March 7, 2005 by s.z.

Swanky! As I mentioned before, I had worried that the demise of BushCountry.org would mean that we'd be deprived of the prose stylings of Pastor J. Grant Swank,   However, a check of Google News revealed that the good pastor has been  busier than ever, net-publishing a total of TEN different columns in just the past 24 hours.  His venues include MichNews, The Conservative Voice, and Magic City Morning News(which is an online newspaper dedicated to serving the Katahdin area of Maine, and isn't actually about Lucky Charms or the hippie drug culture, like you might have guessed). Anyway, let's take a look at some of the pastor's best stuff from the past two or three days: First, from Show Ten Commandments Wherever There is no need then for the Supremes to clamp down on the Judeo-Christian symbols so as to wipe them out. That would be dumb let alone unpatriotic. That would be prostituting our history. That indeed would be rewriting our history. All of that cannot be tolerated by thinking people, even atheists. Now that I’ve mentioned atheists, if they are truly loving people who care about their nation’s heritage, they will kindly acknowledge that religious heritage and keep walking. Yeah, you atheists, just walk back to Atheiasia if you don't like it here!  So let the atheists conform to our Judeo-Christian heritage. When I travel to Egypt, as I have, I don’t clamor to undo any religious symbols all around me that are not in keeping with my religion. When I go to Jordan, the same. When I am in Damascus, the same. So if I can behave when in other cultures and religious environs, so can all others when living and breathing and visiting in America. So there. See, atheists are just visitors in our Christian land, and they should just shut up and behave themselves (like how Pastor Swank did when confronted with whatever godless symbols he encountered on his trip to the nations of Egypt, Jordan, and Damascus).  So there! Now, from TEN COMMANDMENTS: TO THOSE WHO FIND THE BIBLE GOD BARBARIC, which was written as a reply to a reader of Swank's previous column, who apparently wrote a response claiming that "deity is barbaric in that He calls for the death penalty, for example, when persons were breaking the Sabbath stipulations": There are 26 stipulations in the Old Testament by which Jehovah gave command to put to death. One can read them right there in the Bible. The biblical stipulations were given by a civil deity establishing a civil culture called the Hebrew culture. So, if God was just acting in His capacity as a civil deity (and not a religious one), then His actions say nothing about the barbarity of Judeo-Christianity.  And, if we put Ten Commandments monuments in court houses, it doesn't mean that we necessarily have to execute people for breaking the Sabbath (but we might want to consider it anyway, because, as the Pastor says, "we understand how crucial it is to have severe penalties. They help keep stiff-necked mortals in line." And let's look at a few bits from Afghan Women: A Freedom Base. Thank You, Mr. Bush: Thanks to US President George W. Bush and his constant push for freedom spread, Afghanistan continues to plant its fresh democracy, nay-sayers discounted. Should we really be thanking Bush for pushing Afghanistan to plant its democracy naysayers?  I mean, isn't that kind of a harsh response to critics? Instead of the National Organization for Women, for example, applauding Mr. Bush and Team, they continue to work to hamper the Republican freedom agenda. Thus the hypocrisy of such organizations as N.O.W. They exist to further killing causes: killing womb babies, killing masculinity, killing Christian morality, killing the Judeo-Christian understanding of "family" and Home and "marriage." Yeah, remember when Dr. Mike Adams, Ph.D. reported how feminists killed his masculinity by giving him Erectile Dysfunction at a "Take Back the Night" rally?  The pastor is right -- those hussies should be ashamed to be hampering the Republican Freedom Agenda that way! Now, from NIX TO ATHEISM? YES TO PAGANISM To be "spiritual" today is to be posh . Therefore Scientologists such as John Travolta are "spiritual." Oprah is "spiritual." Ellen is "spiritual." Again, another legitimate term has slid from its historic definition into another slot. "Spiritual’ used to be synonymous with God-believing and Bible-adhering. But now it stands for spooks and hocus pocus of many varieties. Damn those celebrities for spreading the idea that one can be spiritual without being Christian!  If this continues, then pretty soon Buddists, Sikhs, Muslims and other believers in spooks and hocus pocus will be claiming that they too are "spiritual." And even the titles alone of the pastor's columns are entertaining: Howard Dean Soft Pedals Killing Womb Babies Homo Ok. Condoms on Cukes. School Sex Ed Anglican Archbishop Williams is the Devil's Coward BODY CLOGGING THE GAZA STRIP VS JEW COPS And there's this, which has to be one of my favorite titles of all time: Evangelicals Impregnate Congress -- With Posh. And, in conclusion, I want to honor Pastor Swank (who, in his column CABLE AND SUB SATELLITE TV / RADIO NEED DECENCY STANDARD, wrote "Why should cable and subscription satellite TV and radio get by in America with smut maximum? It shouldn’t be allowed that privilege) with one of the magazine covers Preznit Turkee found.  I think this one, featuring feminists getting their comeuppance ("Roast in Hell, My Sweet!"), might be appropriate.   9:23:29 PM

Who Said It? 1.  Our first Mystery Guest who likes going around the country saying we have a problem is George Bush, our Problem-in-Chief).  A point to yank in london.    2.  The guest who pretty-much called the ACLU a terrorist organization was Bill O'Reilly.  Another point to yank in london. 3.  The guest whose book is about his untold life story (which seems to involve 200 pages going on about how the judges who removed him from office are all God-deniars who are going to hell) was ex-judge Roy Moore.  A point to Clif. 4.  The guy who saved SpongeBob's reputation (and then trashed it by saying that he is Bob's best friend) was Bill O'Reilly.  salvage gets the point  -- check out his funny and appetizing blog, "Hairy Fish Nuts." 5.   Our last guest (the one who wrote the rant which seemed to be about how middle-class mothers shouldn't complain, because after all HE has to take care of a child and keep house and stuff, and you never see HIM whining) was James Lileks.  A point to Motherlode -- check out her interesting and intelligent blog, "No More Apples" Motherlode also was the first to list all of the day's Mystery Guests in one comment, gaining her another point! Congrats to all our winners, and remember to save your points, because when you get 100 ,you can trade them in cool prizes, such as Michael Wiener's latest, Liberalism Is A Mental Disorder : Savage Solutions ("In each chapter, the Savage Spotlight of Truth casts its brilliant light on the tactics used by liberals to spread their leftist agenda").  It will be released next month. Now, Who Said This? 1.  Great men are willing to attack evil, regardless of the consequences. Pope John Paul II provides an example of such greatness with his willingness to label homosexual marriage as part of an ideology of evil. Needless to say, if he made those statements at Gonzaga University Law School, he would be hung upon a cross and crucified. Well, I do think that it's to the school's credit that, out of respect for the frail pontiff, they wouldn't give him the full Passion scourging first.. 2.  Government has got to find ways to empower those whose mission is based upon love in order to help those who need love find love in society. Yes, government HAS to find ways to fund Hannidate, so that people who need love (like Doug and "Josh") can meet, and thus find love in society (but really, we'd prefer it if they found it in private, so we don't have to watch).. 3. Who is the author of the new book (currently #1022 at Amazon) that says the following on the inside flap? [...] has taken an extraordinary journey from liberal activist to outspoken conservative. Along the way he has earned millions of admirers—and more than his share of enemies—by advancing controversial, often counterintuitive arguments, including: • Liberals love losing because it makes them feel virtuous • Hollywood has lost touch with America—and punishes people who point that out • Conservatives are both happier and nicer than liberals • Talk radio is a source of hope, not hatred • Business isn’t exploitative—it’s heroic • There is no such thing as “planned parenthood” • A more Christian America is good for the Jews • Do-it-yourself conservatism provides the only cure for save-the-world liberalism 4.  And which fellow author provided the following blurb for #3's tome? [...] is the liberals’ worst nightmare—he knows their arguments, outlook, and eccentricities, having lived as one of them in his reckless youth. Unlike most Americans, [...] sat at their dinner tables and heard them speak honestly—since they didn’t realize he’d rat them out someday. Having the goods on liberals allows him to destroy their arguments. Hint: Unlike most Americans, this pundit has never sat down at a dinner table. 5.  And who is the author of the recent Regnery book that is being described in this Publishers' Weekly review? [...] never manages to link his ambitious project to a cogent critique of the left, resorting instead to predictable jabs at the usual suspects: liberal journalists and academics, Bill Clinton and the Democrats, France and the United Nations.  Combine this volatile mélange of ideas with chapter-ending plugs for his Web site, mass distribution plans for "The Contract" and "A Walking Tour of God in Washington, D.C.," and some readers might be forgiven for suspecting that [...] wants to win something more tangible than the future. 4:19:36 AM

When Will Lynne Cheney Denounce A.P. as "Not A Good News Service"?  Associated Press Gov. Linda Lingle met with Sen. John McCain at his Washington, D.C., office yesterday, the eve of a congressional hearing on a bill to grant federal recognition to Native Hawaiians, her office said. [...] Lingle spent Sunday night at the White House in first daughter Jenna Bush's bedroom, and was to have stayed there again last night, Pang said. 12:13:40 AM