January 12, 2006 by s.z.

'George W. Bush is Churchill's heir in our century'  Thanks to John "Ultimate Wingnut of 2005" Hindrocket, I learned that the President held another one of his Town Bubble meetings yesterday, and he did an unbelievably super-fantastic neato job (as usual).  President Bush did a town hall-type appearance in Louisville, Kentucky today. He was unbelievably good, as was the audience. You can read it all here. Please, please do. Here are a few excerpts, but they can't begin to capture the sincerity and the compelling logic that President Bush put forward.  I guess John thinks that when George says stuff like that Prohibition was when "we illegalized whisky," that shows sincerity.  The "compelling logic" seemed to boil down to, "We're at war, I'm the President, and I'm the only one who can keep you from being murdered while you sleep -- so screw FISA, because you're my bitches now." Back to John (emphasis added by me): And I loved this question by a small business owner: Q Hello, Mr. President. You just made a very poignant -- about math and science. I am a -- number one, I'd like to thank you for taking time to be here. I think all of us would reiterate that. I am a business owner and I am living the American Dream, and I would like to personally thank you for having a will that will not be broken. And the men and women of the armed forces that protect the freedoms that we have had and that we oftentimes take for granted and give us this way of life. Yeah, I can see why you would love that bit, Mr. "The President is a man of extraordinary vision and brilliance approaching to genius."  But it wasn't exactly a question (even in the Jeff Gannon sense). The question followed. Oh, right.  And you loved it so much that you didn't bother to quote it.  (BTW, the answer to it was "community college.") Anyway, Mr. Hindrocket inspired me to skim through the President's remarks.  Here are a few of my favorite bits: First, some prelininary info about why we invaded Iraq: You know, when I was growing up, or other baby boomers here were growing up, we felt safe because we had these vast oceans that could protect us from harm's way. September the 11th changed all that. You know, when George was growing up (or rather, when other baby boomers were growing up -- I guess George wants to distance himself from people who matured), the country had something they called a Cuban Missile Crisis. Apparently, the people back then seemed to think that we weren't safe from nuclear attack, despite those vast oceans. And I believe there was a lot of paranoia about Russian atomic bombs, beginning in the '50's -- people built bomb shelters in their basements, and kids had drills at school where they practiced hiding under their desks (this was to teach them what to do in the event a nuclear bomb was dropped on their town). But I guess none of this touched little George, and he felt perfectly safe from any overseas threat right up until September 2001 (it's obvious that CIA publications titled "Osama Determined to Strike in U.S. didn't trouble him.) Anyway, then 9/11 happened, and the President saw Saddam before he fully materialized, and realized that he had to take him out. Now, here's more about how come we had to invade Iraq --  it bears an uncanny resemblance to the plot of "Death Wish." You know, no President ever wants to be President during war. But this war came to us, not as a result of actions we took, it came to us as a result of actions an enemy took on September the 11th, 2001. And I -- (applause) -- and I vowed that day, starting when I was in Florida and got on the airplane to head across the country, that I would use everything in my power -- obviously, within the Constitution -- but everything in my power to protect the American people. That is the most solemn duty of government, is to protect our people from harm. And I vowed that we'd find those killers and bring them to justice. And that's what we're doing. We're on the hunt for an enemy that still lurks. I think the moment in the film where the President looks up from "The Pet Goat," shakes his fist at the sky, and shouts, "Saddam!!!  I'm coming for you, you bastard!" was truly inspirational.  (And it was touching too, because that goat had only 3 days to retirement.) Next, here's why the Constitution is so important that it now rates a mention in the "Death Wish 9: This Time It's Personal ... Punk!" story. And that is why the constitution written in Iraq is an important constitution, because it separates church for the first time in a modern day constitution in Iraq. Oh, wait -- that was why the Iraqi constitution is so important. (As you know from reading the Wingnuts, our Constitution says nothing about a separation of church and state.) But George does believe that our Constitution is important too (although he does recognize that the "separation of powers" thing it mentions is trumped by War Time Presidential Super Powers).  And that's why he authorized those warrantless NSA intercepts of American persons. I have the right as the Commander-in-Chief in a time of war to take action necessary to protect the American people. And secondly, the Congress, in the authorization, basically said the President ought to -- in authorization of the use of troops -- ought to protect us. Well, one way to protect us is to understand the nature of the enemy. Part of being able to deal with this kind of enemy in a different kind of war is to understand why they're making decisions they're making inside our country. Yes, when Congress authorized the use of troops in Iraq, it basically said that the President was your big, powerful daddy who should be allowed to do anything he wanted over the next 7 years, if he said his actions were for your protection.  And it also implicitly said that if he needed to put a video camera in your room without a warrant, that would be okay too -- because there might be monsters in your closet.  He needs to protect you, after all. Here's more about that NSA program: First let me talk about the issue you brought up -- and it's a very serious issue. I did say to the National -- it's called the NSA, National Security Agency, that they should protect America by taking the phone numbers of known al Qaeda and/or affiliates and find out why they're making phone calls into the United States, and vice versa. And I did so because the enemy still wants to hurt us. And it seems like to me that if somebody is talking to al Qaeda, we want to know why. Okay, the people calling the United States (or vice versa) were al Qaeda members.  Or al Qaeda affiliates.  At least, an NSA shift supervisor thought that they were possibly connected somehow with al Qaeda, because they lived in one of those foreign countries and used a word like "jihad" in a conversation.   In any case, if somebody is doing something like that, the President wants to know why.  And when NSA tells him that it was because a somebody was talking to his buddy in the Philippines about the cool Jean-Claude Van Damme/Charlton Heston movie he saw ("The Order")and he used its Philippine title ("Jihad Warrior"), then the President says, "All righty then -- now I know why."  And then they have a good laugh, and the somebody's name goes on the "No Fly" list forever. Oh, and its not fair that the President is getting criticized for this program.  After all, some people complained that nobody connected the pre-9/11 dots, and so now he's connecting the dots (even dots on other pages) -- and yet there are STILL complaints.  Won't anything shut up these whiners? But at one point in time the government got accused of not connecting the dots. You might remember that debate -- we didn't connect the dots. And all of a sudden, we start connecting the dots through the Patriot Act and the NSA decision, and we're being criticized. Now, you know, I got the message early: Why don't you connect dots? And we're going to.  I blame Condi for giving him Dot-to-Dot (Beginners Activity Books) to keep him entertained during boring UN meetings.  And then there was this moment from the Q&A portion: Q Hi. My name is Mario -- THE PRESIDENT: Hola -- en Mexico? Q Monterrey. Um, Mr. President, not everybody named Mario speaks Spanish, or is from Mexico ... But actually, it turned out that Mario's question did deal with what he should tell his relatives in Mexico about our immigration policy (the answer involved the remark about how illegalizing whisky didn't work.)  However, this doesn't prove that these events involved scripted questions from pre-selected audience members -- not at all!  It just proves that the President DOES have eerie super powers. And here's what the President said in response to a question about "No Child Left Behind." Fantastic question. Thanks. I'm pandering, I know, but it is really one of the most important challenges we face. This is what happens when you drop Armstrong Williams from the goverment pay roll -- the administration has to do its own pandering. And lastly, there was the question from the adorable seven-year-old boy: Q  Mr. President, why do you keep making those funny faces? Okay, his real question was: Q How can people help on the war on terror? The answer turns out to be, don't say that George lied, because he doesn't like it when people say that -- and you should help this war by not making Daddy angry.  After all, "It's one thing to have a philosophical difference -- and I can understand people being abhorrent about war." (This is another example of the President being unbelievably good).  But people should remember "the effect that rhetoric can have on our troops in harm's way, and the effect that rhetoric can have in emboldening or weakening an enemy." So, the kid should help the war on terror by not criticizing the war or our Leader -- because such talk could kill our troops.  I think young Billy learned a very important lesson about democracy today. Anyway, those were (to me) the highlights of the Louisville show.  (Mr. Hindrocket liked many of the same parts I did.)  And it did serve to distract me from the Abramoff scandal for an hour or so, so I guess it was indeed a great success.  Kudos to all involved!   4:37:34 AM

Just Like Rick Santorum Predicted In a very special episode of "The New Davey and Goliath," Davey and his pooch go from being best friends (with benefits) to legal spouses.  They blame Elton John and his partner for forcing them to take this action. Anyway, I loved all of your ideas for Brent Bozell-endorsed TV programs (and I encourage any network execs who may be reading this blog to invite various commenters in to pitch your projects). You are some very funny people. Oh, and apparently "Davey and Goliath" are already having new adventures.  For instance, there's Davey and Goliath's Snowboard Christmas DVD. During this adventure Davey learns some dazzling snowboard maneuvers. He also learns some very important lessons about the real meaning of Christmas and about understanding and respect for people who are different than he is. Of course, no Davey and Goliath story would be complete without Davey getting in trouble, even after being cautioned by Goliath, his faithful companion and conscience. Snowboard Christmas is no exception. Davey messes up big time in this story. Not only does he get himself into a very dangerous situation, but also his two new friends, Sam and Yasmeen. The DVD cover art indicates that Sam and Yasmeen are made from brownish clay. So, I'm guessing that the "very dangerous situation" Davey gets himself into involves some violation of the Patriot Act, and some of the very important lessons he learns are that the government was tapping his phone calls, and that Goliath was working as an FBI informant ("I don't think attending that Quaker peace rally is a good idea, Davey"). And since the secondary theme of this DVD is respecting and understanding people who are different, I can't recommend it for BrentTV without some serious editing. 2:42:54 AM