The World O' Crap Archive

Welcome to the Collected World O' Crap, a comprehensive library of posts from the original Salon Blog, and our successor site, world-o-crap.com (2006 to 2010).

Current posts can be found here.

Sunday, January 16, 2011

March 16, 2005 by s.z.


Town Hall Review


Now, with fiber!
Since Rachel Carson said that DDT was killing birds, then it's only fair if Wisconsin allows residents to shoot cats, because cats kill birds too.
Meanwhile, the contribution of feral cats is 100 percent aesthetic. We like kitties. This raises an outrageous double-standard. Dogs - our closest allies in the animal kingdom - can be shot for harassing wildlife or livestock. But free-loading cats are protected when they massacre birds for sport. Where's the justice?
Dogs are our closest allies -- so they're like England.  However, cats are snooty and never do what we tell them to, so they are like France.  Therefore, it makes sense that Jonah would want to exterminate them.  And anyway, if Old Yeller got shot, then it's only fair that Bill the Cat gets it too.

First year law student tells us yet again what's wrong with the judicial system.  This time it's judicial review. 

See, judicial review was supposed to keep the legislature from writing unconstitutional laws, but since we now have a Republican legislature and a "liberal" Supreme Court, it's time to amend the Constitution so that the will of the conservatives can never be thwarted.
The time has come to do away with judicial review as a whole. The judicial branch has been politicized to such an extent that judges who fulfill Hamilton's qualifications -- judges who compare legislation to the actual Constitution -- are dubbed conservative extremists, while judges who legislate from the bench are termed moderates. The system has become so thoroughly corrupt that the only choice left to us is a Constitutional amendment ending judicial review of legislative acts.
If only Ben were the Chief Justice of the Supreme Court, then things would be run right!  Yes, he'd make sure that everything was strictly constitutional, and that we would all live in the 18th century, like the Founding Fathers intended.

David weighs in on the Terri Schiavo case.   Not knowing much about it doesn't slow him down a bit.
How likely is it that Terri, now only 41 years old, would have discussed her wishes as to life support with her husband in 1990, when she would have only been in her mid-twenties and with no inkling of life-threatening or disabling medical conditions?
Well, her husband said that they had watched a TV movie about Karen Ann Quinlan (presumably In the Matter of Karen Ann Quinlan), and she discussed her wishes then.  You know, after seeing of a film about a woman in a permanent comatose state and the parents who must "decide whether to keep her alive on life support systems, or to disconnect them and let her die with some dignity left," I think it's pretty likely that a couple might talk about what they want to happen to them if they were ever in a similar condition.  But thanks for asking, David.
From what I've read, while Terri is severely disabled, she's not in a so-called vegetative state, she's not in a coma, and she's not medically terminal -- except by court decree of starvation.
Apparently all that David has read is press releases authored by the "right to life" groups helping/using Terri's parents. So, for David, here's part of a recent St. Petersbug Times article:
Brain scans show that parts of Schiavo's brain have atrophied and been replaced by spinal fluid. With such severe damage, Schiavo can't show the recovery that Scantlin [the woman who recently came out of a 19-year coma] has, said Dr. Michael Pulley, assistant professor of neurology at the University of Florida College of Medicine in Jacksonville.

"Those types of changes don't reverse," Pulley said. "If you lose big pieces of brain, regardless of what it is - trauma, stroke, surgery - it doesn't come back."
David, when key parts of your brain have been replaced by fluid, then you have no higher brain functions -- doctors call this a persistant vegetative state (not a coma). Your body keeps working, but there's nobody home inside it.  Understand now?
Given Terri's reported responsiveness, her ability to breathe on her own, and the doubt and suspicious circumstances surrounding this case, shouldn't the question be resolved in favor of life, especially given what we've seen recently, for example, with the comatose patient regaining consciousness after 19 years?
Let's go back to the St. Petersburg Times and see what the neurologists say:
They say that, as similar as the two women's cases may appear, Schiavo's brain injury is far more severe than Scantlin's. Recovery in cases like Scantlin's is rare, but possible. In cases like Schiavo's, they say, it can't happen.
And this is what the doctors say about Terri's reported "responsiveness":


Cranford said it's hard for people without neurological training to accept that people in a vegetative state can't recover and aren't aware of their surroundings. They sleep. They wake. They grimace.

"It's very hard, because when you look at Terri Schiavo, you can think she's interacting, but she's not," he said. "When you have loving, caring parents like the Schindlers, you just want to deny they're in a vegetative state. It's a terrible syndrome."
This is a sad case, and it's understandable that people would have differing opinions about it -- but it's wrong when pundits write opinion columns about it based on propaganda and wishful thinking, and never mention the information that convinced the courts that Terri isn't conscious, is never going to get better, and wouldn't want to be kept alive in this condition.

"Unhinged left-wing activists" are going to be organizing anti-war protests to "mark the two-year anniversary of the U.S. bombing and invasion of Iraq."   They will create traffic delays, and possibly litter -- which is how you can tell they are unhinged, and why Michelle calls them "moonbats."
Seasoned observers who cover the War on Terror in the "blogosphere" (the increasingly influential world of Internet weblogs) have a useful term for the American Left's protesters against progress: moonbats.
Seasoned observers of those who cover the War on Terror from the safety of the "blogosphere" have a useful term for them: the 101st Fighting Keyboarders™.
Perry de Havilland of the blog Samizdata (samizdata.net) defined a moonbat as "someone on the extreme edge of whatever their -ism happens to be."

dKosopedia defined the 101st Fighting Keyboarders as "weblog authors who are 'very enthusiastic about war, provided someone else fights it.'"  It adds:
Originally coined by blogger  TBogg in this post. May also be refered to as '101st Keyboarders', '101st Keyboarders Brigade', etc. (Also see chickenhawkwarblogger)

Next time: we explore the origins of the term "wingnut," and give some examples.

Okay, the Townhall offering were kind of anemic today (IMHO), so I had to recruit some ringers from the minor leagues.  Up at bat first will be Robert Klein Engler, "an adjuct professor at Roosevelt University in Chicago, and a versatile writer of op-ed articles, poetry, and philosophy."  His thesis will deal with the foreshadowing in the song "Thriller."

Michael Jackson’s trial in California for alleged sexual abuse should make us look back to the beginning of his career in popular music. 
Back to the 1960s and early '70s, when little Michael sang such songs as "The Love You Save" and "I'll be There"? Gee, they seemed like such happy, innocent times.
We should read once more the lyrics to his 1982 hit song, “Thriller.”  From the perspective of a courtroom in California, the lyrics to “Thriller” are almost prophetic.
And you're saying that "ABC" isn't prophetic?
“Thriller” begins with “It’s close to midnight and something evil’s lurking in the dark.”  Could these lyrics describe an hour at Michael’s Neverland Ranch in Santa Barbara?  Could something lurk in the shadows of Michael’s bedroom?  Then, the song continues, “You start to freeze as horror looks you right between the eyes.  You’re paralyzed.”  After so many surgeries on his face, you can only imagine what it would be like to be alone in the half-dark with Michael Jackson while he stared at you.
But there is more.  “You hear the door slam and realize there’s nowhere left to run.  You feel the cold hand and wonder if you’ll ever see the sun.”  If I were a 12-year-old boy half-drunk on wine, and a hand came at me while in bed one night, that might be what I, too, would say.  What Michael Jackson was singing in 1982 is now what has been alleged to have happened at his California ranch.
It's alleged that Michael is a werewolf?  Man, the things you miss by not watching "On the Record" and "Nancy Grace"!
The California trial is a hard stone to swallow for many of Jackson’s dedicated followers.  Nevertheless, the testimony of Jackson’s young accusers about alleged sexual abuse seems to be a germ in Jackson’s rock video produced more than 20 years ago.  That germ infects Michael’s life today.  Let’s hope that all parties to this alleged sexual abuse may not suffer the full meaning of Michael’s lyrics when he sang in “Thriller,” “...no one’s gonna save you from the beast about to strike.”
Um, but if it's only alleged sexual abuse (and Michael may be found not guilty -- and may be even be innocent, in fact), then perhaps the testimony of Jackson's young accuser is a germ in some other video -- maybe "Beat It" or "Cheater," but most likely "Tabloid Junkie."

Anyway, I think that Adjuct Professor Engler shows us that the state of American higher education may indeed be as bad as David Horowitz and Ben Shapiro have been saying.

And speaking of Ben, let's hear from John Plecnik, the littlest Young Republican (he's not Ben, but is an incredible simuation):

John had a column published in the Moonie Times.  He got lots of feeback.  A former House historian called it his best column ever -- he was really stoked about that, because it was the first email he'd ever gotten from a female.  And an Assistant U.S. Attorney "even made a point of telling me that his office had jobs for law students like me" -- because somebody has to do the Xeroxing and pick up the dry cleaning.
But John also got feeback from ... the liberals!
One theme, however, was clear from the holier-than-thou feedback of the liberal elite.  The majority of them are still in denial.  They refuse to believe that campus conservatives are anything more than a handful of rich brats and “Bible Belt” bumpkins.  In their minds, we either drive to Duke in a BMW or spend our summers on mission trips.  Not to knock luxury cars or spreading the Gospel, but in actuality, campus conservatives come from every walk of life.  The money-hungry, nerdy stereotype of Alex P. Keaton, depicted by actor Michael J. Fox on the popular 80s sitcom “Family Ties,” has never been less germane than it is today.
Okay, just for fun, let's look at a couple of photos.

This is John      <="" alt="John Plecnik" font?="" height="123" src="http://www.renewamerica.us/columns/plecnik.jpg" />
 
 
 
 
This is Alex Keaton (with a girlfriend played by Courtney Cox)
 

Now, which one is the nerd?
Anyway, John concludes with this threat:

And whether our professors like it or not, we have no intention of disagreeing quietly.  We choose to air our dissent on Fox News and CNN, in the Washington Times and New York Times, and even in federal court.  By necessity, campus conservatives are becoming columnists, commentators and First Amendment watchdogs.  We are taking our case beyond the campus community.

Well, John you can intend whatever you want, but I hope you realize that Fox News and the Moonie Times are only interested in your views if they sell papers and commercial time -- and the legal group founded by James Dobson and associates will only take your case to court if it furthers their agenda.  

And it looks to me like your 15 minutes of Moonie Times fame is going to your head, and causing you to believe that you have bright career in front of you as a columnist, commentator, and Fox News watchdog.  But I must warn you that a career as a tool of the right wing may work for some, but it's not the most secure of fields to which a young man might aspire.  And you're just not cute enough to be the next Rich Lowry or Ann Coulter. (Okay, maybe you could be the next Ann, but you'd have to dye your hair.)

So, maybe you should try not to alienate any more professors until you actually have that diploma in hand, unless you think you can support yourself on your Renew America and Chron Watch earnings.

4:53:01 AM

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