The World O' Crap Archive

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Monday, September 12, 2011

Oh How The Mighty Have Fallwell

Jerry Fallwell has died at age 73.

In a totally unrelated development, Gehenna Garden and Patio Supplies in rustic Lake O’ Fire reports a sudden jump in the sales of charcoal briquettes.

27 Responses to “Oh How The Mighty Have Fallwell”

think Heather Duke said it best:
I think Heather Duke said it best:
I prayed for the death of Heather Chandler many times and I felt bad everytime I did it but I kept doing it anyway. Now I know you understood everything. Praise Jesus, Hallelujah.
How’d he die? Did he suffocate from keeping his head up his ass too long?
Gosh that was mean. If this how I act when Falwell dies, what am I gonna be like when Fred Phelps kicks?
I scare me.
Never liked the bigot. Won’t miss him. Next.
And Bill, if/when that evil craven harpie Fred Phelps ever kicks (I’m flabbergasted and shocked that anything as evil as Falwell COULD die, so I fear that Phelps will outlive both of us!!!) — we are SOOOOOO throwing a coast-to-coast kegger!!!
BYOB, but I’ll make the hors d’oeuvre.
Why in the FUCK is my comment awaiting moderation?!?!?!?!?!?!
Okay, so the first one is in moderation, but the second one goes straight the fuck up?!?!??!!?
You cannot censor nor sedate this level of schadenfreude!!!
I live in Virginia and this afternoon the flowers bloomed brighter, the sky was bluer and a sense of peace and tranquility fell on the land. G-d is good.
As he approaches the light, the sound of..wait, is that heavenly trumpets? No, it’s a very loud extended medley of “Invocation And Ritual Dance Of The Young Pumpkin”, “What is the Ugliest Part of Your Body”, and various selections from “Thingfish”, being performed by Frank Zappa, who’s been waiting 14 years for this moment.
Here’s hoping Phelps is next. I kinda wanna see how Bill handles it. I don’t drink anymore, but I’ll still buy the first round.
Well, huzzah and all that, but…
Here’s hoping Phelps is next.
Not me! Phelps has no real power in this country; he is, in fact, widely reviled. Me, I want either Pat Robertson or SpongeDob Stickypants to be the next to drop, ‘cos I hate them just as much, and they have actual followers who aren’t related to them by blood.
Marq, I think Robertson and the Dobler will probably kick off around the same time. I wonder if the demise of these who came up in the swell of conservatism in the early eighties will bring a renaissance once they kick off.
Its just beginning, oh what a lovely day.
I say that we start a televangelist death pool.
I’ve got Robertson and Oral Roberts, with (okay, it’s a long-shot, but the odds are great if I win!) Benny Hinn for the trifecta.
Oh, sure, sure, Swaggart would’ve been the easy/obvious pick, considering how pickled his liver really is (his cousin Jerry Lee was originally the “preacher” in the family, Jimmy started-out as the pie-anner player in a whorehouse!), but there’s a lot to be said for being “too fuckin’ MEAN to die”!
Right said, Trashfire. And as he enters the Pearly Gates, Zappa breaks loose with “Falwell is an asshole” to the tune of “Swaggart is an asshole” ….
Marq, I’ll concede that Phelps doesn’t have any influence politically. But, socially, he was a repugnant human being. He took joy in the deaths of others, and, for the last 15 years, has disrupted hundreds of funerals, mocking the suffering and grief of the people in attendance. How many people had to put up with his crap over the years? Some people become a nuisance by vandelizing property. This guy was vandelizing people internally. So yes, I’ll be overjoyed when he becomes worm food.
But you’re right-Robertson and Dobson are much worse. They won’t be worm food-they’ll be WORM VOMIT. Which means when they die, they’ll become a higher being than they were when they were alive.
As for Falwell, I’ve got mixed emotions. On the one hand, I feel like dancing around my living room. On the other hand, I just can’t decide what song to pick. “Celebration”? “Walking On Sunshine”? So I need a little help. I welcome any suggestion for an awesome “mix disc” of tune I can dance to on this occasion.
er…”suggestionS” and “tuneS”.
Phelps has no real power in this country
Agreed. Plus he makes the religious right look SOOOOO bad. He’s definitely more useful to progressives alive than he would be as a corpse, tempting as the idea might sound initially.
Maybe. But in the meantime, he’s hurting people who are already in pain, and I’m a bleeding heart. He’ll hurt fewer people when he’s gone. I’m willing to trade any political benefit for that.
Bill is exactly right–he vandalizes people internally.
So many people are glad he’s dead. I’m not. I wish the fucker had never been born.
And in the Phelps vs. Dobson vs. Robertson vs. Swaggart vs. Benny Hinn vs. Kirk Cameron, I say we run it like American Idol. We vote which one we want to go next.
Bill S. and your choice of music – I personally would go with Arthur Brown’s “Fire” from the late 60s. Sort of appropriate:
And now in memory of Jerry Falwell
I am the god of hell fire and I bring you:
Fire, I’ll take you to burn.
Fire, I’ll take you to learn.
I’ll see you burn!
You fought hard and you saved and learned,
but all of it’s going to burn.
And your mind, your tiny mind,
you know you’ve really been so blind.
Now ‘s your time burn your mind.
You’re falling far too far behind.
Oh no, oh no, oh no, you gonna burn!
Fire, to destroy all you’ve done.
Fire, to end all you’ve become.
I’ll feel you burn!
You’ve been living like a little girl,
in the middle of your little world.
And your mind, your tiny mind,
you know you’ve really been so blind.
Now ‘s your time burn your mind,
you’re falling far too far behind.
I am admittedly torn, however, at the discovery that Phelps will be picketing Falwell’s funeral for an insufficiently anti-fag ministry.
I am admittedly torn, however, at the discovery that Phelps will be picketing Falwell’s funeral for an insufficiently anti-fag ministry.
Link, please?
Yeah, but in Phelps’ case, what that means is, Falwell didn’t openly advocate the death penalty for homosexuals. He just said they deserved to get AIDS. To Freddie, that makes him a softie.
Or advocate the death penalty for people who don’t advocate the death penalty for gays. I know. It’s all very vile, and I kinda hope they get to be roomies in hell.
TomG, I can’t imagine a more appropriate themesong for Falwell’s funeral. Absofuckinglutely perfect. Love that song.
And no, we can’t “vote them off of the island,” the police tend to hassle me when I do that in real life. I just want a nice, plain, borderline-legal football pool to bet on who’s gonna be next. And somebody PLEASE explain to me why in the fuck that Oral Roberts hasn’t DIED YET??!!?!?!?!
That may screw up the frame, if so, I’m sorry but I haven’t the energy to put together a link thing.
Link, please?
Straight from the horse’s ass:
that’s a good question, Annti. I’d have thought when he said God would “call him home” if he didn’t get any money, people would have said, “It’s a deal.” and quit sending it. Who’d pay to keep that fuckwit alive?
Y’know, correct me if I’m senile, but I could almost *swear* that he never hit the eight-million mark, and YET the senile thieving cocksucker (and I do *not* mean that in a good way, obviously) IS STILL POLLUTING MY PLANET?!??!
Can we sue his “god” for breach of contract? Imagine the punitive damages ALONE!!!

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