The World O' Crap Archive

Welcome to the Collected World O' Crap, a comprehensive library of posts from the original Salon Blog, and our successor site, world-o-crap.com (2006 to 2010).

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Friday, January 21, 2011

December 30, 2005 by s.z.


Ultimate Wingnut Finalists


Based on your votes, here are your finalists for the coveted title of "Ultimate Wingnut of 2005."

#5.  John "Hindrocket" Hindrocket
 
As you will recall, the big news back in December of 2004 was "TIME NAMES ‘POWER LINE’ 2004 BLOG OF THE YEAR."  It's been pretty much down hill ever since for Mr. Hindrocket.

We could give you instances of laughable stupidity on his part, but there's no point, since any given post by him will be, in all probability, pretty danged stupid. (You'll note that Time didn't give out a "Blog of the Year" award this year -- I think the reason why is pretty obvious.)

So, let's just discuss the reasons why I think John might qualify as an Ultimate Wingnut:

On March 21, John tried to recapture the glory days of kerning and fonts by casting doubt on the "Terri Schiavo talking points memo" (that memo which told the Republican faithful how they could exploit Terri's death for political purposes). In an entry titled "Is This the Biggest Hoax Since the Sixty Minutes Story?," John said:
Based on the fragments from the memo that were reported by the Post, I question its authenticity. It does not sound like something written by a conservative; it sounds like a liberal fantasy of how conservatives talk.
He continued to work this claim for the next several days, adding that:
[T]he content of the memo is highly suspicious. Why would anyone mix political strategy points--the ones the Democrats want to talk about--with talking points for Senatorial argument? A competent staffer preparing a talking points memo wouldn't do that, but a Democratic dirty trickster would.
By March 26, other conservative bloggers were beginning to say that maybe the memo had been written by Republicans, like the Wash Post had claimed.  However, Hindrocket wouldn't back down, stating firmly that "there is not a bit of evidence connecting the memo to any Republican, and, for all of the reasons we have repeatedly spelled out on this site, there are excellent reasons to believe it is a hoax perpetrated by still-unidentified Democrats."

He made appearances on "Kudow and Company" and the Laura Ingraham show, was interviewed by the Wash Post ("As I said to Howard Kurtz, 'The content of the memo tells me it wasn't prepared to benefit the Republican Party, it was prepared to benefit the Democratic Party'") and had a piece in the Daily Standard on the "the purported Republican talking points memo on the Schiavo case."

On April 6, Big Trunk posted about a Moonie Times piece which questioned the memo.  Hindrocket added:
Heaven knows we're not in this for the glory but wasn't it a little cheesy of the Times not to acknowledge that this story was broken and pursued by us and a handful of other bloggers? We know that we are widely read at the Times; the day is long past when newspapers and magazines can fail to credit bloggers in the expectation, I assume, that no one will notice.
I'm sure the Times would have loved to have given all the credit to Mr. Hindrocket and his blog associates, because later that day the whole story unraveled, and the truth came about how the memo originated in the office of Republican Senator Mel Martinez.  (Brian Darling, Mel's legal counsel, took the bullet for the team, which got Mel off the hook.)

And Mr. Hindrocket kinda unraveled after that too.

For the next few days, he continued to insist that the reporters at the Wash Post were the ones who got it wrong, because they failed to tell him how they knew the memo was written by a Republican official, and therefore they were the jerks.

Here's Hindrocket's mea culpa from April 9:
We were "wrong" in the sense that we laid out the evidence and said that based on the available evidence, we thought that the memo was a fake. We did not report as a fact that the memo was a fake, and we did not purport to have any information that was not publicly available.
So, yeah, he was "wrong" in the sense that he was wrong, but the Post was wrong in the sense that it made him look stupid by letting him spout off for so long -- so clearly, they were the most wrong.

And here are a few other highlights of Mr. Hindrocket's year:

* In February, he accused Jimmy Carter of treason:
Jimmy Carter isn't just misguided or ill-informed. He's on the other side.
* Later that month, he defended JimJeff GannonGuckert by claiming that the White House would have been fine with a male prostitute serving in the WH press corps, but the poor soul was martyred by "low-life" John Aravosis, who "viciously attacked" JimJeff by finding those photos Jeff had paid to have posted on the Internet. (TBogg has a great take on Mr. Hindrocket's piece.)

Blogger Minnesota Politics Guru read TBogg's post, and decided to ask fellow Minnesotan Hindrocket a few civil questions about his take on the Gannon story.  He got back a reply which said, in part:
Go crawl back into your hole, you stupid left-wing shithead. And don't bother us anymore. You have to have an IQ over 50 to correspond with us. You don't qualify, you stupid shit.
So, clearly Mr. Hindrocket is as nice as he is smart (and humble).
* And then in July he wrote:
It must be very strange to be President Bush. A man of extraordinary vision and brilliance approaching to genius, he can't get anyone to notice. He is like a great painter or musician who is ahead of his time, and who unveils one masterpiece after another to a reception that, when not bored, is hostile.
And for that, and so many other reasons, John Hindrocket is one of our five finalists for this years Ultimate Wingnut.


#3.  Michelle Malkin (tie)

(The above is Michelle's Pajamas Media photo -- I found it via The Liberal Avenger, who has a good recap of the alleged Malkin/Pajama Guys split.)

IMHO, the highlight of Michelle's year was the publication of her latest book, Unhinged.  

In case you missed all the hoopla, here's part of the Townhall Book Service review of it:
The American Left is unwell -- driven around the bend by rage. [...]
Like the hideous creature in the movie Alien, gestating in the stomach of a seemingly benign human host, the unhinged liberal feeds off the illusion of normalcy until he can no longer tolerate his artificial confines. This book is a forensic examination of the extraterrestrial creature exploding from the Democrat Party's gut. Malkin details how crackpot, tinfoil-hat theories -- Bush v. Gore was a coup; Iraq was invaded for its oil; the bin Laden family and the Bush family are in cahoots -- are now readily accepted at the highest echelons of the Democrat Party and liberal establishment.
Like any good horror movie, the story of today's Left is scary and silly at the same time. Malkin here provides an unflinching (and uncensored) look at the Left's foul-mouthed bigots in Hollywood, its pie-throwing lunatics on college campuses, and the fetid swamps of the liberal blogosphere.
Ooh, those scary pies, horrifying foul-mouthed celebrities, and monsterously mean commenters at Democratic Underground!

David Neiwert of Orcinus wrote a definitive six-part response to her book (The Unbearable Lightness of MalkinEye of the UnhingedThe Unhinged Right,  Hunting LiberalsExtremists? What Extremists?, and Keeping our Cools). 

He begins thusly:
The first thing you notice about Michelle Malkin's new Regnery book, Unhinged: Exposing Liberals Gone Wild, is how lightweight it is. It practically floats off the shelf and up into the ether, whence it appears to have originated.

[...]
[T]he reason reading Unhinged feels like breathing helium really comes down to content: There's only half the story there. It's like a piece of Swiss cheese -- anyone can see it's full of holes.
Michelle certainly deserves her place on this list for this book alone.  But there's more!
Auguste at Malkin(s)Watch provides his favorite five Michelle moments (and his posts on the same) from this year:
FiveThe open borders lobby strikes again? - It's short but sweet, but the clearest, most undeniable evidence I think I've ever presented that Malkin. Is. A. Racist. (At least until #1, below.)
FourIf you're not in combat, Iraq's a playground - The first of many instances in which the decidedly non-veteran Malkin claimed to know the innermost thoughts of veterans and/or their families, with the added bonus of "all-hispanics-are-gang-members" racist conflation. Oh, and a little "all-hispanics-are-potentially-illegal-immigrants" goodness thrown in.
ThreeProfessor Glen Stassen Interview - Look, ma! I'm a real journalist!
TwoGhost Blogging (redux) - Thought this'd be #1? Well, maybe I'm just contrarian, or maybe I just still gnash my teeth that LA and I weren't able to present all the evidence we have for this because a) we're not real journalists, despite what #3 is telling you and b) we can't. Still, I'm - and he's - pretty damn proud of it.
OneWho keeps company with wolves will learn to howl - Probably my most-linked post, and, if I do say so myself, with good reason: Malkin's association with VDare has got to be argument #1 against taking Jesse and/or Michelle seriously on racial issues.
Of course, Michelle tries to retain plausible deniability about her beliefs that interment camps based on ethnicity are good things, that racial profiling is a necessary tool in the war on terror, and that our biggest need as a nation is to keep those nasty foreigners from entering our country and raping our women and murdering us while we sleep -- but since her shtick is "the minority woman who hates minorities," she can't be too coy about her views.

Her profile at the Clare Boothe Luce Policy Institute gives you a good idea of what you'll be getting if you pay her to come speak to your university or group:
Speech Topics:
Immigration and War on Terror

In Defense of Japanese Internment

The Case for Racial Profiling in the War on Terror
Standing Up to the Girls Gone Wild Culture
Okay, she not only hates minorities, but also sluts, female movie stars, and today's teens.
So, if you think that the Ultimate Wingnut should claim that illegal aliens (and Arabs and sluts) are the root of all evil, then vote for Michelle.


#3 Ann Coulter (tie)

Ann's biggest moment of 2005 probably came in April, when she got a Time magazine cover story.  (What is it with Time and wingnuts?)

Of course, she spent the next month grousing about how the photographer made her legs look long, never once thanking him for not exposing her man hands or Adam's apple.  That's conservative gratitude for you!

But Ann really hit her stride when the stories about the mistreatment of prisoners at Gitmo started coming out (because nothing gets her as excited as thoughts of abusing brown people).

Here are her "compact set of torture guidelines for Guantanamo" from her column "Guantanamo loses 5-star rating."
It's not torture if:
  • The same acts performed on a live stage have been favorably reviewed by Frank Rich of the New York Times;
  • Andrew Sullivan has ever solicited it from total strangers on the Internet;
  • You can pay someone in New York to do it to you;
  • Karen Finley ever got a federal grant to do it;
  • It's comparable to the treatment U.S. troops received in basic training
  • It's no worse than the way airlines treat little girls in pigtails flying to see Grandma.
Yeah, wingnuts have a hard time with the concept of "consent."  And with having to go through airport security like regular folks.

And here's more hilarious Gitmo humor from the previous week's column, "Losing their heads over Gitmo.'
Martinez explained his nonsensical call for the closing of Guantanamo by asking: "Is it serving all the purposes you thought it would serve when initially you began it, or can this be done some other way a little better?"

There are Arabs locked up at Guantanamo, no? Admittedly, not enough. (And not under what any frequent flier would describe as "harsh conditions.") Still and all, Arabs are locked up there. That is what we call a "purpose."
Locking up Arabs -- what better purpose could any (innocent) building serve?

This was the piece that featured the memorable conclusion:
Dinner on an America West flight from New York to Las Vegas consists of one small bag of peanuts. Meanwhile, one recent menu for suspected terrorists at Guantanamo consisted of orange-glazed chicken, fresh fruit crepe, steamed peas and mushrooms, and rice pilaf.
Poor Ann just can't get over the thoughts of that orange-glazed chicken and rice pilaf.

Maybe that's why she made the following claim while guesting on Fox's "Dayside."
They [liberals]  had a president getting oral sex from an intern on Easter Sunday in the Oval Office, and what they have on DeLay is which account a campaign contribution went into. [...] This is just going -- they want it to be against the law to be a Republican, and they would like us in Guantánamo.
Ann desperately wants liberals to lock her up in Guantanamo and feed her.  And then force her to do her Karen Finley act.

Here are a few other good Ann moments from 2005:

* In February, while discussing the Eason Jordan story on "Kudlow & Cramer," she quipped, "Would that it were so! ... That the American military were targeting journalists."

* In October she claimed on John Gibson's show that she had "never heard of Scooter Libby until 10 minutes ago"

* In a December column she compared John Murtha's actions (calling for an eventual pull-out of the troops) with those of Oliver North (falsifying and destroying documents, obstructing Congress, and accepting an illegal gratuity) and Randy Cunningham (tax evasion, conspiracy to commit bribery and fraud).  And then she went on to suggest that Murtha wasn't entitled to his Purple Heart.
I've never heard a single liberal preface attacks on Oliver North with a recitation of North's magnificent service as a Marine. And unlike Murtha, who refuses to release his medical records showing he was entitled to his two Purple Hearts, we know what North did. (These Democrat military veterans are hardly shrinking violets when it comes to citing their medals, but they get awfully squeamish when pressed for details.)
At least she didn't accuse him of blowing himself up with his own hand grenade while drinking with his buddies, like she did Max Cleland.

And many more! 

But I think you get the picture.  And if you like your wingnuts to push the envelope when it comes to vile comments about others (but to be pretty sensitive when it comes to people tossing pies or distorting photos of HER), then Ann is your Ultimate Wingnut.


#2.  Pastor J. Grant Swank, Jr.

It's been a busy year for Pastor Swank, since he's written approximately 17,000 columns in the last 12 months.

While time and space (and the integrity of the time-space continuum) don't permit us to mention even a fraction of his greatest hits, here are a few of our favorites:

From Saturday, there's "I’M COMFORTED: MUSLIM SITES SEARCHED."
Islamic killers international setting up schemes in every corner of the planet. Islamic suicide enthusiasts wiping themselves out to have eternal orgies with playboy bunnies.
[...]
Now with all that going on would there be any reason for the US federal government searching Muslim areas for possible malcontents? I would think so.
Yeah, they were searching private property with radiation detectors (not Midge Decters) because they were looking for possible malcontents who like Playboy bunnies.  

(And while we prefer "Murderers Global" to "Islamic Killers International," the phrase does show the patented Swank touch.)

Here's a snippet from a column from a couple of weeks ago: "CHRISTMAS WITCH: THE DEVIL IN ‘SILENT NIGHT’." 
How low can one stoop? A school has boys and girls singing the revered Christmas hymn, "Silent Night," as a secular song in their holiday program this December.
This is blasphemy. This is absolutely intolerable. This politically correct to the devilish degree. This just can’t be tolerated. America, all America, regardless of faith, should rise up to declare the Ridgeway Elementary School deported to Castro’s Cuba. Or better yet, the heart of China
Yeah, send those elementary school kids to China -- that will teach them to be in an operetta that put different words to the music from "Silent Night"!

Embryonic stem cell research is the same as murder.  
There's no beating around the bush from Pastor Swank!  (We were going to follow that comment with a pun concerning the Pastor's tendency to arouse himself by writing about President Bush, but we realized that it would be wrong.) 

But here's one of his "Bush / freedom spread" columns: "RESEARCH: FREEDOM SPREAD GOING FORWARD."
But in other geographies, freedom spread is becoming a contagion. That is most encouraging to those who breathe liberty breezes daily. Therefore, all the more that the free countries support such efforts as those exhibited by the US President George W. Bush and colleagues. His administration has spent the first and second terms primarily seeking human liberties expanded.
Trust him.  Bush is all about human liberties expanded.

And there was the column about Hurricane Katrina: "NEW ORLEANS’ SIN BROUGHT DEVASTATION: ‘REPENT AMERICA.’"
"Southern Decadence" was set for New Orleans soon. It was to be a yearly hoopla celebrating practicing homosexuality as a legitimate, giddy lifestyle.
Thousands upon thousands were going to crawl all over New Orleans "to celebrate their sexuality," according to Methodist lay preacher Gary Hopkins of Ekklesia.co.uk.
[...]
As far as Repent America is concerned, divine judgment has come upon a metropolis that was bent on making its environs open to hell’s demons. Therefore, God intervened. There will be no "Southern Decadence" skipping the light fantastic. Over and out. Done. Gone. Under water.
Pastor Swank believes in a vengeful God who will smite you silly if you look at Him wrong (or open your city to demons by letting homosexuals vacation there).

And you have to admire titles like:

But some people (such as Brad) prefer the "I Believe in Miracles" series.  Brad retells some of these faith-promoting tales in "Pastor Swank's Story Hour" and "Carolyn, No (Pastor Swank's Story Hour)." 

My favorite in the series (next to the great "I BELIEVE IN MIRACLES: FAITH SURVIVED," which features the demons crawling on the church walls and the parishioners who are mean to the Swanks and then die and/or have children who are unchurched) is probably "I Believe in Miracles: The Suitcase."  It's the one about how the Pastor thinks his son is going to kill him, and so the Pastor prepares a suitcase so he can skip town, leaving his wife behind to die.

But I want to mention a lesser-known column from the series, "I BELIEVE IN MIRACLES: THE SCAR," which is about how his hernia scar saved the Pastor from a child molester at Christian camp.
Each bunkhouse had its own counselor — a male, usually a young fellow or a preacher from one of the churches. It was a glorious way to spend a week each summer. I would not have missed it for the world.
My counselor each summer was always Paul.
[...]
One day he and I were walking by some of the pup tents that the older boys slept in. We stopped, walked into a pup tent and then sat down on one of the cots. He sided up close to me. Then I felt him touch me. He gently touched my lower stomach. And then there flashed across my thoughts an uncomfortable interlude.

There was a scar that I wore just beneath my middle. It was from a hernia operation I had had when 4 years old. I was not really embarrassed by that scar but on the other hand I didn’t know what to do with it. No one had really seen it except my parents and myself. It always tucked itself conveniently beneath my waistband, even when I wore swimming trunks.

Therefore, when Paul kept his hand near that part of my stomach, I thought of the hernia scar, well healed over, but nevertheless still there. And with that, I stood up and walked out of the pup tent.
[...]
In some strange way I actually believe that that small scar, well healed, was a kind of miracle stroke across my skin.
The other boys who lacked such miraculous scars might have other memories of Bible camp.
Anyway, if you like your wingnuts really nutty (and enjoy really creative uses of the English language), then Pastor Swank's your man!


#1.  Dr. Mike S. Adams, Ph.D.
Dr. Mike with LaShawn Barber
Dr. Mike has has a full year as well, since he's almost as prolific as Pastor Swank.  (Okay, Dr. Mike writes up to three columns a week, while Swank writes up to six a day, but Dr. Mike gets paid for his.)

Here are a few you might remember:

First, from February: "My new disability claim."
I, too, am now suffering from erectile dysfunction, or ED.

Worse than the discovery that I am now suffering from ED was the subsequent realization that I have been suffering from it for several years. Ever the empiricist, I decided to record the approximate dates of my previous, shall we say, difficulties in an effort to find the root causes of my medical condition. A brief summary follows:

In 2001, I was jogging on campus when I passed a group of feminists marching in the annual "Take back the night" event. After they marched by me shaking their fists and screaming, I first experienced ED. They certainly took back that night!

In 2002, I read the book "Intimate Reading" by a feminist professor in the English Department at UNC-Wilmington. After I read the section about her losing her virginity at age 16 (told in graphic detail), I again experienced ED.
In 2003 (February), when campus feminists marched around stage chanting "vagina, vagina" during the Vagina Monologues, I experienced ED again. Even worse, it happened to me on Valentine's Day (which, by the way, is not known as VD)!
Yeah, I think we've found the cause of Dr. Mike's sexual dysfunction: anything having to do with women and sex turns him off. 
Obviously, one does not have to be a college professor to see the common theme in all of these instances of ED. Put simply; they were all induced by feminist rage.
Oh, right, it's feminists that make him go limp, not vaginas.And speaking of feminists (which Dr. Mike always is), there's this piece from March 24, 2005 : "A letter before Dawn."  It's one of those columns where Dr. Mike answers one of his purported correspondents, this one being a female student who has written to tell him about a poster for "The Vagina Monologue" that she found offensive. 

Dr. Mike gives her some advice:
I want you and your friends to dress like the angry feminists you criticize.

Wear your oldest pair of blue jeans, preferably without washing them for at least one month. Then, put on a white "wife beater" tank top. Do not shave your arm pits for several weeks (this one is optional) and under no circumstances are any of you to wear a bra (not optional). Use black magic markers to put slogans like "F--- Bush" and "F--- men" on your tank tops. Then get some "Vagina friendly" buttons from the Women's Resource Center and place them on your outer garments. Wear no make-up except for thick mascara. Top it all off with a black leather-studded dog collar from the local pet store. Fit it tightly around your neck. Then, you should be ready to go.
Because that's what feminists look like in Dr. Mike's world.  They also have teeth "down there" which can bite off a man's hoo-hah dilly.

In April he tried to raise funds for Townhall by telling his readers that the evil feminists of Canada were mocking him and his Letter Before Dawn.
Hi there! It's Mike Adams - the guy you were just talking about in your Canadian feminist chat room. I thought we had the angriest feminists here in the States until I read the following, which was sent to me from within the ranks of my "supposed readership":
"What can you do to fight such a thing? Townhall's Doctor Professor Mike Adams, PhD is an inveterate liar who has been accused of making up correspondence from his supposed readership to advance his patently women-hating views (...there is some scuttle-butt going around that he's in fact a self-hating homosexual who goes on 'hunting' trips with another suspected closet case and former-drug-dealer-turned-anti-feminist-mall-preacher/whacko Doug Giles)."
Well, now that you are reading the full text of your remarks - remarks you never expected to see broadcast in an internationally-read column - you are becoming painfully aware of the fact that I am not guilty of "making up correspondence" from a fictitious readership. Since anti-male feminist whackos really exist, there's no need for fabrication.
As we noted at the time:
  • The evil Canadian feminists weren't gossiping about Dr. Mike in an evil feminist chat room, they were talking in the discussion forum of Rabble.caan online progressive magazine. 
  • The fact that people were mocking Mike online doesn't prove that he doesn't make up most of the letters he claims he's responding to in his columns. 
  • And instead of being shamed by reading the full text of his remarks in Dr. Mike's internationally-read column, the commenter at Rabble seemed as pleased as punch that Dr. Mike had learned what he thought of him.  So did the other Rabble folks -- and even Wonkette. 
But that seemed to put an end to the invitations from Doug Giles to go camping together  ... But the $10 Mike raised for Townhall made it all worthwhile.

In June, Dr. Mike used his column to diss one of his countless academic enemies: you can read about it here: "Sexperts, porn, and guns, oh my!"

But instead you might want to read TBogg's take on it, which includes this great bit:
Thin-skinned little dink, isn't he?
Mike Adams, who has lots of guns (did he mention that he has lots of guns?...because he does have lots of guns) goes on another of his little warpaths (one in which he will use many of his guns of which he has lots) against another person who has slighted him (and his guns etc. etc.).
[...]
It seems that Rita isn't showing proper deference to Mr. [sic] Adams because Mr. [sic] Adams is actually Dr. Adams and he just sic of nobody noticing. And so each night he goes home to his wife, Krysten and she consoles him with:

"Dinner is ready, Dr. Adams!"
"Would you please take out the trash, Dr. Adams?"
"It happens to all guys, Dr. Adams."
"We'd have kids Dr. Adams if you weren't shooting blanks."

Which explains why he has all of those guns. Did he mention the guns
 
And that's why we love TBogg.

But back to Dr. Mike, for his paean to porn (well, to VBen's Shapiro's Porn Generation), "Generation P."
To those who read my column, it will come as no surprise that my favorite chapter in Porn Generation is the third chapter, entitled "Campus Carnality." As I read this chapter, I was reminded of an exercise I once used in my "Introduction to Criminal Justice" class. The exercise involved having students give a brief description of the most serious crime or deviant act they had ever committed. I would then read some of the accounts (which were all typed and turned in anonymously) and give the students some break downs afterwards-such as the percentage of felons in the class, and so on.

I noticed that in between the time I began using this exercise (in 1993) and the time I stopped (in 2003) there was a marked increase in reports of bizarre sexual conduct. For example, students began to write occasionally about group sex. Others wrote about posing nude for internet sites. One of my students even dropped out of school to become a Playboy Centerfold in 1996. Another wrote about how she ran out of money on Spring Break and slept with another college student for $40 just so she could have money to stay and get drunk on the last night of her vacation.
I guess Dr. Mike had to stop this exercise in 2003 because (a) it served no academic purpose except to provide Dr. Mike wanking material; (b) the university's administration wouldn't let him report the felons in his class to the feds like he wanted; and (c) the students began to claim that the worst thing they had ever done was to chant "vagina, vagina" at their sexually twisted criminology prof.

In October, Dr. Mike explained "Why I became a Republican. (It's because the women are ugly on the Left, but the men are really good looking and gay, and apparently that posed too much of a temptation for the good docter.)

Okay, time for one last story (and it's one of my favorites): Sugar Mountain.

It's the one about how Dr. Mike was a chaperone for a youth ski trip sponsored by his church.  The other chaperone was "a former hippie from the 1960's" (and a current liberal) who gave the black bus driver faulty directions, pocketed food from the group's breakfast buffet for his kids (even though he was wealthy), stole ski goggles, let his daughter smash croutons at Pizza Hut, and failed to appreciate that Dr. Mike is a genius.  The guy was stupid, arrogant, selfish, racist, sociopathic, and a leech -- all of which is all implied by the label "liberal."  However, Dr. Mike bested him at every turn with witty bon mots and better directions.  The story is totally true, and really happened.

Here's a good part:
And that was pretty much how the whole weekend went. The adult chaperones spend most of their time looking after the hippie-turned-chaperone to make sure that he didn't get anyone lost, fired, or thrown in jail for stealing food or ski equipment. I was so focused on controlling him that I just ignored his daughter when she started crushing hundreds of croutons with her fist at the Pizza Hut salad bar.
When we got back from the trip, I was unsurprised to learn that the liberal chaperone once decided to have picnic with his family underneath a tree in a neighbor's front yard. Of course, he didn't ask his neighbor first. He just laid out a blanket and started playing his guitar and munching granola with his wife and four children. We must always remember that friends don't let friends drop acid - at least not every day for a whole decade. The effects tend to linger for years, sometimes even decades.
Of course, I'm not suggesting that every liberal hippie from the 60s is a full-blown sociopath like my fellow chaperone. But the symptoms are always the same, aren't they? His condescension towards blacks, his unwavering arrogance in the wake of his own obvious stupidity, his looting and hoarding of limited resources, his lack of respect for the truth, his the lack of respect for the property of others, and, mostly, his refusal to grow up.

I repeat: the above story is totally true, and really happened. Dr. Mike doesn't make up stuff, as proven by the fact that Canadian feminists make fun of him.

So, if you like your wingnuts to be thin-skinned, misogynistic, homophobic, racist (see his recent column about the illegal alien Mexicans and their switchblades), petty, pompous, delusional, afraid of vaginas, and kinda stupid for someone possessing advanced degrees, then vote for Dr. Mike.

And those are our five finalists.  Vote for the one whom you think deserves the honor of being named our Ultimate Wingnut of 2005.

You have until midnight Saturday, the 31st, to submit your ballots.  And if you want to try to fix the vote by bribing winos to vote for the candidate of your choice, that's okay with me.

3:00:58 AM    

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