The World O' Crap Archive

Welcome to the Collected World O' Crap, a comprehensive library of posts from the original Salon Blog, and our successor site, (2006 to 2010).

Current posts can be found here.

Monday, September 12, 2011

Today’s Top Google Search String…

(Updated below)
…bringing the inquisitive to World O’ Crap:

#1: “Nickelodeons out of control”
I’m glad to see that others are equally concerned about the dangers of recklessly exposing the American people to “moving pictures.” The flickering shadowplays of these rogue Phantascope parlors cannot help but erode the moral fiber of our honest yeomanry, what with their shocking images of “Man Sneezing” and “Train Pulling Into Station.”

If left unchecked, it is only a matter of time before the magic lantern industry, controlled by decadent New Jersey elitists, will sap America’s fighting will and embolden the Moro guerillas by displaying scenes of bloodshed from the Phillipine Insurrection.

#2: “Wonder Woman Chloroform Videos.”
‘Nuff said.

UPDATE: Seems we’ve been inundated by people who decided to spend their Sunday googling “Rod Majors” and/or “Corporal Sanchez,” and who were attracted, no doubt, by this post. Fine, no problem, live to serve.

But it did surprise me that World O’ Crap comes up first when you google “sticking head in vagina.” Now, we only received one such inquiry, but this is precisely the kind of thing that — to my mind — cries out for a response. So if you’ll forgive me, I’m going to step out from behind the curtain and address our Googler, man-to-man. Ahem…

Jonah. Look, I know you’re under a lot of pressure, what with all your groundbreaking, if extremely overdue, research for the book, and maybe we’ve all felt like this at one time or another. But believe me, man, this is not the solution! And while I don’t know her personally, it wouldn’t surprise me if you were really starting to get on Mommy’s nerves with this stuff.

7 Responses to “Today’s Top Google Search String…”

Re #2: Wouldn’t that be “Snuff said”?
Or images of a man pulling a train.
next thing you know they’ll be showing images of trains going into tunnels!!1!!
Wonder Woman pulling a train would have sold a lot of Nickelodeons…
Heh heh heh best update ever.
Hideous imagery that may cause me to lose every meal that I attempt to ingest for the next six years, but soooooo accurate, it’s almost worth it.
Wait a minute. I always thought that the Magic Latern Industry was controlled by the Manhattan Gay Mafia. The New Jersey Elitists control the Overpriced Candy Industry that sells the candy for the Magic Latern shows — so perhaps that’s the source of the confusion?

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