The World O' Crap Archive

Welcome to the Collected World O' Crap, a comprehensive library of posts from the original Salon Blog, and our successor site, (2006 to 2010).

Current posts can be found here.

Thursday, June 27, 2013

Revenge of the Gurdlings?

Okay, just for fun I Googled some Wo’C favorites to see what was new with them.  You’ll no doubt be saddened, as I was, to learn that Ryan Dobson’s puppy died (it hasn’t been proven as yet that Dr. Dobson strangled it). 
Also, it seems that Dr Mike Adams, Ph.D., is still whining “Help, help, I’m being repressed, and they aren’t promoting me to full professor either!,” as recounted in ”Some Evangelicals Find the Campus Climate Chilly — but Is That About Faith, or Politics?“ 
Here’s my favorite quote from that piece:
So when he was turned down, Mr. Adams started asking questions. The official word was that he hadn’t measured up in any of the three crucial categories — teaching, publishing, or service. He didn’t believe that for a minute. The real reason he wasn’t promoted, according to Mr. Adams, is that he’s a Christian.
And a dickwad.  But enough about Dr. Mike. 
Anyway, so there I was, Googling away for ”Meghan Cox Gurdon,” and you can imagine my excitement when the results included a new article entitled “Mama Dearest“.  However, it seems that it’s just Meghan’s review of Mary Gordon’s memoir,Circling My Mother, and not the tell-all we’ve been anticipating for so long .  But hey, just because young Aphrodite, Trojan, Activia, Windstar, and Baby Dumpling haven’t actually got around to writing the horrifying story of their life in a decaying Victorian house with an absent father, a feral rabbit, and a decaying Victorian mother, it doesn’t mean that the Weekly Lack of Standards shouldn’t publish a review of it.  
Therefore, because we want to, let’s just pretend that Meghan’s review of Gordon’s book is actually a review of the Gurdon kids’ future memoir.  (We only have to change the “o” to a “u” and it works perfectly!)
So, here you go!
Running With Pretentious Metaphors: An Account of a  Childhood Spent With the World’s Worst Mother (©TBoggCo)by Lucretia, Felonious, Altoid, Wimple, and Baby Cupcake Gurdon  
It has become fashionable for memoirs to be scorchingly honest, and for authors to spare no ugly detail in recounting events and personalities that shaped them. In the Age of Oprah, if you don’t have a genuinely moving personal saga (e.g., Ayaan Hirsi Ali’sInfidel or Frank McCourt’s Angela’s Ashes) or a horror story (say, Augusten Burroughs’s Running with Scissors), then you are left with little choice, it seems, but to dig out the family dark bits and cast the people from whom you come in the cruelest possible light.  It sells copies, gets you talked about, and best of all, you cannot be blamed for the hurt you cause, for you are a brave truth-teller.
The five (or is nine now? It’s so hard to keep track) offspring Meghan Cox Gurdon, the influential Wall Street Journal children’s book review and former NRO “humor” columnist, have joined this last unhappy group by writing a pitiless, self-regarding remembrance of their mother’s life that will surely be enjoyable only to her fans, if she had any. It’s hard to imagine any other sort of reader who would wish to spend time in the narrative company of a woman who reveals herself on virtually every page to be as humorless, pretentious, and unforgiving as Gurdon does. It is like spending the evening with a vampire.
In Running With Pretentious Metaphors, the authors set out to look at different aspects of Meghan Cox Gurdon, an apparently rather coarse, contemptuous woman who was born in 1908 and died at the age of 94 of  …..
Sorry, the rest of this article is available only to subscribers.
Okay, that’s the end of the free preview.  But I did the hard work of cutting and pasting, so now it’s up to you to finish this review!

15 Responses to “Revenge of the Gurdlings?”

Dr. Mike is TRULY, truly special. I suppose it’s the Jews running UNC Chapel Hill now? He’s actually claiming minority status as a white male Christian. Shit, at this point, you can’t even claim “idiot” as a minority group.
The official word was that he hadn’t measured up in any of the three crucial categories — teaching, publishing, or service. He didn’t believe that for a minute. The real reason he wasn’t promoted, according to Mr. Adams, is that he’s a Christian.
Maybe the music department will have room for a teensy-weensie violin player. Mike Adams sounds like a virtuoso.
and he could play that teensy weensy violin with his teensy weensy…
no! I will not make that joke! It’s just too easy!
no, no, I want to hear more about “Dr.” Mike!
Shit. I feel like the resident “defend that shit head Mike Adams” around here. To recall Voltaire, “I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it, but can I at least wear a bag over my head so know one knows it me defending you.”
My bet is that they principally nailed his ass on service. It’s quick; it’s easy; it’s disposable. When someone is an at least competent teacher - which I suspect he is - and has some decent to good publications which he also has, but is also a complete asshat, which we know he is, the best way to get him/ her - or in Adams’ case “it” - is to say that service is too low. And then in the other categories they damn with faint praise. To illustrate - say you need one outstanding and two noteworthy ( on a four scale system- satisfactory and unsatisfactory remaining). Give him two noteworthy and one satisfactory, and make satisfactory service.
It is pretty much a catch-all way of nailing resident assholes ( well, major resident assholes)who are still decent teachers and passable scholars. I have seen enough of it to know they get left, right, center, Evangelicals, Atheists, Mormons, Scientologists, Jews, Muslims and, in the immortal words of Sly Stone ” and so on and so forth and scooby dooby dooby.” The only criteria is “is this person, basically, a complete shithead?”
Now, in the University’s defense, there is a case where one can be denied promotion - in fact it is technically a firing offense even if one is tenured. In fact, along with “moral turpitude” - often referred to as the “you can’t fuck sheep in class unless you are teaching William Blake’s poetry” rule - it is about the only way to lose tenure. It is the old “doing irreparable harm to the institution” charge. Now I would imagine that having Dr. Mike on campus is akin to having a toxic dump on campus, but that isn’t exactly what they mean. Normally, it is a pretty tough charge to prove. However, every time Adams rants in a public forum about how miserable - not academia is- but specifically how miserable UNC Wilimington is and goes around telling people don’t come here, don’t donate money and blah blah blah it can be construed as doing harm to that specific institution. There are also issues of potential violation of student confidentiality ( even without naming names, if any of those mystery guests from his mind are real, it can be construed as violation of student confidentiality). It seems that every other column is about how screwed the institution is, how his colleagues are supporting terrorists, and so on.
Still and all, if that is the case, and I am only surmising that that is how they got him, for the most part it is a pretty bullshit charge. The guy probably does deserve promotion, on purely academic grounds. Of course, he probably deserves a hot lead enema. The two are not mutually exclusive. In fact, I would love it if the University offered him promotion with the proviso that he also gets a hot lead enema.
Wait, if 87% of the country is being discriminated against, who’s doing the discriminating? The same people who are discriminating against straights, whites, and males, no doubt.
Yes, I realize this is an absurd argument, but is it really any more absurd than Dr Mike’s?
Hey, Ryan D.’s (bet his “buds” call him R-Dob) site is great. He double posted the item about the dog, w/ a different title, but didn’t fix the typo of his wife’s name. Although it may not be a typo, he’s that stupid!
I could litterally [sic] hold her on [sic] one hand. Monday afternoon she was chasing squrills [sic] in our backyard and attempting to catch one on our back fence caught her collar as she was comming [sic] down. I found her shortly after. I spent a few hours digging her grave and burring [sic] her in our side yard.
A few hours? Was the ground frozen? Using the wrong end of the shovel?
This picture was taken the day she died.
PS if flickr or photobuckte [sic] would let me upload photos you’d see Beanie. I’ll try to do it soon
Whatta maroon! Remember, he did it twice. (And it’s been a month since, still no photo of poor neglected Beanie.)
Oh, & pictures of the bear he murdered.
Plus, poor Beanie should have had a breakaway or stretch collar. So R-Dob’s stupid & an asshole.
The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, does it?
“After he “came out as an evangelical,” as he puts it, Mr. Adams detected a subtle (and sometimes not-so-subtle) change in how he was regarded. It was more a feeling than anything else — a sense that he was on the outside”
So, in other words, when he started being a dick, people thought he was a dick. Wow.
A stunning chapter in the latter lives of the Gurdonian clan, perhaps, came when they revealed to one another that they had all fashioned voodoo dolls of mommie over the past decades. Their comparisons of doll-wounds filled many a long winter’s evening around the fire with guttural laughter, unnerving to those most acquainted with drawing-room etiquette.
What happened to the Gurdons’ rabbit? (He even ghost-nibbled a column!) Did someone take a hint from Pop Cult and boil him?
So lemme see…Dr. Mike…he wasn’t bringing enough fame, glory, and alumni bucks to campus, so the university squashed his hopes and dreams.
Sounds like the perfect free enterprise story!
If Dr. Mike PhD’s tales of his classroom are true, I should think it would also count against his teaching. He repeatedly sidetracks the class with his silly rants, and honest evaluations would mention this. Also, people do talk, so even if students aren’t saying “what a dick!” on their evaluations, the other faculty are probably hearing about it.
So this Dobson is the son of THE James Dobson? Is that why this ‘rebel lookin’ kid has got a house as big as a full out vacation lodge? Note in the background of the bear shoot shot. Is junior towin’ the xtrian line because that’s where the bread is buttered? I’d bet my shorts on that.
And he can’t spell? Did Mr. Dobson send junior to a christian boarding school or was he homeschooled by the Dobson matriarch?
Which leads me to Dr./Mr. Mike. It is comforting to know that the majority of those engaged in higher teaching and researching do not take lightly a charlatan among their midst.
Dr. Mike would do well to find a nice little xtrian college, like Oral Roberts University, where he will be embraced for his reluctance to new ideas and inability to engage in objective research or even critical thinking.
I also don’t understand why he is pursuing a lawsuit, it appears he has little faith in his gawd, whose omnipotent power is supposed to help everyone else in their trouble and who has a design for everyone else, why is he exempt and left free to carve his own path? Get on your knees Mr. Mike, ask your gawd to handle it and shut your whiny pie-hole.
The Gurdon children also made scientific history when it was discovered that they invented their own language, Gurguldonian, for a reason similar to the one underlying the creation ofBoontling.
Gurguldonian was notable for the lack of any referent for the concepts of parent, child, reproduction or mathematics.
I seriously doubt that the P&T commmittee had to poitn to Dr. Mike’s service to deny him promotion. Looks to me as if he hasn’t earned it. He’s published 10 articles in 13 years according to the CHRONICLE article. That’s a pretty pathetic track record for someone going up for full. And remember, some of those articles moved him from assistant to associate, so perhaps 5 articles have been produced since that promotion. Is that someone worthy of promotion to full? Not at any decent research university in the country.
So the quantity of the research is not worthy of promotion. How about the quality? Perhaps one article that really shakes up the field is worth 5 “ordinary” articles. Of Dr. Mike’s pubs are all from the same data set he used for his dissertation or something? Could be. In which case, he’s doing paint-by-numbers research (and very little of it), not bringing in grant money, and not having an impact on the field in any noticeable way.
It would be easy to deny him a promotion from the public record. Him being an asshole is completely irrelevant to the the matter.
Oh, and if it is lawsuit that means he’s already gone through the university’s grievance procedures and gotten nowhere. Because his record sucks.

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