December 29, 2005 by s.z.

Ultimate Wingnut Challenge: the Elimination Round Here is our current roster of contestants: Town Hall Columnists 1.  Dr. Mike Adams 2.  Doug Giles  The Low-Rent Pundits 3.  Pastor J. Grant Swank 4.  Debbie Schlussel 5.  Kaye Grogan Media Wingnuts 6.  Ann Coulter 7.  Michelle Malkin  Blog Stars 8.  John Hindrocket, Powerline Respected Conservative Thinkers 9.  Midge Decter You've had a chance to see each of them in action this week, and now your job is to whittle down this list of nine semi-finalists to a group of five finalists.  Yes, vote off four of these wingnuts, using whatever methodology you want.  The polls close Thursday night at midnight.  Friday we will post the list of finalists, plus some clippings from their 2005 scrap books (or some entries from their diaries -- whichever is easier). Oh, and you'd better get that tux and/or ball gown out of storage, and polish up the tiara, because you'll want to look your best for the big Ultimate Wingnut of 2005 ceremony, which will be held on New Years Day.  A healthy hangover won't make things any more painful than they'll be otherwise. Now, vote off the four wingnuts whom you feel just don't have what it takes to be ULTIMATE Wingnuts.  Do it for indecency, inhumanity and incivility For, as Kathleen Parker warns us, there's a "new barbarity on an island called Blog," and "incivility is their weapon and humanity their victim."  She advises us that they are an "ego-gratifying rabble who contribute only snark, sass and destruction."  So, here's your chance to join the rabble. 2:03:21 AM

VBen and the Dolphin Lady They travel the country together, righting wrongs, fighting crime, teaching derelicts about constutional law, and chasing sightings of Pope John Paul and/or Ronnie Reagan on tortillas. So, one might say that they left Wingnut Island to pursue other career opportunities. Anyway, as callow, young VBen and middle-aged, tipsy Peggy walk that long and lonely gangplank of Shame and Failure (which leads to the Ocean of Despair and Career Stagnation), I thought we could review their greatest hits of the year -- but that would be too much work, so I just picked something at random from each of their archives. Here's Ben from June 2002: When the United States builds a missile-defense shield, it should leave a small hole right above Harvard University -- and Yale, Stanford, Columbia and Brown.  Each of these institutions bans the U.S. Reserve Officer Training Corps (ROTC) from conducting classes on its campus. Hmm, you'd think that a man of his convictions wouldn't have chosen to study law at one of those unpatriotic institutions of higher learning (especially if said university was lacking its missile-defense shield).  But I guess over the past 3-1/2 years Ben has proven that he's not a man of his convictions.  I know the importance of ROTC because I completed a Military Science course at UCLA last week, during the final quarter of my sophomore year. [...] It was the only course I have ever taken at UCLA that was openly pro-American.  One day, a colonel spoke to the class about enlistment in the Army. "I am an unabashed patriot. I will do whatever it takes to defend my country. That is why I joined the U.S. Army," he said. My instinctive response was to look around to make sure no UC administrator was present to accost him; my second was to smile at proud patriotism being demonstrated on a college campus. I could have cheered. Odd, then, that Ben didn't enlist in the military once he graduated from UCLA, but instead signed up for more of that anti-American higher education (and at one of those commie Ivy League schools too).  But I guess when VBen smiled at the colonel who talked to the class about enlistment (and then wrote about the incident), he felt he had done his part for his country. Now, here's Peggy Noonan, in a column dated Dec. 29, 2005: Speaking of apes, "King Kong" is no klassic and does not at the end of the day beat "Narnia." Pope Benedict will begin to find his stride, and more quickly after he removes Vatican image handlers. Did Peggy just compare Pope Benedict to a giant ape, and imply that he needs to throw off his giant monkey chains, eat his handlers, and kidnap a girl? In any case, buh-bye, Peggy and VBen. We hope you each find the therapy or life experience you need so that you can take your place in normal society. 1:10:25 AM