The World O' Crap Archive

Welcome to the Collected World O' Crap, a comprehensive library of posts from the original Salon Blog, and our successor site, (2006 to 2010).

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Friday, January 28, 2011

June 6, 2006 by scott

A few people have noted Bruce’s “Eleanor wore fur!” jibe, as though this would make liberals recoil from her memory as vampires from a crucifix. But as Woodrowfan (whom we have reason to believe is rather well informed on matters of early 20th century history) remarks in the comments:
Um, dude, every woman who could afford it, and many who couldn't, wore fur back then. They ate meat and smoked as well, big deal.
Not only did she wear fur, Eleanor was a bowhunter. In fact, she was one of the first women to practice the sport in the U.S., and was apparently skilled enough to publish (under a pseudonym) several articles in Ye Sylvan Glade, the leading bowhunting magazine of the day. And this is to say nothing of her onstage guitar duels with Mahogany Rush's Frank Marino during her touring days with the Amboy Dukes.
As for comparing her moral authority to that of an RNC-Blastfax-spouting duck, Mrs. Roosevelt was instrumental in producing the UN’s Universal Declaration of Human Rights, and was the first chairman of the United Nations Human Rights Commission. She also said this:
“Where, after all, do universal human rights begin? In small places, close to home – so close and so small that they cannot be seen on any maps of the world. Yet they are the world of the individual person; the neighborhood he lives in; the school or college he attends; the factory, farm, or office where he works. Such are the places where every man, woman, and child seeks equal justice, equal opportunity, equal dignity without discrimination. Unless these rights have meaning there, they have little meaning anywhere. Without concerted citizen action to uphold them close to home, we shall look in vain for progress in the larger world.”
Take a moment and try to imagine John Bolton saying this, without first taking a sip of water, clearing his throat, and carefully crossing his fingers behind his back.
Therefore in fierce tempest is he coming,
In thunder and in earthquake, like a Jove
Duck You
Bar the door, liberals! Hide your children and your womenfolk in the basement, for Bruce Tinsley is coming, and he is about to unleash a bon mot so devastating that it will totally ROCK your Kofi Annan-coddling, Eleanor Roosevelt-worshipping world! Bow down before the duck, Son of Jor-El, ’cause Mallard Fillmore is in the hizzouse, and he’s about to BRING it, bitch!

20 Responses to “Duck Amuck”

Maybe Mallard Fillmore should go “hunting” with Cheney. At least, I’ve been hoping….
I’m still waiting for Opus to bitchslap Mallard.
D.Sidhe: Dude, I would pay to see that. Or better yet, Tinsely vs Aaron McGruder (creator of The Boondocks) in TNA-style hardcore match. While my money is on McGruder, the second McGruder lands a successful punch, Tinsley will start whineing and crying how persecuted he and the rest of his ilk are by the “big bad liberals.”
Everytime I’ve read “Mallard Filmore”, I end up scratching my head, trying to locate the humour.
Is somebody editing out the jokes, or does Tinsley’s strip simply suck great green grimy greasy gopher balls?
I love the way clowns like Tinsley can completely ignore the fact that AMERICA CREATED THE UN. It was OUR baby, right from the start. We only became disenchanted after we lost control and couldn’t run everything any more.
So now, in classic “take my ball and go home” fashion, we want nothing to do with our creation. (unless it says something bad about someone we don’t like)
Hypocrisy has existed as long as humanity, but it took the USA to perfect the art.
and note the little “Eleanor wore fur” comment. Like we’re supposed to be horrified. (FUR IS DEAD MRS ROOSEVELT!) Um, dude, every woman who could afford it, and many who couldn’t, wore fur back then. They ate meat and smoked as well, big deal….
Tinsley’s big revelation is that the ENTIRE U.N. are child molesters based on one accusation. Something tells me I might have to wait a while for his strip that portrays the entire Marine Corps as senseless killers of old men in wheelchairs…
What an irresponsible dickhead.
Tinsley�s big revelation is that the ENTIRE U.N. are child molesters based on one accusation.
and here I thought he was going to go after them for USING THEIR DIPLOMATIC PLATES TO AVOID PARKING TICKETS!!!11!!
also, wasn’t the UN formed while Eleanor Roosevelt was still alive? so “the UN is the greatest thing since Eleanor Roosevelt” makes about as much sense as any other tripe he’s crayoned
Oh, jeez, as a “clown car manuever”, Mallard is talking about some incidents where UN peacekeepers sexually abused some children.
Errrrrrrrrr, Mallard? That’s got what to do with Haditha again?
What a duck! I mean, DICK!
Hey Kid’s! Here’s some super fun science things to do with ANY Fillmore strip!
Put your thumb over picture of the duck and just read the words.
Then put your thumb over the words and look at the duck.
Then find a turd ( you should ask your mother first and no doubt she’ll point you towards your Barca-lounging dad) and contrast and compare! See the difference? No?
Then cut out the comic strip, use it to roll a joint and then smoke it.
See the difference now?
No? Great!
Write down the results and next time someone calls you a retard, you’ll have the supporting evidence for a sound. reasoned rebuttal that will amaze and mystify your detractors!
Oh and remember last week’s fun project where I told you how to bash nails through the end of a baseball bat? You might need that too, as a “closer”.
Well, it’s time for my meds, so see you next week on the “funny” pages!
Who has said the UN is the greatest thing since Eleanor Roosevelt? Seems like Tinsley is creating another strawman argument here. That seems to be the most cogent argument pinheads like Tinsley can make.
In county fairs and amusement parks across America “Your face as a cartoon” artists are waiting on the edge of their folding chairs to see what happens next.
I followed your instructions and for some reason, I’m craving some roasted duck.
sorry , me again, but Wo’C is so inspiring!
Does anyone remember the “if you can draw ‘Binky’ you could be an artist!” matchbook-cover advertising campaign?
Lame though it was,at least it didn’t claim:
“if you can rip-off ‘Daffy Duck’ you could be a brilliant socio-political commentator”
Crave the roasting, not the duck itself. I’d suggest nachos and smore’s instead…at least that’s what I’ve heard.
Oh,.. ted…ROFL! I can’t explain why that’s so funny, but IMHOP THAT’s funny!!
Shouldn’t you be craving “pressed duck”?
In county fairs and amusement parks across America �Your face as a cartoon� artists are waiting on the edge of their folding chairs to see what happens next.
what “nolo” says
‘Cos, you know, child molesting is official U.N. policy and stuff….
I followed Simon’s instructions to the letter. I was not thinking very clearly… :)

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