The World O' Crap Archive

Welcome to the Collected World O' Crap, a comprehensive library of posts from the original Salon Blog, and our successor site, (2006 to 2010).

Current posts can be found here.

Monday, September 12, 2011

Hey Jimmy, What Lotto Numbers Did You Pick This Week

Commenter “Harwell” at Tbogg’s establishment brought out this flag-wrapped Precious Moments figurine from Grandma Lileks’ closet of Wartime Nostalgia:
“Can you imagine the parties in Baghdad this week? Hospitals had best make a rubber stamp that says GEORGE, because nine months from now they’re going to use it on every other birth certificate.”
Here’s a link to Nostradamus’ original post, in case you’d like to savor the bouquet of vintage chickenhawk triumphalism, complete with tumescent references to Saddam statues blindfolded by Old Glory, and fist-pumping amens to the spitting cobra-like expectorations that are (were) Donald Rumsfeld:
“You can just imagine what some of the reporters say to one another as they leave the briefing:

I say, what’s that in your hands, there? That pink thing?

Oh, this? It’s my ass. Rumsfeld handed it to me. And I see you have a nice clock there – brand new?

No, it’s quite old, but Rumsfeld cleaned it. Free of charge.”
Nowadays, of course, if Rumsfeld is doing any of the above, it’s on spec, and I have a feeling he hands out asses and cleans clocks the way the pool boy dispenses towels and tidies up the cabanas at the day spa in Calabasas: with deference, alacrity, and the desperate, fingers-crossed hope of a big tip.
Of course, he forgot that the children will be named “Death to” George.
I wonder if any of Charlie’s boys would be interested in some stock?
Won’t the children be named, “Bomb 1,” “Bomb 2,” etc? Talk about bouncing bundles of C4 joy!

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