The World O' Crap Archive

Welcome to the Collected World O' Crap, a comprehensive library of posts from the original Salon Blog, and our successor site, (2006 to 2010).

Current posts can be found here.

Saturday, July 5, 2014

This Debate Should Be Moderated By A Frightened Moose

I’m not quite sure how this happened, but apparently I’ve become Richard Viguerie’s penpal.  Richard, as some of our older readers may remember, was a protege of Billy James Hargis, a founding father of the Christian Right, and an equal opportunity sexual predator who broadmindedly diddled both the boys and girls in his youth choir, the All American Kids, showing no hint of favoritism or prejudice.  Later, Richard went on to pioneer the use of direct mail in political campaigns, proving that if you blanket voters with libelous screeds just before election day, giving the defamed party no time to respond, then our Democracy will be strengthened, and our various branches of government will enjoy an even greater surplus of victorious, if soulless dickweeds.  Well, now Richard’s discovered email, and he won’t leave me alone:
Demand that Gwen Ifill be fired as the moderator of the Vice Presidential debate!
Dear Fellow American:
The mainstream (liberal) media’s smear campaign against Governor Sarah Palin has been one of the ugliest chapters in the history of modern witch hunts.
As we all know, the history of modern witch hunts stretches from Pastor Thomas Muthee’s heroic battle against a sorceress who summoned the power of Satan to cause fender benders in Kenya, all the way to Pastor Muthee’s invoking of God’s help to elect Sarah Palin governor of Alaska.
Well, it has just become uglier—just when you probably thought that was impossible.
was just thinking that was impossible!  How did you know?  GET OUT OF MY HEAD…!
It turns out that the “moderator” of the Thursday, October 2 vice presidential debate—PBS anchor Gwen Ifill—has a clear conflict of interest.
She’s been embezzling scare quotes.
Ms. Ifill is the author of a forthcoming book celebrating the politics and career of Senator Barack Obama. Her book is titled The Breakthrough: Politics and Race in the Age of Obama, and is scheduled to be published on Inauguration Day—January 20, 2009. She obviously has both an ideological and a financial interest in the success of the Obama-Biden campaign, one of the parties to this debate.
Wait…Obama’s going to be debating the Republican vice presidential nominee as well as Biden?  Palin’s pulling a debate train?!
If that isn’t a clear conflict of interest, I don’t know what would be.
How about coaching one candidate with the aid of pilfered briefing books, and then going on TV afterwards to praise that candidate’s performance without revealing your role in the event?  That would really be a conflict of interest, unless you were wearing a bowtie, in which case you automatically receive a dispensation from the Pope, or the Commissioner of Baseball, or somebody.
This serious conflict of interest was not disclosed beforehand to Senator John McCain or to his vice presidential running mate, Governor Sarah Palin.
I can’t believe those slimy bastards thought they could slip this ringer past Governor Sarah Palin, a woman who reads any and all newspapers!
Ifill discussed the book in a interview with The Washington Post on September 4, well before the Commission on Presidential Debates announced the debate moderators…The McCain campaign said it had not seen Ifill’s Post interview, or been aware of her book, until Tuesday.
To be fair, when Governor Palin says “reads,” she means “skims,” and by “skims” she means, “whatever words she happens to glimpse that are still visible between the starbursts of liquid hamster shit when she changes the paper in the Habitrail.”
In the words of attorney and TV host Greta Van Susteren, they “should have been told before the campaign agreed to have her moderate. It simply is not fair—in law, this would create a mistrial.”
To be honest, I tend not to pay a lot of attention to the legal opinions of women named Greta who’ve had a lot of plastic surgery unless we’re negotiating the price of a Swedish massage.
The American people deserve an honest and transparent moderation of this debate.
Ladies and gentlemen, please join me in welcoming your moderator for tonight’s debate...

Posted by scott on October 2nd, 2008

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