The World O' Crap Archive

Welcome to the Collected World O' Crap, a comprehensive library of posts from the original Salon Blog, and our successor site, world-o-crap.com (2006 to 2010).

Current posts can be found here.

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Monday, December 22, 2003 by s.z.

Fate of the Universe Being Decided in Book Stores, Says Newsmax



Don't you hate it when a divorcing couple make all their battles public, and then demand that their friends take sides? It seems that in the case of Drudge Vs. O'Reilly, Matt gets Rush Limbaugh, but gets Newsmax.

While Rush is undoubtedly the more powerful, famous, and chemically-enhanced of the two, Newsmax bulk purchased Bill's book and is giving away copies with subscriptions to their magazine. So, they each something to offer.

Here's loyal buddy Newsmax, speaking out in defense of Bill, who learned that suing Al Franken boosted Lying Liars to the top of the bestseller list, and used that knowledge to get Drudge to defame him and so regain (for the only the second time, I believe) a week at the top of the NY Times bestseller list.

O'Reilly's Book Hits No. 1 on N.Y. Times List

Cable news talker Bill O'Reilly's latest book, "Who's Looking Out for You?" is on top of the New York Times nonfiction best seller list – hitting the No. 1 spot during the prime Christmas book-buying season.

O'Reilly's book has leaped ahead of screeds by left-wing bomb throwers Al Franken and Michael Moore.

Well, "prime" in the sense of "the last chance for desperate, unprepared shoppers to pick up worthless crap at Wal-Mart." And "leaped ahead," in that Franken's book is #3 on the list, and Moore's is #4.

The Fox News host's return to the top of the heap comes as "Living History," the Hillary Clinton memoir that O'Reilly has vowed to outsell, is nowhere to be found on the printed Times list.

While Clinton's publisher, Simon & Schuster, says she has sold 1.5 million copies, reports suggest that figure may be inflated by as much as 30 percent.

Reports from O'Reilly suggest that. However, Clinton's publisher told USA Today last week that "Living History has sold more than 2.25 million copies worldwide," so we think Bill is just going to have to eat those worms.

And while O'Reilly still has a lot of ground to cover before he catches the top Democrat, his return to the top of the Times list suggests he may yet reach his goal.

Well, he has 2 weeks to sell over 1.25 million copies. And he may just do it, if he just keeps a positive attitude, keeps picking fights with people, and takes the Bush dog hostage or something.

Clinton's book has been in stores since June 9, and in the ensuing 28 weeks she has devoted considerable time to nearly 40 book signings. "Who's Looking" debuted 13 weeks ago. Earlier this month O'Reilly told his radio audience he has had time for only two book signings.
So, it sure was stupid of O'Reilly to issue this challenge, wasn't it? And whining that "Hillary got more book signings than me, and so it's not my fault she's winning" is not what a stand-up guys does, Bill.

Bottom line: Bill is not going to outsell Hillary this year, and so, per the deal they made, the devil gets Bill's soul and Hillary gets to be President of Fox News. I wish them both the best of luck.

6:09:10 AM
comment []

Reading Assignment for Monday, December 22

1. No More Mister Nice Blog, chapter 3, regarding how On-Star's Big Brother Service gets you help when you need it, like when you're plotting something illegal and want the authorities to be informed.

2. Pandagon, pages 22-25. Come prepared to discuss what the Orange Threat means to you.

(My story: I love how the promo spots for our local news all said, "Tonight at 10:00 -- what the rise in threat level means to us." Then, during the news broadcasts, the anchor would ask the reporter doing the Orange Level story if there were any specific threats to our area. And the reporter would say in all seriousness, "No, Deke, there aren't, because we live in the middle of nowhere, and nobody, not even really minor league terrorists, give a rats crap about us. However, federal authorities stress that we should be really anxious all the same. Back to you, Deke.")

3. Read the section of Conclusive Evidence of Dave Cullen's Existence covering Frank Rich's piece on Howard Dean. Answer the odd questions. Check your work.

4. Review Willde's masterpiece "The Importance of Being Amber," found at Sadly, No! Memorize it, since it will be on the test. Write a 50-word essay on why Jim of The Rittenhouse Review does not consider Sadly, No! to be part of the Amber canon.

Extra Credit: Go to the Santa's Village at the I am Eating My Husbands Soul Mall. Describe your yuletide cheer.

4:45:15 AM
comment []

Criswell Award Nominee

As predicted, Andrew Sullivan jumped on the NY Times today for not explaining that when Bush said that he supported the "No Marriage for You!" Amendment, it WAS, in fact, backwards day.

Well, actually, Sully is having a hissy fit because the paper didn't note that the the President had said that IF NECESSARY he would support it, and by necessary, he meant that if the MA supreme court (or any other court) was really serious about letting gays marry. So, Bush was NOT exploiting the issue, and it was very wrong of the NYT to break Andrew's heart this way by trying to make his hero look bad.

We are all asked to contact the Times ombudsman and demand an explanation (although Sully himself provided an explanation: "It's Christmas, and editors are away or hung-over from the office party.")

So, go for it, if you want. But I still think it would be a more productive use of your time to try finding the Minnesota Tribune Star's ombusdman, like Jim at Rittenhouse Review did a couple of days ago, to complain about James Lileks' hypocracy, and drunk or partying editor.

2:53:35 AM
comment []

Big Game Hunting, with Jan "the Man" Ireland


Time for more fun with our favorite old Young Conservative, Jan Ireland, following up on her report on those people who may LOOK like us, and SEEM quite pleasant, and actually ACT like nice, decent people, but inside are pure evil, for they are RINOS (Republicans in Name Only).

Jan, apparently going for her Ph.D. in RINOS, has catalogued several subspecies of the genre RINO Americanus. Today Jan will tell us about the Porcupine RINOs:

Porcupine Republicans in Name Only sadly are deficient in the personal responsibility gene. It's unlikely they're going to go looking for that virtue on their own, so perhaps counselors across America could offer purchasable gift certificates. Giving those in bulk to our Porcupine RINOs would be preferable to the wholesale damage to the truth process that occurs when they escape their handlers and wander around on their own.

The biggest offenders are the Clinton converts. They stepped over to conservatism when the muck of liberal extremism became too deep even for them. But stepping over to conservatism is not working your way up to it, so the Porcupine grasp of conservative precepts is tenuous.

When Jan was young, she used to have to walk twenty miles through the snow each day (barefoot and pregnant), to work her way up to conservatism. But today's Republicans (especially the former Clinton supporters, whom Jan has never trusted ever since they said they only joined up so they could collect GOPoints and earn skateboards) are chauffeured over to it by their moms, in one of those pricey SUVs with the DVD players and the dashboard cigarette lighters. And so they never learn personal responsibility. In fact, they don't even have the personal responsibility gene, probably because they're descended from pandas who were too lazy to grow their own bamboo.

And how else do these spiny rodents demonstrate their lack of personal responsibility? By consorting with Democrats!

The feel-good carrots of liberalism have left Porcupine RINOs convinced that just about everything ought to be a right. They tend to go through life expecting to be rewarded, and try to make conservatism fit that mold. This makes them prime candidates for manipulation by the democrats they thought they had left behind.

Porcupine habits die hard. When an old democrat buddy comes calling for a contribution, or help with a fundraiser, or just one little thing they need help with for old time's sake — the Porcupine RINOs are jelly. They're like sheep being reherded by democrat dogs. They do as asked, without sufficient regard for ethics or outcome.

It's hard for Porcupine RINOs to resist these democrat forays, because they still have so much in common with democrats. Instead of viewing the solicitation as a violation of ethics, they see it as an expression of likeability. They decide to make a "personal" choice, for a friend, who's done so much for them. They speak of loyalty as an important trait. They stress free speech as a right to all, and self-determination as the reason they made their choice.
See, the Porcupine RINO, unlike a TRUE Republican, doesn't understand that the party comes first (before friends; before concepts like "loyalty" and "conscience," even before the Constitution)! They don't understand that there are no earthly rewards for being a Republican (and no likeability either), and that one shouldn't be dismayed by this, but instead should rejoice, for such is the Kingdom of George!

And it is certainly their choice to make. Unfortunately, many make it after they have finagled their way into positions of responsibility or visibility. Party officers, club officeholders, visible community workers known to be Republicans — these people have a greater obligation to avoid conflicts of interest. But these are exactly the people unscrupulous democrats seek out. What the Porcupine RINO thinks is one little favor helping an old friend across the aisle — will be the highlight of the democrat stump speech come election time.

The Porcupine RINO will have shot all his quills, and not even known someone else was pulling the trigger.

And then, come November, Howard Dean will bring out the big guns: he will go on national TV and announce that Mrs. Maynard Potts, a Bush-Cheney campaign worker in Garland, Texas, was seen donating $20 to the campaign of Bill Kellogg, a candidate for City Council. A DEMOCRAT! Sure, Mrs. Potts will claim to have only given Bill money because he's an old friend, and saved her life in 'Nam, but that won't stop Dean from claiming this incident nullifies any claim Bush may make to having a moral right to be President. (Because how can Bush call himself a LEADER if his own campaign workers give money to candidates from the other party? If would be as if the archangel Michael was caught helping Satan paint his house -- an act which would invalidate the whole "good vs. evil" framework that the cosmos is based on, even if Michael DOES say he only did it to be nice, and for "for old times's sake." )

So, those are the dangers of those pesky Porcupine RINOS. Shun them if you can, but shoot them it you must (maybe with your Boticelli Ruger handgun), for the Party must remain pure if we want the Second Coming of Reagan to occur in our lifetimes.

And join us next time as Jan finds new and even more exotic RINOs to stalk.

2:04:07 AM
comment []

Fair And Balanced, As Ever



Chris Wallace, interviewing "the top military man at the Pentagon, General Richard Myer" for Fox News Sunday:

WALLACE: General, it's been alleged that, even after the capture of Saddam Hussein, that it did not make Americans any safer and, in fact, that this country is not any safer than it was on 9/11. What do you think of that?

MYERS: Well, I disagree with that. I think, certainly, for those Americans, for those Iraqis, as a matter of fact, inside Iraq, it makes them a lot safer. We have seen an increase in the number of Iraqis coming forward to provide intelligence. Just like when his two sons were killed, we saw a large increase in the number of Iraqis willing to come forward, probably because they were not afraid anymore, to come forward and report on former regime elements that were trying to do either Iraqis or the coalition harm. We're seeing that same surge again, and I think it's a realization that this Baath Party and all its remnants are never coming back to power in Iraq. There's going to be a new Iraq. It's going to be based on democratic principles. And so, I discount that. I also think...

WALLACE: Let me just ask you, because you discount it, as I'm sure you know, it's Governor Howard Dean who's been making those comments while you were out of the country, but I assume you got reports of that.

Of course, what Dean actually said was, "The capture of Saddam is a good thing which I hope very much will keep our soldiers in Iraq and around the world safer. But the capture of Saddam has not made America safer." So, it sounds like General Myers pretty much agrees with him, in that he didn't provide any examples of how Saddan's capture is going to make those of us NOT in Iraq any safer (and since we're at orange alert today, it sounds like Tom Ridge can't think of any examples either).

It's a good thing that Wallace had assured us before starting the new Fox gig that "if Roger Ailes wanted someone to pursue an agenda, he wouldn't have hired me," because otherwise I might have wondered why he was only using part of what Dean said.

12:38:28 AM
comment []

No comments:

Post a Comment