April 25, 2005 by s.z.

Hell on the High Seas

Yes, it's time for another of those excursions where you're trapped for several days on a boat with the most irritating people on earth. 

This time we cruise with Bill O'Reilly:

Because we do the "Radio Factor" at noon and the TV "Factor" at night, I don't have time to do many personal appearances anymore. --I can't even do book signings.

Poor baby!  But such is the price of fame and lawsuits.

But the Thomas More Law Center, --the anti-ACLU-- has asked me to do a couple of lectures next November on a ship sailing the Caribbean. Now, I'm thinking about it if the interest is there.

And although Bill just made this announcement on Wednesday, apparently he's already determined that there's great interest there, because the Bill O'Reilly Cruise has already been announced:

The Thomas More Law Center presents a Caribbean Adventure Cruise with Bill O'Reilly and other notable guests onboard the new Holland American cruise ship "Westerdam".

From $1099.00 per person

Special offer: Exclusive V.I.P. cocktail reception with Bill O'Reilly limited to 100 Passengers.  Additional $250 per person.  Proceeds to benefit the Thomas More Law Center.  Contributions are tax deductible to the fullest extent of the law.

Here's more about the Adventure cruise from the brochure:

The Thomas More Law Center Presents
THE BATTLE FOR AMERICAN VALUES
A Caribbean Cruise featuring special guest BILL O'REILLY, host of Fox News' The O'Reilly Factor, aboard Holland America's newest vessel, the Westerdam.
November 13-20, 2005

Sail with Bill O'Reilly and enjoy:

• Two private appearances by Bill O'Reilly, followed by a question and answer session.
• Sessions with Admiral Jeremiah Denton, former Vietnam POW, U.S. Senator and American hero.
• Symposium by the Thomas More Law Center on how to combat the ACLU.

Yes, sail with Bill, and for a mimimum of $1099 per person, learn how to combat the ACLU.  (Whining is the main way.  Lying is good too. Shouting and bullying are essential.)

And for just $250 more, you can have cocktails with Bill.  He'll start by getting a couple of glasses of wine into you -- as quickly as he can, he will get 'em into you... maybe intravenously. Who knows what will happen next, because this is a Caribbean cruise, after all, and once people get into that hot weather they shed their inhibitions.  You know, they drink during the day, they lay there and laze, they have dinner, and they come back and fool around -- that's basically the modus operandi.

Then maybe you would start to perform fellatio on Bill's big cock, but you wouldn't complete the act, because you're a big tease.  Then comes the shower and the falafel!

This adventure with Bill is tax deductible to the fullest extent of the law. 

So,  maybe we should learn more about the Thomas More Law Center, "the anti-ACLU" that gets our tax-deductible contribution.

First of all, its main mission is Defending the Religious Freedom of Christians, which seems to mean "defending the freedom of litigious self-proclaimed Christians to impose on the rights of everybody else."

We live in a culture increasingly hostile to Christians and their faith. America has become a nation where public school students are prohibited from praying, acknowledging their dependence upon God, and forming religious clubs; where schools and communities are challenged from displaying nativity scenes, the Ten Commandments, and other symbols of our religious and moral heritage.The Thomas More Law Center affirms the right of Christians to publicly practice their religion and freely express their religious beliefs. Our Founding Fathers fought for a nation built on a foundation of religion and morality. Our lawyers are committed to restoring and preserving that foundation.

They forgot to include the part about how the activist judges have ordered the word “Christmas” stricken from all communications (you know, by order of the ACLU), but I bet Bill will address that during his two lectures, along with a stirring account of how he was the only one fighting for the Baby Jesus against His archenemy "Happy Holidays" last year.

The Center's two other missions are: "Restoring Time Honored Values" (AKA, "Fighting the Gay Agenda") and "Protecting the Sanctity of Human Life" (i.e., "Protecting Zygote-Americans and Terri Schiavo").
As might be as might be deduced from the name, the Thomas More Law Center is very Catholic. Its advisory board includes Bowie Kuhn (former Commissioner of Major League Baseball, current member of the Ave Maria Foundation board), Rick Santorum and Alan Keyes.  The site features favorable blurbs from such luminaries as William A Donohue, head of the Catholic League; Frank Pavone, from Priests for Life; Pat Buchanan, noted crackpot; and Sean Hannity, famous jerk.  (Sean's quote is, "Think about it, it's their vision or our vision.  And if we don't fight, who is going to fight?")

So, if you pay the extra $250 for that cocktail party with Bill, your money will go to lawyers endorsed by Rick Santorum and Sean Hannity.  Plus, you will have to drink with Bill. 

So, see you there ... when hell freezes over!

And speaking of freezing, we got another email about that GOP Alaskan cruise that we mentioned previously.   Here's the new info:

Our keynote speaker for the cruise will be Hollywood producer Harry Kloor. We encourage you to join us and listen to Mr. Kloor's exciting views on how to grow the Republican party in Hollywood.

So, who's Harry Kloor?

Well, here's the May 2004 post where he introduced himself to the SwiftVets:

HI

I have not served in the NAVY, but 8 of my uncles served in the NAVY in WWII and KOREA, and my father served in the Army. I am a Hollywood producer and run a small company called Jupiter 9 Productions. I would like to use our resources to produce a commercial for the net and for TV that gets your message out that Kerry is not fit to be our commander. I created a series that ran for 5 years, and I am currently producing a large format feature that stars Travolta and Sam Jackson (along with many other). I have no connection to any campaign, but I do feel very strongly that Kerry should not command our troops. I would love it if someone from your organization could contact me.

Best Regards,

Harry
_________________
Dr. Harry Kloor, Ph.D., Ph.D.
President, Jupiter 9 Productions

Apparently they did make contact with Dr. Harry, Ph.D, Ph.D. (he apparently does have two Ph.D.s, and wants to make sure everyone knows this), and he did help them to make their TV commercials. Here's part of a  Sept. 2004 Knight Ridder report:

The veterans and a Studio City, Calif., film producer, Harry Kloor, moved to a Washington studio to film interviews for a later commercial that would be put together by LaCivita and another political ad man, Rick Reed, a member of a team that had worked for Sen. John McCain, R-Ariz., in his 2000 campaign for president.

[Vet Larry] Thurlow said the vets were told some of what to say, with the caveat that they weren't expected to say anything they didn't believe.

For his efforts, Harry and his production company were paid $85,000 for media production expenses.

Anyway, besides producing the infamous SwiftVet ads, what else has Harry done?

Per the IMDb, Harry "Doc" Kloor (doesn't that sound a lot folksier than "Dr. Harry Cloor, Ph.D, Ph.D."?) wrote the stories for three episodes of  "Star Trek: Voyager," and helped produce Gene Roddenberry's "Earth: Final Conflict." 

(Although I had forgotten all about this show, apparently it did run as a syndicated series for five years on some low-rent channels somewhere.  And while Harry didn't "create" the series, he was apparently one of several people involved in its creation.  So Harry probably demonstrated more honesty in his post to the SwiftVets than the commericals he helped them make.)

Oh, and he's apparently still in the midst of producing a half-hour animated feature called "A Light Knight's Odyssey," which does star the voices of "Travola and Sam Jackson," among others.  On the IMDb discussion board, somebody speculated that this was a Scientology production, since the stars include "a who's who of Scientology" and "'producer writer' Harry Kloor also writes endorsements of L. Ron Hubbard." 

Harry posted a response:

To all of you who are wondering - no this is not a scientology project and contrary to the claims of earthexperience - only two of the actors – John Travolta and Ann Archer are scientologist - all the other featured actors are not. All the actors were selected because they are superb actors and care about education. As for myself – I have no connection to scientology – now or ever. I did write some nice words about L. Ron Hubbard – but for his work as a science fiction writer and for his work in education. I have never commented on his work in scientology, nor shall I now.

This project is tied to the Cassini-Huygens mission to Saturn.

Apparently the short film is designed to promote "science literacy," and was funded by Jet Propulsion Labs.

So, a guy who whose only producer credits are for the justly reviled SwiftVet commericals, a mediocre syndicated sci-fi TV show, and a cartoon that junior high science teachers can show on hungover days is going to share his "exciting views on how to grow the Republican Party in Hollywood."  I imagine said views involve cloning, because I can't see where he has the industry clout to help the Party grow in any other way.

Oh, and here are his "nice words" about L. Ron Hubbard.  They're from a page at the official L. Ron site (run by the Church of Scientology) titled "L. Ron Hubbard: One of the Most Remarkable Lives of the 20th Century -- From friends who respect and admire him."  Two of the friends are the aforementioned Ann Archer and John Travolta. 

Anyway, here's Dr. Harry:

L Ron Hubbard was an extraordinary human being whose contributions to education in the field of literacy should be applauded by all. An explorer, teacher, entrepreneur, writer, and staunch patriot, he followed his own path, never allowing anyone to set boundaries on what he could or would do. We should all learn from example of his life, and strive to make ourselves and the world a better place.”
     Dr. Harry Kloor, Ph. D.
     Producer, Writer, Educator

The page has links for free info on Scientology.

But yeah, L. Ron never was one for boundaries, and we should all learn from the example of his life, which includes promiscuity, tax evasion, drug abuse, lying, and black magic.  Hey, maybe we should employ some of his affirmations in our quest to make ourselves better.  I suggest this one: "All men shall be my slaves!  All women shall succumb to my charms!  All mankind shall grovel at my feet and not know why!"

Hey, maybe that's the way that the Republican Party can grow itself in Hollywood! 

Anyway, it should be a great cruise.  I can't decide which one I'd pay the most not to join: this one, or the Bill O'Reilly one.

12:14:28 AM