March 30, 2005 by s.z.

I'm Holding Out for the Novelization of an MTV Movie About Being a Bush Twin Per the NY Times, Cheney's Daughter Says She'll Write Memoir: Mary Cheney, the daughter and campaign manager of Vice President Dick Cheney whose identity as a lesbian became an issue in the presidential campaign, has sold the rights to a memoir to Simon & Schuster for an advance of about $1 million, according to two people involved in the negotiations [...] Simon & Schuster said Ms. Cheney's memoir was the first book planned in a new line of titles about conservative politics and current events, overseen by Mary Matalin, a political consultant and close adviser to the Cheney family. Ms. Matalin was not involved in making the book deal, she and others said. Wow, a million dollar advance!   While Ann Coulter reportedly got a $3 million advance for her latest screed, My Struggle: A Solution to the Liberal Problem, a million is quite a bit for a first-time author -- especially since Slate's Daniel Gross  claims that Simon and Schuster discovered conservatives just after the market for conservative tomes had peaked, and are investing big bucks in their new imprint without actually knowing (or wanting to know) much about conservatives.  Here's part of that very entertaining column: Matalin's partisan hackishness almost certainly guarantees she will publish only the most predictable conservative writings. (Rep. Chris Shays this week noted charged that "this Republican party of Lincoln has become a party of theocracy." Would Matalin sign up Shays to write a book on the topic? Of course not. She's far more likely to publish a memoir by flack Scott McClellan—It Ain't Lying If You Believe It?—than by a Republican who might tell conservatives something they might not want to hear.) And one wonders whether the presence of Matalin will convince hard-core Bushies that they should publish with—and buy books from—a unit of Viacom, where the profits are upstreamed into the same corporate cesspool that holds the earnings of bêtes noires MTV and CBS News? Well, per the NYT, the involvement of Matalin convinced Mary Cheney to sell her book to Simon and Schuster, and I imagine that investors are hoping that the combo of Matalin and the Cheney name can persuade hard-core Bushies to buy a book from the same mega-corp that employed the satanic Dan Rather (even if said book is by a, you know, selfish hedonist).  And, per what Matalin told the Times, she thinks this book by Ms. Cheney isn't predicatable at all, since it's about how the modern conservative movement now lets its members have lesbian daugthers: On Tuesday Ms. Matalin said she hoped Ms. Cheney's memoir would further her efforts to make her new imprint, Threshold, reflect what she sees as the changing nature of the conservative movement. "I am doing a handful of books that reflect the breadth of conservatism today," Ms. Matalin said, "and I think she represents that, and she represents it beyond the narrow casting of 'she is a gay Republican.' " Cheney's book will reportedly contain "fly-on-the-wall accounts of her father's campaigns and a portrait of the vice president different from his public persona." Personally, I couldn't care less about Dick's campaigns, and unless the portrait of him discuss his fondness for dressing up in Lynne's ball gowns, and how he ordered the invasion of Iraq to get back at Saddam for spurning his amorous advances, I know I won't be reading this book (let alone buying it). Carolyn Reidy, president of adult books at Simon & Schuster, said Ms. Cheney's book would be not only an account of the campaigns by a singularly highly placed insider but also "about her own role, about being thrust into the spotlight unwanted and her opinions about that." Okay, it will also have a chapter about Mary found out from John Kerry that she was gay (and she was shocked, SHOCKED! at the news).  Fine.  I still don't think that's enough to sell enough books to earn that million dollar advance.  Back to Daniel Gross: Right-wing books of recent vintage have generally succeeded by attacking liberal Democrats and government or by glorifying fearless Republican leaders. Given that the Republicans control every branch of government, they're running out of targets. (Deliver Us From Harry Reid?) And the unctuous butt-kissing books are starting to wear thin. After two weeks, Ari Fleischer's memoir is barely clinging to its spot on the Times best-seller list at No. 15. (He's in danger of being bumped off by Kirstie Alley's How To Lose Your Ass and Regain Your Life.) Mary's book sounds like it will be a combo of unctuous butt-kissing ("Unlike his public persona, my father is a warm-hearted man who helps cold, hungry orphans by ordering that wilderness areas be mined for fossil fuels, and by cutting taxes for kindly billionaires so they will be disposed to donate the leftovers from fundraiding dinners to worthy ophanages") and liberal bashing ("John Kerry wounded the feelings of my delicate flower of a mother by mentioning me, a total innocent, during the presidential debates -- what kind of a monster does that?!?").  Therefore, I don't see it doing any better than Ari's memoir.  So, what can Matalin do to improve her chances of sucess in her new venture as an editor (not the kind that actually edits, of course -- she is just involved in "conceptual editing," meaning, I guess, that she THINKS about editing, while somebody else does the actual work)?  That's easy: get Mary Cheney to collaberate with her mother on Sisters II: This Time It's Personal.  8:09:06 AM

Jesus Should Sue for Copyright Violation Over at Townhall, third-tier pundit Terence Jeffrey offers a bit o' wingnuttery called The good Samaritan goes to jail.  It's a retelling of Jesus' parable, only in this version, the Samaritan breaks into the hospice of a woman who was peacefully dying (per her desire to not be kept alive in a vegatative state), and the Samaritan pours some water down her throat, causing her to aspirate liquid and suffocate. Anyway, here's Terence: Now who are Terri Schiavo's good neighbors? [...] Horrified that a disabled woman was being deliberately starved and dehydrated to death in their own country, many good neighbors went to the inn where Terri was now imprisoned and reportedly attempted to peacefully bring her a drink of water. Police arrested them. Thus in America, in 2005, law and morality were turned upside down. Those who sought to take an innocent life were defended by judges. Good Samaritans were jailed.  Good people can disagree about the Schiavo case, but only an uninformed twit (or one of those hypocritical Pharisees whom Jesus was so down on) would cast those who got themselves arrested for trespassing at Terri Schiavo's hospice as the "Good Samaritans" in a retelling of the parable.  Most of those arrested seem to have been grandstanding, publicity-seeking jerks, and none of them appear to have shown any consideration for the other patients in the hospice (or of the family members of those patients), or of the local residents, or even of the Schindler family, who asked them to knock it off. Roger Ailes recaps the stories of some of the protesters for Michelle Malkin -- and I'm hoping that he can do the same for Terence.  I would especially like Terence to hear about Scott Heldreth, Samaritan and registered sex offender; and Bill Tierney, the good neighbor and former UNSCOM weapons inspector who made the interesting remarks about torturing "wops" "WOGs" (and who claimed he could locate Saddam's nuclear weapons using prayer and ESP).  I would also recommend that Terence get somebody to read him our item about Karl Henderson and Doug McBurney, the followers of major hate-mongerer Bob Enyart, who seem to have gotten arrested just as a publicity stunt (and whose taunting of the police for being Nazis, and arguing with Terri's brother when he told them they weren't helping matters, don't seem all that neighborly to me). Oh, and here's info that might interest Terence  I did some research on Chris Keys, who "held his two-year-old daughter, Farrah, as he prepared to get arrested with three of his other children"  The police had Keys' wife take the baby so they could handcuff Keys, and then they arrested 14-year-old Josie, 12-year-old Cameron, and Gabriel, age 10, who kept carrying cups of water past the barricades after being warned by police to stop. The Keys family had reportedly "drove nearly 24 hours from Burnet, Texas, in the family station wagon" in order to join the protesters. Were they just motivated by a spirit of Christian charity, or could other factors have been involved? Well, this St. Petersburg Times story "Protesters invite arrest" gives us a clue:  Several others belong to the anti-abortion group Operation Rescue. In court Thursday, prosecutors pushed for stiffer punishment for the group's leader, Philip "Flip" Benham, citing his previous arrests for trespassing. Another member, Chris Keys, had his fine increased to $500 from $300 after prosecutors noted his history. He also got six months probation. Keys, 45, of Burnet, Texas, said he has been arrested more than 30 times for protesting.   So, Chris Keys is a member of Operation Rescue, the anti-abortion group infamous for trespassing at womens clinics and harassing staff and patients, and for traveling around  the country looking for publicity ops and chances to get arrested.  So, maybe Chris isn't all that great of a Samaritan. And what kind of a guy tries to trespass into a facility (after being warned by the cops) while HOLDING HIS TWO-YEAR OLD?  Yeah, a major jerk. Anyway, if you go here, you can read about how Chris got arrested in Aug. 2003 when he and other protesters locked their arms around Roy Moore's 10 Commandments monument and "refused orders from state marshals to leave the area." And if you go here, you can read about the Nov. 2003 protests that helped stop construction of a Planned Parenthood building that would reportedly have provided preventive health care to the working poor of the area. Chris Keys of Austin brought his wife and four children to participate in the demonstration. He said he didn't want his children to "grow up ignorant." They are presumably being home-schooled, and they spend a lot of time being used as props in various demonstrations, so Chris's concern is a valid one. And what were the kids doing during the protest? His daughter, 12-year-old Josie Keys, said she was passing out literature and holding up posters of aborted fetuses because she loves babies and wants them to be saved. Yeah, holding up posters of aborted fetuses is a great learning experience for a 12-year-old. And here's some info on a March 2001 anti-abortion protest at the University of Texas conducted by the youth group "Survivors of the Abortion Holocaust": Chris Keys, who runs a pregnancy crisis center in Burnett, said that although he was not a member of Survivors, he came out to show his support along with his 11-year-old daughter. Keys said his daughter has been involved in protests like this since she was two. "She begged me to come out today," he said. "She wanted to do something for herself."  Keys described himself as a "contraception abolitionist" and said he opposed all forms of birth control, arguing that rape, child molestation and abortion have all increased since the introduction of condom So, is Chris Keys a good Samaritan who was so overcome with horror at Terri's plight that he tried to give her a drink in the spirit of compassion, or is he an attention-seeking, unChristian wingnut (and a horrible father to boot)?   We have our opinion, and Terence is entitled to his, but we hope that Terence does some reading and pondering before he writes any more columns about the protesters in Pinellas Park.  And we also hope he finds some true good Samaritans to write about, because heaven knows, we could use some inspirational stories these days. P.S.  Chris Keys' pastor Steve Hopkins (and other members of the Burnet Bible Church congregation) were in Pinellas Park too.  This news release provides some of Pastor Steve's exhortations re Terri Schiavo: Although there are been at least 38 men, women, and children who have been arrested for doing what Keyes attempted to do, Hopkins said that is not enough. “It is good to hold signs in favor of life. It is good to protest this grand injustice in the streets. But Jesus does not command us to hold signs or to protest, He commands us to have mercy; to feed the hungry and give drink to the thirsty; to rescue the perishing,” said Hopkins. [...] “We adjure every Christian family who names the name of Christ Go to Pinellas Park and offer a cup of cool water to a dying woman. If the people of God were to obey His commands from scripture, the jail cells of Florida could not hold them all,” said Hopkins. Pastor Steve is also associated with Operation Save America ("He has been in this war for many years and he is a loyal servant.")   And here's a Full Quiver Mission page that presents photos of protesters at a Roy Moore 10 Commandments Monument protest/rally that Pastor Steve attended.  This was my favorite photo caption: Randall Terry, founder and former Director of Operation Rescue, was also on hand, sporting his new 20-something wife. Randall was snubbed by virtually every Christian leader present, as he is regarded as apostate from the faith. Randall left his wife of 18 years, went to Las Vegas to live for six months so he could establish residency and get an uncontested divorce; married his 20-something office worker soon after, and moved into a house virtually across the street from his wife. Randall is an unrepentant adulterer, whom God has under judgment. He was doing everything he could to get some media attention to advance his "comeback" and his new country music singing career. Randall and Bruce and Beverly Murch all went to Bible college together, but the Murches will not fellowship with him either. While we love him and pray for him, the Scripture is clear what you should do with one who calls himself a brother and continues in unrepentant sinner..."No, not to even eat with such a one". So, you can see why the Terri Schiavo case was such a blessing for not just Tom DeLay and other persecuted Republicans, but also for the shunned Randall Terry. 6:41:47 AM