And Given the State of the World, It's Reassuring to Know That Elves Can Do Hand Stands on Giant Elephants Now, let's hear from NRO Associate Editor Meghan Clyne about waiting in line for hours at Barnes and Noble for an Andy Serkis book signing:
Yeah, because there is absolute evil out there, as represented by Muslim fundamentalists, Saddam, and the French; and we, the forces of absolute good, need to confront and vanquish the latter -- by, um, making ourselves a gown that looks just like the one Arwen wore for her wedding. 7:16:34 AM  |
Michael Medved Continues His Crusade to Make Actors Stop Ruining Things for Him On Tuesday, Michael visited Scarborough Country Bear Jamboree:
When will celebrities finally understand that they owe it to Michael to NOT be politically active, NOT be anti-war, and NOT be gay? Because once Michael buys that movie ticket, he deserves to be entertained without any unpleasant reality touching his mind; he just wants to forget his troubles, and somehow Ellen DeGeneres's homosexuality reminds him of them. And that's just not fair. What, Michael DOESN't buy his movie tickets? Well, then never mind. 6:23:08 AM |
Bush's Other Plan: The Conquest of Space & Development of Cool Killer Robots  From yesterday's Press Gaggle
Next time: McClellan briefs the press on the killer robots. 5:29:44 AM |
WO'C Helps With The Bush Marriage Plan
And World O'Crap, always eager to support the Bush administration, is here to help in this endeavor. So, first we will further the President's plan to "Help couples develop interpersonal skills that sustain 'healthy marriages'" by presenting you with this quiz:
So, ladies, how do you measure up? Are you providing a pleasant social life for your husband? Cooking food he likes? Cheering him up when he's depressed? Making him rest when he's tired? Accepting his opinion when you argue (hey, he IS the "head" of the household)? Ensuring that he's really interested in your home? Always receptive to his "affection"? And never, ever tired and irritable? If not, shape up! President Bush is counting on you! Anyway, this quiz comes from the September 1949 Ladies' Home Journal. The Journal offered a monthly feature called "Making Marriage Work," by Clifford R. Adams of the Penn State College psychology department. I think he charged substantially less than 1.5 billion to provide this training, so if he's still alive, the White House should give him a call. Of course, it takes two to make a marriage work. While Ladies Home Journal offered no comparable quiz for husbands, I did find some advice for you married men which I will present in our next Healthy Marriage Seminar. It comes from an unlikely source. . . But for now, I want to address you single people: why the hell aren't you married?! Read the following story, and learn from it the heartache of being 30 . . .and alone!
Sad, isn't it? Poor old maid -- instead of being surrounded by wailing children needing diaper changes, and a brutish husband demanding food, sex, and a better social life, she's doomed to sit alone in her cheerless flat and read the "Left Behind" series. And she has to do it in the dark, because when you're single, you're poor, and can't afford lightbulbs. That's why President Bush wants her to get married: so her husband can support her, instead of her making the goverment do it. She's letting the whole country down by repelling men this way! So, just what does she do to turn men away? Is there no hope for her, and others like her? To find out, we'll consult the drawing of the head of a kindly, old family physician:
And the rest is an ad for Listerine, which wishes to reminds you: "If you want people to like you, if you want to get along in business, use Listerine night and morning and between times when you want to be sure you're at your best." True in 1939, and still true today. So, step #1 in the World O'Crap plan to get you married: use mouthwash. Step 2: Don't Date Dictators! In the same issue of True Story as the Listerine ad, there's a story called "I Married a Dictator" ("Cruelly hurt by love, she was bitter, reckless. Then she married this man who was destined to be...".) It's the story of a flighty, immature young woman who fell in love with a married man. His wife finds out about them, and our heroine is named as corespondent in her divorce suit. ("For the sake of the children, she had said, old enough now to notice their father's bad example. Stephen had never mentioned his children to me.") And so everyone knows her shameful secret (although she insists to us that she never actually, you know, did it with him), and she is a pariah to decent society. Her aunt kicks her out of the house. She gets fired from her job. And then her lover dumps her and has his lawyer pay her to go away. ("I was stunned! Stephen to treat me like a woman of the streets, a potential blackmailer! How many other loose women, I wondered, had he got on pension?") So, with no job, no home (but a purse full of cash), she decides to move overseas, to make a new life for herself. She ends up in Germany . . . (to be continued tomorrow.) But just from this first part, I hope you single women have learned a valuable lesson about breaking up other people's marriages: namely, that it's not nice! And that when you date married men, it makes President Bush cry. Summary of Lesson One in the WO'C "Getting Married and Staying Married, to Please the President" training program: A. If you're a wife, be a better one. B. If you're single, think about how lonely you'll be if you're 30 and don't have a husband. Then use mouthwash. C. Don't be a home wrecker. D. Tune in tomorrow, for more lessons. 4:06:43 AM |
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