The World O' Crap Archive

Welcome to the Collected World O' Crap, a comprehensive library of posts from the original Salon Blog, and our successor site, (2006 to 2010).

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Thursday, June 27, 2013

Friday Beast Blogging — Feline Noir Edition

Your filthy windows are interfering with my voyeurism.
And Moondoggie:
I caught the blackjack right behind my ear. A black pool opened up at my feet. I dived in. It had no bottom.
Posted by scott on August 24th, 2007

7 Responses to “Friday Beast Blogging — Feline Noir Edition”

Hilarious. :-) I love your kitties.
Mine, this evening:
I was just sprawled under the desk, minding my own business when she walked in. All slinky in that long black and white number, with those pale legs that went all the way up to the fur.
“I’m looking for… something,” she breathed at me.
“Sister,” I said, “Looking like that, you can have anything… except my Whiskas Alaskan King Crab Feast. Come to think of it, stay the hell out of my Meow Mix for Kittens, too. Now go away, I have to sharpen my claws in case some creep comes along to give me some more pills.”
Aw heck, the great D. got there first. Oh, well. This is the trans-species version.
That’s what I was in, from the first moment SHE showed up. Sable fur, eyes like a couple of Packard Super 8 high-beams, and when she moved tail, you were treated to more curves than Route 1 between Santa Monica and Oxnard. She insinuated herself past the door and wound up on the corner of my personal desk, like she’d levitated there. An exotic scent – Arpege? My Sin? Fresh Step Cedar? – made my head fuzzy…
I offered her a butt, she casually batted it aside. She had a sharp little right cross that I figured had raised more than one mouse in her career. She was all business and I was trying to stay cool. What was she after? She leaned across and pinned me in place with those glowing lamps, then she opened her delicate pink mouth.
“Scratch my butt, you big ape, and do it right.”
That was beautiful. *sniff*
“I felt like I was being kicked in the head by the whole chorus line at Minsky’s. The biggest Longshot Louie at Hialeah wouldn’t put a fin on my fate now. Something told me I was really out to lunch.”
>That was beautiful. *sniff*
Thanks, D. Praise from the Lady Huberta is praise indeed, ya know?
I wish that I could paste pictures into the comments, so that I could show all of y’all the gorgeous little NON-feral girl kitten that I had to let go yesterday, who was pawned-off on me by a very unethical vet as feral, and how much she loved to snuggle and give kitten kisses and chew on my necklace and play bat-the-hair and all of the wonderful things that sweet tame kittehs do to wrap your heart around their little toes.
She has a guide to help her learn the ropes of being a mouse-catching badass, a totally-feral black (younger) kitten who was returned (with that gorgeous golden tabby girl) to the seafood shop where I caught her, so I have no doubt that they will eat well and live long, but it was so FUCKING WRONG to have a vet dump a mystery kitten on me, lying to me that she was “feral” in order to get ME to do the dirty work, and then I had to keep them an extra three days because of a potential contact with a cat with parvo (they didn’t come into direct contact and did not contract the panleukopenia), so that I could fall even more in love with that green-eyed little purr-monster.
Between that and being banned from my so-called “parents’” property and therefore forbidden from seeing MY two fat spoiled chirren for the past three days, I’m in hard-core cat withdrawal, so I always enjoy getting a good kitty fix from your brilliant feline masters, Scott.
Well, I finally got to see my chirren today.
The neanderthals who house them were remarkably well-behaved, though I still loathe them with every fibre of my being.
But the kittehs were so tickled to see me, it made me feel a whole helluva lot better.

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