The World O' Crap Archive

Welcome to the Collected World O' Crap, a comprehensive library of posts from the original Salon Blog, and our successor site, world-o-crap.com (2006 to 2010).

Current posts can be found here.

Friday, January 21, 2011

January 15, 2006 by s.z.


Who Said It?


You know how the game is played -- so get busy, and start winning those fabulous prizes!

1.  From a column calling upon Christians to influence the pop culture.
I appreciate the many conservative watchdog groups that alert us whenever a fresh stool drops from Hollywood’s left-of-liberal backside and floats to the top of society’s turd bowl.
[...]
If conservatives are going to change the soiled and now soured diaper on our nation’s collective bottom, then we must get into the game with some killer tunes, scripts and talent and light this country up—or we’re doomed to watch gay cowboy movies and listen to gangsta rap. Yeech.
Hint: This mystery guest has a new book out which "is guaranteed to take the poo out of poodles."

2.  As reported by NewsMax:
"I called Martha Alito yesterday to tell her to hang in there," Mrs. Mystery Guest told CNN International.
"I do think it's really important in the United States for people like Judge Alito to be treated with respect," she explained. "I think personal attacks are what people don't like and what are really unwarranted."
Mrs. Mystery Guest admitted that "every once in a while" the constant attacks on her own husband make her feel like crying, saying, "Does it ever not hurt? You know, not really."
Democrats not only made Mrs. Alito cry, but they also constantly hurt Mrs. Mystery Guest.  This is, like, the saddest thing I've ever heard -- even worse than the time that the Democrats broke the heart of Clarence Thomas's kitten.

3.  From yet another wingnut column about how the NSA warrantless wiretapping story is no big deal:
At first, I thought this NSA story was a big deal on the merits, and I wrote that Bush should have asked to fix the law rather than work his way around it. I still think that, in a perfect world, the White House would try to get the laws it needs from Congress. Still, after 9/11, Congress declared that "the president has authority under the Constitution to take action to deter and prevent acts of international terrorism" and authorized "all necessary and appropriate force" against al-Qaida. That strikes me as ample justification for tapping phone calls between al-Qaida associates in Cleveland and Cairo.

Now I'm beginning to think this is just the latest in anti-Bush hype.
Yeah, in a perfect world, the president would obey the law, but since we don't live in a perfect world, let's all say that we believe that the president's war powers let him do whatever the hell he wants.  It just takes less thinking that way.
What makes this bout of St. Vitus' maniacal dancing seem so opportunistic is that after 9/11, we heard constantly about the need to be more flexible and creative. The 9/11 commission's chief complaint was that authorities suffered from a lack of imagination when it came to terrorism.
See, President Bush was just being flexible and creative, and connecting those dots -- and that's easier to do when you can color outside of the lines of the law and the Constitution. 

Hint: Our Mystery Guest started his column with a Jerk reference.  (Hey, that should give it away right there.)

4.  From a piece explaining why everyone on the Left eagerly swallowed that untrue story about a University of Mass student being interviewed by the feds just because he checked out a copy of Mao's "Little Red Book."
So why did anyone believe the student? Two reasons.

One: It was fake but accurate. That’s what they said about the Bush TANG memos, you may recall. Granted, the papers were forged, the dates wrong, the authors dead or retired, and the memos called Bush “Mr. 666 Helliburton Dry-Drunk Oil Shill Poopy Head,” but that doesn’t mean there aren’t serious questions about whether he was ten minutes late for his physical exam.

Likewise the Little Red Book affair: okay, it didn’t happen. Granted. But if Bush eavesdrops on people calling Al Qaeda cells in Pakistan, you know he has plans to deport the Nation magazine’s subscriber base to labor camps in Kansas and make them sew covers for Gideon Bibles. Sometimes a lie reveals a greater truth. Just because “King Kong” is a movie doesn’t mean there aren’t monkeys, somewhere.
If I'm following this analogy correctly, our Mystery Guests is saying that just as the TANG memos were fake, so too are the claims that Bush ordered NSA to listen in on the calls of American persons. 
But it's the Left who are the "cranks."

Hint: Per Amazon, customers who viewed our Mystery Guest's latest book ("a rollicking tribute to old-fashioned parenting that gives us a whole new reason not to forget our past") also viewed An Army of Davids by Glenn Reynolds, A War Like No Other by Victor Davis Boy Band; Unhinged by Michelle Malkin, and America Alone: Our Country's Future as a Lone Warrior by That Canadian Nimrod.

So, by the company he keeps, you should be able to easily deduce that our Mystery Guest is Satan.

5.  From a column explaining that evolution is actually a religion -- just like religion! 
When we take a closer look at the definitions of science and religion, we find that evolution is based on the same premises as any religion, and isn't a science at all.

Science is defined as the 'systematized knowledge derived from observation, study, and experimentation carried on in order to determine the nature or principles of what is being studied.' To observe, study and experiment would mean that one would have to have some kind of contact with that which is being observed, studied, or experimented upon. For example, one can study a plant, or a gas, or the effects of weather, since one can see them happen right before them, in real time. A scientist can only truly study what is in the present, or what is existing and changing right now.
How can someone observe, study or experiment on evolution? Evolution is the process of something moving from one stage of development to another. What do we really have to scientifically prove evolution?
Since I didn't feel it would be fair to take any longer to research a response to our Mystery Guest's column than he took to write it, I merely offer this link ( What is the evidence for evolution?), which took me all of 30 seconds to find, using Google. 

But if you want to smack him around a little, feel free.

Hint: This Mystery Guest wants to help make laws.  Be afraid.  Be very afraid.  (Okay, he'll never get elected, so you don't really have to be afraid.)

6.  From yet another wingnut review of Kate's book:
Some women protest, "I'm a feminist, just not a radical feminist." Kate O'Beirne is impatient with such qualifications. She is not any kind of feminist, and when you finish her sparkling new book "Women Who Make the World Worse," you won't be one either.
Guaranteed!  There's just no way that you could read Kate's book (in which, per Publishers Weekly "she tarnishes even her fact-based arguments with slavish adherence to the book's central focus: smearing powerful, left-wing women") and be any kind of feminist.  If, after perusing it, you find that you are, our Mystery Guest will pay you a billion dollars!*

Hint: Our Mystery Guest came out with her own book about three weeks ago.  It's currently ranked #29,518 in Amazon Books.  So, she obviously knows what makes a good book. 

Hint two: Her book bio indicates that she is "one of the most prominent conservative writers in the country," and "writes a critically acclaimed syndicated column that appears in more than 200 newspapers."  So, she's way better than Ann Coulter, despite not having fan boys who want to see her naked.

* I'm just assuming that's the deal, because one of the most prominent conservative writers in the country would surely put her money where her mouth is.

7.  Today WorldNetDailyfeatures a story about our Mystery Guest, "a veteran of more than 60 films" and how he "can be found on Route 59 in Nyack, New York, trying to shut down a business that shows movies – pornographic movies." 

Yes, our Mystery Guest says he plans to spend his time standing outside an adult book store every day, photographing the license plates of its patrons (apparently the film offers have dried up, and he has nothing better to do).  He will then publish the names of the store's customers in a one-page newspaper ad that he will buy each month until the store goes out of business.
"I won't stop until it shuts down," Mystery Guest told the Westchester Journal News. "I don't want it this close to my house. I'm personally not OK with pornography. I definitely think that it adds to the moral decay or our culture."
And I definitely think that Bio-Dome, Jury Duty, and The Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas added to the decay of all aspects of our culture.

8.  And lastly, here's an excerpt from a piece recommended by Michelle Malkin -- it's about the deadly peril you face from shoe bombers:
Four years ago, the now notorious Richard Reid unsuccessfully attempted to take down an American Airlines Paris-to-Miami flight with explosives hidden in his shoes. He was ultimately subdued by fellow passengers and flight crew, but his failure does not seem to have deterred other terrorists from borrowing the idea. Recently, a number of attempts have been made with terror suspects still trying to board airplanes with explosives hidden in their shoes.
On November 22, 2005, a possible terrorist attack on an African airline was narrowly averted in Nairobi, Kenya. Police arrested three Ethiopian suspects after an airport screener found that they had wires, switches and dry cells in their shoes. As described in the newspaper the East African Standard, a team of detectives "established that a number of people from the suspects' locality had similar shoes but authorities insisted on interrogating the three." According to a policeman, "We suspect they are suicide bombers and we are interrogating them to establish their motive for having such shoes."
On December 2 -- 10 days later and 7,360 miles away at New York's John F. Kennedy Airport -- a 50-year-old Egyptian man claiming to be an Iowa State University student arrived from overseas wearing an unusual pair of shoes. [...] According to CBS 2 investigative reporter Scott Weinberger, "Badawi was wearing high-top sneakers that, CBS 2 was told, had tape around them and rubber bands sticking out of them."
[...]
On December 8, the U.S. Department of Justice (FBI) issued this press release:
"On December 2, 2005, an Egyptian male was detained by Transportation Security Administration (TSA) officials while passing through a security checkpoint at JFK Airport in New York City.  [...] Analysis of the Egyptian man's shoes was ultimately performed at the FBI laboratory, and it was determined that no explosive materials were present in the man's shoes. This individual was also interviewed by Special Agents of the FBI and Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) in Waterloo, Iowa, and it was determined that he poses no security threat."
Those are the only examples provided. 

So, there you have it: a number of recent attempts by terror suspects still trying to board airplanes with explosives hidden in their shoes!

Yes, per the East African Standard (fair and balanced), three Ethiopians were arrested in Nairobi for wearing shoes with fuses and wires in their shoes.  Ten days later and 7000 miles away, an Egyptian guy was found wearing shoes that had tape and rubber bands on them -- the FBI found that he had no explosives in his shoes, and it was determined that he posed no security threat.  And that's why you should be terrified if you're on a plane and find that one or more male Arabs (or brown and foreign, since I don't think Ethiopians are Arabs) are also on board.

Okay, those are our Mystery Guests for today.  Can you name them? 

If not, can you at least make fun of them?

1:21:18 AM    

No comments:

Post a Comment