The World O' Crap Archive

Welcome to the Collected World O' Crap, a comprehensive library of posts from the original Salon Blog, and our successor site, world-o-crap.com (2006 to 2010).

Current posts can be found here.

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Wednesday, December 24, 2003 by s.z.

My Present for You



Those of you who think that WorldNetDaily columinst (and Mensa member) Vox Day is a funnier liberal writer than me will be happy to know that Vox has a blog called Vox Popoli (which I think means "A Pox on the People").

I was just there, and while I skipped eover the posts which deal with football (since I'm not a Mensa member), I still found much of interest. For instance, there's Vox's discussion of the Walter E. Williams TownHall column (see below) about secession. (Vox thinks that the Libertarians should secede and claim it's because of abortion -- and THEN we'll see if the Civil War was really about slavery!)

There's also this response to a reader named JD who took Vox to task for saying (among other silly things) that Sauron in The Return of the King represents the U.N.:

At what point will JD and others begin to understand that the UN is a great threat to humanity, perhaps even the greatest it will ever face? Once it usurps the laws of the USA? Once it has taxing power and an army? When it orders the confiscation of all private firearms? No, as usual, the threat will not be recognized by the Great Fat and Happy until it is too late and the enemy is at their throats. This is not theoretical; Kofi Annan has been stumping hard for the global UN tax as proposed by Paul Tobin, and the EU already has what could be used as the nucleus of the blue-helmeted horde. Furthermore, there is already precedent for American soldiers being forced against their will to serve under UN colors as in the Michael New court martial. I have no doubt at all that I will be proved correct on this matter, and I can tell you now that I will take absolutely no joy in being right.

So, per the best minds of the younger generation, the greatest threats to humanity are:

1. The U.N.
2. Cloned pandas
3. Girls

Anyway, even though he is a Mensa member, I don't share Vox's certitude about us inevitably becoming slaves of the United Nations (and needing to have the Mark of the Beast on our hands to get some of Damien Thorne's wheat). See, I have faith that President Gollum will save us in the knick of time, by failling into Mount Budget Deficit while trying to steal the Ring of Power.

Oh, and that bit about "The U.N. is trying to confiscate our firearms" is what Bob Barr was agitating about over at the "non-partisan" charity which Ben Shapiro ordered us to support last week. So, even though Vox is Southern Baptist and Ben is a rabbi, and Ben is a virgin (while Vox has been accused of being a sexist pornographer), I still think that somebody should arrange a play-date for the two young men.

4:07:38 AM
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Coming Soon to a Theater Near YOU!



You THRILLED to Santa Claus Conquers the Martians, with Pia Zadora as a stone-faced Martian brat!

You CHILLED to The Beginning of the End, with its plague of giant, sex-crazed grasshoppers!

But now you'll be FULL OF GOOD WILL, as you watch the greatest holiday movie EVER! Yes, coming this Christmas, it's:

Santa Claus Conquers the Giant Grasshoppers!

Starring Ben Affleck. as the emotionally-crippled scientist! Paris Hilton, as socialite who learns what really matters when the grasshoppers threaten to release the REALLY kinky sex tapes! Rob Schneider, as Droppo, the annoyingest man on Mars! Dick Cheney as Santa! The Bush twins, as the Mothra twins! And featuring Jennifer Lopez, as the Grasshoppers.

Christmas will never be a religious holiday again, after. . .Santa Claus Conquers the Giant Grasshoppers! (This film has not yet been rated.)

2:11:35 AM
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Twas the Night Before TownHall

And all through the one-stop mall of ideas sponsored by The Heritage Foundation, not a creature was stirring, except for columnists defiantly announcing that Christmas is in the Bible, but Santa Claus isn't!

Anyway, here are my favorite columns for today:

Ben Shapiro

Rabbi Ben interprets Judaic law for us, and finds, strangely enough, that it commands you to be Republican!

American Jews should feel joy specifically because America is a Christian country -- the dominance of tolerant Christianity means that more non-Jews are fulfilling God's plan for them.

[snip]

Because male-female relationships have the ability to transcend the physical, the Noahide Laws frown upon celibacy. God created the sex drive for a reason.

Jonah Goldberg

The war is a success; Bush is a genius; and while Jonah doesn't need no stinkin' Newsweek, the link between 9/11 and Iraq is that we WILLED ONE INTO EXISTENCE!

While recent revelations about links between al-Qaida and Saddam are troubling (a recently discovered memo suggests that Mohammed Atta was trained by Abu Nidal in Baghdad months before 9/11), the real link between 9/11 and Iraq has been based in our newfound resolve.

[snip]

The significance of Saddam's capture has been thoroughly hashed out by now, and only Baathists, grumps, fools and Dean supporters think it is anything but an untrammeled victory for the forces of truth, justice and the American way.
Tony Blankley

Only history can decide whether or not the war is a success; we must trust in God to deliver us from Bush; and Jonah is fundamentally silly.

But the recent question of whether we are safer since Saddam's capture is fundamentally silly. The answer is unknowable, and the current debate is fatuous and self-serving on both sides. As yet we are in but the earliest stages of a war that is likely to go on for decades, perhaps generations.

Thomas Sowell

Gordon Gekko lives! And is probably selling kidneys in the Bronx.

If making a fortune represents greed, then greed is what drives prices down.
Michelle Malkin

Since Michelle just had a baby, and since it's Christmas, she is not going to condemn mothers who abandon their infants . . .well, she will, but will stop if they will promise to read the press release from "Newborn Lifeline Network" and say it counts as Michelle's column for this week.

As a mother who has just joyously brought a baby boy into the world, I cannot imagine your despair. I cannot fathom your horror. Those of us with healthy children, happy marriages and doting families often take for granted our bountiful blessings. It would be so easy to condemn you, to pontificate about your recklessness, to attack your selfishness, to mete out blame and shame. But not now.

Cal Thomas

Are you sick and tired of smutty TV, dirty movies, liberals with bad attitudes, bratty kids, etc.? Well, then amend the Constitution so it will prohibit same-sex marriages! This won't actually do anything to change the things that are bugging you, but at least it will give you chance to feel powerful about something, by pushing around some homosexuals.

A majority of the public thinks traditional marriage is important enough to preserve as an ideal, no matter how many may fall short of it.

Most people would probably be happy to launch a counter strike in the culture war. Many could be counted on to support an amendment that tries to do something about the social, moral and cultural erosion over which they have felt powerless. Surrounded by bad television, worse movies, anti-religious attitudes of judges and certain liberal activist groups, a pervasive sense that "anything goes," most of those responding to the New York Times/CBS News Poll apparently find a constitutional amendment in support of marriage a much-needed line in the sand. They think we have already gone too far, too fast on too many things

Walter E. Williams

The Libertarians CAN TOO legally secede from the union, but then Bush would say that the invasion of Vermont was an essential part of the war on terror, and then nuke them. So, Walt only gives the secession idea a cautious endorsement.

Every single bit of evidence shows that states have a right to secede. There's absolutely nothing in the Constitution that prohibits secession. What stops secession is the brute force of a mighty federal government, as witnessed by the costly War of 1861. [snip]

There's little to suggest that the same brutality wouldn't be encountered if secession were tried again, as one writer cautioned: If New Hampshire seceded, massive troops along with today's deadly modern military equipment would be on its soil before lunch
.

And so, from all of them, to all of you, peace on Earth (except in Iraq), and good will to men (except gays who want to get married).

1:48:11 AM
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