March 10, 2005 by s.z.

Icebergs, Get On Your Mark! I still occasionally get Bush/Cheney 2004 Teamleader email (because a mailing list is a terrible thing to waste).  Today I received: Subject: Come On Vacation With The RNC! Join us for the biennial Western Republican Leadership Conference being held in Southeast Alaska on board the beautiful Diamond Princess, one of the newest and most spectacular ships in the Princess fleet. The theme of the Western Republican Leadership Conference is: Growing the Western Republican Base. Our agenda blends a memorable cruise vacation through Alaska's scenic Inside Passage with an exciting Republican program: Excellent speakers, focused panel discussions and targeted seminars on key operational Party functions. Don't miss this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to network with fellow Republicans cruising Alaska's Inside Passage and Growing the Western Republican Base! Networking time and private cocktail receptions included. Please Click Here to learn more about this exciting opportunity. We look forward to seeing you in September! Randy Ruedrich, Chairman, Alaska Republican Party Love, exciting and new!  The perky Ken Mehlman will play your cruise director, Julie.  Also featuring Randy Ruedrich as your purser, Gopher (we could use the old Gopher if he wasn't dead).  Lt. Gov. Mike Steele from Maryland will be playing Isaac, our token African-American Republican. And with Grover Norquist as lovably roguish Doc Adam Bricker. Our special guest stars who have come aboard looking for love include Senator Tom McClintock! ("He tamed the West, but could he tame her?"), who spanks feisty Maureen O'Hara as a demonstration of how the Republican Party believes in dealing with women's issues.  He then tells a fiscally unsound Governor Schwarzenegger, "I haven't lost my temper in 40 years, but pilgrim, you caused a lot of trouble this morning that might have got somebody killed and somebody ought to belt you in the mouth. But I won't. I won't. The hell I won't!"  He finds love with Alaskan Senator Lisa Murkowski. Our comic subplot involves Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist as a wacky medical student who spends the trip trying to catch cats to experiment on. Also aboard will be "Veteran GOP strategist" Eddie Mahe, who will share tales of how he was paid big bucks to publicize the "Troopergate" story; Gabriel Joseph from Election Research, the company that helped involve Ruedrich in an ethics investigation (see Research Poll Collects Info For GOP);  Amata Radewageon (or Radawagon, to use the Western GOP's spelling), an unsuccessful congressional candidate from American Samoa; and David Tawai Lee, Rep of China (???),  apparently playing a nice foreign Communist with lots of money who wants to make new friends. We aren't told who captains the Diamond Princess.  But you know what would be cool? Yes, if George W. could take the helm as Captain Stubing, because that would guarantee lots of hilarious hijinks -- maybe he could even be persuaded to reenact the Exxon Valdiz incident as a demonstration of his commitment to the environment.  And the cruise wouldn't be complete without Jenna Bush as the delightful Vicki, who is always getting into scrapes, most of them alcohol-related. But even if George can't be there, we still get a couple of hours on Friday afternoon to discuss "Energy for the Growing Western Base" with "Dept. of the Interior Resource Manager, Alaskan Resource Manager, Alaska Oil Explorer, and Alaska Gas Producer."  After the presentation I'm sure we will agree that Alaska is just full of the energy needed for the growing Western base, and then maybe we'll get to drill for oil in a wilderness area right then. So, start making plans now: Who: All Republicans are invited to join What: Western Republican Leadership Conference: Growing the Western Republican Base Where: On Board the beautiful Diamond Princess through the breathtaking Inside Passage through Southeast Alaska When: September 10-17, 2005 Welcome aboard, it's loooove! 8:16:17 PM

From the Blogosphere and Beyond! Are Bloggers Journalists? Crooks and Liars has the video of Talk Left's Jeralyn Merrit discussing just that issue on MSNBC.  Also, Slate's Jacob Weisberg asks "Who is a Journalist," then answers, "Anybody who Wants to be." Oh, and while at Crooks and Liars, check out the item detailing how some very special wingnuts are crossing their fingers really hard and hoping for Jihad in that case of robbery/murder involving the Copt family in Jersey City.  (Interestingly enough, the A.P. is now reporting that Muslim leaders have asked that anti-Muslim remarks about the murders be investigated as possible hate crimes.) The new Virtual Occoquan is out, featuring the best of the Salon blogs.  This time it includes such fine content as: Mister President - The KGBGs Six Weeks Pork - Birdie Jaworski Joel Achenbach on Hunter Thompson To Serve Ayn - Karen Murphy Scenes from an Imaginary Movie - Mark Hoback And many more!  So check it out. 5:43:04 AM

Swank o' the Day From WHAT MAKES BUSH ‘RULE’ DIFFERENT? Second, Mr. Bush has changed the planet’s plates with Iraqi Freedom Operation. That three-week-win war has brought about a military prowess that stops the nations in their tracks. Because the planet's old plates were from Pottery Barn, and you know their rule! I also liked this part: Seventh, Mr. Bush has dared to be brave against enemies’ stone faces. How many times did the President deliver addresses to unwilling audiences? Yup, you have to admire a President who dares to be brave when he has to give speeches to unwilling audiences of his own people.  Of course, you have to admire the enemy stone face audiences too, because it doesn't sound like THEY had a good time either. 4:42:22 AM

Who Said It? Our first Mystery Guest from last time (the one who was all worked up about how Gonzaga University was apparently plotting to crucify the Pope for having the greatness to call same-sex marriage evil) was Dr. Professor Mike Adams. He was identified by john b. Our second guest was noted love expert George W. Bush. D. Sidhe named him. Guest #3 (the one with the book that advances counterintuitive arguements such as "My book is a well-written piece of non-claptrap that won't make you want to wretch") was Michael Medved.  His book is entitled Right Turns: Unconventional Lessons from a Controversial Life -- look for it soon in "two for a dollar" bins all over America. Bill S was the first to name that Golden Turkey. The Mystery Guest who provided the blurb for Medved's book (in which she praised him for breaking bread with liberals, and then ratting them out) was Ann Coulter, who presumably has her own book in the works called Righter Turns: Unappealing Lessons from a Constipated Life. Bill S identified her too. And our last guest (the one who wrote the book about how liberal journalists, the U.N., Bill Clinton, and France made him have an affair with that hot, young aide and then dump his second wife for her) was Newt Gingrich.   His book is called Winning The Future: a 21st Century Contract With America.  It's already available at Buy.com for half price. Congrats to Vivek for knowing his newts!  And dancinfool was the first to name all our Mystery Guests in one comment. Great job, everybody!  And I hope our winners are saving up their points, which can be traded for such fine merchandise as this:  The Rising, by Tim LeHaye and Jerry B. Jenkins Publisher's Description: Marilena Carpathia has only one dream: to be a mother. So when a mysterious clairvoyant promises the fulfillment of this dream, Marilena does not hesitate. Through genetic engineering and the power of the prince of darkness himself, Marilena is about to become a chosen vessel, one who will unknowingly give birth to the greatest evil the world has ever known. Halfway around the world, God’s plans are subtly being carried out too. Young Ray Steele is determined to avoid one day taking over the family business. Instead, Ray sets his heart on becoming a pilot. . . . Soon Carpathia’s and Steele’s lives will intersect. And good and evil will clash in an explosion that will shake the world. The eternal battle for souls has come to earth. The world hurtles toward the countdown to the Rapture. The Rising is the first book in the Countdown to the Rapture. So, the battle between the devil's genetic engineering and God's pilot training program is set into motion -- and the world hurtles toward the countdown of the prelude to prequel to the Rapture, a countdown that will be told in 20 or so volumes. Now, Who Said This? 1.  Who started his radio program last week with this: Another great day in this greatest nation on God's green earth--and yes, it is the greatest nation on God's green earth, despite the very disturbing fact that this great nation will, in a matter of days, be deploying the power of government, deploying the power of the courts, in order to take a stricken young woman out of her parent's care and to kill her. Hint: He's recently written a book which advances the theory that talk radio is a source of hope, not hatred.  2.  And who was the guest on #1's program who said the following (partly to make clear that even if she wanted to die, Terry Schiavo would have no right to refuse a feeding tube because "starving yourself to death is considered to be suicide. And at a moral level, it is indistinguishable from taking an active step to kill yourself"): Well, I think it's to remember that the right to life is a unalienable right, according to our Declaration of Independence. Unalienable means you don't have the right to give it up. So, under our understanding of where our rights come from, we don't have the right to commit suicide, because we don't have the right ourselves to take away the right to life that is given us by God. Hint: Mystery Guest #1 described this guest as, "someone who has been a consistently eloquent spokesman for the cause of life; [...], and at one time an ambassador to a U.N. commission from the Reagan administration."    3.  Who said this, after noting that everybody was denouncing her for racism this week: Liberals are too pathetic to write about. I have nothing to do; my life is over. 4.  And who said this yesterday? Now, Clinton did go to Davos/ Davos, Switzerland, the World Economic Forum is where Eason Jordan went over there and fell in love with Sharon Stone and after one night with her makes this statement about US targeting journalists. It's dangerous out there, folks. It just is dangerous, you know, for people that don't know who they're dealing with like Eason Jordan getting, you know, hot to trot with Sharon Stone. I mean that's just shows you men have no control; men have no power. Good luck, everyone.  And remember, the intro to the preamble to the countdown to the Rapture may be starting soon, so get your guesses in quickly. 3:25:34 AM