March 31, 2005 by s.z.

BTW, Did They Ever Find Out Who Supposedly Mailed Ricin to Bill Frist? From the NY Times: Lawmaker Charged in an Anthrax Scare A state legislator was charged on Wednesday with lying about a white powder that he claimed was inside a letter from a critical constituent. The legislator, Jeffrey E. Habay, reported that the letter contained a suspicious white powder, thus fueling fears that it might be anthrax.  Postal authorities said that the powder was harmless (it was apparently found to be Arm & Hammer baking soda).  And, it turns out that the letter hadn't contained any powder when he received it. [Jeffrey] Habay, a 38-year-old Republican, was charged with falsely incriminating another, fictitious reports, solicitation to commit perjury and "facsimile weapons of mass destruction," court documents show. Mr. Habay said the envelope came from George Radich, one of five constituents who had asked a court to audit Mr. Habay's political action committee. Mr. Radich insisted that the powder was not there when he mailed the letter and that he never tried to hide his identity. In an unrelated case, Mr. Habay is awaiting trial on charges of using his staff to campaign on state time, theft of service and conflict of interest. I wonder why Tom DeLay never thought of trying this? 5:24:58 AM

A Contest! David E. emailed us with a suggestion: a "Name Mary Cheney's Memoir" contest.  What with all the interest in Mary's book (see the comments under the previous item), we have to agree that is not only a great idea, but what the folks seem to want.  So, we invite you to submit your proposted titles. Here's some more info about the project from the Houston Chronicle; hopefully it will help you come up with the titre juste:  Vice President Cheney's youngest daughter loathed being a gay GOP "poster girl" or known as his "lesbian daughter" in last year's presidential race. But, with a memoir coming out next year, it can't hurt. Mary Cheney, 35, on Tuesday signed with Bush strategist Mary Matalin's conservative imprint at Simon & Schuster to pen a book on being "a political target for the other side," she said in a statement. Besides memories of working on her dad's campaigns, since age 8, the former Coors executive will finally respond to Democratic nominee John Kerry, who raised the issue of her homosexuality.  "She never wanted to be the poster girl ... for gay issues," Matalin said. "She doesn't exist to be the lesbian daughter of the vice president." But her sexual identity will be a major topic of the tome, which will try to appeal to conservatives, liberals and gays, Matalin said. The publisher said Cheney will take a shot at "buffoonish" Republican Alan Keyes, who labeled her a "selfish hedonist." The person who submits the best title, as determined by a fair and impartial judge (hey, I'll search all the gin joints and pool halls on the internets until I find one), may be eligible to win such prizes as: George W. Bush Coloring Book George W. Bush Coloring Bookby Joley Wood Product Description:Drawing from the imaginative quotes President Bush has uttered over the years, the George W. Bush Coloring Book illustrates Bushs very own words in the form of a coloring book. Illustrator Karen Ocker lends her visually distinct style to on-the-record quotes such as Its amazing I won. I was running against peace, prosperity and incumbency. So, let's do what we can to help out Mary Matalin and Mary Cheney (since they have enough on their plates, what with the conceptual editing and the trying to appeal to conservatives, liberals, and gays), and start thinking of some titles for Ms. Cheney's book.  This contest will end at midnight April 2, 2005. Any resemblance to a real contest is entirely coincidental. Employees of World O'Crap industries and their families are not eligible to participate; however, Halliburton employees and their families are. 4:09:12 AM

Deep Thoughts, by Peggy Noonan [I am in black, Peggy is in maroon, and Jack Handey, creator of the authentic Deep Thoughts, is in blue.] This week Peggy is reporting to us from Jamaica, Indonesia, the Betty Ford Center, or some place like that.  Hey, it's been obvious for some time now that Peggy needs a little "rest," so we don't begrudge her this "vacation." I have taken a few days off and gone to a place where there are beaches, palm trees, tan people, men in shorts and cotton-weave shirts, and women in sky-blue and pink and yellow dresses and broad-brimmed straw hats. It is nice here.  As I bit into the nectarine, it had a crisp juiciness about it that was very pleasurable -- until I realized it wasn't a nectarine at all, but a human head! It's nice wherever Peggy is, and conducive to getting in touch with one's senses, and thinking about Ronald Reagan. The breeze is gentle and unstopping. In the houses you can smell gardenias. At night everything you touch is moist. Um, I think we'll just move on. There is a purple orchid in full bloom at the front door of the house where I'm staying. It doesn't grow from soil but from the air. Its roots are exposed and hang below the flowers in two feet of gray tangle. It's ugly-beautiful. Whenever I see a beautiful swan, gliding along, I think, The world is not so terrible.  But then he ducks his head underwater, with his rear end sticking up in the air, and I think, Yes, it is. Peggy is staying in an area that is still recovering from a natural disaster, because those places offer the best rates to thrifty vacationers such as Peggy -- plus, the help has had the sass beaten out of them by mother nature. Everyone here is still recovering from the hurricanes of the fall, and half the palm trees are propped up by long two-by-fours as they attempt to reroot themselves.  Many people would have given up on the town.  But we decided to stay.  Stay, and make fun of the things they were trying to do to make the town better, because we couldn't afford to leave and we really didn't want to help out. Naturally, as occurs in all such situations, the conversation turns to politics.  Sure, the other people want to talk about the cholera outbreak, their crushing poverty, or how a gator ate the German tourist, but Peggy just ignores them, smiles sweetly, and gives them her opinions on the 2008 presidential election.  The fact that they don't understand English is a real blessing in this case. Naturally and in the midst of all this beauty and regeneration all talk at dinner turns to politics. [...] I actually don't know what people talked about before these, but I wonder if it was something like, "What do you think is the most reliable path to personal satisfaction in the world we live in?" and "I saw a big bright yellow rose today and had the most wonderful thought, or at least it was wonderful for me, for I am no genius and do not normally go in for big time reflections on beauty," and, "Did you have a happy childhood or an unhappy one, and if you had the latter what is the best thing it gave you, that unhappy start?" If you want to be the popular one at a party, here's a good thing to do: Go up to some people who are talking and laughing and say, "Well, technically that's illegal." It might fit in with what somebody just said. And even if it doesn't, so what, I hate this stupid party. So, yeah, I guess that politics is better than some of the other topics that Peggy could throw out for discussion. And it turns out that Peggy has been with ... I mean, among ... many Republicans in her day, and she knows that they are now grousing about Peggy's warning that Hillary will be a real threat to the GOP's chances of winning the presidency in 2008.  Peggy often has arguments with those Republicans, even though they are just people in her head, and her two-way conversations with her imaginary opponents often greak out the natives of her third-world paradise. I'd better tell you what I picked up about politics the past few days. Republicans--I have been among many--are now in the stage of the Hillary Conversation in which they are beginning to grouse about those who keep warning that Mrs. Clinton will be a formidable candidate for president in 2008. She won't be so tough, they say. America will never elect a woman like her, with such a sketchy history--financial scandals, political pardons, the whole mess that took place between 1980 and 2000.  If you don't want to be jealous of your friends, do what I do: only have losers for friends. Anyway, per Peggy, those grousers are dead wrong (the dopes!), because Hillary Clinton is focused, smart, and seems less oily than her husband, so she will make a formidable adversary. Plus, young people these days are stupid, and may vote for Hillary, not realizing that she used to decorate her Christmas trees with crack pipes and nipple rings. [A]nd because in 2008 we will have millions of 18- to 24-year-old voters who have no memory of her as the harridan of the East Wing and the nutty professor of HillaryCare.  I remember how the other kids used to say that old Mister Swenson was the meanest man in town. But I said I thought he was nice, that he just didn't know how to show it. The meanest man in town, I said, was the mean old guy who lived in the big white house. "THAT'S MISTER SWENSON," they said. Oh, my mistake. Also, "Half the MSM will be for her," and that half will use fear, intimidation, and Indian burns to keep the rest of the MSM from saying anything bad about Mrs. Clinton.  Even worse, women will vote for her, since women are stupid that way. But still, Hillary can be beaten.  Holy water and silver crosses will hold off her advances, and she can be throughly defeated by pounding a wooden stake through her chest. Or maybe a solid, serious, principled man could defeat her -- you know, somebody like Ronald Reagan. Can a Republican beat her? Sure. She'll have to make mistakes, and she will. And he (it will be a he; it's not Condi, because the presidency is not an entry-level political office) will have to be someone who stands for big, serious and solidly conservative things, and really means it, which will mark a nice contrast with Mrs. Clinton, who believes only in herself.  Sam figured that the dreams of one old man didn't matter much in this world.  So, he fired him, and hired a new, younger guy.  Now there's a guy who matters! But enough about politics, because Peggy is now going to walk into the ocean, pausing only to mention Terri Schiavo.  Is this a suicide note?  I guess we'll find out next week, when it will be announced that Kaye Grogan will be taking Peggy's WSJ slot. There is more of politics to discuss, of course. There always is. But I am about to walk in the waves. With one parting thought, which has to do with politics and loss. Everyone is upset about Terri Schiavo. Everyone should be.  Sometimes I think I'd be better off dead.  No, wait.  Not me, you. Yes, everyone should be upset about Terri because we don't die in America.  It's just not us.  Here, we pride ourselves on living forever, even if our brains died decades ago. A great nation does not like to see an innocent woman put to death. Everyone seems aware: It is not like us. Her death, if it comes to that, will be a big loss. A bigger loss than Peggy's, if it comes to that. We will ponder what happened here for years to come.  I don't pretend to have the answers to life's questions.  But I do pretend to be a spaceman. So, like Peggy says, "Onward."  And don't forget to stay DEEmented! 3:13:41 AM