The World O' Crap Archive

Welcome to the Collected World O' Crap, a comprehensive library of posts from the original Salon Blog, and our successor site, world-o-crap.com (2006 to 2010).

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Thursday, January 27, 2011

May 12, 2006 by Scott


worldocrapduck
Leafing through the LA Times over lunch yesterday, I saw that Bruce Tinsley's Mallard Fillmore (the scheming, two-faced Eve Harrington to Howard the Duck's Margo Channing) continues his Cassandra-like efforts to expose the War on Junior Petite Beef-Ts. The first few days of his campaign were dedicated to strips that shouted, "Can youbelieve that kids are being expelled in Denver for wearing star-spangledTuffskins?" The last couple days have been devoted to panels like the one above, which bleats:
"To all those readers still writing me to say I'm making up stories about schools banning students from wearing 'patriotic clothing'...Please pick up a newspaper sometime, or go to Townhall.com!"
Um, okay. Just curious, but where does Bruce think the vast majority of readers encounter his trenchant, Mencken-like social criticism if not wedged between Mary Worth and Beetle Baily? Does he think he's podcasting? And this is the second time in a week that Tinsley has forgone even his usual wan simulacrum of a joke in favor of driving traffic to the screedosphere; on April 30th he climaxed his hectoring with a demand that we go to FreeRepublic.com now and learn the truth! Even though we can't handle the truth! (When it comes to the use of italics, Bruce subscribes to the Stan Lee every-third-word-regardless school.)
Anyway, there wasn't anything about Bruce's bete noir in the newspaper I was already holding in my hand, so I went to Townhall, and lo and behold, there wasn't anything there either. But after scrounging around in the Search window, I found a piece by rookie A-ball sensation FredMaidment entitled What Are We Teaching Our Children?
So a cadre of patriotic teens were ejected from school for wearing t-shirts that said "God Bless the U.S.A." or "These Colors Don't Run" or "Proud to be an American"? As Fred put it:
To be clear, these actions were taken in response to people wearing American patriotic clothing. At Shaw Heights Middle School in Westminster, CO, the school banned �clothes with political messages or flags of any sort,� according to Denver�s CBS 4 News. Principal Myla Shepherd said that �tensions over the immigration issue were apparent when more than 20 students came to school wearing camouflage jackets and pants, apparently to show what they call their patriotism and American pride.�
The CBS 4 News website quotes one of the students:
“It upsets me that we cannot support our troops — the military,” said Kirsten Golgart, an eighth grader who was told she’d be suspended if she didn’t change her clothes. “We can’t support our country. If we’re American, I think we should be proud to be an American.”
I frequently miss the memo, but when did fatigues become our national costume? I would have guessed it was bluejeans, or cheeseheads, or visible bra straps or something. Or if we're talking about quaint native garb, the equivalent of kimonos or leiderhosen, wouldn't it be cowboy duds, or some other Village People-y faux Western getup? If I see a civilian dressed in camouflage pants it's usually a pissed-off Vietnam Vet if he's in his 50s, or a thin, jittery, Klebold and Harris wannabe if he's in his teens. Or a doughy Sunday afternoon Rambo on his way to a paintball range if he's in his 30s.
Myla Shepherd, the principal, said that tensions over the immigration issue were apparent when more than 20 students came to school wearing camouflage jackets and pants, apparently to show what they call their patriotism and American pride.
“We started seeing name calling,” Shepherd said. “Safety is my first concern, so I’m going to do things to keep us from getting to a point where anybody is hurt or being suspended for fighting.”
She said the dress code alteration diffused the tension immediately.
“I don’t think that’s a solution, though because you’re punishing 400 students because the action of 100,” said Eric Golgart, Kirsten’s father.
As I freely admit, I'm abysmal at math, but 100 out of 400 sounds like kind of a lot. That's basically a quarter of the student body, isn't it? But Eric makes a good point. What about Kirsten's rights, and the rights of all her likeminded, camo-clad classmates? Yeah, sure, they could "support our troops -- the military" by organizing a blood drive for the Armed Forces Blood Program, or holding a fundraiser for Soldiers’ Angels or anysoldier.com or volunteering time at the VA hospital in Denver, but that wouldn't be nearly as effective as swaggering around the Quad in camouflage pants and a surplus field jacket and giving hard looks to all the Hispanics.
Oh wait, I was wrong, Bruce did close with a joke:
“This has been a public service announcement to inform aging“radicals” that they are now “the man.”
Denver-area High School Principals: America’s Stalinists. “You call it a gulag. We call it…Detention.
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36 Responses to “DULLARD FILLMORE”

I kept pressing my finger on the link to townhall.com in my newspaper but nothing happened.
Well, I have to say I’ve never seen a cartoon blatantly plug a partisan news site. Points for originality, I guess.
Newsflash for Conservatives: YOU ARE “THE MAN”. YOU CONTROL ALL THE BRANCHES OF GOVERNMENT. THANK YOU. I AM USING ALL CAPS, SO MAYBE YOU CAN HEAR ME.
How dare you compare that stupid duck to a shrewd schemer like Eve Harrington! Mallard Fillmore isn’t fit to lick her pumps.
The most he can hope to be is Nomi Malone, and I still think I’m being generous.
Scott, have you learned nothing from Red Dawn??? Obviously, these Colorado teens are dressing in camo clothes so they can fight the Cuban commies when they invade. And obviously, the principal is a commie agent of influence. I bet she also bans blood drinking on school property, and won’t allow the kids to pee into the school bus radiator. Damn liberals!
s.z.-
At first I read that as “Red Dwarf” and thought, gosh, I must have missed that episode. :)
Amazing But True Tales of Public School:
My 6th grade daughter was told not to bring her knapsack that had a black and white “yin yang” on it back to school, because it was a gang related symbol. (They say that Lao Tzu was a baaad mutha SHUT YOUR MOUTH)
A year or two later I was trying to get my son out of some trouble in the high school office (same school district) when some teenage kid walked in with a book bag featuring a big black Nazi swastika superimposed on a pale blue Star of David. No one said a word to the kid about it.
It’s generally conservatives that want to restrict clothing choices to prevent trouble in school; when they find their own kids hoisted on that same petard they squeal like stuck pigs.
PS–Never rely on an eighth-grader’s own explanation as to why he or she wore or didn’t wear a particular article of clothing. (That goes double if it’s your own kid.) You’re setting yourself up for a monster migraine.
Is there a pool for how many letters Tinsley actually got by the time he drew Thursday’s cartoon, considering he first mentioned it in one published on May 3? How about one for how many he’d gotten by the time he made his first complaint, published May 6? Or for if/when he’ll publish a correction to his wildly incorrect strip of April 14?
To tell you the truth, I’m amazed to find there’s an actual kernal of truth to the claim, once you translate “patriotic clothing”, since most of these tales turn out like the Banned Red and Green Napkins or the Teacher Who Was Fired for posting a Picture of President Bush.
Then again, if you chase the story to the Rocky Mountain News you’ll learn there were rumors that schools stopped flying the flag, or that Old Glory was banned while the Mexican flag was not, or that students were expelled for wearing blue jeans, white t-shirts and red sweaters. Never fails.
As the husband of a public school teacher, lemme note that administrators are frequently the problem, but in part because they have been placed in PR roles by meddling politicians, partisan parents, and a pandering local media, not to mention the very real concern of school violence. School officials would be neglegent–criminally–if they didn’t do everything they can to defuse that sort of situation. You’d think the people of Denver, ten miles from Littleton, would be especially sensitive to that.
Instead there’s always one guy who decides his opinion trumps the school’s, and instead of taking it up with the school he takes it to the local teevee news.
BTW, trashfire, it’s likely your daughter ran into an overzealous principal who’d misunderstood something, but it’s also possible that religious bigotry was the real cause. If you’d explained the yin-yang is a religious symbol they’d have been forced to accept it if they accept cross pendants and the like.
Next it will be the email meme of the Iraqi immigrant woman who accused a store clerk of “bombing her country” while a warfighter was in line behind her. Of course she was roundly told off in terms that made the Gettysburg Address sound like a Dennis Miller monologue.
All those victimed Americans fantasies just keep being flushed out of those right wing “think” tanks. From mean old librul bureaucrats keeping patriotic clothes out of their domain to stories of brown’s people’s ingratitude toward the master race is giving me extreme cultcha war fatigue.
Can someone send Mallard to Peking Gardens for the ptomain lunch special?
I think the the Geico Cavemen have a recipe for Mallard
I can’t stand that drama queen, Tinsley. The guy has a percesution complex that rivals most fundies. He whined about how the big, bad “liberal media” was demonizing Regan (the most overrated prez ever) when they never aired that Regan movie and all the news mag articles on him were positive and many acting as if he soley stopped the Cold War.
Just curious, but where does Bruce think the vast majority of readers encounter his trenchant, Mencken-like social criticism if not wedged between Mary Worth and Beetle Baily? Does he think he�s podcasting?
The duck is supposedly a TV newscater.
Which, considering the brainpower on display, sounds kinda plausible….
“Mallard Fillmore” was cancelled by the Houston Chronicle a few weeks back. Hopefully this is the start of a trend.
Can I request a Bill O’Reilly Sanity Watch? If you haven’t yet seen this, you really need to. The man’s looking like delayed-onset schizophrenia to me, and I should know. Go, look. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll have even less idea than usual WTF he thinks he’s talking about.
I’m always struck by how much Mallard Fillmore looks like it is drawn by one of those guys who will do a characture of you at the fair for $20.
And I think the duck is clip art.
Since I believe in something called the 1st Amendment, I don’t really agree with what the Denver principal did in this case.
Principal Myla Shepherd said that �tensions over the immigration issue were apparent when more than 20 students came to school wearing camouflage jackets and pants, apparently to show what they call their patriotism and American pride.�
Maybe it was cynical. But the way to deal with speech you do not like is to refute it, not censor it. If it was such a distraction that it was interfering with schoolwork, than maybe, but I see this as a slippery slope. The kids in Tinker were only wearing armbands.
Also , Scott, this is really lame:
Yeah, sure, they could �support our troops � the military� by organizing a blood drive for the Armed Forces Blood Program, or holding a fundraiser for Soldiers� Angels or anysoldier.com or volunteering time at the VA hospital in Denver, but that wouldn�t be nearly as effective as swaggering around the Quad in camouflage pants and a surplus field jacket and giving hard looks to all the Hispanics.
This is like criticizing a person for saying child abuse is wrong and then pointing out the person has never contributed to a shelter. It’s lame, and it makes you seem extremeley sanctimonious.
Maybe these kids can wear their fucking camo and march down to the local post office and instead of buying Britney’s new CD, spend the fucking $15 on a PHONE CARD for an Iraqi soldier to call home and ask for more Kevlar.
Bitches.
This is like criticizing a person for saying child abuse is wrong and then pointing out the person has never contributed to a shelter. It�s lame, and it makes you seem extremeley sanctimonious.
Perhaps, if I was calling the students chickenhawks, or suggesting that if they wanted to wear camouflage so badly, they could march down to the local Army recruiter. But that wasn’t my point; what strikes me as lame is this: donning camouflage to show your nativist sympathies in the midst of tensions over immigration protests, and then when you’re called on it, pretending that you and your friends were just trying to “support the troops.” To me that’s both craven and cynical.
Let’s not forget, this wasn’t a response to an anti-war rally, or a protest over military recruiters attending the job fair for seniors. This was a bunch of white kids marching around in militiawear in an effort to either intimidate the Hispanic students, or provoke a fight.
I’m not calling these kids and their parents hypocrites because they want to “support the troops” by playing dress-up, rather than taking any sort of meaningful action. I’m calling them liars, because supporting the troops had nothing to do with this, except as an ex post facto rationale.
As far as this being a first amendment issue, I’m not one of those who believes the Bill of Rights should be banned from school grounds like pocket knives and Pamprin. And if you want to argue that the principal overstepped her authority, and the kids had a constitutional right to dress up like G.I. Joe (or the Latino students had a right to wear Mexican flag t-shirts if they chose), even if it was intended as a provocation, there’s certainly a case to me made for that. I just don’t believe this particular little costume party was a spontaneous expression of love for the Armed Forces anymore than I believe that the Iraq war is suddenly all about bringing liberal democracy to the Sunni Triangle.
Off topic….due to technical difficulties that naturally began last wednesday I’ve been off-line and only now am I getting to use my bro’s dial-up—otherwise I would have been much faster off the mark to say thanks vor the votes and I feel really “chuffed” in being honored with a steaming mug o crap in the Wingnut comp. I should be back in action by monday pm to give poper props to all the peeps or whatever. Suffice to say I feel like the luckiest mug-owning owner of a mug in the whole world!
1st, Thank you, Scott, for being very civil. I know that doesn’t sound like much, but these days on the internets, it is actually quite rare.
2nd, I kinda doubt these twenty or so kids spontaneously decided to show support for the troops by dressing up as soldiers. I guess I just do not trust school administrators when they say something will be disruptive. When I was in high school, some students wanted to have a walk-out during study hall to protest the first Persian Gulf War. After the the administration threatened to expel any student who took part, that fizzled out pretty quick.
I realize being a high school principal is not an easy job, but I think threatening people who are engaging in free speech is the wrong way to teach a lesson.
I guess I just do not trust school administrators when they say something will be disruptive.
Distrust of all officials–school administrators among them–is the default position as far as I’m concerned. And not just nowadays.
When I was in high school we had a closed circuit TV studio on campus and broadcast a daily news program, and I was expelled in my junior year for airing a story about administrative meddling in the student council elections. In brief, the principal (who looked like Greg Marmalard gone to seed) didn’t care for the troublemaker who won the election. So he voided the results, ordered a “run-off” between the original two candidates, and a third ringer of his own choosing who hadn’t run in the original campaign.
When the ballots were counted, the student government members who always handled it were sent out of the room, and the ringer’s friends (who resembled the Blue Ribbons from Disturbing Behavior) were brought in to tabulate the vote. The results were predictable. Even then, some of the student government volunteers actually saw Blue Ribbons altering or trashing ballots. I reported the story and the next day was told to clean out my locker. On the bright side, since I wasn’t expelled for any cause the administration could comfortably defend, I wasn’t sent to the local continuation school (the district landfill for thugs and burnouts).
So I’ve always felt that the burden of proof is on those who want to carve out exceptions to the First Amendment. Likewise, if someone is going to make trouble, they ought to be candid about their motives and willing to own up to the consequences. Having Mallard Fillmore plead their case seems like a good sign that they’ve done neither.
Um, who exactly are the “aging radicals” in these cases?
WOO HOO! FITZMAS IS FINALLY HERE!
Bawl your eyes out, wingnuts!
FlipYrWhig-
You should know better than to try and MAKE SENSE out of a “Mallard Fillmore” punchline. Trying to locate the humour is like trying to locate where a toenail clipping has fallen on the bathroom floor. Except that in the latter, you’re more likely to find something of value.
I’ve always taken orders from a cartoon duck. I gained my Master’s in Fine Arts by perusing his advised reading list.
I also get my nutrition tips from Garfield. But he never explains what to do with the hairballs. That’s why ducks are more trustworthy than cats.
But that wasn�t my point; what strikes me as lame is this: donning camouflage to show your nativist sympathies in the midst of tensions over immigration protests, and then when you�re called on it, pretending that you and your friends were just trying to �support the troops.� To me that�s both craven and cynical.
Really?
Cuz you know, Scott, it smells more like cowardice to me. They got busted on overinflating their sense of self and patriotism, realized it, and hid from their past behavior like Adam and Eve wearing fig leaves of “well, let’s support our troops, you commieliberalbastard”.
They couldn’t face up to their idiocies, so thought to deflect blame is how I see it.
actor212 writes: Cuz you know, Scott, it smells more like cowardice [than craven and cynical] to me.
Uh, which sense is implied by the word craven, actor.
MW10: “2 : lacking the least bit of courage : contemptibly fainthearted
synonym see COWARDLY”
And interestingly, the wearing of the green, whether camo or fatigue, carried a somehat different meaning back in the day. Army wear was de riguer for us young seedlings of democracy protesting the presence of troops in southeast asia in the ’60s (hey, guess I’m that aging radical Tinsley’s yammering about), and I was repeatedly told back then that I was “not entitled” to wear an army shirt, and further that I “soiled the memory” of our brave– and dead– troops by doing so.
To which I replied, if moemory serves, in the time-honored tradition of angry young men everywhere and everywhen, “fuck you, man, you’ll be the first against the wall come the revolution.”
And lastly, a comment on the wearing of military gear as a show of support for one’s country.
How fucking creepy can you get? How much like Nazi Germany does this country have to become before we can say it out loud?
By way of illustration, TMC will run “Judgment at Nuremburg” tomorrow night (Monday), and I recommend it to you all. There you will get to see Burt Lancaster, as Nazi judge Ernst Janning, deliver lines like this:
There was a fever over the land. A fever of disgrace, of indignity, of hunger. We had a democracy, yes, but it was torn by elements within. Above all, there was fear. Fear of today, fear of tomorrow, fear of our neighbors, and fear of ourselves. Only when you understand that – can you understand what Hitler meant to us. Because he said to us: ‘Lift your heads! Be proud to be German! There are devils among us. Communists, Liberals, Jews, Gypsies! Once these devils will be destroyed, your misery will be destroyed.’
Boy, I’ll say.
Christ on a bike. Can you even begin to imagine Trudeau doing a whiny strip like that? Or any non-political comic strip artist, for that matter?. Yet another piece of evidence in the enormous “conservatives don’t understand the comic strip form” pile.
Chris Vosburg Says:
May 14th, 2006 at 3:00 pm
actor212 writes: Cuz you know, Scott, it smells more like cowardice [than craven and cynical] to me.

Uh, which sense is implied by the word craven, actor.
Scott’s context was that it was more cynicism than cowardice, which of course, you’d realize if you’d bother to read his entire lengthy post.
But thanks for allowing me to clarify this.
“”I frequently miss the memo, but when did fatigues become our national costume”"
I was sickened to notice in Walmarts
childrens clothing section that they
are pushing camouflage on little boys
as if its Whats In Style. There was
racks and racks of different kinds of shirts
and pants right throughout the section
as if saying “this is what your kids should be wearing this season. It was sickening.
by the way; via Juan Cole’s Informed Comment:
“Veterans Surround Richard Perle, Demand Accountability for His Role in Launching Illegal War”
http://www.afterdowningstreet.org/perle
This should be added to the dictionary definition of microcosm, as applied to left/right politics, and how the left and right attempt, each in their own way, to diffuse any given political situation. To the left, the approach is to try to avoid conflict. To the right, the approach is to swagger around in cowboy boots and yell, “Bring it on, biatch!”, and, let us not forget, to accuse the left of siding with the enemy.
Microcosm in the high school (cf. Bush’s Amerikkka)
This is interesting. I think a lot of us liberal types are generally pretty darned suspicious of school authorities quelching free speech.
But Tinsley is such an incredible whining douchebag that we don’t want to agree with him about anything, just on priniciple.
And I’m not criticising anybody for it! Tinsley is such a failure as both a cartoonist and a thinker that it’s perfectly natural.
Not to mention the fact that pretty much every “Oh my God, Liberals are persecuting us!” story turns out to be exagerated or outright fabricated.
Personally, my immediate inclination if I were the Principal in this school would be to just ban camo outfits, since such outfits are generally designed to allow people to be more effective at meting out violence, and school is a non-violent place.
Of course, I don’t know all the details of the situation.
Christopher says: Personally, my immediate inclination if I were the Principal in this school would be to just ban camo outfits, since such outfits are generally designed to allow people to be more effective at meting out violence, and school is a non-violent place.
Think harder, Chris. The implementation of mandatory uniforms in schools has been credited with decreasing youth violence caused by display of “gang clothing” or the like.
If that’s the case, why not make all adults wear ‘em?
How now, brown Mao?

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