Here’s an exclusive from Don Wildmon’s American Family & Anti-Gay Association:
Dear World o’Crap,At PetSmart, Christmas doesn’t exist.
It’s true! I’m at PetSmart several times a week, and it’s an alternate reality divorced from time and space and all sense of reality, I’m tellin’ ya!
It is not to be found anywhere on their Web Site. AFA checked out the local PetSmart store and there was no Christmas there, either.
But were there hamsters? Fuzzy little hamsters that could be used for immoral purposes? That’s what the AFA members want to know!
A search on PetSmart’s home page found 252 references to “holiday.” It also found 43 references to “Christmas.” But, alas, this is very misleading. When you click on “Christmas” you are directed to a page containing the same gifts you get when you search for holiday. Of all the items that pop up when you search for Christmas, not a single one mentions Christmas or is identified as being a Christmas gift.
Personally, I blame Fluffy and Fido for this sacrilege. If only they had specified that they wanted “CHRISTMAS chew toys that honor Baby Jesus” instead of the politically correct “Holiday chew toys honoring Satan,” then I’m sure their owners would have fallen into line.
At PetSmart, everything is “holiday.”
True again. In fact, I think today is “National Bird Seed Day,” the official holiday of the pagan finches.
Thank you for caring enough to get involved.
Any time, Don. I’m always up for kicking some dogs and cats into a proper appreciation of their Christian heritage.
Oh, and because I care so much, here’s part of another Action Alert from Don and the boys:
Hotels replace Gideon Bibles with “sex kits”Dear World o’Crap,
The latest fad with some hotels is to replace their Bibles with “intimancy kits.” For instance, at New York City’s trendy Soho Grand Hotel guests can enjoy a gourmet mini-bar, an iPod, a flat-screen TV and even the company of a complimentary pet goldfish. But no Bible.
Gourmet food and sex with goldfish instead of reading the Bible while staying in luxury hotels! Is this really what we’ve come to?
Since 2001, the number of luxury hotels with Bibles in the rooms has dropped by 18 percent. The same companies that own these luxury hotels also own some of the typical hotels and motels you and I might use.
Yeah, and if the Soho Grand starts promoting in-room goldfish prostitututes, you know that Motel 6 and “Sleazy Rooms for Rent By the Hour” will be joining the trend soon.
For example, Accor Hotels owns Motel 6. Without action now, it is simply a matter of time before other chains remove the Bibles.
And if our nation’s hotel rooms are left unprotected by our failure to have a Bible in every night stand, we will be hopelessly vulnerable to vampire attacks. Seriously. You should start harrasing some CEOs by making dozens of irate phone calls or something.
And thank you for caring enough to get all worked up about something that affects your daily life in such a profound way.
50 Responses to “Latest: Dogs and Cats Join War on Christmas”
I once left a copy of Sid Caesar’s autobiography next to the Gideon Bible in a hotel room I stayed in only because I didn’t want to lug the darn thing home with me. Perhaps if people followed my example, there would be no worry re: the lack of reading material in this nation’s overnight stays.
At PetSmart, Christmas doesn’t exist.
Well, shithead, it ain’t the Puppy Jesus or the Kitty Gabriel!
Well, shithead, it ain’t the Puppy Jesus or the Kitty Gabriel!
Say, I know conservatives are on hard times and all, butMotel 6?!?!
Can’t they afford at least a Susse Chalet?
Can’t they afford at least a Susse Chalet?
Who’re they kiddin’? I searched the whole American Family Association site and there’s not a single Christmas doggie sweater and hat set to be found. That puts Petsmart up like +8 or somethin’.
Truly it is as my high school horticulture teacher once said: Anything Goes In A Motel Six.
Incidentally, given the choice between hotels, I would endure even lectures from Don Wildmon to stay in a Motel 6, though I would never willingly work there ever again.
Those places are *clean*. Psychotically, abusing-the-workforce, fractions-of-points-off-the-inspection, O/CD clean. You could eat off the bathroom counter in a Motel 6, whereas your typical Best Western I do not advise drinking from the in-room coffeepot. I lasted less than a month at the Motel 6. It wasn’t the work, it was the fucking germ-phobic nutcases they make housekeeping supers. I’d thought white-glove inspections were a myth to that point, and I like, generally, a lot more leeway to behave like the prima donna I am while housekeeping. (I’m very particular about this sort of thing–in a universe that works the right way, the abuse flows from me, the maid, to the guests. Not from the super to me. Plus, those fuckers play hardball at the whisper of unionization.)
But holy shit, those are clean hotels. National was known to swiftly yank franchises over poor inspections. You can keep your Holiday Inns and your Ramadas (and if you have any sense at all you will not even consider using the icebuckets or the comp shampoo) and I will stay in my budget Motel 6, and tip big. (Admittedly, I still won’t touch the drinking glasses unless they’re factory sealed in plastic wrappers, but I’m like that in every hotel. Word to the wise, kids.)
Is it me, though, or is the AFA not even pretending they give a fuck about families anymore? It seems like it’s all rabid Christian PC nowadays. What kind of fuckwit looks at a doggie-angel costume (they have them) and declares that Christmas has been vanished from the pet chain?
Incidentally, given the choice between hotels, I would endure even lectures from Don Wildmon to stay in a Motel 6, though I would never willingly work there ever again.
Those places are *clean*. Psychotically, abusing-the-workforce, fractions-of-points-off-the-inspection, O/CD clean. You could eat off the bathroom counter in a Motel 6, whereas your typical Best Western I do not advise drinking from the in-room coffeepot. I lasted less than a month at the Motel 6. It wasn’t the work, it was the fucking germ-phobic nutcases they make housekeeping supers. I’d thought white-glove inspections were a myth to that point, and I like, generally, a lot more leeway to behave like the prima donna I am while housekeeping. (I’m very particular about this sort of thing–in a universe that works the right way, the abuse flows from me, the maid, to the guests. Not from the super to me. Plus, those fuckers play hardball at the whisper of unionization.)
But holy shit, those are clean hotels. National was known to swiftly yank franchises over poor inspections. You can keep your Holiday Inns and your Ramadas (and if you have any sense at all you will not even consider using the icebuckets or the comp shampoo) and I will stay in my budget Motel 6, and tip big. (Admittedly, I still won’t touch the drinking glasses unless they’re factory sealed in plastic wrappers, but I’m like that in every hotel. Word to the wise, kids.)
Is it me, though, or is the AFA not even pretending they give a fuck about families anymore? It seems like it’s all rabid Christian PC nowadays. What kind of fuckwit looks at a doggie-angel costume (they have them) and declares that Christmas has been vanished from the pet chain?
You know, I was staying in a luxury Accor hotel just last week and thinking to myself that perhaps I should investigate religion as a means to numb the terrifying emptiness of existence. However, when I looked in the drawer for the Bible that would surely have saved my pitiful soul, the ONE SHOT I HAD to read the word of God, I found an “intimacy kit” but no Good Book. So instead I turned to a life of crime, homosexuality, fornication, drugs, blah blah blah blah blah…
Sigh. These two articles actually made me cry a little inside. Has anyone ever read a motel Bible? I love the comment about them keeping vampires at bay. For serious now, WTF is wrong with these people?
Sigh. These two articles actually made me cry a little inside. Has anyone ever read a motel Bible? I love the comment about them keeping vampires at bay. For serious now, WTF is wrong with these people?
I’ve actually read portions of a hotel bible, while waiting for the cops to turn up and arrest a bunch of drunken commercial fleet sailors who were roaming the halls. (My co-worker and I had been advised by the desk to lock ourselves into a room until they were dragged away. She didn’t speak English, I didn’t speak Spanish, neither of us were in the mood for charades, and I was bored.)
Good times, good times…
(My life has been a protracted search for anecdotes. I have often gone far, far out of my way to end up in situations which might later be humorously recountable. Belatedly I realize that this makes me socially obnoxious, but dammit, I *earned* this social obnoxiousness.)
Good times, good times…
(My life has been a protracted search for anecdotes. I have often gone far, far out of my way to end up in situations which might later be humorously recountable. Belatedly I realize that this makes me socially obnoxious, but dammit, I *earned* this social obnoxiousness.)
Mr. Wildmon sure has an awful lot of free time, it seems.
“But, alas, this is very misleading. When you click on “Christmas” you are directed to a page containing the same gifts you get when you search for holiday.”
It’s a conspiracy to lead your dog away from Christ!!!
“But, alas, this is very misleading. When you click on “Christmas” you are directed to a page containing the same gifts you get when you search for holiday.”
It’s a conspiracy to lead your dog away from Christ!!!
Hotels replace Gideon Bibles with “sex kits”
…And there was much rejoicing…
…And there was much rejoicing…
So there’s no Christmas on PetSmart. It’s still a week before Thanksgiving! Heaven forbid that we should celebrate holidays one at a time.
Who besides Wildman has trouble getting in the mood without reading the Bible first? I feel sorry for his wife. (Okay, MORE sorry than I already did.)
You know, it’s interesting how the definition of oppression has evolved from “doing something to stop me from doing what I want to do” to “not actively proselytizing for others to do what I want to do”
WADR, the community I belong to is the community of people who return something of value for what they receive. Me, I like to support that community with my dollars. It’s kind of like economic nationalism without venture capital.
WADR, the community I belong to is the community of people who return something of value for what they receive. Me, I like to support that community with my dollars. It’s kind of like economic nationalism without venture capital.
But…what about the sex kits? I must know!
And if our nation’s hotel rooms are left unprotected by our failure to have a Bible in every night stand, we will be hopelessly vulnerable to vampire attacks.
You know what they say — that if only one person would ever be saved that Jesus still would have gone to the cross. Therefore I think they should be happy to have a Bible in one night stand, although I don’t want to know how that would work.
You know what they say — that if only one person would ever be saved that Jesus still would have gone to the cross. Therefore I think they should be happy to have a Bible in one night stand, although I don’t want to know how that would work.
Honestly? “sex kits” probably means “condoms”. Possibly even tiny packets of lube. And it’s probably where they moved the card listing all the dirty movies available, which used to outrage Wildmon and others by sitting on top of the TV where they were forced–forced–to read the names and think about it.
“Kit” sounds interesting, in a “Just Add Dick!” sort of way, but I’m guessing we’re not talking about ostrich feathers, padded handcuffs, two sizes of cock rings, edible underwear, a jar of honey powder, and a selection of dildos in a handcrafted wooden box. I think we’re looking at anti-rubber outrage. Frankly, hotel room amenities are never really that interesting.
And I wouldn’t be surprised if some AFA pinhead just didn’t bother to check the other nightstand for the Bible. Hotels rarely replace the crap they leave in your rooms, because people will pay more for a room if there’s more crap in it, even if they never touch most of it. Hotel chains know precisely how many pennies per night a plastic shower cap is worth, and you’d better believe they know how much a Gideon Bible is worth, too.
If the Bibles *have* been removed, it’s just as likely to be because the Gideons figure there’s no saving the patrons of the hotel in question and returned to ask for them back. (Yes, they do that.)
“Kit” sounds interesting, in a “Just Add Dick!” sort of way, but I’m guessing we’re not talking about ostrich feathers, padded handcuffs, two sizes of cock rings, edible underwear, a jar of honey powder, and a selection of dildos in a handcrafted wooden box. I think we’re looking at anti-rubber outrage. Frankly, hotel room amenities are never really that interesting.
And I wouldn’t be surprised if some AFA pinhead just didn’t bother to check the other nightstand for the Bible. Hotels rarely replace the crap they leave in your rooms, because people will pay more for a room if there’s more crap in it, even if they never touch most of it. Hotel chains know precisely how many pennies per night a plastic shower cap is worth, and you’d better believe they know how much a Gideon Bible is worth, too.
If the Bibles *have* been removed, it’s just as likely to be because the Gideons figure there’s no saving the patrons of the hotel in question and returned to ask for them back. (Yes, they do that.)
Imo, the nut-case who wrote this article was seriously lacking good ideas and came up with this one during a weekend shopping in the nearest city, looking for xmas gifts for some pets while staying at a local motel.
All I can say is, if the nut-case gets paid for this crap, then my work is being seriously under-valued.
All I can say is, if the nut-case gets paid for this crap, then my work is being seriously under-valued.
[...] s.z. added an interesting post today on Latest: Dogs and Cats Join War on Christmas.Here’s a small reading:It also found 43 references to “Christmas.” But, alas, this is very misleading. When you click on “Christmas” you are directed to a page containing the same gifts you get when you search for holiday. Of all the items that pop up when … [...]
Anybody else old enough to have stayed in a Motel Six back when it actually cost six bucks a night?
When I worked there, they were paying six bucks an hour, does that count?
Oh no – now I’ll have to buy rolling papers.
Who besides Wildman has trouble getting in the mood without reading the Bible first? I feel sorry for his wife. (Okay, MORE sorry than I already did.)
Left by Bill S
he prolly uses it to lecture the prostitutes about the evil of their ways after they’ve “serviced” him but before he stiffs them on the tip
Left by Bill S
he prolly uses it to lecture the prostitutes about the evil of their ways after they’ve “serviced” him but before he stiffs them on the tip
Realist, I am, I am–old enough to remember when the Motel 6 charged six bucks a night per room. My parents would reserve summer holiday stays in the Palm Springs Motel 6 a year in advance (that’s what it took). My sibs would snivel about how the black/white TV demanded a quarter for every half-hour. (Not a big deal for me, because I brought my own reading material.)
The True Meaning of Christmas™ is annoying your dog by strapping novelty reindeer antlers to her head. Everyone knows that.
Wildmon is an idiot. Always was, always will be. But “sex kits?” Seriously, I, too, won’t touch the drinking glasses, what corporation in their right mind would put sex toys/objects/aids in a hotel room – and what idiot would ever touch them!?
What am I missing? I thought the goldfish in your room was to inhibit sexual urges.
I know I can’t masturbate in such rooms knowing those little bastards are watching.
At least not to extreme.
I know I can’t masturbate in such rooms knowing those little bastards are watching.
At least not to extreme.
The goldfish is allegedly there for “companionship”, because nothing quite says “Not a loser stuck alone in a hotel on a Friday night for a business seminar” like a goldfish in a brandy snifter. This according to some news bit I saw once, anyway.
The goldfish is *actually* there to justify the four hundred dollar rental on a two hundred fifty dollar room. Or at least fifty bucks of it. You’d be amazed how stupid hotel guests can be.
The goldfish is *actually* there to justify the four hundred dollar rental on a two hundred fifty dollar room. Or at least fifty bucks of it. You’d be amazed how stupid hotel guests can be.
No, D. Sidhe, I would not be amazed. I encounter stupid people at my job too. I’ve considered writing a book called “The Customer Is NOT Always Right”.
AP news wire:
“A 46 year old Cleveland man was arraigned today in Superior Court on charges of solicitation of prostitution and animal cruelty.
He has pled not guilty by reason of temporary temptation, a new law passed this legislative season, giving exception to white men who are overcome by temptation.
The prostitutes were burned at the stake last week and the goldfish returned to their brandy snifter.”
In other news, the national pet supply chain, PetSmart was brought before the Blasphemy Board for their refusal to post Christmas advertising on the mandated start date of October 30th.
The board will have to option to censure the local management team or send the issue to the Federal Faith Registry. At which point, the CEO’s could face arrest and then banishment to the Oral Roberts Re-education camp.
The public is encouraged to come forward as always with names of co-conspirators. A free dinner for four at Friendly’s resturant will be rewarded for those reports that result in arrest.
“A 46 year old Cleveland man was arraigned today in Superior Court on charges of solicitation of prostitution and animal cruelty.
He has pled not guilty by reason of temporary temptation, a new law passed this legislative season, giving exception to white men who are overcome by temptation.
The prostitutes were burned at the stake last week and the goldfish returned to their brandy snifter.”
In other news, the national pet supply chain, PetSmart was brought before the Blasphemy Board for their refusal to post Christmas advertising on the mandated start date of October 30th.
The board will have to option to censure the local management team or send the issue to the Federal Faith Registry. At which point, the CEO’s could face arrest and then banishment to the Oral Roberts Re-education camp.
The public is encouraged to come forward as always with names of co-conspirators. A free dinner for four at Friendly’s resturant will be rewarded for those reports that result in arrest.
I like the salutation “Dear World o’Crap”, lends the personal touch to a mass email.
Oh, and are all of the following items in the intimacy kit? That’s some kit.
“The latest fad with some hotels is to replace their Bibles with “intimancy kits.” For instance, at New York City’s trendy Soho Grand Hotel guests can enjoy a gourmet mini-bar, an iPod, a flat-screen TV and even the company of a complimentary pet goldfish. But no Bible.”
Oh, and are all of the following items in the intimacy kit? That’s some kit.
“The latest fad with some hotels is to replace their Bibles with “intimancy kits.” For instance, at New York City’s trendy Soho Grand Hotel guests can enjoy a gourmet mini-bar, an iPod, a flat-screen TV and even the company of a complimentary pet goldfish. But no Bible.”
A complimentary goldfish? That would make for GREAT company. It’d be a real self-esteem boost to have a fish telling you how great you are. I am SO there.
[...] Another fellow blogger added an interesting post today on Comment on Latest: Dogs and Cats Join War on Christmas by www ….Here’s a small reading:sz added an interesting post today on Latest: Dogs and Cats Join War on Christmas.Here’sa small reading:It also found 43 references to “Christmas.” But, alas, this is very misleading. When you click on “Christmas” you are directed to a … [...]
D.Sidhe, precious, you know that I love you, but I wanna see documentation that these Motel 6s of which you speak actually exist on this planet. I’ve done a lot of road trips and stayed in more than my share of Motel 6s (shaddup, the lot of you), and never have I ever ONCE seen a clean one.Same goes for Best Western (especially that dump on Tulane Avenue in NOLA that isn’t even a Best Western anymore, but the sidewalk floor show of musical switchblading hookers was FASCINATING! Good thing that I had a 2nd floor room.), Super 8s, “Choice Hotels”(HA!), Red Roof (the one in Austin is a meth lab, but the Red Lion Hotel RAWKS!!!), Amerisuites, La Quinta (though the Denny’s downstairs sometimes helps), Ramada, Hampton Inn — name a motel, and I’ve probably stayed in it, even the Texas 7s in Fort Walton, where the headboards fall off of the wall onto your head and the bloodstains on the shower floor (which almost spell out “Helter Skel…”) NEVER COME CLEAN — and I’ve NEVER set foot in a “clean” or even remotely sanitary motel in all of my travels and misadventures. The Red Lion in Austin is one of the very few real hotels I’ve ever been in, that one was SURGICAL and had THE best staff — but there’s a stand-alone (NOT Red Lion!) on Miami Beach that I’d like to burn down, just to spare HAZMAT the trouble. I realize that it would inconvenience the drug dealers and hookers who live there, but tough noogies. Those motherfuckers owe me money (the “management,” not the hot-and-cold-running criminals).
And S.Z., darling, patron saint of all things critterly, you know damned well that it’s GERBILS that are used for rectal implantation, NOT hamsters, because GERBILS, YOU CAN PULL BY THE TAIL AND POP ‘EM OUT LIKE A TAMPON. How in the FUCK would one remove an asphyxiated hamster?!?!
Speaking of hamsters — NEVER EVER EVER BUY A HAMSTER AT PETSMART. They said that they were selling me a docile, friendly, gets-along-great-with-other-hamsters “Siberian Winter White” dwarf hamster, and instead they stuck me with a Campbell’s dwarf, the most ornery and NOT-LOVING-THE-ROOMMATES hamster on earth. Mean, bitey, and murdered her gorgeous “Black Russian” roommate Aretha, Uma the homicidal hamster did. Yeah, she’s still around (outlived her projected lifespan by a year thus far, she’s like the Terminator of hamsters), and on rare occasions when she’s NOT ovulating, we even get along. But if I’d known that she would kill her sweet little roommate, I wouldn’t have bought her or named her after watching both “Kill Bill” movies. So keep that in mind when shopping for rodents — most of the PetSmart employees know BUPKIS about what they’re selling you. They’re nice people, and sometimes they’re even helpful, and they do a LOT of good work & charity as a corporation, but I’ll never trust them with a rodent decision again.
BTW, since WHEN has Donald Wildmon EVER given a fuck about “families”?!??!?! He’s just another televangelist whore, assaulting the senses and the mind in pursuit of yet another dollar. Oh, and he’s an illiterate inbred Mississippi hillfuck douchebag, too.
And Realist, darlin’, I would *love* to have paid the six bucks that a Motel 6 is actually worth, but, alas, I wasn’t born in the right decade. Last Motel 6 that I was in, in the cultural shit-hole of Amarillo, Texas, was SIXTY-SEVEN BUCKS A NIGHT, in 2003. I shit you not. Filthiest hole that I’ve seen this side of the U.N.O. dorm.
Okay, all of that done, am I the only one who writes Bill Hicks quotes about capturing Gideons inside of the Gideon Bibles with a giant Sharpie?
And S.Z., darling, patron saint of all things critterly, you know damned well that it’s GERBILS that are used for rectal implantation, NOT hamsters, because GERBILS, YOU CAN PULL BY THE TAIL AND POP ‘EM OUT LIKE A TAMPON. How in the FUCK would one remove an asphyxiated hamster?!?!
Speaking of hamsters — NEVER EVER EVER BUY A HAMSTER AT PETSMART. They said that they were selling me a docile, friendly, gets-along-great-with-other-hamsters “Siberian Winter White” dwarf hamster, and instead they stuck me with a Campbell’s dwarf, the most ornery and NOT-LOVING-THE-ROOMMATES hamster on earth. Mean, bitey, and murdered her gorgeous “Black Russian” roommate Aretha, Uma the homicidal hamster did. Yeah, she’s still around (outlived her projected lifespan by a year thus far, she’s like the Terminator of hamsters), and on rare occasions when she’s NOT ovulating, we even get along. But if I’d known that she would kill her sweet little roommate, I wouldn’t have bought her or named her after watching both “Kill Bill” movies. So keep that in mind when shopping for rodents — most of the PetSmart employees know BUPKIS about what they’re selling you. They’re nice people, and sometimes they’re even helpful, and they do a LOT of good work & charity as a corporation, but I’ll never trust them with a rodent decision again.
BTW, since WHEN has Donald Wildmon EVER given a fuck about “families”?!??!?! He’s just another televangelist whore, assaulting the senses and the mind in pursuit of yet another dollar. Oh, and he’s an illiterate inbred Mississippi hillfuck douchebag, too.
And Realist, darlin’, I would *love* to have paid the six bucks that a Motel 6 is actually worth, but, alas, I wasn’t born in the right decade. Last Motel 6 that I was in, in the cultural shit-hole of Amarillo, Texas, was SIXTY-SEVEN BUCKS A NIGHT, in 2003. I shit you not. Filthiest hole that I’ve seen this side of the U.N.O. dorm.
Okay, all of that done, am I the only one who writes Bill Hicks quotes about capturing Gideons inside of the Gideon Bibles with a giant Sharpie?
A complimentary goldfish? That would make for GREAT company. It’d be a real self-esteem boost to have a fish telling you how great you are.
Think again, GeoX…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dBXRzdbfp-o
Think again, GeoX…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dBXRzdbfp-o
I thought the goldfish in your room was to inhibit sexual urges.
I know I can’t masturbate in such rooms knowing those little bastards are watching.
Watching, and judging.
Hell, I have a hard time having sex when the cats are in the room. Especially when you look up and see one of them staring at you.
I know I can’t masturbate in such rooms knowing those little bastards are watching.
Watching, and judging.
Hell, I have a hard time having sex when the cats are in the room. Especially when you look up and see one of them staring at you.
A priest once told me that “Sex in the Bible” was the most popular course at seminary. I have a plan to make a small book, like a Chick tract, that lists all the sex parts of the Bible and then leave it in hotels inside the Gideon Bible. (If you leave it separately, it might get thrown out.) It’s too bad all those upscale hotels have gotten rid of their Bibles, but maybe they’ll add them to their “intimacy kits”. Sadly, I do not currently have the time nor the money to implement my plan.
Lol. Actor Ian McKellen, famously and wonderfully gay, has said that the first thing he does in a hotel room is fling any Bible he might find there right out the window.
rock n roll!
rock n roll!
Don’t make me do this again.
Leave the Bible alone. If you deface it in any obvious way or dispose of it, you are only fucking with the minimum wager who decides whether you get the good towels and the clean drinking pillows.
If you want to open it up and write stuff in it, feel free. The maid will ignore it. If you want to use it as some sort of confessions-themed Post Secret project, feel free. Again, the maid will not care.
But if the Bible is missing the maid has to take time out of her schedule to go find another one, and spare Bibles are incredibly scarce in a hotel because the Gideons are cheap bastards and leave exactly as many Bibles as there are rooms.
It’s bad enough the maid has to put the fucking things in the rooms to begin with, don’t make her have to spend twelve minutes finding a spare one, and don’t make her get yelled at by her housekeeping super when she can’t. It’s just mean.
It’s like screaming at telemarketers. You’re not mad at the person you are most inconveniencing, and the people you *are* mad at will never even know you were mad at all. Leave the Bible alone, call the front desk and leave a nasty message for the owner.
Leave the Bible alone. If you deface it in any obvious way or dispose of it, you are only fucking with the minimum wager who decides whether you get the good towels and the clean drinking pillows.
If you want to open it up and write stuff in it, feel free. The maid will ignore it. If you want to use it as some sort of confessions-themed Post Secret project, feel free. Again, the maid will not care.
But if the Bible is missing the maid has to take time out of her schedule to go find another one, and spare Bibles are incredibly scarce in a hotel because the Gideons are cheap bastards and leave exactly as many Bibles as there are rooms.
It’s bad enough the maid has to put the fucking things in the rooms to begin with, don’t make her have to spend twelve minutes finding a spare one, and don’t make her get yelled at by her housekeeping super when she can’t. It’s just mean.
It’s like screaming at telemarketers. You’re not mad at the person you are most inconveniencing, and the people you *are* mad at will never even know you were mad at all. Leave the Bible alone, call the front desk and leave a nasty message for the owner.
Just remember folks, while a goldfish can prevent pregnancy it does not stop the transmission of STDs. Stay safe, people; use the IPOD!
Oh, and for those people who are so insanely clean that they won’t use the drinking glasses in the hotel room, is there any, you know, evidence of people having to check into hospitals with The Plague they caught from the Holiday Inn drinking glasses? Do you people bring your own silverware into restaurants? Never touch a doorknob that other people have already touched?
I can’t get the image of Howard Hughes in his final days out of my mind.
I can’t get the image of Howard Hughes in his final days out of my mind.
Fardels, the people who are doing your table settings in restaurants probably haven’t just cleaned a toilet.
Glasses are even worse than plastic or paper cups, as they must be run through a dishwasher, and no one runs the dishwasher as often as they should to keep up. (Usually they’re hard pressed to keep the laundry going in a timely fashion. If you’re lucky, any given maid will get forty clean glasses in a day for a row of rooms that may require as many as 120.)
Especially when time is tight because you’ve just had to go find a replacement Bible, there is a strong temptation (and often an explicit policy) to just wash the glasses in the room sink. Which would be fine, except that you have to use the window cleaning solution or the bar soap because you’re not given anything more appropriate, and I’ve actually seen maids do this with the sponge they just used on the bathtub and worse. Without being given the appropriate tools, there’s not much choice. They could use a clean rag or a clean washcloth, I suppose, but in your standard motel even those are extremely limited resources and you don’t waste them. Same deal for the coffee pots in the rooms, btw.
No maid has time to wash her hands repeatedly in her room when she’s being pushed to spend more and more time managing all the little bits of freebie crap that justify the high prices of modern hotel rooms. And while maids are given rubber gloves with which to clean toilets, many don’t use them because literally minutes matter over the course of your day, and the ones who do so pull the gloves off with–you guessed it–bare hands.
The plague? Probably not. You want to take a chance on hepatitis? You’re welcome to do it.
Glasses are even worse than plastic or paper cups, as they must be run through a dishwasher, and no one runs the dishwasher as often as they should to keep up. (Usually they’re hard pressed to keep the laundry going in a timely fashion. If you’re lucky, any given maid will get forty clean glasses in a day for a row of rooms that may require as many as 120.)
Especially when time is tight because you’ve just had to go find a replacement Bible, there is a strong temptation (and often an explicit policy) to just wash the glasses in the room sink. Which would be fine, except that you have to use the window cleaning solution or the bar soap because you’re not given anything more appropriate, and I’ve actually seen maids do this with the sponge they just used on the bathtub and worse. Without being given the appropriate tools, there’s not much choice. They could use a clean rag or a clean washcloth, I suppose, but in your standard motel even those are extremely limited resources and you don’t waste them. Same deal for the coffee pots in the rooms, btw.
No maid has time to wash her hands repeatedly in her room when she’s being pushed to spend more and more time managing all the little bits of freebie crap that justify the high prices of modern hotel rooms. And while maids are given rubber gloves with which to clean toilets, many don’t use them because literally minutes matter over the course of your day, and the ones who do so pull the gloves off with–you guessed it–bare hands.
The plague? Probably not. You want to take a chance on hepatitis? You’re welcome to do it.
I have a friend who is a vet (animal doctor, I don’t know if she was in the service or not) who got The Plague from a kitten she treated. Turns out the Plague is treatable with modern medicine early enough. Not really relevant here, but a good story.
Hmmm…that has me thinking that if I ever have to stay at a hotel, I’ll want to pack a sponge and a small bottle of dish soap. (Does that come in “travel size”?)
Or would that just be too anal?
Or would that just be too anal?
…“intimancy kits.” For instance, at New York City’s trendy Soho Grand Hotel guests can enjoy a gourmet mini-bar, an iPod, a flat-screen TV and even the company of a complimentary pet goldfish…
One hundred dollars in gold, one hundred dollars in roubles, four days concentrated emergency rations, one .45 automatic, two boxes ammunition, one drug issue containing antibiotics, morphine, vitamin pills, pep pills, sleeping pills, tranquilizer pills, one miniature combination Bible and Russian phrase book, two pairs nylon stockings, one lipstick, nine packs chewing gum, one issue prophylactic… shoot, a fella could have himself a pretty good weekend in Vegas with this.
Also, “intimancy”? Like “necromancy”?
One hundred dollars in gold, one hundred dollars in roubles, four days concentrated emergency rations, one .45 automatic, two boxes ammunition, one drug issue containing antibiotics, morphine, vitamin pills, pep pills, sleeping pills, tranquilizer pills, one miniature combination Bible and Russian phrase book, two pairs nylon stockings, one lipstick, nine packs chewing gum, one issue prophylactic… shoot, a fella could have himself a pretty good weekend in Vegas with this.
Also, “intimancy”? Like “necromancy”?
Collapsible plastic travel cup, Bill. You can find them at any camping or travel store. You can also find tiny dishwashing kits, or you can find little bottles to put your own dishwashing liquid in. But it’s easier to just ignore the whole thing and drink out of your own cans, cups, and bottles.
Collapsible cu…(slaps forehead)
How’d I overlook that?
I’m a moron.
How’d I overlook that?
I’m a moron.
The latest fad with some hotels is to replace their Bibles with “intimancy kits.”They’ve replaced Bibles with scuba gear?
name a motel, and I’ve probably stayed in it
Left by Anntichrist S. Coulter
Is there, um, something you want to admit here, Annti? We’re all friends…
Left by Anntichrist S. Coulter
Is there, um, something you want to admit here, Annti? We’re all friends…
The latest fad with some hotels is to replace their Bibles with “intimancy kits.”
They’ve replaced Bibles with scuba gear?Left by huxley
Psst, that’s intimacy, not buoyancy…altho you probably could use part of it as a flotation device.
They’ve replaced Bibles with scuba gear?Left by huxley
Psst, that’s intimacy, not buoyancy…altho you probably could use part of it as a flotation device.
shoot, a fella could have himself a pretty good weekend in Vegas with this.
If you’re a lipreader, it’s Dallas.
If you’re a lipreader, it’s Dallas.
Actor, darling, when have I EVER withheld even the most boring minutiae of my misadventures and countrywide travels?
Pfft.
I was doing ROAD TRIPS, you pervert. I got laid exactly TWICE (well, two different Marines in two different Texas towns, I’m not counting each incident) in all of my 2003 road trips, driving all across the southern half of the country in search of a radio job.
You can see how well that ALL of it turned out, cantcha?
150,000 miles added to the GMC, and not gig one. And no, there was never a twenty on a single nightstand throughout the entire adventure, but thanks EVER SO for the prostitution implication.
Whores charge for it, sluts are stupid enough to give it away. Even to the guys who “court” you for months over the long-distance lines and then forget all of that as soon as they lay eyes and hands upon you.
Pfft.
I was doing ROAD TRIPS, you pervert. I got laid exactly TWICE (well, two different Marines in two different Texas towns, I’m not counting each incident) in all of my 2003 road trips, driving all across the southern half of the country in search of a radio job.
You can see how well that ALL of it turned out, cantcha?
150,000 miles added to the GMC, and not gig one. And no, there was never a twenty on a single nightstand throughout the entire adventure, but thanks EVER SO for the prostitution implication.
Whores charge for it, sluts are stupid enough to give it away. Even to the guys who “court” you for months over the long-distance lines and then forget all of that as soon as they lay eyes and hands upon you.
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