January 5, 2004 by s.z.

Anonybloggers Exposed! Ever feel disadvantaged in responding to or stalking certain bloggers because you lack their personal information?  Well, feel  that way no more, because we're naming names and pointing fingers!  We've even included family information, so that you can let TBOGG's kids know that you don't appreciate their father's stance on the Bush/Deserter issue. Here's the dirt we managed to uncover this time: Blog:  TBOGG Real name of blogger: Captain Thomas Bogg, retired Address: Easy Street, San Diego, CA Occupation: Pirate, recording star Family: Wife: Meghan; Children: Zamboni, Caligula, Vanilla, and Crapulence; pet rabbit: Junkie; dog: Satchmo the Wonder Basset. Blog: Sadly, No! Real Name of blogger: Dr. Seb No! Address: 9 Brottenwurstenslagen Way, Munich, Germany Occupation: Supervillian, international spy Family: Wife Amber; adopted grownup son Frederick. Blogger:  Furry Puppy Story Time with Norbizness Real name: Bob Norbizness Address: 52 Melody Drive, Bethesda, MD Occupation: Anti-John Ashcroft Family: Happy furry puppy named Fluffy; hot supermodel girlfriend named Mim Blog: Naked Furniture Real name of blogger: Mary Mellon Scaife Address:  Mellon Mansion, Mellonville, PA Occupation: Activist lawyer, rebel heiress. Family: Aloof patriarchal father; former aerobics instructor trophy stepmother; bitter feminist mother; Young Republican brother; crazy great-uncle Dick; a bunch of weird cousins. Blog: Atrios's Eschaton Real name of blogger: George Tenet Address: 12115 Main Line Drive, Philadelphia, PA (also has a pied a terre in McLean, VA for use during the week) Occupation: Director, Central Intelligence Agency Family: Wife Julia; children Robert, David, Mary Margaret, Skippy, Fidel, and Vladimir. Blog: No More Mister Nice Blog Real name of blogger: Steve Evil Address: Stately Wayne Manor, Gotham City Occupation: Playboy millionaire, secret crime enabler Family: wife Donna Reed Evil; children Marsha, Greg, Jan, Peter, Cindy, and Bobby Evil. Blog: Sisyphus Shrugged Real name of blogger: Julia Mhm Address: Trump Towers, New York, New York, 10013 Occupation: President, Trilateral Commission Family: Husband Hoa Hakananai'a; daughter Anne, Duchess of Northumberland.  And there you go.  I hope this was helpful.  If you want to know about anybody else, just ask. 4:32:17 AM

comment [] trackback []

The Jonah Goldberg Story: A Cheap, Peersonal Shot Made Possible Only Because I'm Anonymous and Because He's a Media Whore [We wish to thank The Hill (and its editor-in-chief, Mr. Meghan Gurdon) for the profile Clean-Shaven, Sober and Fully Clothed, which was used as the basis for this peersonal shot.] Jonah was born in 1969.  His mother was literary agent (and undercover Republican political operative) Lucianne Goldberg.  His father was Satan.  Jonah was raised on the Upper West Side of Manhattan, where the family lived “like Christians in ancient Rome; concealing the fact that we were conservatives.”  In fact, Jonah had a sister, Drusilla Goldberg, who died when the neighbors found out she was a conservative, and fed her to the Mayflower Hotel.           Jonah spent his childhood watching “too much television,” because the lad had no friends (for obvious reasons) and his mother couldn't be bothered with him.  Jonah attended Goucher College, a women's school near Baltimore.  Per Jonah, it had begun admitting men when he was a student there, but we can't confirm that.  Upon graduation, Jonah spent six months on a secret CIA mission in Prague, or something.  Then, through the influence of his father Lucifer, Goldberg landed a research-assistant position with the American Enterprise Institute (AEI), where both Michelle Malkin and Mr. Meghan Gurdon have also held positions.  Obviously, "AEI" actually stands for Associated Evil, Inc. After being expelled from AEI for just not being evil enough, Jonah made documentaries about gargoyles.  But Satan saw his son was going nowhere fast, and somehow “'the Lewinsky thing' happened."  For those of you too young to remember it all, there's a brief summary of Jonah's part in it here ( The Jester of MonicaGate : How Lucianne Goldberg's son Jonah has turned his 15 minutes of fame into a full-time job).  It's at Salon, but full registration is not required to read it if you're part of the cool clique. Per Jonah, what saved him from all of that fame was Rich Lowry, asking him to write for the National Review's fledgeling website.  And the rest is history!  Serving as the NRO's editor-at-large, Jonah has aided the conservative cause by co-opting "The Simpsons," the Lord of the Rings trilogy, and "Star Trek" for all  the young, hip rightwingers who never leave their houses.  In fact, to further his Star Trek creds, Jonah tried operating a transporter during an ion storm so he could switch places with his double from the evil universe; while the swap worked, nobody noticed any difference, so the two Jonahs switched back.  Jonah's experience with the Janet Lester gender-transposing machine had slightly better results.                          "Evil" Jonah                          Feminine Jonah Jonah has a wife, who is planning on leaving him while he's on the Bermuda cruise, and a one-year-old daughter who is planning on becoming a performance artist when she's 18.  And that is Jonah Goldberg in a nutshell.  Summary: Given his heritage, Jonah, like Damien, was destined for evil.  But Jonah represents INCOMPETENT evil.  As Scott C. explains, Jonah is like "the Pillsbury Doughboy gone bad."  Instead of giggling when you poke him in the stomach, he will scream shrilly and get on your nerves.  His biscuits contain tranfatty acids that might eventually clog your arteries.  He'll get you sticky if you cross him!  He's poppin' stale. Jonah is that kid whom you feel sorry for, but still don't want on your dodgeball team.  He wishes he was Atrios or Jesse, and could be part of the cool group, but that will never be.  He aspires to be Aragorn, but is in reality Milhouse Van Houten.  We hold no ill will towards him (who could hate Milhouse?), and wish him all the best in finally moving out of Mom's basement. 3:06:58 AM

comment [] trackback []

Those Anonybloggers That All the Cool Kids Are Talking About ANONYBLOGGERS [Jonah Goldberg] About time someone else complained about anonymous blogging. Instapundit and myslef were alone for a long time (I'm sure others complained too, I just never heard about it). Yeah, Jonah an' Insty INVENTED complaining about anonymous blogging, but they were ahead of their time.  Andrew Sullivan complains about it and links to an article that requires full registration at Salon which apparently complains about it more. Sadly, no one ever told Jonah that you can just click through an ad and have full access to the Salon articles (I bet the conspiracy of anonymous bloggers kept that secret from him), and therefore he has no way of knowing that the Salon article is incredibly stupid in its complaints, and reveals more about the author's lack of research than it does about the ethics of pseudonymous blogging.  Jonah would have loved it!  Frankly, I think Atrios and other bloggers who are too chicken to put their names behind what they say are cowards and, to a large extent, losers. And they are cowards and losers because if they don't put their full, legal name behind what they say, they are violating the rules of blogging, which Jonah and Insty invented back in 1962.  I do think they have the first amendment right to do it -- the Federalist Papers were anonymous after all -- but who cares if they have the right to do it? Moreover, readers who think anonybloggers are heroes of some kind should do a quick moral inventory. If it's wrong to insinuate something without proof, surely it's wrong to throw around insults without having to face the consequences. Readers, I would like you to consider me a hero, okay?  You don't know my name (except for those of you who do).  You don't even know my sex: am I a man, a woman, a gay man, a hermaphrodite?  You don't know (unless you have been paying attention).  Clearly, you should idolize me because of my mysteriousness.  Pay no attention to what I write, because that's beside the point.  And give me a MILLION hits because of my anonymity.  Because that's now it worked for Atrios, right?  I mean, if you didn't know Jonah's name, you'd love and adore him like you do Atrios, n'est-ce pas? So, now that I am your hero, I will analyze Jonah's argument for you:  "I asked for allegations, rumors, or made-up stories about liberals behaving badly, which I presented without sourcing.  And bloggers on the left said that wasn't right, and made fun of me.  But how is that any worse than calling me on my stupidity without giving me your names and addresses, so I can respond to your charges by pointing out that your name is stupid, or encouraging my readers to make prank phone calls to your place of business?" My job would certainly be a hell of a lot easier if no one could take cheap, peersonal, shots at me. But that's the price you pay in this business. Posted at 10:57 PM Yes, poor Jonah has paid the price in this business that comes from having everyone know that his mother is Lucianne Goldberg.  And that price was a job with the National Review Online.  It's sad, really. But say, if he's ready for those cheap, "peersonal" shots, my friend and collaborator Scott C. (who isn't me, btw . . .or IS he?) has given me an idea for one.  I'll be back with it shortly.  Along with a shocking expose of many of the Anonybloggers.   TBOGG, Sadly, No!, Norbizness, others, you're going to be revealed!!! 12:42:38 AM