cheaper and comfortable 31 flavors at B&R. Back when I could afford to splurge on silly shit like ice cream… *sigh*
B&R did stop making my favorite flavor, Creole Cream Cheese, right before I moved outta NOLA, and I still think that they were part of the heartbreak.
The giant chocolate FURRY dildo — now THERE is a market that we ought to exploit! Right in Gibson’s and Dobson’s FACES!!! Ohhhhh, cant’cha just see the headlines now? Mmmmm… smells like FUDGY!!!
Having spent my formative years on the West Coast, I first saw Carvel ads and learned about Fudgie the Whale as an adult. And my response was, “What the H*LL is THAT?!”
Still is.
All good points. However, I stand by my choice to use the name “Cookiepuss,” and frequently, for my kittycat. “Cookiepuss!” “Cookie!” Nothing could be cuter. Try it, it’s irresistible. Being a vegan, I have no other use for Carvel, but with that name they’ve done enough for me.
My family didn’t have much use for Carvel (we were Friendly’s people) back in the day. However, Carvel did introduce me to the world of ice cream cakes. They were certainly the first company to market them where I grew up.
Geez, is Old Man Carvel still alive, or do they just recycle old tapes of his in their ads? He must be older than C. Montgomery Burns by now. I remember him croaking on and on about ice cream cakes in that sepulchral voice of his, back in the Seventies, in Baltimore. (I though it was a local thing, too.)
Antar now makes money running seminars where business people learn to avoid being taken by scammers like himself. He says he threw plenty of people off his trail by giving generously to hospitals, charities, etc.
Haggard would know just what to do with that brown thing. But–oops, gotta go. My favorite jazz internet station is playing “America Drinks and Goes Home” again. Must concentrate.
For some reason the left margin of the most recent blogposts have been a little messed up, at least they are on my computer screen. I don’t know what the reason for it is.
Of course, if anybody posts a response to this comment, I won’t be able to read half of iit, so I don’t know why I’m posting this comment.
If I click on the links for previous posts, only the one imediately preceding this one has the same margin problem. Clicking on the links to the other preceding ones, the left margins look normal again. Is this happening with anybody else?
Tom Carvell. God, he would end his spiel with “please buy my ice cream” and I remember feeling guilty as hell. He was the ice cream equivalent of those guys that come up to wash your windshields. I always felt that if I didn’t go out and buy that thing, his grandkid would starve. Oh, and Tom Carvel died in 1990. Has anyone ever had one of those things? I always opted for this thing called a Mighty High Pie ( the name sort of says it all, including my state of mind at the time).
………..Yes, same here,
………..Hope you can
……… this.
Goddammit. You feed us these unbelievable lines like “A giant black dildo that has achieved consciousness” and I have nobody I can tell.
Sorry for the formatting glitch. I think it may have been caused by the width of the photos, so I’ve removed one and shrunk the other. Let me know if this helps with the overlapping problem.
Whew…I thought I’d gone mad. It looks normal again, at least on my screen. :)
Oh, and now that I can actually read the thing, all I can say is, one man’s worst nightmare is another’s “Calgon, take me away!” daydream. :) :) :)
I have always had a soft spot in my heart for pathetic mascots. My question re Fudgie the “Whale” is, is he a dildo or is he holding one (or both)?
For some reason this reminds me of the old joke (actually it doesn’t, I just want to tell this stupid joke:
Why does the Easter Bunny hide the eggs?
He doesn’t want anybody to know he’s been fuckin’ those chickens.
Sorry… I’m going to bed now.
I remember realizing that an undecorated Santa Claus cake would be exactly like an undecorated Fudgie the Whale, only rotated 90 degrees.
As I recall, the first Beastie Boys album has a whole skit about Cookie Puss.
I have always had a soft spot in my heart for pathetic mascots.
Yes! I couldn’t have said it better myself. The poor sentient black dildo/Easter Turd’s birthday is coming up. I do hope no one forgets it; that would make me very sad.
Patton Oswalt does a whole thing on Tom Carvel on his latest CD.
track 26
I highly recommend it.
Does Bill Donohue know about this?
A giant black dildo that has achieved consciousness.
So, I’m the only one who thought of Allen Keyes when I read this?
A giant black dildo that has achieved consciousness
Well, now I have a name for my band. Thanks!
[...] Tune in tomorrow at LGF when Chazmo, on the way to his Friday afternoon Muslim exterminationist get-together at Barragan’s, spots a guy marching around in a Nazi uniform carrying a sign that says ‘Gas All The Jews,’ and counterattacks with an outraged cri de coeur against S.Z. and Scott for using the phrase, “a giant black dildo.” [...]

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