I’m having a bad day (I was up all night with a sick kitten), and don’t feel up to scouring the Net for stupidity — so. it was very thoughtful of President Bush to take time out of his busy schedule to send my some spam on behalf of the Republican Party, thus providing me with material with no effort on my part.
Therefore, with no futher ado, allow me to present President George W. Bush’s email, but with all the BS removed:
During my six and a half years in office, you and I have worked together to advance the Republican Party’s principles to keep America safe, strengthen our economy, protect our values and extend the American Dream to every person who’s fortunate to be a citizen of our great country.
Okay, instead of striking out the rest of the email, let me just cut to the chase:
That is why I hope you will make a special online giftof $1,000, $500, $250, $100, $50, or $25 to keep the RNC’s 2008 election programs moving forward.
Sorry, but I’m all tapped out. What else do you want to sell me, George?
Republicans have a solid record when it comes to protecting the United States of America.
After the enemy attacked us, I vowed I would rally this nation and use our resources to protect you. And that is exactly what we have done.
And we have been safe from tigers ever since he installed that special “no more tigers” rock in our front yard.
We have reformed our intelligence services to make sure we can find the enemy before they strike. We have fought to deny them safe haven in Afghanistan and Iraq so they cannot plan and plot again.
And that has worked out exactly how ….?
The fight for freedom in Iraq is the fight for the security of the United States of America and we must prevail.If we leave before the job is done, the enemy that attacked us would be emboldened.
Then why the hell didn’t we fight that enemy instead of going to Iraq? Are you TRYING to make me want to smack somebody, George?
Okay, I guess I’m just not in the mood for this. But here’s the rest of the email, if any of you want to have at it.
I believe if our candidates take the message of doing what is necessary to protect the American people, we will win in 2008.
Republicans also have a solid record when it comes to growing this economy.
Republicans cut taxes for everybody who pays taxes. We understand that if you have more money in your pocket to save, spend, or invest, the economy will grow.
If you look carefully at the budget the Democrats proposed, they want to return to the days of tax and spend. They will raise your taxes and figure out new ways to spend your money.
If our candidates remind the American voter that tax cuts have worked, that the economy is strong as a result of the tax cuts, and instead of raising taxes, we ought to make the tax cuts permanent, we will retake the U.S. House and Senate and hold the White House in 2008.
You can win most elections based upon strong national defense and good economic policy. But the RNC needs Sustaining Members to get this message out and support our Republican candidates.
Republican, Republicans believe in doing what’s right for America. We believe that the best days lie ahead for our country. And I believe that we’re going to succeed in 2008 with your support.
George W. Bush
P.S. Republican, the RNC is leading our Party’s drive to keep the White House, reclaim our majorities in the U.S. House and Senate, and elect GOP legislators in all 50 states. Please take a moment right now to make a special contribution of $1,000, $500, $250, $100, $50, or $25 today to help fully fund the RNC’s 2008 campaign programs. Thank you.
So, I think we can sum up the President’s message to Republicans as follows: give us more money, suckers.
Anymore, more later, maybe.
Posted by s.z. on Thursday, September 27th, 2007 at 6:31 pm.