Also railing on the public schools today is our young friend "Vox Day" . He commends this piece by fellow WorldNetDaily columnist Neil Boortz, "a 'reformed' attorney who is being paid massive amounts of money in exchange for his promise not to actually practice law any more. " (Which certainly makes him sound credible to me.)
It seems that Neil is all worked up about a classroom exercise "distributed to our government school teachers by the Human Rights Resource Center at the University of Minnesota" (assuming, I guess, that our government school teachers log on to the Center's site and download it -- so, it's a pretty laissez-faire distribution system).
The activity involves having the kids try to pick up 100 pennies, which represent the world's wealth. Some kids get to use shovels, some have to wear mittens, and three kids don't get to participate in the gathering at all. Then the kids are reminded that the pennies are needed to obtain food, education, health care, and shelter -- and that some kids in the class didn't get enough to meet their needs, and will suffer from hunger, cold, and disease. The "rich" kids can share their pennies with the "less fortunate" for various reasons, but aren't required to. The exercise ends with a discussion of "haves" and "have nots", and how being born in one part of the world instead of another might effect one's abilities to grab pennies.
Let's see what Neil thinks about this:
So, while you think your precious children are off at their local government school learning how to read, how to do basic mathematical computations, how to communicate effectively in the English language – plus a bit about science, health, our economic system and American and world history – your kids may instead be engaging in exercises created by leftist, anti-capitalist college professors designed to teach them that wealth is distributed, rather than earned, and that our economic system is based on something comparable to a mad scramble for pennies.
Students, for instance, are given the opportunity to donate pennies to others, but the exercise does not give students with more pennies the option of actually hiring a student with less to actually perform some task or chore (clean out my book bag?) in exchange for a few pennies.
I think Neil's idea would make a great grade school learning exercise, as the kids who were given the shovels to pick up pennies are allowed to hire the "have not" students as their personal servants, paying them a penny or two for their efforts. What better way could there be to foment a workers revolution in the third grade!
These institutions are no longer schools. They are government indoctrination centers, owned and operated by government and staffed by government employees who have every reason to teach dependency on government and no reason to produce a generation of children who have learned how to depend on themselves.
The single most prevalent form of child abuse in this country is the act of sending a child to a government school. We worry incessantly about the separation of church and state. We would do well to devote half as much attention to the separation of government and education.
Right! Because encouraging kids think about the less fortunate is just like smacking them around. And public school teachers try to keep children dependent on the goverment, since if 8-year-olds were self-relient, they wouldn't NEED any damned schools. No wonder Neil was paid to never practice law again.
Anyway, young Vox repeats the quote about the most prevalent form of child abuse, and then tells us that:
I spent the entire fifth grade reading novels in the library, because my teachers realized that there was absolutely no point in making me sit through class.Presumably because they knew that Vox just wasn't ever going to learn empathy, no matter now many penny-grabbing exercises they conducted.
Later today, under the title of "Irony in education," Vox mentions a communication he received from reader who claims to be a public school teacher, and who says:
Some days, I think I need to stay in the classroom. Who else is going to stay and fight to see that these kids get something better than a leftist indoctrination? On the other hand, my wife is expecting, and I want to be able to provide for my family. I'm looking at going into administration, where I can still impact kids in a positive way, yet make enough money to send my child to a private school (or have my wife stay at home and home school). Maybe I just needed a sounding board, but I would appreciate any thoughts you have.
Yeah, because when you're looking for career guidance, who better to turn to than a 20-something Mensa member/failed punk rocker/science fiction writer? Vox says:
Note that this man sees a need to keep his child out of the very schools with which he is intimately familiar. I advised him to pursue administration, since he has no real power to fight the noxious indoctrination as a teacher, and in any case, his first responsibility must be to his own children, not those whose parents unfortunately see fit to abandon them to the intellectual wolves. One leads best by example, I think.
Um, right. And you set a good example by trying to get more money from the public school system you despise, so you can get YOUR kid out if it before they start picking up such non-Christian ideas as charity and compassion.
But my favorite recent Vox entry about education is from Christmas Day, and it's a story from his college days (back before he became the Christlike figure he is today). It begins:
Anyhow, our senior year of college, I inadvertantly made an enemy of a squidgy little girl in one of my classes, who took great exception to not being able to make inane assertions about the assigned text without being verbally sliced and diced in public. She complained to my professor, who then requested that I refrain from criticizing anything this poor, intellectually-defenseless female might happen to say in the future. Since she was the 4.0 apple-of-her-professor's eye and I had shown up two week's late for the semester on the very last day that one could show up without being dropped, I could hardly fault the man for his partiality. So, I agreed to the condition and promptly stopped going to class. Got an A anyhow, since it mostly was on Plato and I already knew the material, so the whole thing was no big deal in my opinion.
Then Vox and his friends try to humiliate the girl by infiltrating her poetry slam. It's heartwarming, mean-spirited elitist fun for the whole family!
So, see what happens when kids don't do enough penny-picking exercises when young?
11:05:17 PM
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Satan's Public School for Girls (and Boys)
Christmas is over. So, moms, just nine more days before the kids are back in school! In honor of this happy thought, let's check in with some of our favorite kiddie-pundits, who seem to have the evils of the public school system on the brain right now.
First, let's check in with Judson Cox, the young man who alerted us to the danger of those cloned pandas. He's writing about how the schools are forcing youngsters to commit blasphemy.
U.S. District Judge Phyllis Hamilton has ruled that the Byron Union School district was not indoctrinating students by requiring them to wear Islamic garb, memorize verses from the Koran, pray to Allah and play "jihad games" as part of a simulation approach to Islamic studies. The curriculum required by the California State Board of Education utilizes the textbook "Across the Centuries," published by Houghton Mifflin, which prompts students to imagine they are Islamic soldiers and Muslims on a Mecca pilgrimage. The students are encouraged to use phrases such as "Allah Akbar," (“Allah is great,") and are required to fast during the Islamic holy month of Ramadan.Except that nobody was "required" to do anything, since parents were given the option of having their kids not participate in the section. Oh, and the "jihad games" stuff is "a trivia board game in which students race to reach Mecca" (since Judson didn't got to public schools and so was never forced to learn about Islam, he apparently confuses "hajj" and "jihad"). The kids weren't "required to fast" during Ramadan, but instead were encouraged "give up something for a day, such as television or candy, to simulate fasting during Ramadan." But we sure wouldn't want our kids doing something like THAT -- at least, not for educational purposes.
It is remarkable that our schools would teach such a course when America is fighting a war against Islamic terror and thousands of Americans lay dead at the hands of Islamic fascists. The doctrine of diversity trumps both reason and taste.
And personally, I can't see how a yearlong study of world history where the unit on Islam coincidentally fell in September 2001 could be considered an affront to "reason and taste," but I guess my standards have been warped by all those years in the public schools. And I also think that if we are "fighting a war against Islamic terror" that it might be a good idea to know a bit about the nominal religion of our nominal enemies, but again, that's probably just because I was indoctrinated in an 8th grade history class by playing a board game where we were characters from 18th century American history (I was a slave trader).
So, don't mind me. Let's get back to Judson, who is all worked up because the kids were taught how to say "Allah Akbar," and so now are all going to hell for having violated the first commandment:
In the name of religious and cultural sensitivity, schools are forcing Christian and Jewish children to commit blasphemy. One cannot expect public school teachers to understand such a concept, when the Ten Commandments (“Thou shalt have no other gods before me.”) are banned from public schools.See, saying "Allah is great" is blasphemy, or "insults or shows contempt or a lack of reverence for God," in that Allah IS God, like President Bush said. Or something like that -- one cannot expect students of Liberty University to have any knowledge of the outside world before they pundit. In fact, I don't think young Judson, the product of Christian home-schooling himself, ever read anything about the Byron school district case except from various fundamentalist Christian "Help, we're being martyred by the secularists" sites. But then, the mainstream media IS controlled by Satan, so you can see why he'd want to avoid it.
Anyway, Judson then goes off on how the schools should teach religion comparatively (you know, like they were trying to do in Byron), but they aren't, because Christianity is being discriminated against. For instance, during the Clinton administration, if a teacher had recommended that 7th graders try chastity for a day, then "Janet Reno would have burned the schools (with the students in them) faster than you could say 'intolerance.'" Because, see, Janet was so against chastity that she burned down that compound in Waco because she believed that young girls were being forced to have sex with David Koresh there. (Hey, it's no use suing the public school's because Judson lacks basic reasoning skills -- like I mentioned previously, he was home-schooled).
Now, let's find out, per Judson, who exactly is behind this campaign to force kids to endanger their immortal souls by learning about Islam (while not being allowed to practice chastity on school time):
Karl Marx, said, ''My object in life is to dethrone God and destroy capitalism.'' This is the driving force behind the secularization of American culture and the push for diversity. The most destructive force in human history (responsible for up to 200 million deaths and incalculable suffering) is behind the anti-Christian bigotry plaguing our nation.
So, MARX is behind this!
But he's dead, so maybe Judson means that it's THE COMMIES who are behind this. But the liberals are assuredly complicit in both the deaths and the anti-Christian bigotry. They're like that, you know.
And Judson has evidence of any even darker conspiracy: How the Commies Stole Christmas:
Ron N. Everett, aka Dr. Maulana Ron Karenga, a black Marxist who realized that the best way to defeat Americanism is to subvert our religious heritage, fabricated Kwanzaa in 1966.Yup, Kwanzaa is a Marxist plot to get set up a holiday based on "Africanized Marxist precepts," so that said rival holiday could beat the crap out of Christmas, and thereby subvert our religious heritage and force us all go without candy or TV for a day during Ramadan -- all thanks to the public schools.
Personally, I recommend that you public school students unite and refuse to go back after Christmas break -- you have nothing to lose but your chains!
7:57:48 PM
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HAPPY POST-HOLIDAY DEPRESSION DAY!
Christmas is over. Time to face up to the fact that your family celebrations will never be like those heart-warming, life-affirming ones which took place on Walton's Mountain. Your holiday dinner will never look as good as Martha Stewart's, and will never be make the centerfold of Bon Appetit magazine. If you were never born, the universe would go on just the same. Nobody understands you, and you will never get what you really want. Deal with it!
To help you in that regard, here's the next section from the Subliminal Cinema chapter entitled "Coping with Grief: The Five Stages of Bad Sequels." It deals with the second stage of grief, anger, and discusses a holiday classic in order to demonstrate that slasher flicks are the natural result of realizing that you will have to go back to work on Monday.
Blair Witch 2: Book of Shadows (2000)
Directed by Joe Berlinger
Written by Dick Beebe, Joe Berlinger, based on characters by Daniel Myrick and Eduardo Sanchez
1999’s The Blair Witch Project was proof that people will pay to see anything if you hype it enough, even a movie filmed in shaky "Lose-Your-Lunch-O-Vision" and made for less money than what the average moviegoer spends on popcorn and Pepsi. BWP was a big hit, so little time was lost coming up with a sequel about another group of stupid, annoying young people who go into the woods with video cameras, get scared, and swear a lot.
Titles inform us that it's Summer 1999 (right after BWP came out). Then it's one year earlier, and a guy in a mental institution is getting lemonade pumped down his throat. Now it's November 1999, and the mental patient is undergoing police interrogation about a murdered tour group. Then it's long ago, in a galaxy far, far away, and our mental patient is the tour guide for the "Blair Witch Hunt," a venture designed to exploit fans of the first movie. Everybody with me so far?
Besides Mental Patient/Tour Guide, the Witchmobile contains Preppy, a pompous jerk, and Girlfriend, his sweet, mousy girlfriend. They are writing a paper on the witch together, although they disagree about her reality: Preppy thinks all the weirdness is attributable to mass hysteria and that the witch tastes great, while Girlfriend thinks "perception is reality" and that the witch is less filling.
The group is soon joined by Wiccan Chick, who came along to nag us about picking on witches, and Goth Girl, who claims to be clairvoyant and who thought The Blair Witch Project was "cool." So, while she may have eerie mental powers, she is clearly lacking some of the regular ones.
Tour Guide passes out video cameras so the group can record the upcoming paranormal events, and so he can give us the moral of the movie: "Video never lies; film does." Well, maybe it's not a moral so much as a Sony slogan, but remember it--it will be on the test.
The group is camping by the haunted house from the first movie when a rival tour group shows up. There is an angry confrontation, but our group gets rid of the interlopers by sending them to hunt snipe at Coffin Rock, the location of a notorious made-up historical massacre from the first movie. Then our dedicated team of truth seekers proceeds to smoke joints and guzzle several cases of cheap beer. Maybe the tour should have been called the "Share Schlitz Project."
The Teen Gang wakes up the next morning to a gentle snowfall of shredded paper. Yes, the director has torn up the script in frustration. Well, actually Preppie's research has been shredded--and the video cameras are also missing. And nobody can recall what happened during the night! Goth Girl senses that the videotapes from the lost cameras are hidden under the same rock where Heather's tapes from the first movie were found—apparently that's the Blair Witch's U-Store-It or something.
The group goes to Tour Guide's place to watch the tapes and find out just what occurred during those missing hours (presumably, they're looking for more than the giggling, puking, and inane remarks like "I really, really love you, man" that one would expect to see on such a tape.) And then the weird stuff starts to happen. Girlfriend has a scary dream about "children looking up my skirt." Everybody else gets heat rash in the form of ancient pagan symbols. The owl from "Twin Peaks" makes a cameo appearance. Trees disappear. Characters fantasize about sex. Every few minutes we see flash cuts of somebody's appendectomy. It's enough to keep you from ever going into the woods, lest you encounter the teddy bears having a picnic.
Careful review of the videotapes shows a woman doing the Hokey Pokey in the nude. Digital enhancement reveals her to be Wiccan Chick. She denies it, claiming her contract provides for a body double. After watching this footage ten or twenty times we are chilled to realize that Wiccan's breasts are big, yet also perky; this is probably the most unexplainable thing we've seen yet.
Hoping to achieve a clearer perspective on these events, Goth Girl goes to town for more beer. The store clerk is so rude and unhelpful that Goth vows never to shop at 666-11 again, despite its so-called convenience. On the way back she almost runs over the ghosts of the Little Rascals.
The next day Wiccan Chick has vanished, leaving her clothes and jewelry lying neatly on the floor. Having seen Left Behind, we suspect that she was raptured, despite being a heathen. The group blames the absent Wiccan for the eerie visions of Alfalfa and Buckwheat they've been experiencing, and for all the calligraphic eczema.
Just then the sheriff, a Southern redneck who can only aspire to a performance as understated and nuanced as Jackie Gleason's in Smokey and the Bandit, announces that the other tour group was murdered and disemboweled, their entrails then arranged in a festive holiday pattern.
Instead of looking for Martha Stewart, the sheriff focuses on Tour Guide, taunting him about being a former mental patient, and about having ring around the collar. Guide opens a closet to change his shirt, and it now contains the body of Wiccan Chick, clad only in her panties. (Amazingly, even in death her breasts are perky.)
The remaining witchbusters are certain that the answer will be found on the videotape of their night in the woods. Eventually they play it backward and learn that Paul is dead, miss him, miss him. It also shows our Scooby Gang having an orgy, flogging each other, and then engaging in a community sing-a-thon. We also see Girlfriend give each of them a knife, which they use to kill the members of the other group ("That will teach them to call dibs on our haunted house!") Preppie tries to make Girlfriend confess to masterminding the massacre and to being a witch. But he forgets the part about seeing if she weighs the same as a duck, and so she just laughs at him and calls him a "pathetic, no-balls bitch." He then pushes her off a balcony completely by accident.
Back at Redneck HQ, the sheriff plays the convenience store surveillance footage showing Goth Girl slashing the rude clerk’s throat. "I didn't do that," Goth murmurs in confusion. Well, even if she did, I think a jury of poorly served convenience store patrons might consider it justifiable homicide.
We next see videotape evidence of Tour Guide killing Wiccan Chick. Although we were with him the whole time and swear he is innocent, the sheriff refuses to believe us because we are all ne'er-do-wells and hippies. And further tapes prove that Girlfriend did not say Preppie had no balls, like we saw before, and thus her death was not a boating accident.
So, which are we to believe: the 32mm film portions of the movie, or the videotape sequences? Well, Guide told us that while film lies, video never does. But then, he's a former mental patient, so why are we listening to him? Having been forced to watch many, many hours of videotaped birthday parties, summer vacations, and dance recitals, it seems to us that while video may tell the truth, it is not the kind of truth that sets one free, but rather the kind that offers no time off for good behavior.
And why did the group commit the murders? Or did they? Is the media at fault for suggesting to malleable teens that disemboweling people is cool? And what the heck happened to that Book of Shadows that we were promised by the subtitle?
For the answers to these and other questions you'll have to wait for the next movie in the franchise. Reportedly it's about a couple of potty-mouthed kids with Playskool video cameras who wander into the Maryland woods and harass the witch by eating bits of her house. The witch resolves the matter by making them into cassoulet. The working title is BWP3: Seasonings of the Witch. I hear Emeril is doing a cameo.
Stage of Grief: Anger. In most cases, this stage is expressed by acting out inappropriately, such as willfully misinterpreting sympathy as condescension, and using imagined insults as a springboard to vent your existential rage. In Hollywood, however, anger is best expressed by doubling your budgetary line items.
Call it Newton's Second Law of Sequels: namely, that every movie premise will get bigger and stupider with each succeeding entry in a franchise. Take for example, First Blood, a little revenge fantasy wherein Vietnam Vet Sylvester Stallone is hassled by the law, so he flips out and kills everyone in town, teaching them a little lesson about the perils of picking on the psychotic. Okay, a bit unlikely, but it could happen, if only in a world where Sylvester Stallone wouldn't have been declared 4-F due to severe speech impediments. But in the sequel Rambo, Sylvester goes to Vietnam to rescue some MIAs and in the process kills everyone in the country. So now Stallone isn't just a crazed, if beefy loner. Now he's an invulnerable one-man army who retroactively wins the Vietnam War. Finally, in Rambo 3, Sylvester invades Afghanistan to rescue Richard Crenna, and ends up single-handedly killing everybody on the Asian continent. This time he not only won the Cold War, he also took revenge for the Korean War, Pearl Harbor, and the Pokemon phenomena. But it wasn't without cost. No, it cost $58 million, making each life worth about 63¢. If there were a Rambo 4, we think it would involve Stallone ripping the heads off every inhabitant of Earth, probably because he received a summons for jury duty, or his neighbor’s sprinkler got his newspaper wet or something.
It’s clear from BWP2 that the Blair Witch is working through some of the very same anger management issues. But while denial is a cold emotion, anger is a conflagration, and like most fires, it eventually exhausts its fuel. At this point, the affected person will desperately attempt to negotiate with the forces of the universe, but alas, no matter how assiduously you may have boned up on Getting To Yes, and Trump’s Art of the Deal, this never seems to go very well. As the Faustian bargain made by Sandra Bullock in our next film so amply demonstrates…
3:02:02 PM
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