The World O' Crap Archive

Welcome to the Collected World O' Crap, a comprehensive library of posts from the original Salon Blog, and our successor site, (2006 to 2010).

Current posts can be found here.

Tuesday, July 1, 2014

Happy Birthday, S.Z.!

(And coincidentally, this is post number 1000, since moving to our own domain.)  Words are inadequate to describe the smartest, funniest, most decent and humane person I know, so here’s a picture of Ann Coulter getting a head start on her next Lost Weekend:
Nothing says “Happy Birthday” like candid photos of a mean-spirited, supercilious skank sporting a black cocktail dress at an outdoor, midday event, and pounding down Pinots in a desperate effort to silence the howling void that is her own dark soul.  I mean, I guess Hallmark would say it more literally, but without the festive touch of nihilism.
On This Date in History:  In 490 B.C., the Athenian army defeated the Persians at the battle of Marathon, giving birth to a monumental test of human endurance that has persisted down through the ages, and still annoys people by screwing up traffic in Los Angeles every March 1st.  Now here’s your Cosmic Calendar Horoscope for September 12:
Hold Everything!
The Planets are Going Out of Business!  No Reasonable Offer Refused!  Everything Must Go!
The universe may be shifting its game-plan from a cat-and-mouse routine to a shock-and-awe campaign.
Although some cats warn that intelligence painting the mice as an “imminent threat” may prove faulty.
You’ve got to prepare for surprises, shock waves and a whole lot of unpredictability since the Sun in Virgo makes its annual polarity to Uranus in Pisces (7:22PM PDT).
Apparently Virgo’s going to Spring Break.  Whooo!
Since the morning and afternoon hours are all building up to this blockbuster sky pattern, you may feel like you are on the edge of your seat for most of the day.
So is Pastor Swank picking up a little cash on the side writing horoscopes?
Luckily, the Moon in high-minded and volunteer-oriented Aquarius is making flowing trine links to Mars (6:15AM PDT), Venus (6:48AM PDT) and Mercury (8:47AM PDT) — all of which are in the creative and artistic sign of Libra. Plunge into beloved hobbies and crafts with exuberance.
The Cosmos urges you to take up scrapbooking.
Healing forces are definitely on the march — courtesy of the monthly union of the Moon and Chiron (8:48AM PDT) followed by a harmonious trine between Mercury and Chiron (9:32AM PDT).
But beware, for all of these mergers are being driven by an irrational exurberance on Wall Street.
This is one of those days when golden opportunities are knocking across the board even though uncertainty is often in the catbird seat.
Actually, Swank makes a little more sense when he’s writing about astrology.
Money-making ventures may be on the horizon since Venus connects to Pluto via a stimulating quintile formation (6:51PM PDT).
But you can still get arrested for it in Texas and Alabama.
Have a wonderful day, Sheri.  Thanks for the witty social criticism, the bad movies, and most of all, for being a great, great friend.
Posted by scott on September 12th, 2008

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