The World O' Crap Archive

Welcome to the Collected World O' Crap, a comprehensive library of posts from the original Salon Blog, and our successor site, world-o-crap.com (2006 to 2010).

Current posts can be found here.

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

December 14, 2003 by s.z.


 
Next, on the Chickenhawk Awards 

Accepting the Thanks of a Grateful Iraqi Nation for President George W. Bush will be Begger--er, Blogger Andrew "Milky Loads" Sullivan.
"I can't express my feelings.. thanks to the coalition forces and all the honest people who helped in that great operation….thank you thank you thousand times."

You're welcome.

10:12:06 PM    
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Quote of the Day
"And I want to tell you, ladies and gentlemen, that there’s not enough troops in the Army to force the Southern people to break down segregation and admit the n_____ race into our theatres, into our swimming pools, into our homes and into our churches."
--Strom Thurmond, July 17, 1948.  From a speech excerpted by NPR.org 
(Of course, Strom didn't say anything about beds.)

6:18:53 AM    
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Saddam Captured!  The News as of 0600 hours, MST.
Saddam Hussein has been captured alive.  He was either captured by "the U.S. Military," or "in a joint operation by troops from the U.S.-led coalition and Kurdish Iraqi forces." When found, he was either asleep in a hideout, or hiding in a cellar -- or possibly in the "bottom of a hole," or maybe trapped in a cellar, in which he dug a hole and buried himself, necessitating that American soldiers dig him out.      
Saddam was found in "Tikrit, his hometown," or "in the town of Adwar, 10 miles from Tikrit."
He had a long, grey beard, but some sources say it was fake.  The beard was apparently shaved off or otherwise removed, either before or after his mouth was swabbed in order to get a DNA sample.  The DNA testing has confirmed his identity, or hasn't been completed yet.
Two other Iraqis were captured along with Saddam, who was found with $750,000 in U.S. currency.  Or perhaps not, as only Fox mentions this (at this time). 
10 minutes ago Fox said that Saddam was turned in by a local, but that apparently has unhappened, because their story doesn't say this anymore.  In any case, there was a $25 million bounty on Saddam's head, and nobody is telling Fox if this has been claimed or not.

6:09:53 AM    
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Why, Guns are Holy, Blameless Creatures!
Now, it's time for some more Real American words from our favorite old Young Conservative, Jan Ireland.
First, lets hear from Jan on Guns:
Guns figure prominently in America's war on terrorism. Which people would be more vulnerable to terrorists — those armed, or those unarmed?
And though we never think of it happening in America, which people would be more vulnerable to an overthrow of government — those armed, or those unarmed?
Since, as Jan stated in the first paragraph of this piece,"Gun control is something the Anti-American left wants desperately, and they try every ploy imaginable to cloud or discredit the connection of guns to freedom in America," then I guess she's saying that the anti-American left will be a cinch to overthrow . . .you know, if any armed people from the Pro-American right felt like doing it.
Americans embrace guns. Millions of guns happily reside in ordinary homes across the nation.
While many of them do reside happily in ordinary homes, others live unhappily in broken homes.  So, try to make your marriage work, for the sake of the guns.  And do something for your gun on its birthday: maybe bake it a cake, invite its friends over, take it and let it kill something; anything so it doesn't get depressed and lonely.  Guns have feelings too, you know!
People enjoy target shooting at their local gun clubs. Children are brought up to value firearms. Female college students start gun clubs. A group of gay men started the Pink Pistols. Gun issues are important to all kinds of Americans.
For me, there is little that can compare to the "alive" feeling of competently handling and firing a powerful weapon.  
Well, maybe there's that exhiliration which Hitchens felt on 9/11, but little else can compare.  Anyway, now that we know this is all sexual for Jan, let's hear her opinions about those people who DON'T like guns, and about poor, maligned Gun Shows :
I have to wonder if the people who hate guns have ever been around them. It's hard to picture them walking up and down aisles with every kind of gun imaginable. I have to admit I mentally see them brandishing a cross to ward off the evil. But then, a cross is probably the last thing an anti-gunner would have.
The vast majority of gun owners I have known over the years have been God fearing and decidedly patriotic. The kind of people who would revere crosses, not try to expunge them from public sight as many anti-gunners do. And the kind of people that criminals and terrorists would stick out from, like proverbial sore thumbs. And that brings up the first lie about gun shows.
[snip]
If you were a terrorist or criminal, would you willingly enter a place where so many law-abiding, gun-savvy citizens were congregated?
So, anti-gunners are vampires.  And gun owners are God fearing, patriotic salt-of-the-earth types.  And criminals and terrorists, who are NOT God fearing, patriotic, salt-of-the earth types, would NEVER dare come to a gun show to buy weapons, as they would would stick out, as Jan said.  You know, like how David Koresh, Timothy McVeigh, and Terry Nichols stood out, making it impossible for them to buy guys as a show.  Except they did, of course.  And then there were those weapons bought at the gun show at the behest of the Columbine killers.  While it was a crime to purchase them for somebody else, that didn't seem to have scared those buyers away from the holy fellowship of the gun show.   

But here's the part of this piece that shows that it's more than just about the Constitution for Jan: guns are not just her boyfriends, but also her art: 
When examined, the lies of gun-hating zealots fall apart. Guns provide a means of personal and family protection; sports and recreation; and long term value. The styling and efficiency of guns is beauty in motion. Rejecting them outright as instruments of evil, is like rejecting Botticelli paintings as vile and morally bankrupt. 
So, guns!  As seen in the NRA Museum of Art and in the pages of French Impressionism and Ammo
Now, here's more Jan, this time speaking about Gun Control:
There are people who innocently believe that banning all guns in a society makes that society safer. But even a cursory look to history shows us entire nations whose subjugation began with removing all means of self-defense from the people. Such tactics are standard for dictators, despots, Marxists, communists, and socialists.
[snip]
England began with "just registering" and progressed to "we're taking." Canada and Australia have followed the same path.
And England, Canada, and Australia are led by dictators, despots, Marxists, communists, and socialists, just like President Bush has said. 

But really, what's so bad about England, Canada, and Austrialia?  They have lower crime rates, lower homicide rates, and way fewer gun accidents.
America could follow in the path of England and other countries. And then we would no longer be America.
Oh, right!  I forgot about that!  I guess Jan won this round.
Anyway, that's our friend Jan Ireland, writing about guns.  Tune in tomorrow for her expose of "Pod People" (and you thought the RINOS were scary!)

5:06:50 AM    
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While He Calls On Us to Write Like Nedra, He Fails to Mention that Luskin is a Stalker

Atrios has declared Monday to be "Write Like Nedra Pickler Day."  So, I hope you're all practicing. 
As you all know, Nedra is the A.P. reporter assigned to cover the Democratic presidential candidates.  She graduated from Michigan State in 1998, joined the A.P. right out of school, and until this this year, had the automotive beat.  And now she RULES THE WORLD!  Well, her stories appear in papers all over the nation, several times a week.  Not bad for a girl from a fish farm in Michigan.

During his program on Wednesay Rush Limbaugh accused the Supreme Court of naughty behavior ("But stop and think, my friends. What else has been going on during this Supreme Court term? Sodomy, my friends), and also took up the cause of saving Miss Nedra:
By the way, AP has a reporter named Nedra Pickler, and we're concerned about her job here at the EIB Network. We're going to be taking steps here to save the job of Nedra - maybe it's NEE-dra, I'm not sure how you pronounce it - Pickler. She's a reporter of the Associated Press. She's actually pointed out errors, mistakes and lies that the Democrats are uttering in their debates. Now, she hasn't gotten the message or she slipped by them in the interview process or something, but if we don't take action fast here to save her job she's going to be toast.   
I'm not sure exactly who was planning on toasting Nedra (other than Atrios, Rush's archenemy), but I would hope it was her editor.  For she doesn't so much point out "errors, mistakes, and lies," as "irrelevent things the candidates didn't say." 
Here are some examples from recent days:
But when he criticizes Bush's links to Lay, Dean never mentions that Enron's mismanagement was not the result of the president's tax-cut package.
Two of the candidates used a favorite attack line against Bush.  Lieberman said "3.5 million people have lost their jobs" and Howard Dean twice cited the 3 million jobs lost under Bush, but their statements also ignored the improving economy.
Several of the nine candidates criticized the tax cuts Bush pushed through Congress. But none mentioned that Federal Reserve Chairman Alan Greenspan, who has served both Republican and Democratic presidents, has cited those cuts as a reason for the recent economic growth.
North Carolina Sen. John Edwards boasted that he does not take money from Washington lobbyists because they have too much influence on politics. He did not mention that his campaign manager, Nick Baldick, has lobbied for clients like Blue Cross-Blue Shield, Burger King and Northwest Airlines.
So, everybody write like that on Monday.  Do it for Atrios.  Do it for Rush.

3:18:53 AM    
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I always thought as much!  And now that PowerPoint has been fingered for causing the space shuttle Columbus to crash, I hope that it's banned from office presentations, even if that means that senior executives have to learn to read. 

12:01:53 AM 

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