January 11, 2006 by s.z.

The Adventures of Ned Flanders

This week's ep is called "Love That God!"

Ned: Knock that off, you two. It's time for church!
Rod: We're not going to church today!
Ned: What? You give me one good reason!
Todd: It's Saturday.
Ned: Oakily-doakily-doo!

 David E. has another great contest for us.  He says that it was inspired by an Eschaton post about the "Book of Daniel" protests, which said in part:

Something which has long puzzled me is what exactly the religious right wants when it asks for more religious-themed television programming. Sure I understand what they don't want - gay people and unmarried people having sex - but what is it that they want?

All I can ever get is that they want a show about a good family that goes to church and is very happy. Maybe little Theodore is tempted to steal a gumball from the candy store one day but then his minister shows him how wrong that would be, and then Wallace is tempted by the bad girl in the miniskirt but after praying for guidance he realizes it's best to take his long skirt-wearing Bible school partner "good girl" Mary Catherine to the prom instead.

In other words, Leave it to Beaver with a lot more church in it.

Now on to David's idea:

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What Would Brent Program? (WWBP)
The Parents Television Council is great at making self-righteous 20-year-olds watch a great deal of supposedly immoral television, and mark down every leer, innuendo or full-on case of hot lesbian action in every prime time show. They complain about a whole lot of programming, but they’re never so clear on what they do want. Atrios wrote a cute version of the TV show they seem to want – essentially a treacly version of Highway to Heaven, but there’s 28 hours of prime-time programming on four major and three minor networks each, not to mention cable. It can’t all be just that. So my challenge to the Crappers (or whatever our name is over here) is to program the various networks in Brent’s world. This could be a lot of fun with our creative minds out there. What would the TV landscape look like if it passed Brent’s muster? 

My first submission is for an animated primetime show, since we certainly can’t have the godless Simpsons on in our new programmatic landscape: The Care Bears Family Hour: More Hugging and Sharing Than You Can Shake A Stick At

Cheers,

David E.

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I think that program sounds like perfect viewing for the whole family (assuming the whole family consists of two-year-olds and/or people with severe brain injuries).  So, Brent would love it!

Now get busy coming up with your own suggestions.  If you want to get an idea of the kinds of programming Brent's Parents Television Council likes and dislikes, go here: Best and Worst Family TV Shows of The Week. 

You'll note that recent "worst" shows include "Arrested Development" (for "taking its trademark family dysfunction to new and more absurd levels"); "Family Guy" (because it "joins with the ranks of South Park to mock and profane religion"); and "L&O: Special Victims Unit" (the ep featured a "ripped from the headlines" story about a girl who had her boyfriend punch her in the stomach because she was too far along in her pregnancy to get a legal abortion -- the L&O twist was that the reason she was too along was that the womens clinic she went to was actually a "front" run by a religious group who strung her along until it was too late for her to get the procedure done).

The "best" shows include "Super Nanny" (Nanny Frost "comes to help parents create schedules and teach discipline techniques to make home life as happy and calm as possible"); "Wife Swap" (not to be confused with "Trading Spouses," especially not the ep where the "fiercely religious Christian" wife has a melt-down because she has "low tolerance for anyone she doesn't think is worthy"); and "Ghost Whisperer" ("The series has very little foul language and is free from the gratuitous sex that plagues so many series on television, making it a decent choice for parents and mature teens to watch together"). Yes, parents and teens together can watch adorable, perky, untalented Jennifer Love Hewitt model sheer, slinky nighties (and/or strip down to her undies) each and every week.  That's family entertainment!

So, now it's your turn.  What Would Brent Program?

3:24:18 AM