The World O' Crap Archive

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Thursday, June 27, 2013

George W. Bush Emails Me!

I’m having a bad day (I was up all night with a sick kitten), and don’t feel up to scouring the Net for stupidity — so. it was very thoughtful of President Bush to take time out of his busy schedule to send my some spam on behalf of the Republican Party, thus providing me with material with no effort on my part.
Therefore, with no futher ado, allow me to present President George W. Bush’s email, but with all the BS removed:
Dear Republican,
During my six and a half years in office, you and I have worked together to advance the Republican Party’s principles to keep America safe, strengthen our economy, protect our values and extend the American Dream to every person who’s fortunate to be a citizen of our great country.
Okay, instead of striking out the rest of the email, let me just cut to the chase:
That is why I hope you will make a special online giftof $1,000, $500, $250, $100, $50, or $25 to keep the RNC’s 2008 election programs moving forward.
Sorry, but I’m all tapped out.  What else do you want to sell me, George?
Republicans have a solid record when it comes to protecting the United States of America.
After the enemy attacked us, I vowed I would rally this nation and use our resources to protect you.  And that is exactly what we have done. 
And we have been safe from tigers ever since he installed that special “no more tigers” rock in our front yard.
We have reformed our intelligence services to make sure we can find the enemy before they strike.  We have fought to deny them safe haven in Afghanistan and Iraq so they cannot plan and plot again.
And that has worked out exactly how ….?
The fight for freedom in Iraq is the fight for the security of the United States of America and we must prevail.  If we leave before the job is done, the enemy that attacked us would be emboldened. 
Then why the hell didn’t we fight that enemy instead of going to Iraq? Are you TRYING to make me want to smack somebody, George?
Okay, I guess I’m just not in the mood for this.  But here’s the rest of the email, if any of you want to have at it. 
I believe if our candidates take the message of doing what is necessary to protect the American people, we will win in 2008.
Republicans also have a solid record when it comes to growing this economy.
Republicans cut taxes for everybody who pays taxes.  We understand that if you have more money in your pocket to save, spend, or invest, the economy will grow.
If you look carefully at the budget the Democrats proposed, they want to return to the days of tax and spend.  They will raise your taxes and figure out new ways to spend your money.
If our candidates remind the American voter that tax cuts have worked, that the economy is strong as a result of the tax cuts, and instead of raising taxes, we ought to make the tax cuts permanent, we will retake the U.S. House and Senate and hold the White House in 2008.
You can win most elections based upon strong national defense and good economic policy.  But the RNC needs Sustaining Members to get this message out and support our Republican candidates.
Please support our cause today by making a special online contribution of $1,000, $500, $250, $100, $50, or $25 to the RNC to help elect Republicans at all levels in 2008.
Republican, Republicans believe in doing what’s right for America.  We believe that the best days lie ahead for our country.  And I believe that we’re going to succeed in 2008 with your support.
George W. Bush
P.S.  Republican, the RNC is leading our Party’s drive to keep the White House, reclaim our majorities in the U.S. House and Senate, and elect GOP legislators in all 50 states.  Please take a moment right now to make a special contribution of $1,000, $500, $250, $100, $50, or $25 today to help fully fund the RNC’s 2008 campaign programs.  Thank you.
So, I think we can sum up the President’s message to Republicans as follows: give us more money, suckers.
Anymore, more later, maybe.

19 Responses to “George W. Bush Emails Me!”

“Republicans also have a solid record when it comes to growing this economy. Republicans cut taxes for everybody who pays taxes.”
Divide and conquer all over again. The “everybody who pays taxes” is the slight of hand used to whip up class and race hatred against the “Thems” that plague our country and don’t pay taxes — people of color, single mothers and poor folks.
Its no different than the “my tax paying constituents” that I heard repeatedly when I lobbied the state house here. In other words, you have to buy your citizenship, money is your path to having a voice. This of course only further whips up the middle class who feel pinched to blame those who are different than or have less than, for their tax burden. What I can’t believe is how so many people buy that worn out crap over and over again.
“…they [Democrats] want to return to the days of tax and spend. They will raise your taxes and figure out new ways to spend your money.”
They’d have to do a lot of tax and spend to out spend the Republican Iraqi oil venture. I can’t wait! Get the Democrats in pronto! I want well funded schools from Berkley to East St. Louis to the Bronx! I want to see free university admissions, forgiven student loans, tax credits for renewable energy!
Hoo-wee! Get them demies in there baby, the Republicans got me sold.
Particularly since everybody pays taxes. Between payroll taxes and service taxes and sales taxes and restaurant taxes and tourist taxes and surcharges on everything from apartments to laundromats to arcade games, everybody pays taxes. In fact, the rich pay less of their income on taxes as a percentage than the rest of us.
Personally, I have no objection to class warfare as such, but it’s damned unseemly when it’s practiced by the rich against the poor.
Also I hope the kitten gets better. We’re about to drop another couple hundred on the vet this weekend. I can’t blame you for not digging deep to contribute to Bush’s attempt at a legacy.
would be emboldened.
well, at least he didn’t say they’d be embiggened
I’m terribly upset by this, since I thought George and I were carrying on a private little correspondence of our own. Now I find that slut is chatting up other people, too!
I posted my letter from Georgie Porgie on my own blog, and you’ll note that the links for contributions are not the same as the link on this letter. What could be going on?!
“…if our candidates take the message of doing what is necessary to protect the American people, we will win”
You want to do that? Really? How amazingly generous and selfless. Here’s some step-by-step instructions to help you GOP dudes out:
1. Go to a gun store or gun show
2. Buy a handgun; the size and power is less important than its reliability.
3. Load handgun. You did remember to pick up ammo in step 2, didn’t you?
4. Point at own head. **
5. Pull trigger.
Step 5 may need to be repeated several times, because the typical kool-aid-shrivelled neocon brain is about the size of a walnut, and bounces around randomly. Persistance is key! Stay the course!
**Oh yeah, don’t forget to say (between steps 4 and 5) “it is a far, far better thing I do for America, than I have ever done before”.
Magic 8 ball says “html-fu is weak today”
I don’t remember getting a tax cut along with Bill Gates. I do remember a rise in my payroll taxes, though.
And if they are so great at “protecting” us, why did 9/11 happen?
Funny….I got an email from Karl Rove asking me NOT to give to the DCCC…
“Dear Carl,
As my last act in the White House, I asked Dick Cheney if he could help me break into the DCCC and send you this email.
You see I’ve been watching you and other Democratic activists and let me say I’m a bit concerned. Over the past eight months Democrats in the House have made life for my Republican friends and me difficult — issuing subpoena after subpoena. This has got to stop.
Democrats have only been able to take these actions because people like you have backing them up.
Well, the end of the quarter is only 72 hours away and from reading your emails over the past week I know that the DCCC has a goal of raising $1 million online and some donors, who clearly hate America, have setup a special 2-TO-1 matching fund so your contributions will effectively be tripled.
On behalf of Dick Cheney, I order you not to contribute to the DCCC by clicking here: Contribute to the Democratic Majority Matching Fund Drive
For six years the Republicans in Congress let George, Dick and me get away with every trick in the book. Making up stuff about weapons of mass destruction, revealing the identity of a covert agent to get revenge on her husband, firing US Attorneys who went after Republicans; we did it all. And if Republicans were in power we’d still be getting away with it.
I wish it could go back to the way it was. I would do some wild and crazy stuff and the media would help me sweep it under the rug. But with committee chairmen like Henry Waxman and John Conyers now leading investigations into our actions, being in the White House just wasn’t as fun anymore. That’s why I headed home to Texas.
In fact, Democrats have held more oversight hearings in eight months than Republicans held in six years.Democrats are only able to take these actions because they have a committed set of activists standing behind them. That’s why it’s so vital you NOT contribute to the DCCC by clicking here: Contribute to the Democratic Majority Matching Fund Drive
Karl Rove”
What gall these people have. It was so wonderful the way you raped me repeatedly. Would you mind doing it again?
And we have been safe from tigers ever since he installed that special “no more tigers” rock in our front yard.
I can’t believe you fell for that old con. There is only one magic anti-tiger rock and I have it in my yard (along with a certificate of authenticity from the Franklim Nint). You really have to learn to be more skeptical.
Dear s.z., I am a frequent visitor although I rarely comment, preferring instead to enjoy the wit of the regulars. I admire you enormously and would like to send you some money to help with the critters but I don’t do PayPal. Do you have another safely annonymous way, like a P.O. Box address, that I could use? Thanks.
if you lived across the street from a river like I do, your vet bills would be cheaper.
I’m kidding. I spend many dollars a year to help sick kitties that show up at my house. Every one of my sick ass fucking ass neighbors who move away drop their cats at my house. They know that I will take them in and care for them even though I hate the little bastards. Except for Pat the Rat and Charlie and Cheetoh and Penelope Pitstop and Missy and etc. Who I like. I hate the rest of them.
just seeing if i can post comments again.
I just wish that everyone who received this letter sent it back empty with the note: “Sorry I can’t contribute now-I had to pay my children’s health insurance bills.”
“…That is why I hope you will make a special online gift of $1,000, $500, $250, $100, $50, or $25 to keep the RNC’s 2008 election programs moving forward…”
Sure. I will if it helps the RNC move forward. Right off the cliff.
Did you too wind up on their list because your significant other had bought you the wonderful present of the George W. Bush action figure?
D.S.: Exactly, the its no mystery that the ones who practice it most always cry the loudest about ‘class warfare’ when the left brings out the gross injustice the Republicans practice.
Which also is what made me want to scream invectives loudly when the right starts to bloviate about taxes. My ass they pay, they lump it all on the middle class and the poor. The greatest insult of course I think is how they use so much of that money to turn around and resell the whole concept to the people they are stealing from.
No George; “Netroots” doesn’t mean another avenue you can carve out for your propaganda band wagon machine to fill.
I get stuff from the Franklim Nint all the time. I just *adore* my Karr Love plate!
(Sorry — I have great difficulty telling Karl Rove from John Mark Karr sometimes.)
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