The World O' Crap Archive

Welcome to the Collected World O' Crap, a comprehensive library of posts from the original Salon Blog, and our successor site, (2006 to 2010).

Current posts can be found here.

Tuesday, July 1, 2014

The Ronco™ Quayle-izer

It’s sad to see the Republicans torn asunder by the selection of Sarah Palin. Where once disparate party factions were united in their common hatred of John McCain, now they are bitterly divided between those who adore the ultra-conservative Alaskan governor, and those who pretend to adore her so they can keep getting booked on Fox.  But beneath the competition to adore her more, there lies a growing dread that the My Size Kewpie Doll they received as a consolation prize for enduring McCain might be Quayle-ized.
Jonah Goldberg in today’s LA Times:  “[O]ne doesn’t have to be an obsessive about liberal media bias to feel confident that the press corps will be eager to Quayle-ize her.”
Pioneering right wing crank Richard Viguerie in my email box:  “Liberal Democrats are working quickly to Quayle-ize her.”  The suspense is killing me!  Does she or doesn’t she?  Sadly, the verb to Quayle isn’t quite as dirty as it sounds.  But that doesn’t stop Dick:
“There is no one who presents all pluses and no minuses. Sure, it would be better if she had more foreign policy experience, and if she had won the Pulitzer and Nobel Prizes, while flying the space shuttle and curing cancer.
So those are our choices for the second highest office in the land?  Either a constitutionally unschooled ex-beauty queen who sees supreme executive power primarily as a means of settling family feuds, or Doctor Who?
But she is someone who represents the values and worldview of the American people.
To sum it up:  Firearms, drunk driving, teen pregnancy, and lying about your work experience in the hope no one will check your references.  I suspect that even as we speak, her transition team is looking into the cost of installing a double-wide on the grounds of the Naval Observatory.
And she has the toughness to be president
And to make a tender chicken.
She has spent her political career standing up to powerful men ranging from the state Republican chairman to the previous governor to the presidents of Exxon-Mobil and British Petroleum.
Yes, I bet those conniving fat cats at British Petroleum rued the day they came up against an Alaskan governor whose husband works for their company, and who supports “drilling in environmentally sensitive areas, [is skeptical] about alternative energy sources, and [opposes] listing polar bears as an endangered species.”
Honestly, who is more likely to be another Ronald Reagan or Margaret Thatcher – Sarah Palin or Joe Biden? Sarah Palin or Barack Obama?
I won’t know who I’m going to vote for until after the evening gown competition, but I hear Miss Alaska has the inside track — for the talent portion she’s going to run up a huge public debt and start a war with a small Latin American nation.
By many measures, she outshines Barack Obama in terms of experience, especially in fighting political corruption and making us energy independent.
Why, before her Administration, Alaska was almost totally dependent on imported oil.
As for Joe Biden, he has foreign policy experience, all right – the wrong kind of foreign policy experience. He and those who represent the Harvard-Princeton-Yale ‘best and the brightest’ way of thinking have caused untold suffering for the world’s people. They extended the Cold War by decades, did almost nothing as terrorists waged war on America in the ’90s, and stood by as genocide was committed in Rwanda and Darfur.
Thankfully, after Bush intervened in the Sudan, the genocide was stopped, peace was restored, and today Darfur is a tranquil, sun-kissed agrarian paradise, and America’s fifth largest source of sorghum.
In the effort to beat Sarah Palin, liberal Democrats will play to every sexist stereotype that has kept women ‘in their place’ in the past. They consider conservative women ‘uppity,’ and won’t stand for Sarah Palin being vice president and someday president.
Ah, the old I’m Rubber You’re Glue Defense.  No substitute for the classics.
They are terrified at the prospect that the first woman vice president and possibly the first woman president might be a conservative Republican. A few years ago, they were likewise terrified by Clarence Thomas
I would rather die than see Clarence Thomas become our first woman president!
They trashed Clarence Thomas and continue to trash him in the most racist and hateful ways, and they won’t hesitate to do something similar to Sarah Palin.
Even now, liberals are spreading rumors that Governor Palin invited Anita Hill to watch porn with her.
Posted by scott on September 3rd, 2008

No comments:

Post a Comment