March 14, 2005 by s.z.

Daily Inspiration

First, from our friend Pastor Swank's new column about President Bush's "superbly trained Iraqi security force":

The training is first rate. The training will bring about an Iraqi security base that will eventuate in the US-led Coalition becoming more and more recessive.

And that's something that all Americans can support!

Now, let's hear from Doug Giles, whose column is basically just some ideas taken from evangelical theologian J.I. Packer, dressed up with some of Doug's famous analogies.  Here are my favorite bits:

Martin Luther, the 16th-century Augustinian monk who shook all of Christendom like a bowl of liposuctioned fat [...]

Try that next week, next month and the next few years, and watch your influence spread like butter. And you can be certain that such a resurrection of a hearty Christianity will definitely tick the sassy secularist off and get Satan’s panties in a wad.

Doug is probably the only pastor to ever preach about Satan's panties.

Reader Michael (thanks, Michael!) gave us a tip about Christian Women and Sports, the piece which is currently making the rounds on the internets.  But since even Andrew Sullivan found author Scott Jonas wingnutty, I think his thesis deserves a look.

So, Mr. Jonas advises that Christians shouldn't let their womenfolk participate in sports because sports can keep the weaker sex from being learning how to be obedient wives and mothers, and can also take them away from their  "wifely duties around the home."  And even worse, sports may make a woman uppity, and inspire her to do manly things like hold a job or get involved in community affairs, and thus force a man to "compete against his own wife in the workplace and community." 

But worst of all, sports help women to become muscular, fit, and nonflabby, and therefore unattractive to men.  Plus, the fairer sex should never swear or sneer like men!

Most men I know admire a woman who is reasonably healthy and fit; they are also attracted to a woman who is somewhat “soft” and cuddly. This does not mean she should be delicate like tissue paper; no, a woman should be reasonably strong, and the normal duties of life will make her that way. This is what we learn from the Proverbs 31 woman. However, if you look at pictures of female athletes who play sports or observe them on the playing fields, you will notice that many develop strong, muscular bodies. Female athletes also sneer, wince, push, and fight just like the men. I notice these things all the time in pictures in our hometown newspaper. The sneers are most obvious; they make young women very unfeminine. The masculine uniforms and sweaty bodies aren’t very attractive, either

And if these women aren't attractive to Mr. Jonas, then it follows that God doesn't want women involved in sports.

This message was brought to you by Ladies Against Feminism, which features many other fine wingnutty articles, such as The Pink Pussy-Cat Bares her Fangs, by Cary "Gramps" Roberts, one of our favorite ladies against feminism.  And don't forget "I am a Stay-at-Home Wife", the story of childless young woman who spends her days taking care of her man ("We were created by God to be a helper suitable. In other words, we are designed by God to be precisely what that man—that we have vowed before Him to love, honour, cherish and obey—needs."), and being his property ("I think that it is a shame that the old-fashioned custom of a wife being called by her husband’s name has gone by the wayside. What a symbol of pride and possessiveness—I am his! Mrs. Philip Ivester").

Anyway, I hope you have found something to inspire you today.  But if you haven't, you might want to check out the following: 

Mister Snitch's exclusive story Bill Gates Changing Name to 'The Gates'
Brad (formerly Brad3000, now SuperHappyFunBlog) has Fun With Pastor Swank
Krup of Just Sayin' has the one-sheet for The Passion ReCut (the softcore version)
And Rev. Mykeru has the definitive Fisking of Michalle Malkin.

So, read them and then start your day with renewed inspiration!

2:41:02 AM