The World O' Crap Archive

Welcome to the Collected World O' Crap, a comprehensive library of posts from the original Salon Blog, and our successor site, (2006 to 2010).

Current posts can be found here.

Thursday, June 27, 2013

Beach Cats And Bottlebrushes

Mary and I went down to Newport for the weekend to celebrate my birthday, although the festivities consisted largely of me hunkering down in the hotel room with my laptop and a script marked up by a producer with OCD.  (Which is why blogging continues to be half-hearted and half-assed.  On the bright side, a Writers strike appears likely, so I should soon be at least as unemployed as Jeff Goldstein, Confederate Yankee, and your other leading Citizen Journalists.)
Anyway, we did manage to steal some time for a stroll around Balboa Island, and it seems that no bayside cottage is complete without an ostentatiously contented cat (sometimes two) draped over the deck furniture, their fur gently ruffled by the ocean breezes.  And it occured to me that if there’s such a thing as reincarnation, I hope I’m accruing sufficient good karma that I can ultimately cash it in for a return trip as a beach cat. 

And here’s a gloriously contorted bottlebrush shrub that was planted a century ago, and is undoubtedly the oldest living thing on the Island.
I include this merely to underscore that while California may be poor in history, we are rich in historic bush.

12 Responses to “Beach Cats And Bottlebrushes”

“Poor in history”? Sir!
As a native Californian, I often went on and on about the state’s rich history, until Proposition 13 passed in 1978, and the state became cash-poor but remained history-rich.
What about Father Junipero Serra’s generous gift of previously-unknown fatal diseases to the indigenous peoples? Why is the date 1907 in foot-high numerals on a cornerstone in Gilroy a real thigh-slapper to an Easterner, but not nearly as risible to a born-and-ill-bred Californian?
Of course, I no longer live in California. So do as I do, and blame it on the manly Mr. Biscuitbarrel!
In addition, most of the “historic bush” to which you refer never got any farther west of Midland, Texas. California, by contrast, has historic iceplant. Who would waste time “clearing” that?
Okay, if there’s “historic bush” in California, I want more documentation than this, ’cause I’d always assumed that save for your PG pseudo-historical flicks, or stuff made overseas, that every bush in S.Cal had been Brazilianed into oblivion back in 1968.
Glad that you had ostentatiously-contented cats to soothe your tattered nerves, and nothing better than the ocean to settle the soul. Hope that you’re feeling better.
Okay, if there’s “historic bush” in California, I want more documentation than this
Here ya go, Annti…
Loooooved the pop-ups, hon, but in Chapter 2, I’m still waiting to see the actual BUSH. I mean, we ARE talking about a PROFESSIONAL here. She probably had hot & cold running waxers coming in and out of that place, day and night. Jump ahead to chapters 8 & 9… boooorrrrrringggggg… I’ve seen more nudity on The Smoking Gun, for fuck’s sake, and they’re PG-13 on most shit.
Pooooorrrr widdle Heidi had to DEFEND HERSELF in prison. Poor baby. I feel SOOOOO sorry for the millionaire silver-spoon biatch. Really.
That’s not a historic bush, that’s not even a historical cooter. That’s just another hoo-ahh who was too lazy to WORK. Yeah, lying there is “work.” Right. And I’m a Nobel laureate.
Tsk, tsk, darling, I expect a better grade of porno from you.
Annti! I’m a feminist first and foremost! I wouldn’t know where to find (yahoovideo) that kind of stuff!
Yeah, so? So am I, doesn’t mean we can’t use a little nudity around here to brighten the place up!
And I’m on dial-up son, I hardly ever download video.
OK, but promise not to laugh…
*stripping off trousers*
This isn’t phone sex.
We need pictures.
Hey! Union scale!
When have I *ever* seen an Equity card?!?!?!?
And you gotta take it up with the writers’ union if you want a cut of internet revenue.
This is on the net, so AFTRA’s contract controls…
Oh yea! The writer’s strike…errrr, in that case, I can’t strip, because that would be crossing a picket line, and I stink at improv anyway…
You’re in BOTH unions??!??!
Fuck, I couldn’t even get a fucking INTERNSHIP at the fucking Writer’s Guild, back in the day, (yes, they do it now, from what I’ve read), much less get IN.
You suck.
Okay, so I’m a half-assed hack, but you still suck.

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