April 6, 2006 by s.z.

The Definitive Interview 

This week David Horowitz's FrontPageNews features an interview with one "Melrose Larry Green."  Melrose, a Los Angeles nut known for spending his time standing on Melrose Avenue holding signs, was formerly one of freaks who made up Howard Stern's "Wack Pack."  So, it would seem that D.Ho has found a soul mate.

And he did save D.Ho's life at last year's Liberty Film Festival.  Here's David's account of that event:

I had not gotten two or three sentences of my introduction out to the audience gathered in the posh Pacific Design Center before two very large individuals wearing what looked to me like Revolutionary Communist Party T-shirts charged onto the stage and at me screaming "No free speech for fascists," thereby showing their inability to understand the meaning of either the words "free speech" or "fascist." (Their own account on their own website can be accessed here). I probably would have suffered some bodily harm but for the heroics of Melrose Larry Green (formerly of the Howard Stern Show) who couldn't be more than 5'5" and 120 pounds or less than 60 years old and who pursued them yelling "I knew those two would be trouble."  Larry roused up festival co-director Jason Apuzzo and half a dozen others who sprang to my rescue and beat the living crap out of the two deserving reds dragging them unceremoniously from the theater.

Yes, David's life was in real danger from those beefy young loud-mouthed liberals.  So, you can see why David felt an obligation to help Melrose Larry promote his book Why the Clintons Belong in Prison, even though it came out a couple of years ago, and even though it apparently consists of copy-and-pasted stories from other wackos, such as Chris Ruddy.  (But anybody with a tome consisting of wild conspiracy theories about the Clintons is a natural for FrontPageNews, so he probably would have got the space in the mag even if he hadn't saved D.Ho by waking up Jason Apuzzo.)While we should be ashamed of ourselves for shooting fish in a barrel, we are very tired, and anyway, the fish really reserves some buckshot.  So, here are some excerpts from Melrose Larry's FPN interview.

FP: You talk about a "gentleman's agreement" that was made between Bush and the Democrats when the President entered office. Can you comment on this?

Green: This story has been running around Washington D.C. for years. The gist of it is the following: in January 2001, top Senate and House Democrats allegedly told President Bush that if he sought an indictment of Bill and Hillary Clinton, the Democrats would vote for none of Bush's legislative agenda.  Of course this story is purely hearsay, but it makes perfect sense to me. 

BTW, here's what a fellow Stern fan had to say about Melrose:

RD: Why is Melrose Larry Green taking his pants off in the photos you took of him?

DW: Melrose will do anything for attention and that's what I was conveying. Howard calls Melrose "the Stern fan you love to hate." Every day, Melrose Larry Green stands on a street corner in Los Angeles holding up a sign that says: "Howard Stern is God." When I met him, he insisted on discussing his sex life with me. Turns out it consists of renting pornographic videotapes.

So, hey, if a wild rumor about how the all-powerful Democrats kept little Georgie Bush from prosecuting Bill Clinton makes perfect sense to a guy like Melrose, then that's good enough for me.

Now, back to Melrose Woodward Bernstein Larry.

As an investigative reporter, I am obliged not to divulge the names of the reporters who told me this story. Suffice it to say that they are household names and highly credible sources.

Actually, Melrose is a comedian (well, that's what he claims at his website).  But I still bet that he would emulate Judith Miller and go to jail before admitting that he heard the story from Hank the Drunken Dwarf and Crackhead Bob.

FP: You state that Hillary is probably the "dirtiest person" in the history of American politics. Why do you say this?

Green: Hillary is all about herself and the acquisition of power by destroying anyone who gets in her way.  To say that she has ice in her veins is an understatement.

See, Hillary has whole icebergs made of dry ice in her veins!   She's just that dirty!

FP: When you say that Hillary is all about the acquisition of power, then can we presume that that is what her marriage to Clinton is all about? Is that why she never really cared about all his affairs?

[...]

Green: It is common knowledge that Hillary is bi-sexual.  According to Bill's long-time ex-girlfriend Gennifer Flowers, Hillary enjoyed performing oral sex on other women.  On p.41 of Flowers' autobiography "Passion and Betrayal",  Gennifer asked Bill if there was any truth to the rumor that Hillary was having an affair with another woman.  Bill laughed and said (referring to Hillary):  "Honey - she's probably eaten more p---y than I have."

Well, if an impeccable source like Gennifer Flowers said it, then it must be true.  And the fact that Melrose can quote page numbers proves that he actually is a journalist.

FP: How do you think the Clintons hurt this country? Did they jeopardize our national security? For instance, did they leave us vulnerable to 9/11?

Green: I think the Clintons have terribly hurt this country, by eliminating basic standards of morality to millions of American youth, and by leaving America vulnerable to the Al Qaeda and the attacks of 9-11.

Yeah, it really was deplorable the way that the Clintons eliminated basic morality for the our nation's youth the way he did.  (The Constitution gives the President of the United States total power over the country's morality, you know.).  And it was treasonous of him to get a blow job from a woman-not-his-wife, thus leaving our nation vulnerable to Al Qaeda.  But thank heavens George Bush made us safe again though the awesome power of his sexual abstinence.   

FP: What are the top crimes perpetrated by the Clintons for which they deserve to be in prison? Why are they not in prison?

Green: I feel that Bill Clinton committed treason when he sold American military secrets to the Red Chinese government. I think that Bill Clinton is guilty of rape (of Juanita Broaddrick). I think that there are numerous examples of bribery committed by Bill and Hillary Clinton during the final round of Presidential pardons (especially the case of Marc Rich and his ex-wife Denise Rich.)  Let's not forget the dozens of unexplained deaths surrounding Bill and Hillary Clinton - Ron Brown, Vince Foster, Mary Mahoney – for which there have been no proper investigations

Yeah!  And what about Nicole Simpson?  For years, the story has been running around that Hillary killed her because Nicole was blackmailing Hillary for having murdered Amelia Earhart (one of the dozens of unexplained deaths Melrose mentioned). 

Of course this story is purely hearsay (as an investigative journalist, I don't have to tell you my sources, but they are really famous drug addicts and such), but it makes perfect sense to me. 

Anyway, by reading the rest of the interview (and Melrose's book) you can learn even more interesting facts about the Clintons, if you're like me, you want to know more about Melrose.  So, let's read a bit from Melrose Larry Everybody:

One thing about me is my respect for the truth.  I once was a regular on the Howard Stern show. 

I can see how that second claim really proves the first.

I once toured with the likes of Stuttering John, Artie Lang, and Jim Florentine.  I will never forget my days on the Howard Stern show, but nothing stays the same.  I am grateful for the airtime thatr Howard gave me, but I am accountable to a higher authority- that is  God!

Jealousy is a negative emotion.  It doesn't matter at this point who poisoned me in the eyes of Howard, but these 2 Judas Ecariots know who they are.  Howard and Robin will always be #1` in my book, along with Artie Lang.  But I am 100% behind George Bush and his war against Islamic Fundamentalism.

I'm guessing that the jealous "Judas Escariots" who got Howard to dump Melrose are Saddam Hussein and Osama bin Laden.  (Although the fact that Stuttering John and Jim Florentine are no longer #1 in Melrose's book kind of makes me wonder about them and their ties to Islamic Fundamentalism.  I wonder if I should alert Homeland Security?)

I am now I am devoting my life to God and to spreading the truth.

Just like John the Baptist!  And those infomercial guys!

Bill and Hillary Clinton are accountable to a higher authority than the U.S. courts.

They are accountable to Howard Stern fans.  (Although this assertion about them not being accountable to the courts does seem to undercut the title of Melrose's book.)

Now, wasn't that fun?  But wouldn't it be even cooler to hear Melrose deliver his insights about God and the Clintons in person, maybe at your next function, big event, or bar crawl?Well, you can!  Hiswebsite has the details:

Do you want Melrose Larry Green to appear at your function?  Would you like to hear the comedic styling and mellifluous musical voice of Melrose Larry Green at your next big event?  If so, please E-mail me.  Clubowners and barowners especially- Melrose Larry Green is a big draw!  The house will be sold out, even if I have  to buy all the tickets myself!  Melrose Larry Green is quite affordable, and this is entertainment at its finest!

He'll defame Hillary Clinton, tell you some stories about his brushes with the Stern-freak greats, and maybe even save your life from liberal hecklers!  And he's quite affordable to boot!  Who could ask for more?

2:20:43 AM