April 5, 2006 by s.z.

Red Dawn 5: This Time It's Personal!

Before I present the final exciting chapter of Scott C's recounting of the Red Dawn epic, I have an important announcement to make: America is being invaded AT THIS VERY MINUTE by a foreign power. 

We now tune to WorldNetDaily for further information:

Woman 'has sex 28 times in 1 week' with boy 34-year-old science teacher accused of relations with 13-year-old student
--Wilmington News Journal, Delaware Will your child have sex with the next Debra LaFave? What's really behind today's epidemic of teacher-student carnal relations
--WND

Sorry, wrong alarmist headlines.  This is the one I meant to share with you:

Could Mexico retake the southwestern U.S.?

Brad at Sadly, No! has already answered that question (he says, and I quote, "SADLY, NO! SUUUUUUUUUUH-ADLY, NOOOOO!!!"  He also has facts and stuff, plus some adorable Mexican stereotypes).  So,  let's go back to WND for the details on how you could buy the video which exposes Mexico's invasion plans, if any copies were still available, which they're apparently not, even though WND is still hyping the video on their home page.  (I blame Brad for causing a run on this product.)

Could Mexico retake the southwestern United States? Not only are the Mexicans capable, but an invasion is underway, insists immigration expert Glenn Spencer.

Yes, the invasion is underway!!!  So, I expect all teenage residents of the southwest to form a resistance group modeled on the Wolverines, fight heroically, and then die stupidly.

In this well-documented video, Spencer unveils the aims of a radical movement that identifies itself as "America's Palestinians." Their ultimate goal is to reclaim the American Southwest, including California, Arizona, Nevada, New Mexico and parts of Colorado and Texas. Hispanic activists refer to the former Mexican territory as Aztlan, the mythical place of origin of the Aztec people.

I assume that the reason that America's Palestinians plan to reclaim only parts of Colorado is that the Cubans already have dibs on most of the state.  I leave it to you to deduce which parts of Texas they don't want.