J. Matt is not only a columnist for RenewAmerica, not only “an attorney concentrating in constitutional law,” (which usually means filling up the break room at work with empty pizza boxes and discarded Slurpee cups as he brainstorms strict constructionist and/or original textualist interpretations that prove the Commerce Clause totally outlaws abortion), but he’s also the “Policy Director for Cultural Issues” at Concerned Woman for America. And as a woman concerned with America and culture and Issues, J. Matt has naturally gone all twitter-pated about Mary Cheney’s bouncing baby abomination.
Mary Cheney, unwed lesbian daughter of Vice President Dick Cheney, has given birth to a son, Samuel David Cheney. This beautiful child of God is undoubtedly a wonderful blessing to Ms. Cheney and to his two doting grandparents. This precious new life should be celebrated. But the conditions under which Ms. Cheney has chosen to bring this child into the world are to be condemned.Although circumstances don’t always allow child rearing to occur within God’s natural design for the family (which includes both a mother and a father), Ms. Cheney has very sadly and selfishly made the conscious choice to deny her child a natural family environment. She has intentionally deprived him of his other parent — his father.More commonly known as “that guy who masturbated into a cup at the sperm bank for fifty bucks.”
Ms. Cheney apparently intends to have a woman by the name of Heather Poe, whom she has identified as her lesbian “partner,” assist in the rearing of her son; but unfortunately, Ms. Poe can never replace little Samuel David’s other parent — his dad.Has this “Ms. Poe” person ever taken a Juggs magazine into a toilet stall and whacked off for a cup of juice and a small honorarium? No! All she’s gonna do is hang around for the next 18 years, changing diapers, bandaging skinned knees, helping with homework and saving for college. Sure, hop on the bandwagon now, bitch! The hard work’s all done.
One wonders if Ms. Cheney has ever contemplated what her childhood may have been like if she had been denied her own father.Self-righteous jackholes like you wouldn’t be writing about her personal life?
The Fox News Channel, which in the past has at least made an effort to avoid liberal bias and political correctness in its reporting…We will now take a break, while those who spewed their drinks pause to swab the monitor, and those who aspirated their beverages stagger around the house looking for someone to Heimlich them.
Okay, we’re back:
…has covered the story with the PC caption: Dick Cheney’s Daughter & Lesbian Partner Give Birth to Boy. This begs the question: How is it that Ms. Cheney’s lesbian partner has “[given] birth to a boy”?Well, she’s got a better shot at it than Dick Cheney’s son-in-law, Phillip Perry. On the other hand, given Phil’s tireless efforts to defend chemical plants from EPA regulation, he might have started to grow his own set of bacon and Playdoh, allowing he and wife Elizabeth Cheney to trade off the childbearing chores.
It is a biological impossibility for a homosexual “couple” to conceive a child without the assistance of a third party who is a member of the opposite sex. Yes, due to infertility natural male-female couples sometimes have to employ similar assistance, but there is no comparison.Oh wait, I just made one. Crap!
19 Responses to “J. Matt Barber, Concerned Woman”
Has this “Ms. Poe” person ever taken a Juggs magazine into a toilet stall and whacked off a cup of juice for a small honorarium?[spit take]
Wot th’‽‽‽ Damn, I better read that again!
Has this “Ms. Poe” person ever taken a Juggs magazine into a toilet stall and whacked off for a cup of juice and a small honorarium?Oh! Heh-I musta misread that sentence. I thought you were talking about some bizarre, mutant offspring of Peter North and Matt Ramsey… [in joke alert]… and, if you know where I can find such a man, TELL ME NOW!!!!
[licks chops at the thought]
Scott, maybe you could start including those helpful intermissions in all of your posts? I’d be grateful.
And would anyone like to explain to me how, if male/female married couples are so ideal, Mary ended up lesbo in the first place? Don’t they usually blame that on abusive fathers?
And would anyone like to explain to me how, if male/female married couples are so ideal, Mary ended up lesbo in the first place? Don’t they usually blame that on abusive fathers?
But the conditions under which Ms. Cheney has chosen to bring this child into the world are to be condemned.
Yes, it’s bad, but there is worse news… many parents bring children into the world under conditions even more condemnable [is that a word?]. Hard to imagine, but some of them can’t even afford hired help!
Yes, it’s bad, but there is worse news… many parents bring children into the world under conditions even more condemnable [is that a word?]. Hard to imagine, but some of them can’t even afford hired help!
and those who aspirated their beverages stagger around the house looking for someone to Heimlich them.
actually, that’s more of an 911 call and trip to the hospital, since you can’t block an airway with liquids, but can get pneumonia
actually, that’s more of an 911 call and trip to the hospital, since you can’t block an airway with liquids, but can get pneumonia
I’ll be happy to give the matter serious consideration just as
soon as these guys offer anything which sounds like a solution. Make it
a crime for unmarried women to get pregnant. Require both mothers and
fathers to be home at least fourteen hours a day. Outlaw assisted
fertilization, or require all properly heterosexual couples availing
themselves of such assistance to adopt one unwanted child for each one
they artificially conceive. When the Right’s as eager to feed, clothe,
shelter, and provide health care and decent public education for poor
children as it is to create tax-exempt sinecures for the likes of Mr.
Barber, I’ll begin to believe they’re serious.
One wonders if Ms. Cheney has ever contemplated what her childhood may have been like if she had been denied her own father.
Every time I read that, and contemplate Daddy Cheney [eeeww] I think she probably did contemplate exactly that. Daddy being run over by a truck was probably her favorite childhood dream.
Every time I read that, and contemplate Daddy Cheney [eeeww] I think she probably did contemplate exactly that. Daddy being run over by a truck was probably her favorite childhood dream.
Mary Cheney, unwed lesbian daughter of Vice President Dick Cheney, has given birth to a son, Samuel David Cheney.
Sounds Jewish.
Sounds Jewish.
Of course she’s unmarried, you dopes, she isn’t allowed to marry her partner!
As inane as this goober’s excuse for reasoning is, I can’t get
past the fact he monikers himself “J. Matt”. I could do that, ya know.
“Matt” is my middle name, and my first name (which is only used when I
have to give someone a lot of money for anything other than, well, weed)
starts with a “J”. So I could call myself “J. Matt”, but I’m not gonna,
’cause it looks stupid.
“Matt” is just fine, dude, there’s no need to give yourself false gravitas by adding your first initial. Makes you look like a dork. There’s a rhythm to the whole thing, donchasee. Like “J. Edgar” or “J. Alfred”, and I don’t know if that’s really something you wanna emulate.
“Matt” is just fine, dude, there’s no need to give yourself false gravitas by adding your first initial. Makes you look like a dork. There’s a rhythm to the whole thing, donchasee. Like “J. Edgar” or “J. Alfred”, and I don’t know if that’s really something you wanna emulate.
Hey, I didn’t have Dick Cheney for a dad, and I think I turned out O.K.
As usual with homobigots like J’matt, the fact that Heather isn’t just some random woman Mary srt up house with, but someone she’s been with for SIXTEEN FREAKIN’ YEARS just flies over his head.
Oh, and thanks for adding Teh GAYZ! as a category. June is Gay Pride Month, so we can expect idiots like this to be popping up like weeds, but not as useful.
As usual with homobigots like J’matt, the fact that Heather isn’t just some random woman Mary srt up house with, but someone she’s been with for SIXTEEN FREAKIN’ YEARS just flies over his head.
Oh, and thanks for adding Teh GAYZ! as a category. June is Gay Pride Month, so we can expect idiots like this to be popping up like weeds, but not as useful.
More commonly known as “that guy who masturbated into a cup at the sperm bank for fifty bucks.”
Ironically, J. Matt is almost certainly ideologically similar to, if not a member of, the group of Mens’ Rights types who are decrying the apparent wave of cases in which sperm donors are being gone after for child support.
Ironically, J. Matt is almost certainly ideologically similar to, if not a member of, the group of Mens’ Rights types who are decrying the apparent wave of cases in which sperm donors are being gone after for child support.
John Grisham had a bit about that in one of his books, the Street
Lawyer, I think, although I won’t swear to it. All these snotty law
school graduates were named along the lines of J. Michael Nesbitt, or R.
Bruce Bisbee, or T. Morris Talbot. Apparently it’s supposed to be very
upper-class-aristocrat-Harvard Law or something. Grisham’s take on it
was quite amusing.
More commonly known as “that guy who masturbated into a cup at the sperm bank for fifty bucks.”
You mean they don’t have a cool kinda milking-machine thing like in “A Boy And His Dog“?
Damn, I’m cancelling my appointment.
You mean they don’t have a cool kinda milking-machine thing like in “A Boy And His Dog“?
Damn, I’m cancelling my appointment.
*sigh* I was going to announce that I thought I could speak on
behalf of my fellow Teh GAYZ in thanking you for the new category, but I
see Bill has already adopted the spokesqueer position. (Also, I think
Marq prefers “Teh Gheyz”.)
On the other hand, I see I’ve been blogrolled, so take that, the rest of you people, you know, without blogs!
On the other hand, I see I’ve been blogrolled, so take that, the rest of you people, you know, without blogs!
“The Fox News Channel, which in the past has at least made an
effort to avoid liberal bias and political correctness in its
reporting…”
To be fair, this is accurate. The FNC has avoided liberal bias and political correctness through the means of conservative bias and avoiding correctness of any sort.
To be fair, this is accurate. The FNC has avoided liberal bias and political correctness through the means of conservative bias and avoiding correctness of any sort.
I agree with other lefty commentators on the Mary Cheney case,
she’s no heroine to liberals or the GLBT community. Problem is that her
“frame” or talking point is that “My family is my business” as opposed
to “It’s my human right to have a baby.” What this means is essentially
that she’s gotten into the treehouse and pulled up the rope after her.
All the other kids are still on the ground, thinking “Gee, I wish I
could get up there, too!”
Marq:
These days Peter “It’s ‘Matt Ramsey’ when I’m flamin’, baby” North can squeeze more Brylcreem from his hair than sperm from his peter.
Have you heard the ridiculous urban legend that his huge milky-white loads are a product of his consuming large quantities of Elmer’s Glue?
These days Peter “It’s ‘Matt Ramsey’ when I’m flamin’, baby” North can squeeze more Brylcreem from his hair than sperm from his peter.
Have you heard the ridiculous urban legend that his huge milky-white loads are a product of his consuming large quantities of Elmer’s Glue?
Well, still, a lovechild with his alter-ego (and, aren’t they both “stage”
names?) would, so to speak, have teh stuff. As far as the urban legend
goes, no, I had not heard that-but I rarely pay any attention to such
lore, as it is often amazingly ill-informed. Elmer’s is, technically, “non-toxic,” but consuming unspecified “large quantities” of it would likely do something bad to you… other than producing prodigious loads o’ spooge.
Wait…large amounts of spooge is a BAD thing?
I guess that depends on which side of it you’re standing.
I guess that depends on which side of it you’re standing.
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