The World O' Crap Archive

Welcome to the Collected World O' Crap, a comprehensive library of posts from the original Salon Blog, and our successor site, world-o-crap.com (2006 to 2010).

Current posts can be found here.

Friday, January 21, 2011

February 18, 2006 by s.z.


Ziggy and Tibby's Big Adventure


Zigra and Tibby's tutoring went just fine.  This morning I managed to capture Zigra without too much trouble, but this alerted Tibby to the fact that something was up, and he hid under the bed, where I can't reach him.  But after ten minutes of me wiggling the "tail on a stick" toy, he was lured out, and quickly shoved into a carrier.  (All while I was doing the wiggling, Zigra was yowling and Jet was trying to break him out of his prison, since Jet is quite fond of Zigra.)

Anyway, I got them to the vet's okay, and then learned of the advances that veterinary science has made in what I had previously thought was a fairly simple procedure.  For instance, for an extra (substantial) fee, the vet could do a full pre-surgery blood work up for each kitten.  And kitty EKGs.  I could even get them an anesthesia upgrade (instead of the shot, which could leave them dopey after the operation, they could have gas, which would leave them perky, refreshed, and looking years younger).

I refused all these extras, since the kittens are young and healthy, and since I didn't want a $45 (per cat) procedure to end up costing me more than what my car is worth.

However, I did opt for the supplemental pain medication (individual syringes containing a small amount of a clear, tasty gel which they are supposed to get every 8 hours).  While Zigra and Tibby run away from me when they see the syringes, obviously fearing that I'm trying to hook them on heroin, Jet Jaguar, who was prescribed this same medication (in a less convenient form) after his tooth was mysteriously broken, follows me around when I get out the stuff, trying to score a hit. ("Come on, man," he pleads, "I just need a little fix.  I'm good for it, man.")

And speaking of Jet, while he was so concerned about the kittens (and my nefarious plans for them) this morning, he's been growling and hissing at them ever since I brought them home this afternoon.  (Either they smell funny now, or he claimed their stuff in their absence, and he doesn't want to have to give it back.) I tried rubbing them with catnip, and while they enjoyed this (they experience a 'nip freakout as soon as they get that first whiff), it hasn't caused Jet to warm up to them yet.  This state of affair is rather distressing to Zigra, who adores Jet.  I'm hoping that by later today, the vet smell has worn off, and Jet will stop emulating Cain.

Oh, and despite all that talk about how the injected anesthetic could leave the kittens dopey for hours, they seemed fine the minute I brought them home.  Sure, I had a few nervous minutes when they seemed a little unsteady as they perched over the aquarium, getting their first homecoming drink of fish water, but nobody fell in the tank, so my fears were needless. 
And even though the vet tech said they probably wouldn't want anything to eat for hours, they quickly demanded canned food, which they consumed ravenously, all the while reminding me that I had hid their food last night, and they had nearly starved to death. 

Oh, and while they ran from me and hid in the basement when I first brought them home (realizing, correctly, that the whole tutoring thing was my fault), they've since forgiven me (the food helped).   Zigra is currently sleeping on my lap (since Jet won't let him snuggle up with him, he has to settle for me), and it seems that all is forgiven.  At least, until the pain med wears off.

1:55:04 AM    


Who Said It?  And Why?


To make things easier, I'm going to give you a list of Wingnuts, from which today's Mystery Guests were selected.  However, not everybody on this list has a quote here today (hey, like the Bible says, "Many are called to be Wingnuts, but few are chosen by World O'Crap.  For verily, it takes a tough man to make a tender chicken").
Dr. Mike Adams
Rush Limbaugh
Peggy Noonan
James Dobson
Kaye Grogan
Bill O'Reilly
Ann Coulter
Doug Giles
Debbie Schlussel
Plus, young Nathanael Blake, a senior majoring in microbiology at Oregon State University.  His "weekly Townhall.com column explores campus culture and politics generally."

Oh, and I made up one of the quotes, just to keep you on your toes.
And to make things a little harder, I'm not going to give you any context.  YOU have to say which topic o' the day our friends were discussing. (If you don't know, guess: it's a chance for you to be creative!)
So, here are our crop of Mystery Guests.  Name them if you can.  Describe what they're yammering about if you dare.

1.   Hint: "The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly" is one of this guy's favorite movies; one of his favorite fantasies is being the Clint Eastwood character, and smoking a cigar, wearing a serape, and blowing away all the people who made fun of him, starting with little Suzy McCaffrey, who didn't give him a Valentine in third grade.
According to friends of mine ...,  the key scene takes place in a pup tent. Apparently, two shepherds "bond" in said tent. If I do see the movie, I know what will run through my mind during that scene: What would Clint and Lee and Eli have done, had they stumbled upon the tent? I believe gunfire might have been involved.

2.  Hint: This Mystery Guest went on the "The O'Reilly Factor" to explain that he actually hates gays as much as any Christian, despite what some people (people who should be his friends) have been saying about him.
To show what kind of attack he's been under, [Mystery Guest] quoted from an article filled with sarcasm, rancor and misunderstanding that had been posted on the website of  [...]
"I just want our listeners to understand," [MG] said, "because my integrity means more to me than my life. And that's what's being assaulted here.

3. Hint: This quotation is taken from a column entitled "What's next . . . surrendering our flag?"
I think it is way past time some heads in Washington went to the shrink's office and laid down on the long black couch.
[...]

Now I'm not an accountant, but even a "zombie" can figure out that an astronomical $725.8 billion trade deficit can't help anybody's economy to grow.

4.  This Mystery Guest once told a group of Berkley students that we needed somebody to put rat poison in President Bush's creme brulee.  The head of the Secret Service stated that this comment was just a joke, and while he wouldn't go around urging people to kill the President, since the remark was in a comedy context, it was perfectly acceptable.
If you don't want to get shot by Dick Cheney, Harry Whittington, then don't get near him after he's had a few. Or, as I believe our motto should be after 9/11: Republican monkey wants a big government contract; Republican monkey takes a face full of lead pellets. Sorry, I realize that's offensive. How about "douche bag"? What? Now what'd I say? Boy, you racist, fascist, scum sucking Nazis sure are touchy. Grow up, would you?

5.   Last week this columnist wrote that, "Looking good is not just a means of attracting a mate. Indeed, it becomes more important once the marriage ceremony is over, for if you’re following Christian teaching, that’s when you finally get to do more than just looking."  So, he's clearly an expert on sex, and you should heed his words.
I wasn’t able to attend OSU’s production; work and class schedules deprived me of the artistic and intellectual delight I would have indubitably experienced in an auditorium full of feminists chanting “cunt” in order to “reclaim” the word.

6.   This Mystery Guest's bio indicates that he has written a book which is "a great read for young and old, families, churches and corporations who wish to excel." 
If the culprit had been Ted Kennedy or Ray Nagin, we would have seen Olympic grade obfuscation and blame shifting not seen since OJ’s trial. And you know that the hypocritical, wedged-up-the-left’s-backside reporters would have bought Ted and Ray’s take on this situation gone awry.

7.  Hint: "A long-time member of Mensa, the high IQ society, [MG] was a National Merit Scholar Finalist."  She also fights crime.
I have a ton of stalkers and harassers, of sundry backgrounds, so I can't even begin to imagine how many Ann has.

And if you register to vote, that address becomes a public record accessible to any and all crazies. It's a problem. In my case, I'm worried about extremist Muslims who've said they will rape and kill me, one of whom is still in this country (we don't know where). It's not an option for either Ann or I to live "off the grid."

Okay, those are our Mystery Guests.  Open your books and start work ... NOW! 

12:15:56 AM  

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