The World O' Crap Archive

Welcome to the Collected World O' Crap, a comprehensive library of posts from the original Salon Blog, and our successor site, (2006 to 2010).

Current posts can be found here.

Friday, January 28, 2011

June 30, 2006 by s.z.

If you visit the Hannity & Whosit website, you are made privy to the following important announcement:
Friday, June 20
• Exclusive! Terri Schiavo’s former nurse may lose her license for speaking out to H&C
I don’t know about you, but I can’t wait an hour or so to rehash the Schiavo case. So, I did a little Googling, and I have trumped Sean’s exclusive.
From the Fair & Balanced North Country Gazette I learned that the nurse in question is Hannity’s favorite medical expert (with the exception of Nobel Peace Prize for Medicine-nominated doctor Hfuhruhurr, the world-famous brain expert featured in the documentaryThe Man with Two Brains.  Yes, the persecuted nurse in none other than Crazy Carla Sauer Iyer
I also learned that she isn’t in danger of losing her license for “speaking out to H&C,” but for revealing confidential patient and family information to CNN.
Well, “alleged information”. One of Nurse Iyer’s claims is that Michael Schiavo was always yelling stuff like “when is that bitch going to die?” Unfortunately, Nurse Iyer was the only one who was able to hear him do it, since Michael apparently used his freeze-ray to render everyone else oblivious when he’d say such things.
But that wasn’t the most extraordinary of her CNN claims. Here’s more:
Among the facts revealed to the broader public in the CNN interview was that Iyer witnessed Terri say, “Mommy, help me”, and “pain”, and would also interact with the nurses and visitors.
And Terri did all this without any neurons in her brain!  It was truly a miracle!
Iyer maintained that there exists over 4 hours of videotape from ’95 and ’96 proving this, but that it was placed under gag-order, including her own testimony about Michael Schiavo’s treatment of Terri.
Who exactly placed the video under a gag order? I couldn’t find out? But, as you might recall, the Schindlers (who called on just about every crackpot in the state of Florida to bolster their cause) didn’t seek Iyer’s testimony in their case, so maybe it was them.
But although Nurse Iyer may seem to be a tad, well, crazy, she’s still one of Fox News’s favorite guests, as Media Matters reported last year.
On March 22, both CNN’s Live From… and Fox News’ Fox and Friends aired interviews with Carla Sauer Iyer — a former nurse for Terri Schiavo who in 2003 submitted an affidavit with inflammatory accusations against Terri’s husband, Michael Schiavo — but failed to report questions about Iyer’s credibility. Judge George W. Greer, the Florida circuit judge who has presided over several aspects of the Schiavo case, dismissed Iyer’s allegations as “incredible” and noted in a September 17, 2003, order that not even Terri Schiavo’s parents sought her testimony in the case.
Here’s part of what Judge Greer had to say about Nurse Iyer’s claims:
Ms. Iyer details what amounts to a 15-month cover-up which would include the staff of Palm Garden of Lago Convalescent Center, the Guardian of the Person, the Guardian ad Litem, the medical professionals, the police and, believe it or not, Mr. and Mrs. Schindler.
Hey, just because Nurse Iyer is paranoid, it doesn’t mean that the Schindlers weren’t out to get their daughter!
But how much do you want to bet that, just like last time, Sean Hannity doesn’t mention these inconvenient details when discussing the martyrdom of Nurse Iyers?  (I will bet a dollar.)
In any case, the blogger ethics panel has ruled that in order to be fair to Carla, we should report some more of her claims.  So, here you go:
First, from a piece by Rep. Dave Weldon:
She said in a sworn court affidavit that Terri “was alert and oriented. Terri spoke on a regular basis saying things like ‘mommy’ and ‘help me” and ‘hi’ when I came into her room.”
Iyer says Terri would sit up in the nurse’s station from time to time and laugh at stories they told.
Here’s more detail, from that affidavit:
When I told her humorous stories about my life or something I read in the paper, Terri would chuckle, sometimes more a giggle or laugh.
It’s nice that Terri didn’t let the fact that her brain had shriveled to only half its original size diminish her sense of humor.
Iyer also claimed in a radio interview that the nurses had Terri at the front of the nurse’s station, where she would interact with staff and visitors, and was really popular with everyone. Sadly, all of this has been erased by the conspiracy . . .
I made numerous entries into the nursing notes in her chart, stating verbatim what she said and her various behaviors, but by my next on-duty shift, the notes would be deleted from her chart. Every time I made a positive entry about any responsiveness of Terri’s, someone would remove it after my shift ended.
And they tried to remove Nurse Iyer herself, possibly! She claimed that people were watching her.  She saw cars parked at her house. And worse than that, Michael intimidated her with his menacing body language!
I became fearful for my personal safety. This was due to Michael’s constant intimidation, including his menacing body language, vocal tone and mannerisms.
But despite all the trials which Nurse Iyer suffered for the truth, now the state is trying to revoke her nursing license because she violated her professional ethics (or, as the Gazette claims, for exercising her first amendment rights). She holds that since everything she told CNN was already part of the public record, in that she had already shared her rumors, stories, and allegations with whoever would listen to her, she was free to speak to CNN (and presumably even to Sean Hannity). I guess we’ll see what the licensing board has to saw about this, though.
But you know, the thing that bothers me about this case is that Nurse Iyer has been allowed to keep her license all this time, despite the fact that she’s several donuts short of a dozen.  However, I bet you a dollar that Hannity will accuse the life-hating, baby-killing, terrorist-loving liberals of trying to crush this noble woman, just for having spoken out about Michael Schiavo’s numerous attempts to murder his wife.
I will use the dollars I win to buy copies of my book for the poor.

18 Responses to “Tonight’s ‘Hannity & Colmes,’ Today!”

Woot! You scooped Hannity & Colmes! Go you!
Nurse Iyers’ testimony about Terri Schiavo’s seeming communicativeness is, in actuality, the truth. Terri did re4gularly say things like “Mommy” and “Help me” and “Hurts.” And, Nurse Iyers left out the really amazing things Terri said, like: “Jesse Jackson is a nig-nog” and “It only takes half a brain to see that Michael is trying to murder me!” and “That Randall Terry is quite the studmuffin! If only I wasn’t already married… Say, Nurse Iyers, aren’t you still single, even though you’re the most beautiful and saintly woman I’ve ever met. Why don’t you goknock boot with introduce yourself to Mr. Dreamboat Terry?” and “Whoever drew these ventriloquist dummy jawlines on my face–with a SHARPIE!!–is gonna get their ass kicked, once I find out who you are!!!” Of course, Nurse Iyers wasn’t telling the entiretruth. Using a technique similar to ventriloquism called “Brain Throwing™,” Nurse Iyers was actually projecting her entire brain into Terri’s semi-brainless skull. Even with half a brain slopping about in her cranium, Terri had plenty of room to house Nurse Iyers’ entire brain. While Nurse Iyers’ brain occupied Terri Schiavo’s body, she could make her do just about anything (that didn’t involve calculous or geometry). Unfortunately, since Terri died, Nurse Iyers has been looking in vain for another suitably brainless subject so she can continue her little experiments. Perhaps Sean Hannity will do after.
How could someone with a brain that damaged talk? It pisses me off how the Neo-Cons just can’t let this rest.
But in some people’s minds, Terri Schiavo was the perfect woman: she was inert, non-threatening, and “said” anything you wanted her to say…
Iyer also witnessed Mrs. Schiavo with a top hat and cane, belting out, “Hello, my baby, hello, my honey, hello my ragtime gal…”
Bill S: That’s so wrong it’s funny.
Bill S: The food in my mouth is now all over my table, thanks. Best reference to “One Froggy Evening” ever.
Not to worry. That Colmes dude will bring it all out in one of his withering cross-examinations, I’m sure.
Well, of course Iyer and H&C are still obsessed with Terri Schiavo.
They feel a deep, abiding kinship with her; none of them having functioning brains, and all that.
“When I told her humorous stories about my life….Terri would chuckle,”
Oh, there are some interesting opportunities for humorous speculation here.
Bill S: That’s so funny it’s wrong.
Andy Warhol said everyone would have fifteen minutes of fame. It wasn’t a prediction. It was a threat.
For the unaware — anyone in a medical-related field is governed by the federal health privacy HIPAA law, which specifically bans such disclosure of patient privacy. You could lose your job for an *inadvertant* privacy disclosure, so a blatant act of telling the world about a patient is serious business.
Losing her license is meaningless. No health care organization would hire out of fear of a crippling lawsuit and federal prosecution.
I will use the dollars I win to buy copies of my book for the poor.
The homeless can’t get NetFlix. :(
Maybe we should donate copies of your book to local libraries instead.
“Brain Throwing™”
-as Principal Skinner might say while wiping a tear from the corner of his eye:”Oh Mercy”.
Too funny.
It’s nice that Terri didn’t let the fact that her brain had shriveled to only half its original size diminish her sense of humor.
Plenty of wingnuts have brains that have shriveled to half the original size, and they all have a sense of…no, actually I guess they don’t. Never mind.
You have to admit, wingnuts can’t go anywhere this season without their victimwear.
The winguts are a few reels of film shy from propping Terri up for a rendition of “Putting On The Ritz” that will bring the house down.
“And, Nurse Iyers left out the really amazing things Terri said, like: “Jesse Jackson is a nig-nog” and “It only takes half a brain to see that Michael is trying to murder me!””

No comments:

Post a Comment