March 12, 2005 by s.z.

'Let Somebody Else Do It' - Celebrity News Edition I'm beat (and bleary-eyed, and burned out), so it's time to let YOU do the blogging.  Okay, if not you personally, then at least some of your fellow WO'C readers.  So, let's turn to David E, our roving media critic, for some reports. He notes this Reuters item concerning Star Wars Episode III -- When Anakins Go Bad. "I don't think I would take a 5- or 6-year-old to this," Lucas said in a CBS "60 Minutes" interview set for broadcast Sunday. Says David: Why am I afraid the reason not to take a 5-year-old is because it'll be beneath his intellectual ability? David also points us to this item: Jennifer Lopez's singer husband Marc Anthony has painted the superstar in the nude. Lopez is reportedly delighted with the oil painting which, according to sources, "depicts Jennifer from her backside." A friend tells In Touch Weekly magazine, "J.Lo was so flattered by the beautiful portrait Marc painted of her that she hung it in her dressing room at home. It's very artistic and tasteful." Yeah, a painting of Jennifer's naked butt done by Marc Anthony -- it just SCREAMS "artistic and tasteful"! David says, "And tomorrow, it sells for $72 billion on eBay." Also with some entertainment news is Bill S., who wants to alert everyone to the fact that tomorrow night "Desperate Housewives" will be pre-empted for the debut of the John Stamos sitcom, "Jake In Progress." Bill writes: That will give fans of that show a chance to really hate "Jake". The few people left tuning in will then be able to catch it in its regular time slot on Thursdays, when it will be watched by people not watching "The O.C.", "Survivor" or "Joey". ABC must be incredibly optimistic about its chances for big ratings. (Well, it's that, or the show is such an absolute turkey they're hoping for an excuse to cancel it as quickly as possible.) And speaking of Stamos, it's time for some more StamosNews (because that's what the country is crying out for, apparently). America's squeaky-clean sitcom heartthrob is all grown up, recovering from a couple of personal hard knocks and about to launch his new ABC romantic comedy, Jake in Progress. But none of these new turns in his life explains why people keep burning up his cell phone with messages that sound like rap lyrics: "Yo, yo, yo, P. Diddy, I'm your man." "You go, Puffy, I'm all for you." If you want to know the explanation, it's that his name and number were in Paris Hilton's address book under the listing "S. John," and so the callers think they're ringing up Sean John.  So the joke's on them, because they end up talking to John Stamos! What a burn! Oh, and Stamos explains that he's grown a lot since "Full House," and has been in plays and indie movies and stuff, and so you shouldn't underestimate him: "I don't blame people for their perception of me because that's all they have been given for the last 10 years, Full House reruns. Obviously, I think I'm capable of a lot more." Plus, he's experienced some rough times (the split with Rebecca Romijn, the death of his father, and "not getting some jobs I really wanted") which have made him "a much more interesting person." And that's why he can't understand why we laughed at him when he told us about how he was dating "real" women, like nurses and waitresses, and how he got a big thrill from rocking their little worlds by showing them how he can cut to the head of the line at Disneyworld. In fact, the actor is still baffled by criticism that he was condescending when he told a reporter a few weeks ago that he prefers to date women who are not in the entertainment business. All he meant, he said, is that he had dated a nurse and a waitress because what matters most to him these days is what people are like inside. "There's two playing fields: the lower playing field, which is very alluring and all about partying and surrounding yourself with easier-going people and exploring some of the darker areas," Stamos said. "It's a shallow arena. You end up giving pieces of yourself away that you shouldn't. And there's this higher sanctuary, this more spiritual place, where you have to put yourself and live in a better, pure way, but it's lonely because there's less people there. It's easy to get caught in the muck. I'm constantly striving. I fail all the time. I'm not an angel." And that's why he dates nurses and waitresses: it's all about working that higher playing field called the spiritual sanctuary.  And if there are fewer people there, well, at least they are more impressed about dating John Stamos than the ones in show biz are. 10:28:27 PM

Trying for the Global Title Yes, it seems that Meghan wasn't leading us on when she alluded to her "delicate condition" two weeks ago -- TBogg has the whole story.  And it also seems that Mr. Gurdon has ordered Meghan to homeschool young Lima and Persimmon, presumably because homeschooling is what all the other stay-at-home conservative, religious mothers are doing (and because with a new baby AND a mistress, he has to cut expensess somewhere, and private schools aren't cheap in D.C.). Anyway, as Mr. Bogg cautions, it's too soon to be thinking of baby names for the littlest Gurdonette.  However, it's NOT too soon to be thinking of names not to inflict on the kid, so we want to direct Meghan toiVillage's list of least favorite baby names.  For girls, here are the current top five:  Bertha Madison Jennifer Ashley Gertrude Bertha and Gertrude do seem to lack that lilting quality one usually looks for when naming a baby girl, while the other names have presumably fallen out of favor just because they were a little too popular in recent days (and some of those Madisons and Ashleys are real brats, leading to a backlash against the names). The least favorite names for boys are: Michael Dick John Bob George   But these are all good, solid, traditional names, which makes their current lack of favor puzzling.  Do YOU have any ideas about why the names Dick and George are so unpopular these days ... ? 4:53:14 AM

'Faith Under Fire': Shopping Malls Refuse to Commercialize Christian Holiday Just when you thougth we had gotten beyond the horror of the "Happy Holidays massacre on Christmas, WorldNetDaily reveals the latest assault on religion: FAITH UNDER FIRE Easter bunny hunted by PC police Shopping malls neutralizing secular symbol of Christian holiday The Easter bunny has hopped into the crosshairs of the PC police. It's a rite of Spring in most suburban shopping malls for youngsters to participate in Easter egg hunts or pose for photos with the Easter Bunny with the same fervor they had for sitting on Santa's lap during the Christmas holiday season.  But in the name of "multiculturalism," malls are phasing out the secular symbol of the Christian holiday. The rest of the story is lifted from this Palm Beach Post story about how, in an effort to be more religiously "neutral," three malls in the area call their seasonal rodents "the Garden Bunny," "Baxter the Bunny," and "Peter Rabbit."  However, two other malls have traditional Easter Bunnies (while the sixth shopping center is varmint-free). We can only hope that Bill O'Reilly, the guy who saved Christmas, gets right on this and starts organizing boycotts of those businesses who refuse to acknowledge our traditional Christian faith -- because their refusal to help commercialize Easter by using the appropriated symbol of an Anglo-Saxon fertility goddess aids the terrorists, and makes the baby Jesus cry. (BTW, I hear that the righteous now refer to the holiday as "Resurrection Day" so they don't have to reference the name of that slut Eastre.  And they have adopted the sheep as their holiday symbol as a replacement for the rabbit, since the bunny was Eastre's consort, and is also known for being, well, randy.) But to aid in the effort to keep the Easter season Christian, here's an idea from DLTK's Bible Recipes: Last Supper Snack During the month of March we wanted to focus on the Last Supper. Our snack for the day was a very simple and very healthy one. I couldn't believe how much the kids enjoyed it. We told the story of the last supper as we set up our own last supper. We garnished a huge tray full of sliced apples, pita bread (cut into quarters), cubed cheese, green and red grapes. It was a huge success! And then one of the kids betrayed Mom -- and that was the last snack any of them ever got. Oh, and here's an idea from Danielle's Place: Easter Lesson Colors What you will need: Sandy Candy (Colors: White, Black, Purple, Green, Red, Gold or Yellow) and Clear Cross Sand Art Frames for each child (from Oriental Trading Company. The Lesson: What happened to you in the last few days? Did anyone have anything exciting happen to them that they can share with us? (Give each child a cross frame as the children are sharing.) Did anyone get crucified this week?  If so, can you share it with us? (Pass around white candy and instruct children to fill their cross with a small amount of white candy.) In the last few days of Jesus' life, a lot of things happened to him. Today we are going to talk about them and make a cross for you to take home so you can tell other people about Jesus' last days on earth. We use white Sandy Candy to symbolize Jesus' prayer, and green to symbolize the garden of Gethsemene. Then pass out the red candy: When Jesus was arrested, Simon Peter cut the ear off one of the soldiers! Let's add a little RED for blood to remember this part of the story! I bet Oriental Trading Company makes little ears that would be even more effective in helping us remember this part of the story. Yeah, we could put some fake blood on the ears, and put one in our cross frame -- what a great memory aid that would be! Oh, then we use orange Sandy Candy to stand for the cock that crowed after Peer denied Christ, purple to stand for the high priest and Pilate, black to stand for the whip, gold to stand for the Pilate putting up a sign identifiying Jesus as the King of the Jews -- and so on, until we get to white again, which this times stands for a "very special angel" -- possibly Roma Downey.  But the important thing is that the colors are supposed to remind us of the Jesus' busy week. But hey, the cross in the picture has brown, blue, and pink sand, which weren't in our story!  I wonder whose life it represents (maybe one of the children who was crucified during show and tell). Anyway, kids, if you shake your cross, then you get greyish-colored Sandy Candy, which will stand for how Christianity is being assaulted by secularists who won't allow Easter Bunnies in malls -- but will still probably taste okay, assuming that Sandy Candy is edible in the first place. 1:45:46 AM