April 7, 2005 by s.z.

Not That the Rest of You Are Losers, Exactly ... Hey, here's Scott C. to announce the winners of our "Name Mary Cheney's Memoir" contest! I want to thank s.z. for permitting me the honor of choosing the title of Mary Cheney’s forthcoming autobiography from the many fine candidates submitted by her readers. Usually such competitions (your Pulitzer Prizes, your Medal of Freedoms, your Miss Nude Worlds) devolve into tawdry popularity contests, or worse, are decided on the basis of backstage bribes and blowjobs. Refreshingly however, not a single person violated the high-minded spirit of this competition by offering me oral sex or money to select their entry, leaving me free to completely not give a crap. Therefore, in the spirit of this august laurel, I give you the winners of the First Annual World O’Crap Name That Remaindered Book Prize: Honorable Mention goes to Miss Roger Ailes (no, the other one) for "Million Dollar Cry Baby" Dishonorable Mention goes to Miss Brad R. for: "Munching the Red Carpet: My Life as the Veep's Daughter" Miss Congeniality goes to: Miss Anntichrist S. Coulter, for That One Really Funny One That I Don’t Want To Repeat Here Because Then People Wouldn’t Be Able To Read This At Work. The Heritage Foundation Award for the Entry Most Likely to Be Mistaken for an Academic White Paper if You’re Not Really Paying Attention goes to: Miss Tjon for "When Dick Met Bush, My Lips Were Sealed: Politics and Discretion in America." Psychology Today’s covered "Electra Complex" prize is awarded to Miss Yosef, (M.A., Ph.D, H.Y.C.W.O.T.I) for his penetrating offering: "Working for Bush: How My Father and I Reconnected" Our Third Runner-Up is: Miss The Magpie Herself, who tied with Herself for the following two entries: "Walk a Mile in My Sensible Shoes" and "In the Out Closet." Our Second Runner-Up is brash young newcomer: Miss AnthonySF, who also tied with himself for the following: "Torrid Tales of a Selfish Hedonist" (a good slipcase companion volume to "The Sexy Life of a Naked Blogger") and "Dick and Bush Couldn't Set Me Straight" Drumroll! Our First Runner-Up is Miss julia for the wonderfully succinct: "For God's Sake, Don't Tell Mom" (In the event the winner cannot fulfill her duties, the First Runner-Up will then be obliged to jump in and make some more lesbian jokes.) Finally, the moment you’ve all been waiting for. The lucky winner, who will be crowned Miss Bulk Book Buy of 2005 is…. Timpani! "Putting the Sap in Sappho: The Mary Cheney Story" by sylamore! Thank you all for competing. Remember, it’s not the crown that’s important, but the honor of representing your home state, or at least that Cheetoh-dusted corner of your bedroom where you sit around in your underpants all day and read blogs. Congratulations! Yes, congratulations to our winners, and a big thanks to everyone who enterered -- I'm sure that the Marys really appreciated all your ideas for titles for this book.  And a big thanks to our judge, since I've had a hard week, and am just not up to dealing with the scores of angry emails, the social snubs, and the litigation that are bound to arise in the wake of this thing. And as we promised, there are no prizes involved except the glow that comes from knowing that your user name was mentioned in a blog called "World O' Crap."  But if there WERE prizes, each of our winners would be getting one of these babies: With one of these to go with it: 5:42:21 AM

Blog of the Year Powerline's Hindrocket on the "Schiavo Memo": Based on the fragments from the memo that were reported by the Post, I question its authenticity. It does not sound like something written by a conservative; it sounds like a liberal fantasy of how conservatives talk. What conservative would write that the case of a woman condemned to death by starvation is "a great political issue"? Maybe such a person exists, but I doubt it. More from Hindrocket: The memo has three possible origins.  The first possibility is that it was created by a low-level Republican staffer.  This seems possible, but highly unlikely.  Only a very dim-witted staffer would 1) copy word for word from the Traditional Values site, 2) get the Senate bill number wrong, 3) make a number of silly errors, including misspelling Mrs. Schiavo's name as "Teri," and 4) mix comments about political advantage into a "talking points" memo.  The second possibility is that the memo was created by a lobbying group, presumably the Traditional Values Coalition, since most of the content of the memo comes word for word from their web site  [...] The third possibility is that the memo is a Democratic dirty trick.  At the moment, that looks most likely. [...] Indeed. However, today's headlines proclaim that GOP senator's aide says he wrote memo.  Don't you hate it when reality gets in the way of a good Democrat-bashing conspiracy story?  (Especially when you are desperate for a follow-up to the "Rathergate Memo" story that got you that Blog of the Year title?) And (as if to deliberately smack HIndrocket in the face), it turns out that this aide isn't even a "low-level Republican staffer."  No, instead he is (or rather "was," since his resignation was accepted yesterday), Senator Mel Martinez's chief legal counsel.  Anyway, let's now meet the person whose very existance Hindrocket doubts (but if he does exist, he's a very dim-witted staffer, and a fantasy of how liberals think conservatives talk.) Mr. Darling's bio (from before he was hired by Martinez), comes to us courtesy of VOTORS ("Virginians Over-Taxed on Residences") -- emphesis added:  Brian Darling (Director of Government Affairs) Brian Darling is a Partner in a lobbying firm, the Alexander Strategy Group. The Alexander Strategy Group is a full-service lobbying and public affairs firm. Prior to his current position, Brian mostserved as General Counsel to former Sen. Bob Smith, R-N.H. and was a chief Senate strategist for legislation passed last year that allowed commercial airline pilots to carry firearms in flight. In January 2000, Brian and Senator Smith visited the home where Cuban refugee Elian Gonzales was staying and later crafted legislation to grant him permanent residency. Following the 2000 presidential elections, Brian went to Florida and worked on the Bush-Cheney recount team where he was successful in challenging numerous ballots and protecting the integrity of the election process. Brian co-chaired the Conservative Working Group, a weekly legislative strategy meeting of conservative staff members in both the House and the Senate. He has continued with another coalition the Citizens for Conservative Government (CCG) which he currently is the co-chairman. He also served as a counsel for the Senate Judiciary Committee and as an aide to former Senators Paul Coverdell, R-Georgia and Steve Symms, R-Idaho. So, it sounds like Brian is in a position to know how conservatives actually talk, since he's certainly been around enough of them.  In fact, he IS one of them -- an Ur-conservative, if you will.  Plus, if you look at all bills for which he takes credit, they seem to indicate that he knows a lot about "great political issues," and how important they are in exciting the base.  And since the "Schiavo Memo" was designed to help promote his boss's bill (a bill that he probably had a hand in crafting), Brian is obviously the most likely suspect to have written it.  Which means that he didn't!!!  You know, based on all of Hindrocket's analysis, I think it's still more likely that this is all a Democratic dirty trick.  I bet the Democrats kidnapped Brian and had their ChiCom comrades program him so that when he was presented with his psychological "trigger," he would falsely claim to have written the memo.  The CIA, child prostitution rings, the Nephilim, and the faked death of the Pope are also probably involved.  Hey, it's the only thing that makes sense. P.S. Just for fun, here's what Brian and Mel told Jay Sekulow's American Center for Justice & Law (a group that is all about exciting the pro-life base) about Mel's Bill a couple of weeks ago: Senator Mel Martinez of Florida introduced his bill on the Senate floor on Tuesday.  The goal of the bill, named "The Incapacitated Person's Legal Protection Act of 2005," is to ensure that disabled individuals like Terri Schiavo receive the same legal process due to felons given the death penalty.  As you will recall, Brian's "Schiavo Memo" stated that "This legislation ensures that individuals like Terri Schiavo are guaranteed the same legal protections as convicted murderers like Ted Bundy."   He probably came up with that talking point for Mel. Brian Darling, Martinez's chief counsel, told Drew Ryun, our Director of Governmental Affairs, that the Republican leadership is taking this bill very seriously.  Oftentimes it takes weeks or months to get a piece of legislation to the floor for debate.  Darling told the ACLJ that Republican leadership wants this measure on the floor by Monday or Tuesday of next week.   Hey, it's a great a great political issue!  No wonder the Republican leadership was so eager to ensure that the pro-life base saw them debating it. 3:06:00 AM