The World O' Crap Archive

Welcome to the Collected World O' Crap, a comprehensive library of posts from the original Salon Blog, and our successor site, world-o-crap.com (2006 to 2010).

Current posts can be found here.

Thursday, June 27, 2013

Mark Steyn: Consistency Is The Hobbit Of Little Minds

Mark Steyn:  I love it when metrosexuals talk butch.  John Edwards is such a girly-femme!
Mark Steyn:  There’s nothing I adore more than musical theater!  The plot of Oklahoma! is simple:  who’s going to take Laurey to the picnic (here’s a tip, if your surrey is dripping with fringe, you’re in!).  But yawners!  Who cares?  It’s really all about tall, clean-limbed young men in tight denim, dancing around bowlegged and belting out thrilling musical paeans to a place I wouldn’t be caught dead.  But I hear it’s a lot nicer since they’ve moved all those natives out…
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20 Responses to “Mark Steyn: Consistency Is The Hobbit Of Little Minds”

And when we say
Yeeow!

That must be the part where the clean-limbed young men do their waxing.
Mark,
Question: “Clang clang clang”?
*listens for answer*
THAT IS CORRECT! “THE TROLLEY!” You are officially gay!
Tell him what we have for him, Johnny?
Sure Bob! We have, special from
New York! Season passes to the major Broadway venues! [audience gasp] including backstage passes to meet the talent! [audience oooo -- ahhh] PLUS an all expense paid shopping trip on 5th Avenue! [shrieks]
[theaforementionedgiftsdonotsignify
homosexualityamonganystaffmembersor
announcersofthisshow.thisshowtakesnoliability
forthepotentialhomosexualityofthecontestants.]
There are many straight men who enjoy musical theater.
—Give me a minute—
um–
–I got nothin’
Frankly, when someone says “I love it when metrosexuals talk butch,” finding the Judy Garland stash just confirms what we already knew, doesn’t it?
Unless, of course, they’re merely adressing somebody named Butch.
“Butch…”
“Ohhhh, Butch….”
“I always knew it would be like this…”
Oh, sorry – your name is Jud?
I love you, Bill S.
Remember, in his mindset, butch always equals Republican and vis versa. A Republican man can wear a sequined purple dress with a feather boa and a big blonde wig, and sing showtunes in a lisping falsetto while fellating a line of slender young men in evening dress and still be considered butch, because he voted for Bush.
Everybody’s butch but Bush.
(Try saying THAT 10 times in a row.)
There are many straight men who enjoy musical theater.
Does Gilbert & Sullivan get a pass for being old and British? ‘Cause, The Pirates Of Penzance is one of the gayest things I’ve ever seen that did not include two dudes actually having sex. Now that I think about it, any of y’all ever see Jailhouse Rock, one of the least disagreeable of the King’s cinematic efforts. It opens with a really nifty all-male dance number to the title song, with extolls the pleasures of spending time with “the cutest jailbird I ever did see” and “sticking around ’till I get my kicks”. Or does Elvis get a pass just ’cause?
I’m just trying to establish parameters.
How about “Singin’ in the Rain”? It could actually still be a good movie if you took out all the songs. Does that exempt it from being gay?
Hysterical Woman: I believe there is video or Republican front runner Rudy Juliani doing exactly what you discribe. Well…almost exactly.
I know nothing about musical theater (I can’t abide show tunes!), my tastes run to trance and techno, with a dash of punk/metal thrown in…well, maybe a samba or two… I wear mostly imported denim (Evisu, Energie, D&G, Diesel)but I do like to slide my long, lean, furry limbs into slim-fit, cowboy-cut Wrangler’s and my large-proportioned feet into snake-skin Tony Lama’s when I want to rock the rodeo style. Them big-belt-buckle boys seem to ‘preciate the gesture (and my…skills). Why yes, I DO yahoo!
Ducks and geese better scurry…
Ok, I’m one of the ten heterosexual men in America who like Broadway musicals. My dad is one of the others. It’s just they way we grew up. We didn’t know there were certain requirements. Don’t blame us..it’s in our genes.
Everybody’s butch but Bush.
Everybody’s butch but Bush.
Everybody’s butch but Bush.
Everybody’s butch but Bush.
Everybody’s butch but Bush.
Everybody’s butch but Bush.
Everybody’s butch but Bush.
Everybody’s butch but Bush.
Everybody’s butch but Bush.
Everybody’s butch but Bush.
Heh.
Everybody’s bush but Butch.
Oops.
There are many straight men who enjoy musical theater.
—Give me a minute—
um–
–I got nothin’
Left by punkinsmom
I’ve *done* musical theatre and I’m straight!
Well…you know…mostly…sort of…
I’ve *done* musical theatre and I’m straight!
But did you enjoy it?
Of course, we enjoyed it. Why else would we come back for more?
Um. Why…uhhhh…oh, you meant the musical!
Yes, of course…

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